Don't Know What to Do But Trust God

RaymondG

Well-Known Member
Nov 15, 2016
8,545
3,816
USA
✟268,974.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I am actively seeking Him through this whole thing, but I cannot say the say the same thing about her. She is twisting scripture, denying God's will and using everything she can to justify just walking out on the marriage without even trying reconciliation.
When you seek Him with your whole heart, you will have no time to worry about what another is doing....and you will find Him....And you will have everything you desire...

But this is ok.....God is patient. What you need to do is waste all of your inheritance first.....Spend all the money you have.....And then turn around......and touch the Hem......And you will be delivered.
 
Upvote 0

Endeavourer

Well-Known Member
Aug 30, 2017
1,719
1,472
Cloud 9
✟89,718.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
But what I can't stand is that she's accusing me (and seems to be 110% convinced) of having a physical affair with multiple women during our time together.

Have you given her full transparency to your digital life, passwords, access to all devices and everything? I can see why she would have these thoughts; it's your job to dispel them by showing/proving otherwise.

We haven't heard from you for a while? How is it going? Have you been able to initiate conversations that demonstrate your pursuit of her?

Your first priority is to rule out an affair by her asap. Have you taken steps to do this?
 
Upvote 0

Endeavourer

Well-Known Member
Aug 30, 2017
1,719
1,472
Cloud 9
✟89,718.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I have tried. My suspicions are even greater than before, but legally my hands are tied.

If you want to fight for your marriage, you will need to hire a private investigator. Until you have the information about who she is having an affair with her affair will continue. It will be presented to everyone as a guy she met while she was separated from you because of your infidelity, and he will be accepted and embraced by all.

It's up to you to change the trajectory of where this is going, and the only way you can do that is to find out who she is having an affair with so you can expose it. Exposure is the first step that will break up an affair, if it can be broken up. The longer it continues the harder it is to break up.

I asked her straight up recently whether or not she really believes I have been with another woman, and she said yes. She then said all I say is just words, but she won't let me prove it.

Continue to insist you have not and give her your email and social media passwords.

Up and down. More down than up, really. We had a really good, deep conversation recently, but it was followed by a horrible, inflammatory text from her blaming me again.
Just keep your side steady. When she sends the horrible texts just reply to her that you love her and that you want to stay married to her. Never return her horribleness .... stay steady in your pursuit.

Here is an epic story of how a man pursued his wife back from an affair. Their marriage has been restored and they are back in love with each other. It is long, but you will see how he responded to all of the same (and worse) challenges that you are experiencing. In the process of his pursuit, his wife teamed up with others to have him involuntarily admitted to a mental health institution on a judge's order. He was able to stay focused on pursuing his marriage back in spite of how hard she fought against ending her affair.
Guidance Forum (Marriage Builders®)
 
Upvote 0

RaymondG

Well-Known Member
Nov 15, 2016
8,545
3,816
USA
✟268,974.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
like i said.....waste all your inheritance....and spend all your money on physicians and private investigators. When you have had enough.....The salvation of the Lord will still be waiting for you after you are willing to stand still and see.....
 
Upvote 0

Swan7

Made in the image of His Grace
Supporter
Aug 3, 2014
9,158
7,354
Forever Summer
✟435,986.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Thank you for this, Swan. I have turned things completely over to God as I know that I have no control over the situation, and as much as I feel I can fix things, I can't. Only God can. I am over the moon that she is spending time in prayer and in the Word, but she blatantly told me that she wants to find herself and from there decide if she still wants to be married. It sounds more like something you'd do in Yoga or with a guru than you would with God.

She seems to think that God's will is for her to walk away from the marriage, and is completely focused on that.

Our sole identity is in Christ and in Him alone. He made everything being the Word manifest in the image of fallen man. But she has to come to that reality/revelation through seeking God. I sincerely hope she is and pray that all His children will pray for the saints infants in Christ to maturity.
I used to be like her in many ways, but these 2 were the most I sought for years in vain:
1. Love
2. My identity

I searched all over in the world when all I had to do was go to God and ask. He hears a sinners prayer that is genuine of heart over that of a heart of stone who claims to follow Him. All she needs to do is ask Jesus Christ who He really is because this world is just full of seducing spirits. I know you understand this, but there are still many out there who don't. All we can do is pray - and there is power in that, and if given the chance to tell others our own testimony like Paul did. There is power in God's Word. :yellowheart:
 
Upvote 0

Ana the Ist

Aggressively serene!
Feb 21, 2012
37,388
11,317
✟433,397.00
Country
United States
Faith
Atheist
Marital Status
Married
On a lighthearted note (judging by your faith being "atheist"), you have said a lot of what my Pastor has said to me, along with friends and family who initially believed that she was not capable of cheating.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I know that I planted the seed that may have become something it was never supposed to be. I will take my licks for that, and in some way I have paid the price.

BUT, and it is a big but, I have not done anything close to what she has done, both physically and emotionally, with others. But what I can't stand is that she's accusing me (and seems to be 110% convinced) of having a physical affair with multiple women during our time together. If it was true, I would hold my hand up, admit the transgressions, and allow her the chance to walk away from the marriage. But it's not true, and that's what really messes with my head in this situation.

She has already made me out to be the bad guy, and I'm almost convinced that I will never get a confession from her, let alone live to see her tell her friends and family what she is guilty of.

I have no doubt that she wants to believe that you had an affair....and just so you know, I believe you when you say you didn't. You've admitted to a lot on here, and frankly I don't see why you would deny an affair if it happened.

I get that she doesn't want to admit that she had an affair. Is there any possibility of contacting the guy she was sexting? If he has a wife or gf....he may be willing to admit what he did to keep this quiet on his end. If you can get him to admit to the affair....well, then she won't have much choice but to admit to it as well.

You've done enough confessing....confession isn't going to get you anywhere with your wife. I honestly think if she confessed, and owned up to her part in this, she might be able to understand her role in how your marriage fell apart and perhaps then some healing can begin.....but there's no guarantee there. As of now, it just looks like she wants you to take all the blame for how things went so she can start a new life guilt free.
 
Upvote 0

Endeavourer

Well-Known Member
Aug 30, 2017
1,719
1,472
Cloud 9
✟89,718.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I agree with a lot of Ana the 1st's advice.

Is there any possibility of contacting the guy she was sexting? If he has a wife or gf....he may be willing to admit what he did to keep this quiet on his end. If you can get him to admit to the affair....well, then she won't have much choice but to admit to it as well.

It would be better to find out first so when you confront him and tell him to keep away from your wife it will be a stronger blow to the affair. Otherwise the risk is that you alert them that you are suspicious (but have no goods on them) so they take their affair underground better.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

RedPonyDriver

Professional Pot Stirrer
Oct 18, 2014
3,524
2,427
USA
✟76,166.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Widowed
Politics
US-Democrat
Why do you have your knickers in a knot about what SHE did? YOU were the one who wanted to add a third to your bedroom. YOU were the one who could not control YOUR temper. If I'd been your wife, I'd have left you, done what I wanted and not given a hoot about much of anything. YOU broke the trust. YOU broke the covenant the minute you talked about adding a third to your bedroom that is only supposed to be for a HUSBAND AND WIFE.

You were selfish, broke trust and scared her. Quit looking at her, look at yourself first.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Dave-W
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums