spanking teenagers-does anyone believe in it any more?

I think it's important to establish authority early on and the necessity for following rules. I don't believe physical punishment is an ideal way to do this. I began instructing my daughter about consequences and expectations at a young age. Each year we had a theme which built upon the others. These were character building lessons that would hold her in great stead as she matured.

I provided a set of ten principles she was not permitted to transgress without serious consequences. They were non negotiable and included dating, education, sexuality, drugs, alcohol, running away, illegal activities and several others.

Ours was not a do as I say not as a do home. I was very transparent and shared my mistakes openly without shame. This fostered a close knit relationship between us and has provided many moments of laughter as we recall our foibles. Seeing my imperfections enables her to share her own more readily.

I don't believe this is a situation worthy of grounding or spanking. It's a misalignment of authority and respect. Ideally, the child respects you because of your position and your person. Otherwise, you're subject to punishment cycles and infractions that increase in severity with age.

I would go back to basics and reestablish boundaries and a chain of command. The constancy of obedience cannot be secured under threat. Good luck.

Ground him.

Spanking is abuse proven to lead to psychological issues in the future.

13 is a bit young to be out without the supervision of an adult who will make sure he is home on time.

When I was growing up spanking was something that didn't stop until you were grown. Even then there was this threat that you would never be too old for your parents to do that to you. Seniors (adults) in high school were paddled at school. What did it do? For the ones that didn't like it they were emotionally traumatized by it and then made fun of by other students. For the ones that didn't care, it gave them something to laugh about and it didn't change their behaviors or make them more respectful.

If he is wanting to be spanked, then maybe he is just wanting to fit in with friends which will promote breaking rules so that it will happen again and he can continue to be spanked just like his friends. Or he could be remembering a light spanking when he was young and think that it wouldn't be much of a punishment so he essentially gets away with breaking rule.

I think he has been given more freedom than he is mature enough or respectful enough to handle. Make him earn his privileges. He gets freedoms that come with adolescents when he behaves like a responsible young person. I personally don't like spanking any age. However, if he is young enough to still be spanked, he isn't old enough to go out of the house without a responsible chaperone.

donboston50 said:

Grounding doesn't seem to do any good.

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Ground him for longer periods of time, 1 month for example and take away his phone, playstation, tv etc

donboston50 said:

My son wants me to do it instead of grounding him. His logic is that it's over quickly, whereas grounding can go on and on. I explained that it would not be pleasant if I agreed.

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I was spanked 3 times as a teen, and all three times were effective. I also would have chosen grounding every single time had I been offered the option. If he is asking for a spanking, GROUND him

I was spanked a lot as a kid. I can't say it ever helped me become a better person...or else I wouldn't have been spanked a lot as a kid.

We had a 9 year gap between our first and last children. As a young parent, I spanked my oldest because that's what I knew about parenting from what had been done to me. I was all about power and control. What it got me from my child was only more opposition and resistance.

I tired of it by the time the younger children came along and raised them differently without corporal punishment. It resulted in their having less opposition and resistance of authority than the oldest. All of them turned out okay as adults, although it took the eldest the longest to get there.

If you hit me, we call it "assault" and you get arrested. If we hit our children, we call it "parenting?"

donboston50 said:

My son wants me to do it instead of grounding him. His logic is that it's over quickly, whereas grounding can go on and on. I explained that it would not be pleasant if I agreed.

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If he prefers a spanking you should in no way do it. I do agree with your son that being grounded is a much more painful punishment than spanking. I preferred a spanking to being lectured to. Quick smack to a cushioned area. Smarted a bit for a second or two but then over and back in the good graces of my parent. Lecturing was just dumb. It wasn't as if I didn't know what I had done was wrong and needed education. What I needed was attention and reconciliation. Now that was never part of the teenage years because teenage behinds are simply not sensitive enough to make the experience unpleasant enough to change behavior.

grasping the after wind said:

Now that was never part of the teenage years because teenage behinds are simply not sensitive enough to make the experience unpleasant enough to change behavior.

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Now I think this falls under the every child is different category. I always had a low pain tolerance, and was always a wimp about pain. My mom NEVER abused me, but the three spankings I got as a teen (13, 14, and 16) were all enough to "change behavior", and I would have traded any of them for a grounding in a heartbeat. I also was the type to not super mind grounding, I liked to read, was happy being alone if I had to be, etc. Now I don't think my preferences or experiences are indicative of "most" teens, but as always, parent to the child, not to children in general

I remember one day when I must have been particularly annoying to my parents. My Dad sat me down before an evening church service and told me that he had enough, and if I continued at church I would get a spanking when we got home. I thought my fate was sealed right then. And sure enough, he was right. So much for spanking as a deterrent...at least in my life.

KaitlinRose said:

Now I think this falls under the every child is different category. I always had a low pain tolerance, and was always a wimp about pain. My mom NEVER abused me, but the three spankings I got as a teen (13, 14, and 16) were all enough to "change behavior", and I would have traded any of them for a grounding in a heartbeat. I also was the type to not super mind grounding, I liked to read, was happy being alone if I had to be, etc. Now I don't think my preferences or experiences are indicative of "most" teens, but as always, parent to the child, not to children in general

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I agree. People are individuals and what works for one will be completely ineffective with another.

grasping the after wind said:

I agree. People are individuals and what works for one will be completely ineffective with another.

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That certainly was true of our daughters.

I was spanked on the bare by both parents until I was 19. It wasn’t abuse. It taught me there are consequences to my actions and made me more mindful of my behavior. I felt loved and am glad they disciplined me this way.

I don't think your son gets the point of a punishment. He doesn't get to chose how it gets dished out.

MatthewR85 said:

I was spanked on the bare by both parents until I was 19. It wasn’t abuse. It taught me there are consequences to my actions and made me more mindful of my behavior. I felt loved and am glad they disciplined me this way.

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Blessed. Yes.

Children who are not disciplined ever, nor ever properly, "know" they are not loved, no matter what else the parents do for them or to them or whatever.

In Scripture (God's Word), it is written that HIS sons ARE scourged. And anyone who is without being scourged is NOT a son.

JackRT said:

That certainly was true of our daughters.

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Just only in the last year or so, I read/ learned/ that daughters were not subject to being spanked. Sons were, but not daughters. I was not able to re-verify this so far, but it was or seems totally in line with Scripture and other things that were brought out at the time.

I personally don't believe corporal punishment works. My dad use to beat my older sister right up until see was 17 and that did so much more harm than good. She is much worse for it, it didn't make her a better person, if anything it made her resentful and a worse person.

I was spanked as a child and early teen. When I was about 14, my mother busted me in the mouth. I punched her back. Naw, "spanking" teenagers and even younger is nothing more than using your "power" against them and disrespecting their bodies. You can successfully raise good kids w/o spanking. I would tell a teenager who was getting spanked to report it to their teacher or guidance counselor at school so mummy and daddy can get a visit from CPS and get legally informed they can't do that. My mother ended up getting arrested for busting me in the mouth. She never, ever hit me again.