A Sheep and Goat Kind of Friendship

So I'm good friends with a guy who isn't a Christian I'm fairly confident, judging by his lifestyle and language. He might say he is, but I think even he would admit he isn't sure where he stands spiritually. I have carefully put up boundaries and am always praying over what to join him on and what I have to decline. I haven't always decided that correctly, I'm sure, but for the most part I've been able to maintain a clear conscience while remaining his friend. My family worries about it, though, and thinks he'll lead me astray. They've never met him.

I'm trying to think of some examples of well known Christians who had a close friend who wasn't a Christian and who managed to still remain close. That would help me explain to my family members what our relationship is like and put their minds at ease perhaps. Are there any famous theologians or church leaders in history (or current) who have had that unique kind of friendship?

Thanks! That's a great story. If I could see my friend come to know Jesus some day and be serving God like that, I think I could die in peace.

When I see my friend on Saturday, he often asks me kind of semi-casually, semi-reluctantly, "What do you have going on tomorrow? Church?" He doesn't talk much about it, but he knows I go and can see me leave my home every Sunday morning.

I tried inviting him a few times, but he works on Sundays and when it was something like a Christmas service on a Saturday he gave me a long list of excuses. I barely even finished speaking! So I decided to wait on God before trying that further. My church has been in transition anyway, so I'm not sure it would be a great place for him to start out.

THE W said:

in these sort of friendship relationships one has to be mindful of who is influencing who. if you as a believer have influence in the relationship then that's good. if the unbeliever has influence, that can indeed lead you estray.

friendship relationships between men and women can be tough as romantic interest can happen over time which can distort motives.

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Well, this is between men and there's no romantic interest of any sort, so that makes it a little easier. But, yes, I think some influence has gone both ways between us - not all bad or good, just sharing of things like favorite foods and hobbies, etc. I am always checking myself to make sure I don't do something to destroy my witness.

ReesePiece23 said:

We're all taught to embody Christ... Which in my mind means to connect with the human race REGARDLESS of their faith/lifestyle choices - this is why I think the Humanists are closer to the mark in lots of ways.

If you're worried about being led astray then don't take that risk. But if you know you're spiritually impervious then connect with as many people as you can and help plug Christianity in the right way.

Unfortunately, in this day and age, we have to make it look cool. And almost 'sell' it like a Hollywood movie. Being uptight and moral will NOT do it.

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I'm not sure if it has to be "cool" necessarily. I think something respected greatly these days are those people who are comfortable in their own skin and don't feel the need to do certain things just to make others happy. If I unashamedly am a Christian and go to church every Sunday and actually make visible attempts to walk my talk, I think that's something that would attract people.

ReesePiece23 said:

Yeah, it does. It's about connecting with different people on different levels - some of those levels might not be deemed as 'the proper thing' but if certain styles or methods get the message across then so be it. I for one am tired of seeing self-made religions prosper just because they look cool. It's time we played that same game.

Yep, indoctrination. No, not something I used to agree with at ALL, but seeing how the vegan movement has exploded in my area at a staggering rate, then why not? People will be indoctrinated by something one way or another... Might as well make it count.

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I think my friend is attracted to people who are laid back and optimistic. He doesn't have much tolerance for negative thoughts or drama.

But I will certainly never compromise my beliefs for the sake of making Christianity look cool, or water-down the Gospel to make people more comfortable. It's a balance.

Sketcher said:

Sounds like you really need peace on the situation. I don't think Jesus was as stressed as you sound when he picked the 12 apostles and had them follow him closely during his years of ministry.

The more stress you have about this, the more liable it is to come out in a way that is not conducive to friendship or witnessing.

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You may be right. It's mainly because of some of the other people I know that I get nervous about it and overthink things. Sometimes these people give me the feeling that I'm always one step from falling away from the faith and it's hard not to second guess every decision when I'm spending time with a friend who doesn't know Jesus personally.

I understand that we need to be wise in everything and set up boundaries, but sometimes people tell me things like: "What?! You set foot in their house? Did you know they're not actually married?!" or "You let HIM drive you somewhere? How can you control the situation unless you're the one driving?" or "You bought his old TV? He's probably going to spend the money on alcohol! How can you be okay with enabling his addiction?"

I'm caught between this tug-of-war of treating the unsaved like they have leprosy versus being a friend and showing them love just because I appreciate them as human beings.

Before hanging out I always ask Jesus to help me be a light, to make our time enjoyable and encouraging, to prevent our conversations from turning dirty and to give me wisdom about any decision I have to make. I have noticed an obvious difference when I ask these things beforehand. It's almost always quality time together.

Sketcher said:

Yeah, that's way too uptight. The bit about alcohol sounds like a completely unfounded and unacceptable assumption. The bit about not stepping foot in an unmarried unbeliever's house makes no sense.

The bit about driving I can see, but I don't think it's anything to freak out about.

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I guess for myself I've always figured that I'll do my best to set boundaries and make wise decisions and the rest is up to God. If, for example, a friend offers to drive me somewhere and I have never driven with them before, should I get scared and say "Uh... no I'll just follow you in my car or I can drive you." I feel like that would come across very negatively and perhaps damage the relationship a little. On the other hand, I could jokingly ask "Hmmm... how's your driving?" and then take a step of faith and let them drive.

Not enough people live by faith these days. They want everything secure and figured out in advance. There is certainly a place for that, but we diminish God's ability to fill in the information gaps for us and bring about a good result.