Help, so discouraged

Shadowprophet

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None are faultless, I reserve any judgments on whose wrong or right or whos abusing who. I have not born witness.

We see a lot of condemnation and accusation about abuse. and there is no reason to believe it's not happening. Yet, We have not heard his side of this. And I know some people could say, We don't need to hear his side the accusations are there, But, Logically, and mercifully, It's unfair to pass judgment until we do hear his side of what's going on.

The only advice I can give on any of this is, If you and he are arguing, People say hurtful things in arguments, And everyone can grasp, but I'm just being pragmatic and honest here. People say hurtful things during arguments sometimes, I find it hard to believe anyone would Stay with someone who Treats someone so poorly as you say your husband treats you.

So logically, I can only assume you and he are, upset at each other and arguing. To that I say this, Marriage is no joke, The Idea that people can friviously walk away from marriage undermines the very foundation of what Real devotion and self-sacrifice are. So I do not recommend Just leaving the guy, I do however recommend Couples therapy.
 
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anna ~ grace

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Thank you. Maybe this is my fault though. I am not a go getter, others have goals or talents and they know where they are going, what they can do.

I often admire people who knew what they wanted to be since young as I was never like that. I kind of worked my way into my career and didn't finish college. And admire people who have business ideas , wish I could but I don't have any.

I am very distracted. No natural talents. I have no goals.... People think I am nice and kind but that doesn't get one anywhere.
That's ok. Being kind is of more value than being talented.
 
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ChicanaRose

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I am a true Christian, blood bought, not perfect but I know the Word says not to lie, and everything I am posting is not fake nor a lie.

I have no one, no one to talk to about this. I am all alone and my only recourse is via this forum.

No one around me would believe me.

Please seek help. Before you talk to someone, you can pray that God will open their eyes and hearts to believe you.
 
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Dorothy Mae

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I am a true Christian, blood bought, not perfect but I know the Word says not to lie, and everything I am posting is not fake nor a lie.

I have no one, no one to talk to about this. I am all alone and my only recourse is via this forum.

No one around me would believe me.
Obviously your husband is a good actor if no one would believe the truth.

Personally I think drawing into the Lord for advise and comfort and the love you need is the best course of action. No counselor, Christian or otherwise, can impart an ounce of grace to do what He wants you to do. Some will advise you to seek your own happiness even at the cost of disobeying God. Your happiness is not supposed to be our life’s goal. Loving God and man is. We will never become all He wants by choosing our own well-being and avoiding enduring at times.

I would look to Him.
 
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ChicanaRose

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hmmm.. after reading the OP carefully and the rest of her replies...

Something about this story is sounding odd..

Just reading the whole script in the OP, from post to post has this bizarre format of "he said xzy so i guess this is xyz.. and I am dumb and i did this weird thing"? Is this seriously real?

This may seem odd if you don't have an experience with emotional abuse, but it's actually not uncommon for victims to blame themselves.
 
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Cis.jd

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I am a true Christian, blood bought, not perfect but I know the Word says not to lie, and everything I am posting is not fake nor a lie.

I have no one, no one to talk to about this. I am all alone and my only recourse is via this forum.

No one around me would believe me.
Ok, I apologies for the questioning.

Anyway, this is hard. Yes, you maybe by yourself and that guy you were with may have an "army" behind him who will probably villainize you - say you will go to hell, say you are anti-god, etc. The hell with all them.

Some here are recommending counseling, and this depends if the counseling will be for just for you, alone. Which it should be.

I don't think seeking marriage counseling or going to a pastor to pray for the both of you is going to make him go all Patrick Swazy. It will be a waste of your time and money, and he will most likely reason his way out and you will be stuck giving yourself a slow death.

Honestly, I think the best option is to just leave. Don't try to salvage the relationship and don't try to pray to make it better.. It will probably take you years to get over, and you'll have nights crying about this and just the thoughts of how "some people" think about you. But it's either you end your life staying here or go start a new one.
 
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ChicanaRose

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"Survivors of emotional abuse have to overcome the brainwashing that systematic blame, belittling, disrespect, dishonesty, lovelessness, and gross neglect cause."

Emotional Abuse in the Christian Marriage. Part 5

@Itsahappyday, you do not need to believe the negative "XYZ" message about yourself.

Believe what God says about you in the Bible.
 
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Brightmoon

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I pray that the Lord will reveal this to people but not through my hand otherwise my husband would be angry.

He says the last month I have been extremely distracted which bothers him, makes him impatient etc.. . He asked me today again if I need pills.
I do get badly distracted and if I am focused on something I sometimes block out everything around me, even if it's him talking to me. I told him maybe I have ADHD, but he doesn't want me to check it out because I would have to see a psychologist and he doesn't want me to see one. If my gp doctor could give me a pill without seeing a psychologist, he'd be ok with that
why am I not surprised that he doesn’t want you to see a psychologist. Girl you need to healthy-up and quick . You need to mentally armor yourself against his selfish and immature behavior before you end up with PTSD
 
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Sparagmos

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I am a true Christian, blood bought, not perfect but I know the Word says not to lie, and everything I am posting is not fake nor a lie.

I have no one, no one to talk to about this. I am all alone and my only recourse is via this forum.

No one around me would believe me.
You do have people to talk to. Here are links to Christian organizations that want to help you:

Faith Based Domestic Violence Help – FOCUS Ministries, Inc.

Domestic Violence Resources

Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

Will you contact one of these organizations for help? You asked for advice and the overwhelming response has been that you are being abused and should seek help. Are you going to take the advice here?
 
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Sparagmos

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I pray that the Lord will reveal this to people but not through my hand otherwise my husband would be angry.

He says the last month I have been extremely distracted which bothers him, makes him impatient etc.. . He asked me today again if I need pills.
I do get badly distracted and if I am focused on something I sometimes block out everything around me, even if it's him talking to me. I told him maybe I have ADHD, but he doesn't want me to check it out because I would have to see a psychologist and he doesn't want me to see one. If my gp doctor could give me a pill without seeing a psychologist, he'd be ok with that
Let’s talk about what you plan to do. Now that you have received advice, what are you going to do to protect yourself?
 
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throughfiierytrial

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I am so discouraged. How can my husband be so blessed and talented and yes, anointed yet at home for years he calls me dumb stupid etc...

He says I am not trying hard enough, not using my head.

He says not to go against God's anointing.

Today I failed Jesus. I got super angry and swore.

I am tired of being called stupid, dumb idiot., he says I never amounted to anything and that I have nothing to show for all my years. That I do nothing.

He keeps saying people at church think I am dumb too.

He texted me a month ago the following - - "That is my lot, spending my life with someone who doesn't get things. My fault for picking you.
I will NEVER be responsible for your lack of education, wisdom and excellence. Those mediocre attributes are yours and yours alone."

He told me that there are 5 types of people and the kind of person i am, he has to use the rod of discipline to beat the stupidity out of me.

I was super angry today because I have been having back pain and there he goes saying that I need to clean the floor by bending over and picking up any pieces, but bending over is difficult right now. And he's called me dumb, idiot. He wanted a particular kind of meat at a restaurant and I thought it was ok the one I bought but it turned out to be the wrong one. He called me names because of that saying I should have known. This is the second time I picked up from there.

He got a little rough by putting his hand underneath my chin hard and then downstairs too when he pushed me but he says he was just pushing me out of the way.


I told him to keep his "beeping" hands to himself. Not my greatest moment, I sinned bad.

I told him I don't want him to call me names anymore but he said he won't call me names if I don't do anything stupid. I toldhhim calling me names is not normal.

Sunday I realised that he doesn't call me names at church because he knows no one would agree with it so instead he calls me by endearments instead.

He says I am demon possessed, angel of light coming against the man of God. He has said I was not saved. He said today if I left him I probably would go for a woman - which is so very much not true.

I used to spend so much time with the Lord every day when I was single but now it's so hard. I tried praying tonight but I didn't feel much. So then I tried worshipping and it just wasn't the same.

Could the Lord be angry with me?

I am not happy at all. I thought marrying him was the Lord's Will. But from the beginning he was impatient with me and after 4 months the name calling began.

He even said he should not have married me.

To be fair, I was not the neatest or most organized person and he's super neat, but I have worked hard and he even said a few days ago that I have improved.

It's not always this bad. Just a few days ago he said I have improved and he appreciated the things that I take care of at home that he doesn't have to worry about. He sometimes says things like he's proud of me or proud that I am his wife. And during those times it's great as long as I don't mess it up, by dropping something by accident or saying something I know he won't like

But when I mess up its the names again, dumb stupid or idiot.

He says it's normal that married couples fight.

I did call him a fake Christian that thinks because of all the work he does for the Lord, that he is ok.

He even said something like, not exact words, but something along the lines of since what he does at church goes so well, the Lord must be pleased with him

Can the Lord be angry with me or not pleased because I don't keep my mouth shut all the time? I do ignore many things, even cutting remarks at times, but sometimes I just can't take it and respond back in anger.

Before being saved I dated men, one for a long time and he never called me names. I get married to a Christian and I am called names,put down, pushed around .... What's going on???
Pray for love in your marriage. Try to remember only the good things about your husband and remember too that we will be tested and tried in life and go through really difficult times just as you now are.
When we are suffering trials in our marriages we must turn to Jesus and remember what he commands of us as women and men and attempt to carry out those steps. For instance, woman are to be submissive to their husbands, be of a quiet and gentle nature, etc., please look up these things and practice them and find peace in the struggle knowing you are bearing up under pressure and under trial. Trials are there to test our faith and mature us. I am hoping you are already aware of these things and need only to brush up on them by attempting to and actually putting them to the test. You will feel the Lord's closeness and power as He assists you in this struggle.
 
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Dave L

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That's why I don't want to divorce. He'll say see she's not really saved because she left me so I am free to remarry.

I wonder if my husband is doing this to me too as this pastor did to that wife
What most believers do not understand is divorce was an Old Testament civil provision for the unsaved. Those with hard hearts. But it is not a New Covenant provision. So marriage is for life and all remarriage is adultery regardless the reason. But in physical abuse situations, the Christians in Acts always fled violence, but never returned it according to Jesus' teaching in the Sermon on the mount.
 
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StillGods

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What most believers do not understand is divorce was an Old Testament civil provision for the unsaved. Those with hard hearts. But it is not a New Covenant provision. So marriage is for life and all remarriage is adultery regardless the reason. But in physical abuse situations, the Christians in Acts always fled violence, but never returned it according to Jesus' teaching in the Sermon on the mount.

Jesus permitted divorce in the New Testament.
fleeing violence and abuse is wise.
 
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Dave L

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Jesus permitted divorce in the New Testament.
fleeing violence and abuse is wise.
Divorce is not a provision under the new covenant. People are married for life. It is good to separate and remain single in abusive situations.
 
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Alithis

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I am so discouraged. How can my husband be so blessed and talented and yes, anointed yet at home for years he calls me dumb stupid etc...

He says I am not trying hard enough, not using my head.

He says not to go against God's anointing.

Today I failed Jesus. I got super angry and swore.

I am tired of being called stupid, dumb idiot., he says I never amounted to anything and that I have nothing to show for all my years. That I do nothing.

He keeps saying people at church think I am dumb too.

He texted me a month ago the following - - "That is my lot, spending my life with someone who doesn't get things. My fault for picking you.
I will NEVER be responsible for your lack of education, wisdom and excellence. Those mediocre attributes are yours and yours alone."

He told me that there are 5 types of people and the kind of person i am, he has to use the rod of discipline to beat the stupidity out of me.

I was super angry today because I have been having back pain and there he goes saying that I need to clean the floor by bending over and picking up any pieces, but bending over is difficult right now. And he's called me dumb, idiot. He wanted a particular kind of meat at a restaurant and I thought it was ok the one I bought but it turned out to be the wrong one. He called me names because of that saying I should have known. This is the second time I picked up from there.

He got a little rough by putting his hand underneath my chin hard and then downstairs too when he pushed me but he says he was just pushing me out of the way.


I told him to keep his "beeping" hands to himself. Not my greatest moment, I sinned bad.

I told him I don't want him to call me names anymore but he said he won't call me names if I don't do anything stupid. I toldhhim calling me names is not normal.

Sunday I realised that he doesn't call me names at church because he knows no one would agree with it so instead he calls me by endearments instead.

He says I am demon possessed, angel of light coming against the man of God. He has said I was not saved. He said today if I left him I probably would go for a woman - which is so very much not true.

I used to spend so much time with the Lord every day when I was single but now it's so hard. I tried praying tonight but I didn't feel much. So then I tried worshipping and it just wasn't the same.

Could the Lord be angry with me?

I am not happy at all. I thought marrying him was the Lord's Will. But from the beginning he was impatient with me and after 4 months the name calling began.

He even said he should not have married me.

To be fair, I was not the neatest or most organized person and he's super neat, but I have worked hard and he even said a few days ago that I have improved.

It's not always this bad. Just a few days ago he said I have improved and he appreciated the things that I take care of at home that he doesn't have to worry about. He sometimes says things like he's proud of me or proud that I am his wife. And during those times it's great as long as I don't mess it up, by dropping something by accident or saying something I know he won't like

But when I mess up its the names again, dumb stupid or idiot.

He says it's normal that married couples fight.

I did call him a fake Christian that thinks because of all the work he does for the Lord, that he is ok.

He even said something like, not exact words, but something along the lines of since what he does at church goes so well, the Lord must be pleased with him

Can the Lord be angry with me or not pleased because I don't keep my mouth shut all the time? I do ignore many things, even cutting remarks at times, but sometimes I just can't take it and respond back in anger.

Before being saved I dated men, one for a long time and he never called me names. I get married to a Christian and I am called names,put down, pushed around .... What's going on???
Are you serious... That is not the action of a man speaking from the holy spirit.... Please dont call that annointed.
 
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Daniel Martinovich

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I am so discouraged. How can my husband be so blessed and talented and yes, anointed yet at home for years he calls me dumb stupid etc...

He says I am not trying hard enough, not using my head.

He says not to go against God's anointing.

Today I failed Jesus. I got super angry and swore.

I am tired of being called stupid, dumb idiot., he says I never amounted to anything and that I have nothing to show for all my years. That I do nothing.

He keeps saying people at church think I am dumb too.

He texted me a month ago the following - - "That is my lot, spending my life with someone who doesn't get things. My fault for picking you.
I will NEVER be responsible for your lack of education, wisdom and excellence. Those mediocre attributes are yours and yours alone."

He told me that there are 5 types of people and the kind of person i am, he has to use the rod of discipline to beat the stupidity out of me.

I was super angry today because I have been having back pain and there he goes saying that I need to clean the floor by bending over and picking up any pieces, but bending over is difficult right now. And he's called me dumb, idiot. He wanted a particular kind of meat at a restaurant and I thought it was ok the one I bought but it turned out to be the wrong one. He called me names because of that saying I should have known. This is the second time I picked up from there.

He got a little rough by putting his hand underneath my chin hard and then downstairs too when he pushed me but he says he was just pushing me out of the way.


I told him to keep his "beeping" hands to himself. Not my greatest moment, I sinned bad.

I told him I don't want him to call me names anymore but he said he won't call me names if I don't do anything stupid. I toldhhim calling me names is not normal.

Sunday I realised that he doesn't call me names at church because he knows no one would agree with it so instead he calls me by endearments instead.

He says I am demon possessed, angel of light coming against the man of God. He has said I was not saved. He said today if I left him I probably would go for a woman - which is so very much not true.

I used to spend so much time with the Lord every day when I was single but now it's so hard. I tried praying tonight but I didn't feel much. So then I tried worshipping and it just wasn't the same.

Could the Lord be angry with me?

I am not happy at all. I thought marrying him was the Lord's Will. But from the beginning he was impatient with me and after 4 months the name calling began.

He even said he should not have married me.

To be fair, I was not the neatest or most organized person and he's super neat, but I have worked hard and he even said a few days ago that I have improved.

It's not always this bad. Just a few days ago he said I have improved and he appreciated the things that I take care of at home that he doesn't have to worry about. He sometimes says things like he's proud of me or proud that I am his wife. And during those times it's great as long as I don't mess it up, by dropping something by accident or saying something I know he won't like

But when I mess up its the names again, dumb stupid or idiot.

He says it's normal that married couples fight.

I did call him a fake Christian that thinks because of all the work he does for the Lord, that he is ok.

He even said something like, not exact words, but something along the lines of since what he does at church goes so well, the Lord must be pleased with him

Can the Lord be angry with me or not pleased because I don't keep my mouth shut all the time? I do ignore many things, even cutting remarks at times, but sometimes I just can't take it and respond back in anger.

Before being saved I dated men, one for a long time and he never called me names. I get married to a Christian and I am called names,put down, pushed around .... What's going on???
Sounds to me like that this a Romans chapter 12 personality type issue. He doesn't understand yours, its strengths and weaknesses. He only understands his own, and doesn't realize his strengths and weakness are a result of a specific personality type given by God in creation. So he expects you to be like him and has grown frustrated that you are not. Problem is you can't be like him. He does not understand this; you don't, and now he is proceeding to destroy your marriage through his frustration.

Make no mistake about it either. This will destroy your marriage if it is not resolved. I would strongly suggest marriage counseling by a qualified pastor. My guess is he doesn't think he needs it and will not go. God hates divorce and if he wears you down and you give up hope and seek a divorce. Your husband will loose most of what he has from God in his life, and very precious few recover it back . Not to speak of what will happen to you. But the primary blame will be on him. It's why husbands are warned. Walk according to knowledge with your wife. That is exactly what us men lack. Knowledge about woman in general and knowledge about personality types specifically.
 
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StillGods

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Divorce is not a provision under the new covenant. People are married for life. It is good to separate and remain single in abusive situations.

Divorce is permitted where there is an affair in this case one can remarry, or where there is abuse one can divorce and remain single.

you are very cold to interact with. here is a woman in an abusive situation and all you talk about is OT law in a blunt manner. not very compassionate.
 
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Dave L

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Divorce is permitted where there is an affair in this case one can remarry, or where there is abuse one can divorce and remain single.

you are very cold to interact with.
Divorce is not part of the New Covenant. It is a pagan law just as abortion or SSM but has no sanction from God. Separation is good in some cases.
 
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