Divorce (Is adultery the only justifiable reason for it?)

Carl Emerson said:

What is also not taken into account is the rendering of the marriage covenant void through unfaithfulnes or abuse.

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In the case of the friend in question he has multiple valid issues

1) Literal physical abuse


2) There has been lots of stuff suggesting at infidelity on the wife part. Including one admission to making out with a guy. The wife has contracted the ailments that directly correspond to "the test of an unfaithful wife" mentioned in the Pentateuch.


3) I know the sexual life has been nonexistent for 20 years or so, but since that is so personal I don't want to pry into it, but I think a lot of that has been on his wife's end since he is the one bringing that up.


4) When he had his own Messianic congregation aka house church group, the wife was either at the center, or part of the problem in most of the squabbles that happened. She also doesn't work (she claims medical problems), but it is a case of "idle hands are the Devils workshop" and saint Paul has a lot to say on the subject especially in regards to widows with too much time on their hands.


5) There is the whole issue of repentance etc. where she has been making trouble for decades, and some of this stuff does seem to run in her family. Like they have a history of personality disorders or other problems.

Carl Emerson said:

Im not sure if this point has been raised but I believe there is a big difference between divorcing and being divorced. In the latter case the action is being taken against your will. In the former case you instigate the separation.

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I definitely do see that distinction especially in my own life where my wife filed for divorce when I didn't want it, but eventually gave in after two months.

Ttalkkugjil said:

Chapter and verse please that says that abuse qualifies.

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Matthew 11:29-30: “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”


Concerning the Pharisees
Matthew 23:4
4 They tie up heavy, burdensomeloads and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.


There are also are plenty of Bible verses against oppressors etc.


People also forget that marriage is a Covenant. That means both parties are responsible for holding up their end. Their are Bible passages that speak of marriage as a blessing (if your being abused this is not a blessing but a curse).
And depending on the gender their are other verses that would preclude such activity. Women should be in submission to their husbands (and not abuse them), and men should love their wives as Christ loves the Church (and not abuse them).


I would also invoke the duties of pastors and other ministers who are suppose to be protecting the vulnerable members of their flock. Besides this their are issues of repentance, chronic abusers don't seem to do that and that is something where church discipline should come in like excommunication etc.


It really is Sound Bite Theology of the worst kind to dismiss abuse as a legitimate cause. If sadistic, narcissistic, antisocial etc. personalities are at work being cheated on in those occasions can be a minor thing compared to someone that gets off on making the other spouse their chew toy.



I also read an interesting article that raises a good point

3. Paul clarified Christian marriages.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul directly cites Jesus’ teaching: “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband. ... The husband should not divorce his wife” (1 Cor. 7:10, 11, ESV). Likewise, he commands believers to build happy marriages even with their unbelieving spouses. However, Paul writes, “If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace” (1 Cor. 7:15, ESV). This is the same concession Jesus made. While Christians should never break the marriage covenant, they can acknowledge when their spouse has broken it—either by sexual immorality or abandonment.

God Hates Abuse

LaBèlla said:

And it takes two to tangle.

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That cliche fits many personal squabbles, but is horrible when dealing with narcissistic personalities.

But at this time, things are a moot point.