hi,
I wanted to know if anyone has gone through something similar as me. I find that when ever I am irritaded by something or feel convicted about something or that I have to pray out of compulsion that I get really angry and then start grtting blasphemous thoughts about Holy Spirit. It feels like its me thinking these thoughts because im angry and it feels like part of me wants to do it because of the urges. Can I be forgiven? Also sometimes I just think that its too hard to be a Christian and I dont love God enough and I just get an urge to curse at the Holy Spirit. All day I feel anger towards God and sometimes for no reason even though other times im able to come to my sense for a little bit and realize that I need God and that he is si loving and good. But most times I just feel anger about life and about my thoughts which makes me feel the need to just purposely think them and yell at God. Like I get thoughts like “screw you!” And also i was so angry at one point that i was worried i committed the unforgivable sin and i thought “good! I want to go to hell!” But i didnt mean it. I also find myslef putting other things before God all the time and when Im convicted I have more blasphemous thoughts and anger. Also i constantly feel like I need to evangelize to evrryone i meet but i cant cuz i dont know how and i dont even feel like i know God enough which makes more curse words come.
I wanted to know if anyone has gone through something similar as me. I find that when ever I am irritaded by something or feel convicted about something or that I have to pray out of compulsion that I get really angry and then start grtting blasphemous thoughts about Holy Spirit. It feels like its me thinking these thoughts because im angry and it feels like part of me wants to do it because of the urges. Can I be forgiven? Also sometimes I just think that its too hard to be a Christian and I dont love God enough and I just get an urge to curse at the Holy Spirit. All day I feel anger towards God and sometimes for no reason even though other times im able to come to my sense for a little bit and realize that I need God and that he is si loving and good. But most times I just feel anger about life and about my thoughts which makes me feel the need to just purposely think them and yell at God. Like I get thoughts like “screw you!” And also i was so angry at one point that i was worried i committed the unforgivable sin and i thought “good! I want to go to hell!” But i didnt mean it. I also find myslef putting other things before God all the time and when Im convicted I have more blasphemous thoughts and anger. Also i constantly feel like I need to evangelize to evrryone i meet but i cant cuz i dont know how and i dont even feel like i know God enough which makes more curse words come.