- Apr 25, 2019
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Hello. So here is another thing I’ve been pondering about lately. I used to play video games ALOT, and they were definitely my main priority. Several months ago, when I started questioning and doubting my salvation and doing all of this OCD stuff, I kept thinking about the part of the Bible where Jesus tells the rich man to sell all he owns to follow Him, and I started going crazy about if I needed to give up anything or everything, what to give up, etc. in my life. My first thought went to video games, since they were what I spent most of my time doing. At first I thought I was fine to keep playing the games, and I tried to start playing them less, as well as change the games I was playing, because I used to play some more mature games, some with occult themes (Diablo, Doom).
Before I go on, I need to mention that at this time I was going through rapid highs and lows regarding my salvation: one moment I would feel that I was totally saved and fine, and the next I would feel like I was in the pit of hell on earth.
Anyway, it was in one of my low points that I made the decision that I was never going to play another video game in my life. My logic was that maybe the reason I was still feeling these lows was because there was something between me and God, or maybe God was using these lows to point the video game thing out to me, or that perhaps I wasn’t saved and couldn’t be until I fully gave up games. I don’t remember if I specifically made a promise to God about giving up completely, but I might have made a vow to never play again. I don’t know, but ever since then I stopped playing video games completely, although it’s been a real struggle. I tried to stay away from anything even remotely related. Basically anything that was virtual and interactive, I would run from. It’s been a struggle; I used to play with one of my Christian friends and it was cool. Now we just play board games and stuff. There were times when I began to wonder whether maybe God would allow me to play games again, albeit in moderation, but I never really felt peace one way or the other, so I decided better safe than sorry.
The main thing that keeps me from playing is fear that God will be angry with me or do something to me if I started playing again, like maybe I’d lose my salvation if I started playing again or something. I don’t know. Anyways, that’s what has been my main motivator for not playing. A part of me wants to start playing again, but the other part of me is scared of what might happen if I do. I’m scared that it will mean I’m not saved, that I love them more than God, stuff like that.
One time, I began to cry (pathetic, I know) because I felt like I was a prisoner being unable to do what I wanted (and it didn’t help that literally my whole family plays video games non stop, well, at least my siblings do). So I am constantly being subject to them, while also not allowing myself to play them, and it hurts. But I reasoned that if I wanted to play this badly, it meant that I shouldn’t start playing.
One thing I noticed is that abstaining from video games hasn’t really brought me closer to God. Instead of filling that time with praying and reading the Word, I fill it with YouTube, Netflix, and, worst of all, inappropriate content. Yes; recently I’ve begun to watch inappropriate content again, and I’m not sure on this, but it may have gotten worse since I stopped playing games. I think games distracted me from my sexual desire to some extent, and since abstaining it has crept back up. Don’t quote me on this, though, this could just be an excuse my mind randomly made up.
So now I’m stuck; I don’t know whether to keep abstaining from games, or start playing again in MODERATION. My parents say that it’s fine if it’s in moderation, but I’m more worried about what God would think. Am I being to legalistic with what I’m doing? Is not playing due to fear of eternal consequences me trying to earn or maintain my own salvation? Am I trusting my own ability to not play games to keep me saved? I don’t know what to do.
I think the main reason I stopped playing games was that I was trying to show God what I was willing to give up to be saved or whatever. Funny; I’m better at abstaining from video games, which aren’t in themselves inherently sinful, than I am at abstaining from inappropriate content, which is obviously sin.
Anyone have any thoughts on what I should do?
Before I go on, I need to mention that at this time I was going through rapid highs and lows regarding my salvation: one moment I would feel that I was totally saved and fine, and the next I would feel like I was in the pit of hell on earth.
Anyway, it was in one of my low points that I made the decision that I was never going to play another video game in my life. My logic was that maybe the reason I was still feeling these lows was because there was something between me and God, or maybe God was using these lows to point the video game thing out to me, or that perhaps I wasn’t saved and couldn’t be until I fully gave up games. I don’t remember if I specifically made a promise to God about giving up completely, but I might have made a vow to never play again. I don’t know, but ever since then I stopped playing video games completely, although it’s been a real struggle. I tried to stay away from anything even remotely related. Basically anything that was virtual and interactive, I would run from. It’s been a struggle; I used to play with one of my Christian friends and it was cool. Now we just play board games and stuff. There were times when I began to wonder whether maybe God would allow me to play games again, albeit in moderation, but I never really felt peace one way or the other, so I decided better safe than sorry.
The main thing that keeps me from playing is fear that God will be angry with me or do something to me if I started playing again, like maybe I’d lose my salvation if I started playing again or something. I don’t know. Anyways, that’s what has been my main motivator for not playing. A part of me wants to start playing again, but the other part of me is scared of what might happen if I do. I’m scared that it will mean I’m not saved, that I love them more than God, stuff like that.
One time, I began to cry (pathetic, I know) because I felt like I was a prisoner being unable to do what I wanted (and it didn’t help that literally my whole family plays video games non stop, well, at least my siblings do). So I am constantly being subject to them, while also not allowing myself to play them, and it hurts. But I reasoned that if I wanted to play this badly, it meant that I shouldn’t start playing.
One thing I noticed is that abstaining from video games hasn’t really brought me closer to God. Instead of filling that time with praying and reading the Word, I fill it with YouTube, Netflix, and, worst of all, inappropriate content. Yes; recently I’ve begun to watch inappropriate content again, and I’m not sure on this, but it may have gotten worse since I stopped playing games. I think games distracted me from my sexual desire to some extent, and since abstaining it has crept back up. Don’t quote me on this, though, this could just be an excuse my mind randomly made up.
So now I’m stuck; I don’t know whether to keep abstaining from games, or start playing again in MODERATION. My parents say that it’s fine if it’s in moderation, but I’m more worried about what God would think. Am I being to legalistic with what I’m doing? Is not playing due to fear of eternal consequences me trying to earn or maintain my own salvation? Am I trusting my own ability to not play games to keep me saved? I don’t know what to do.
I think the main reason I stopped playing games was that I was trying to show God what I was willing to give up to be saved or whatever. Funny; I’m better at abstaining from video games, which aren’t in themselves inherently sinful, than I am at abstaining from inappropriate content, which is obviously sin.
Anyone have any thoughts on what I should do?