the punishing thread!

I got the word "Jacuzzi" confused with "yakuza" and now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

It's easy to make yarn jokes when you have no skein in the game.

Did you hear about the three holes in the ground? You didn't? Well, well, well...

I've never been very good a geography but I can name at least one city in France, which is Nice.

A little known fact...Neil Cole was pressured by his agent to change his name to Neil Diamond..

There was a Monastery that observed a rule of silence. The only exception to this rule was the morning greeting. The abbot arrived each morning in the refectory before the ascetic breakfast of porridge and tea and chanted, “Morning!”

The monks all replied, “Morning!”

One novice brother, not yet fully catechized in the solemnity of the community, decided to have a bit of fun.

One morning (the early hours of 1 April, in fact), the abbot chanted his customary greeting, “Morning!”

All the brothers replied, “Morning!”

The novice, his head discreetly bowed within his hood, chanted, “Evening!”

The abbot, aghast at this unseemly break in the rule of the community, intoned ...

“Someone chanted ‘Evening!’”

I went to the pet store and asked to buy a dozen bee's. The owner counted out 13 bee's and gave them to me, when I pointed out he'd given me 13 and I only asked for 12 he said: "That's ok, the last one was a freebie."

Two cowboys are lost in the desert for a few days and are now starving as well as lost. Finally, in the distance they see a tree, draped in bacon! "Look!" one of them shouts "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" He runs to the tree but before he can grab any bacon he's struck with a hail of bullets! With his last breath he tells the other cowboy: "It's not a bacon tree...it's a ham bush!"

Why did the Three Wise Men smell like smoke?

Because they came from afar...