Hi, I'm not sure if I'm in the right place for this but I wanted advice from other Christians on this issue.
There was a time when I thought that I had BPD (borderline personality disorder). I tend to be a little erratic...I have trust issues and my relationships are often very shaky because I get angry easily and at little things. Even my relationship with God goes up and down. I also have abandonment issues. For a while, it was like I embodied BPD. But after I escaped the toxic relationship was in, I started to rethink that. I'm wondering now if maybe I thought I had BPD because I WANTED to have BPD, if that makes sense.
Here's why I'm thinking I'm bipolar:
I go through phases where I'm very manic, I guess you could say. I wake up early. I get lots done. I'm very happy, peppy, and talkative. Nothing really gets me down and if it does, I bounce back quickly. I can't focus easily during these times. I start lots of projects and never finish any of them. I have boundless energy and no one can keep up with me. I get all these great ideas but they're often dead ends that lead to no where. Often times, I can't sleep. I'm typically a shy person but in this phase, I talk a lot and very quickly. I have lots to say. I'm creative, inspired, and optimistic about life. But I can also be easily irritated during these times, especially when people can't keep up with my hyper behavior. I'm ambitious and take too much on when I'm in an up phase and people often tell me to slow down or calm down because they recognize that I'm being erratic when I don't see it. These are the times when I feel most like myself but I'll admit that I do feel out of control during these phases. I feel wired and restless and that can get annoying.
I also go through phases of deep, deep depression. I sleep too much but can't get to sleep at night. Nothing interests me and I question my values and my work and the purpose of my life. I pull away from friends and everything gets me down. I feel directionless and useless. I cry easily and I'm angry. Most of my days are spent waiting until nighttime and I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I can't motivate myself and I care about nothing at all.
Both of these phases can last anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months. For example, after getting out of my toxic relationship, I was in an "up" phase for about three months. I'm currently in a down place and have been for two months.
I'm not looking for a diagnosis because I know that can only be made by a professional. I'd just like to have some advice and outside, unbiased opinions.
Thank you!
There was a time when I thought that I had BPD (borderline personality disorder). I tend to be a little erratic...I have trust issues and my relationships are often very shaky because I get angry easily and at little things. Even my relationship with God goes up and down. I also have abandonment issues. For a while, it was like I embodied BPD. But after I escaped the toxic relationship was in, I started to rethink that. I'm wondering now if maybe I thought I had BPD because I WANTED to have BPD, if that makes sense.
Here's why I'm thinking I'm bipolar:
I go through phases where I'm very manic, I guess you could say. I wake up early. I get lots done. I'm very happy, peppy, and talkative. Nothing really gets me down and if it does, I bounce back quickly. I can't focus easily during these times. I start lots of projects and never finish any of them. I have boundless energy and no one can keep up with me. I get all these great ideas but they're often dead ends that lead to no where. Often times, I can't sleep. I'm typically a shy person but in this phase, I talk a lot and very quickly. I have lots to say. I'm creative, inspired, and optimistic about life. But I can also be easily irritated during these times, especially when people can't keep up with my hyper behavior. I'm ambitious and take too much on when I'm in an up phase and people often tell me to slow down or calm down because they recognize that I'm being erratic when I don't see it. These are the times when I feel most like myself but I'll admit that I do feel out of control during these phases. I feel wired and restless and that can get annoying.
I also go through phases of deep, deep depression. I sleep too much but can't get to sleep at night. Nothing interests me and I question my values and my work and the purpose of my life. I pull away from friends and everything gets me down. I feel directionless and useless. I cry easily and I'm angry. Most of my days are spent waiting until nighttime and I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I can't motivate myself and I care about nothing at all.
Both of these phases can last anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months. For example, after getting out of my toxic relationship, I was in an "up" phase for about three months. I'm currently in a down place and have been for two months.
I'm not looking for a diagnosis because I know that can only be made by a professional. I'd just like to have some advice and outside, unbiased opinions.
Thank you!