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Kywy

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hi,
I wanted to know if anyone has gone through something similar as me. I find that when ever I am irritaded by something or feel convicted about something or that I have to pray out of compulsion that I get really angry and then start grtting blasphemous thoughts about Holy Spirit. It feels like its me thinking these thoughts because im angry and it feels like part of me wants to do it because of the urges. Can I be forgiven? Also sometimes I just think that its too hard to be a Christian and I dont love God enough and I just get an urge to curse at the Holy Spirit. All day I feel anger towards God and sometimes for no reason even though other times im able to come to my sense for a little bit and realize that I need God and that he is si loving and good. But most times I just feel anger about life and about my thoughts which makes me feel the need to just purposely think them and yell at God. Like I get thoughts like “screw you!” And also i was so angry at one point that i was worried i committed the unforgivable sin and i thought “good! I want to go to hell!” But i didnt mean it. I also find myslef putting other things before God all the time and when Im convicted I have more blasphemous thoughts and anger. Also i constantly feel like I need to evangelize to evrryone i meet but i cant cuz i dont know how and i dont even feel like i know God enough which makes more curse words come.
 

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hi,
I wanted to know if anyone has gone through something similar as me. I find that when ever I am irritaded by something or feel convicted about something or that I have to pray out of compulsion that I get really angry and then start grtting blasphemous thoughts about Holy Spirit. It feels like its me thinking these thoughts because im angry and it feels like part of me wants to do it because of the urges. Can I be forgiven? Also sometimes I just think that its too hard to be a Christian and I dont love God enough and I just get an urge to curse at the Holy Spirit. All day I feel anger towards God and sometimes for no reason even though other times im able to come to my sense for a little bit and realize that I need God and that he is si loving and good. But most times I just feel anger about life and about my thoughts which makes me feel the need to just purposely think them and yell at God. Like I get thoughts like “screw you!” And also i was so angry at one point that i was worried i committed the unforgivable sin and i thought “good! I want to go to hell!” But i didnt mean it. I also find myslef putting other things before God all the time and when Im convicted I have more blasphemous thoughts and anger. Also i constantly feel like I need to evangelize to evrryone i meet but i cant cuz i dont know how and i dont even feel like i know God enough which makes more curse words come.
I just want to let you know that you are never alone and that God loves you and that I know what you're going through as I deal with bad thoughts too. Just remember that by accepting Jesus as your Lord and Saviour it's all about Him. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.
 
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SamanthaAnastasia

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I would say to pray and ask God to purge those thoughts from your mind. Also, God uses our suffering to bring us closer to him. I always have to remind myself that there is no sin (outside of the mark of the beast or denial of the Lord) that is unforgivable or to great that cannot be forgiven. Also, try and ponder why these feelings of anger are there and the actual cause of them. Is the anger due to anxiety? Or is it because you feel alone or unanswered?

Remember, even Jesus Christ was tested.
I recommend you read that and the book of Job.
Hope that helps.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
 
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Mari17

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hi,
I wanted to know if anyone has gone through something similar as me. I find that when ever I am irritaded by something or feel convicted about something or that I have to pray out of compulsion that I get really angry and then start grtting blasphemous thoughts about Holy Spirit. It feels like its me thinking these thoughts because im angry and it feels like part of me wants to do it because of the urges. Can I be forgiven? Also sometimes I just think that its too hard to be a Christian and I dont love God enough and I just get an urge to curse at the Holy Spirit. All day I feel anger towards God and sometimes for no reason even though other times im able to come to my sense for a little bit and realize that I need God and that he is si loving and good. But most times I just feel anger about life and about my thoughts which makes me feel the need to just purposely think them and yell at God. Like I get thoughts like “screw you!” And also i was so angry at one point that i was worried i committed the unforgivable sin and i thought “good! I want to go to hell!” But i didnt mean it. I also find myslef putting other things before God all the time and when Im convicted I have more blasphemous thoughts and anger. Also i constantly feel like I need to evangelize to evrryone i meet but i cant cuz i dont know how and i dont even feel like i know God enough which makes more curse words come.
Fear of blaspheming and/or committing the unpardonable sin are VERY common obsessions. I've had similar obsessions before. The key is to handle it the way you would any other obsession - refuse to freak out or ruminate about the thoughts, but recognize them as a way that your OCD is trying to get you going, and focus on your choices rather than your feelings. You can't really control your feelings, but you can control your choices. So if you get a thought saying, "I felt like I blasphemed - maybe I did blaspheme, because I felt like I wanted to!" you can just tell yourself, "Well, I can't really figure out how I feel right now, but I choose to follow God no matter how I feel." Of course, this is easier said than done, but it's part of learning how to live with a sound mind, without always being afraid that we are what the OCD tells us we are.
 
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zachariahjosephturner

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I have the same problem I’ve been through this for five years with With having a four years of bliss with Jesus prior to this battle in 2013 to the presence........I don’t know how to feel any other way now constantly feeling like I hate Jesus and the Holy Ghost having 24 seven blasphemous thought and feeling like you want to thank them and you left I am feeling that every time you get irritated you hear a curse word against the Holy Ghost I also have intrusive speech we’re now it comes out of my mouth all the meanwhile suffering from the derealization the depersonalization 24/7 And with every intrusive speech and without feeling intense anxiety wishing I could have my relation bag with the Lord I don’t hate God don’t want to fight for thought but yet my mind and body’s been brainwashed with misery and blasphemy.......With all my heart I do love the Lord I can’t see it right now I read and pray some days it’s harder than others
 
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Mari17

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I have the same problem I’ve been through this for five years with With having a four years of bliss with Jesus prior to this battle in 2013 to the presence........I don’t know how to feel any other way now constantly feeling like I hate Jesus and the Holy Ghost having 24 seven blasphemous thought and feeling like you want to thank them and you left I am feeling that every time you get irritated you hear a curse word against the Holy Ghost I also have intrusive speech we’re now it comes out of my mouth all the meanwhile suffering from the derealization the depersonalization 24/7 And with every intrusive speech and without feeling intense anxiety wishing I could have my relation bag with the Lord I don’t hate God don’t want to fight for thought but yet my mind and body’s been brainwashed with misery and blasphemy.......With all my heart I do love the Lord I can’t see it right now I read and pray some days it’s harder than others
I've forgotten; maybe you've already done this. But if not, can you get medication and/or therapy to help you? It sounds like your OCD - at least this current obsession - is pretty intense.
 
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zachariahjosephturner

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so when you say the word obsession pretty much it's what you're obsessed with at the moment Blasphemous thoughts Blasphemous feelings feeling opposite of how you want to feel and pretty much the more you try to stay away from it or ignore it the worse it gets or the more it comes it's all you think about you eat sleep and breathe it because pretty much your "obsessed"
 
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Mari17

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so when you say the word obsession pretty much it's what you're obsessed with at the moment Blasphemous thoughts Blasphemous feelings feeling opposite of how you want to feel and pretty much the more you try to stay away from it or ignore it the worse it gets or the more it comes it's all you think about you eat sleep and breathe it because pretty much your "obsessed"
Yes; right now your obsession is fear of committing blasphemy. Are you getting help for that?
 
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zachariahjosephturner

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Right now I'm not I've looked into therapist and they're expensive I've talked to some good ones but was let down because I did not have the money. As far as medications I've tried citalopram and another I forget the name the citalopram made my symptoms ten times worse I wound up in the hospital they had to give me an Ativan to calm me down and that was on the 5th day of taking it the other didn't work at all right now I'm just trying to let it all do what it's going to do and learn how to react to it
 
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Kywy

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I have the same problem I’ve been through this for five years with With having a four years of bliss with Jesus prior to this battle in 2013 to the presence........I don’t know how to feel any other way now constantly feeling like I hate Jesus and the Holy Ghost having 24 seven blasphemous thought and feeling like you want to thank them and you left I am feeling that every time you get irritated you hear a curse word against the Holy Ghost I also have intrusive speech we’re now it comes out of my mouth all the meanwhile suffering from the derealization the depersonalization 24/7 And with every intrusive speech and without feeling intense anxiety wishing I could have my relation bag with the Lord I don’t hate God don’t want to fight for thought but yet my mind and body’s been brainwashed with misery and blasphemy.......With all my heart I do love the Lord I can’t see it right now I read and pray some days it’s harder than others
Hi zachariahjosephturner,
you said you struggle with intrusive speech. What do you mean by this? Because one time I was on the christian forums and then all of a sudden I felt like I wanted to say "curse you" at the Holy Spirit and I was able to resist for a second and ended up saying "curse Satan" but then immediately after that one I got an urge to say "damn you" at the Holy Spirit and I ended up giving in and said it and also felt a bit of anger or hate when i said it and then I immediately felt anxious. Like I kind of muttered with my lips quielty. Im not sure if this is the same thing you are talking about, but is this similar? Also Mari17 do you think I can be forgiven? And is it possible for OCD to make you feel like you WANT to do it and like you have to do it?
 
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Kywy

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Also I do not struggle with derealization and I cant imagine what must be like to live with, but I do remember that when I had the "curse you" and "damn you" urge this time I did feel that I was "watching it happen" in a sense. As it happened it was like this wave rushed over my body and I felt like I was watching myself do what I least wanted to do. I don't know what derealization really entails and Im not saying my sin was because of that because I have not previously struggled with derealization aside from a few instances in my childhood when I would sometimes think "what if I don't really exit" and then I would kinda of think "maybe this is all a dream" but I could make those thoughts go away on my own and they didn't cause anxiety.
 
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Mari17

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Right now I'm not I've looked into therapist and they're expensive I've talked to some good ones but was let down because I did not have the money. As far as medications I've tried citalopram and another I forget the name the citalopram made my symptoms ten times worse I wound up in the hospital they had to give me an Ativan to calm me down and that was on the 5th day of taking it the other didn't work at all right now I'm just trying to let it all do what it's going to do and learn how to react to it
I think that's a great strategy! Medication can help, but in the end, the most permanent changes come from learning how to react effectively to OCD.
 
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Mari17

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Hi zachariahjosephturner,
you said you struggle with intrusive speech. What do you mean by this? Because one time I was on the christian forums and then all of a sudden I felt like I wanted to say "curse you" at the Holy Spirit and I was able to resist for a second and ended up saying "curse Satan" but then immediately after that one I got an urge to say "damn you" at the Holy Spirit and I ended up giving in and said it and also felt a bit of anger or hate when i said it and then I immediately felt anxious. Like I kind of muttered with my lips quielty. Im not sure if this is the same thing you are talking about, but is this similar? Also Mari17 do you think I can be forgiven? And is it possible for OCD to make you feel like you WANT to do it and like you have to do it?
I can give you my opinion, but first I'd like to know, what do you think the answers to your questions are?
 
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Enahs4Him

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hi,
I wanted to know if anyone has gone through something similar as me. I find that when ever I am irritaded by something or feel convicted about something or that I have to pray out of compulsion that I get really angry and then start grtting blasphemous thoughts about Holy Spirit. It feels like its me thinking these thoughts because im angry and it feels like part of me wants to do it because of the urges. Can I be forgiven? Also sometimes I just think that its too hard to be a Christian and I dont love God enough and I just get an urge to curse at the Holy Spirit. All day I feel anger towards God and sometimes for no reason even though other times im able to come to my sense for a little bit and realize that I need God and that he is si loving and good. But most times I just feel anger about life and about my thoughts which makes me feel the need to just purposely think them and yell at God. Like I get thoughts like “screw you!” And also i was so angry at one point that i was worried i committed the unforgivable sin and i thought “good! I want to go to hell!” But i didnt mean it. I also find myslef putting other things before God all the time and when Im convicted I have more blasphemous thoughts and anger. Also i constantly feel like I need to evangelize to evrryone i meet but i cant cuz i dont know how and i dont even feel like i know God enough which makes more curse words come.

kywy….I know....EXACTLY...what you are going through...if I had read this without reading who posted, I might have thought it was me...wow! I used to be terrified of getting angry about anything! Similar things would pop up in my mind. But God has delivered me. Hang in there! YOU WILL OVERCOME!
 
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Enahs4Him

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so when you say the word obsession pretty much it's what you're obsessed with at the moment Blasphemous thoughts Blasphemous feelings feeling opposite of how you want to feel and pretty much the more you try to stay away from it or ignore it the worse it gets or the more it comes it's all you think about you eat sleep and breathe it because pretty much your "obsessed"

Thank you for sharing brother. I have dealt with this for many years. But God has delivered me. You are absolutely right, the more you try NOT to think something, you WILL think it. I learned through years of intrusive thoughts, that I always got through it, and if I just turn to Jesus, He would never reject me.
 
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Kywy

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Hi Mari17,
I think the answer to my questions is no i cant be forgiven because I said it out loud (technically it wasnt really "out loud" because i mostly just mouthed the words quietly. There was someone sitting right next to me when it happened, she would have heard me if I said it loudly but probably no sound came out other than a faint whisper. I think thats all irrelevant though cause I think that still counts as speaking.) I have seen that several OCDers struggle with accidentally saying things or with slip of the tongues but mine honestly didn't feel like a slip of the tongue. It felt like I was just giving in. Thats why I think I cant be forgiven.
 
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Mari17

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Hi Mari17,
I think the answer to my questions is no i cant be forgiven because I said it out loud (technically it wasnt really "out loud" because i mostly just mouthed the words quietly. There was someone sitting right next to me when it happened, she would have heard me if I said it loudly but probably no sound came out other than a faint whisper. I think thats all irrelevant though cause I think that still counts as speaking.) I have seen that several OCDers struggle with accidentally saying things or with slip of the tongues but mine honestly didn't feel like a slip of the tongue. It felt like I was just giving in. Thats why I think I cant be forgiven.
This sounds so much like OCD! Thinking we "might" have wanted to do/say something bad, thinking we said something inaudibly, etc. With OCD, we're so focused on the smallest fragments of our thoughts, feelings, and actions, that it's easy to feel like we "accidentally" did something or "sort of on purpose" did something. The thing is, we're WAY over-analyzing. Someone processing normally would not be so focused in on these tiny slivers of thoughts and actions. It's much simpler, because if you blaspheme you KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that you did, and you REALLY WANTED to. But those of us with OCD get hung up on the minutest details. Your reaction to this should be the same as for every other trigger you face with OCD: You know that your obsession is fear of blaspheming, so you keep ignoring every fear you get about blaspheming and every argument your brain sends you to try to convince you that you blasphemed. Because of the way OCD works, you can assume that every fear you get about blaspheming is somehow distorted and out of proportion, because your reasoning about that topic is faulty and unclear right now. That means that you keep ignoring every fear that comes up, and recognize that you will be able to think more clearly about this topic after this obsession has passed. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but someday you will see that you really don't want to blaspheme, and that these little actions are NOT blaspheming even if they feel so much like they are. I know it's super hard, because the OCD tries so hard to convince us, but keep ignoring it and saying no to its demands!
 
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Kywy

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I have read ocdandchristianity. Its really helpful.
I just think that what i did would be blasphemy because even before i did it i knew it was blasphemy. And i gave like a half hearted effort to stop it but part of me felt spite or like a feeling of wanting to do it and eventually i gave in. Although i technically didn't use my voice, whispering is still speaking.
 
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Mari17

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I have read ocdandchristianity. Its really helpful.
I just think that what i did would be blasphemy because even before i did it i knew it was blasphemy. And i gave like a half hearted effort to stop it but part of me felt spite or like a feeling of wanting to do it and eventually i gave in. Although i technically didn't use my voice, whispering is still speaking.
So, if you did commit blasphemy, what is there to do about it now?
 
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