inappropriate content addiction, feels hopeless

NoahSK · May 18, 2019

Hey guys. I've been struggling with inappropriate content and stuff through middle school and high school up to this point, even possibly before then. I would look stuff up and touch multiple times a day, fantasize about girls at my school, and I wasn't worried about it, nor did I want to stop. In fact, if the situation arose, I would have possibly had sex at any point without a second thought. Thank God that hadn't happened. Anyway, for several months now I have been struggling heavily with OCD and assurance of salvation and stuff like that. During this time, I realized what I was doing was not showing evidence of saving faith. In fact, quite the opposite. Anyway, as I focused more on Christ and my walk with him, I felt my sex drive go down quite a bit, at least compared to what it was before. I saw this as the work of God, and I was overjoyed at this. For a week or so, maybe longer, I didn't look up stuff or do stuff like that. Anyway, eventually the desire came back, and I would look up something, not necessarily hard-core, but enough to entertain that desire for a bit. Of course, I felt horrible afterwards, and afterward I would go for a length of time without doing it or thinking about it (most of the time). Anyway, this wouldn't last forever, and I would go off and on looking up stuff, sometimes I would struggle for a whole week before stopping again for a while. Anyway, recently it has been getting really bad, to the point where the stuff I'm looking at is just as bad as what I thought I had escaped from before. I would go from reading the Bible one minute to looking up stuff the next. Just this week, it was the worst ever, and just last night I found myself looking up the most hardcore, horrible stuff that I used to before this all happened, and I masturbated for the first time in those several months. So here I am, not sure what to do. I have filters set up, although I find I'm able to get around those easily enough. I have prayed and cried out to God to help me get rid of this sexual desire, but apparently nothing is changing. I want to be rid of this, but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and I'm getting weaker as time goes by. I fear one day I'll give up entirely, since nothing seems to be changing. I've cried over my inability to stop. I still feel like a slave to sin. Apparently, the Holy Spirit is supposed to change you and get rid of your sinful ways and desires, and apparently Christians with the Holy Spirit in them will not continue to habitually sin. So maybe this is my problem. I'm stuck trying to fight sin, but perhaps I'm not even saved in the first place. It's as if God has just given up on me and has given me over to my sinful ways, and now it's too late. I repent, but I don't even know if my repentance is real or not. If anyone has anything to say that can help me, please do. I'm sick and tired of trying to fight something that won't go away no matter what. It's getting worse instead of better over time.

trophy33 · May 18, 2019

NoahSK said:
Hey guys. I've been struggling with inappropriate content and stuff through middle school and high school up to this point, even possibly before then. I would look stuff up and touch multiple times a day, fantasize about girls at my school, and I wasn't worried about it, nor did I want to stop. In fact, if the situation arose, I would have possibly had sex at any point without a second thought. Thank God that hadn't happened. Anyway, for several months now I have been struggling heavily with OCD and assurance of salvation and stuff like that. During this time, I realized what I was doing was not showing evidence of saving faith. In fact, quite the opposite. Anyway, as I focused more on Christ and my walk with him, I felt my sex drive go down quite a bit, at least compared to what it was before. I saw this as the work of God, and I was overjoyed at this. For a week or so, maybe longer, I didn't look up stuff or do stuff like that. Anyway, eventually the desire came back, and I would look up something, not necessarily hard-core, but enough to entertain that desire for a bit. Of course, I felt horrible afterwards, and afterward I would go for a length of time without doing it or thinking about it (most of the time). Anyway, this wouldn't last forever, and I would go off and on looking up stuff, sometimes I would struggle for a whole week before stopping again for a while. Anyway, recently it has been getting really bad, to the point where the stuff I'm looking at is just as bad as what I thought I had escaped from before. I would go from reading the Bible one minute to looking up stuff the next. Just this week, it was the worst ever, and just last night I found myself looking up the most hardcore, horrible stuff that I used to before this all happened, and I masturbated for the first time in those several months. So here I am, not sure what to do. I have filters set up, although I find I'm able to get around those easily enough. I have prayed and cried out to God to help me get rid of this sexual desire, but apparently nothing is changing. I want to be rid of this, but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and I'm getting weaker as time goes by. I fear one day I'll give up entirely, since nothing seems to be changing. I've cried over my inability to stop. I still feel like a slave to sin. Apparently, the Holy Spirit is supposed to change you and get rid of your sinful ways and desires, and apparently Christians with the Holy Spirit in them will not continue to habitually sin. So maybe this is my problem. I'm stuck trying to fight sin, but perhaps I'm not even saved in the first place. It's as if God has just given up on me and has given me over to my sinful ways, and now it's too late. I repent, but I don't even know if my repentance is real or not. If anyone has anything to say that can help me, please do. I'm sick and tired of trying to fight something that won't go away no matter what. It's getting worse instead of better over time.

Such things (addictions, long-time habits) need time to change. It will get better as you will get older and as your hormonal levels get stabilized.

Try to do other things instead, watching inappropriate content is mostly when people are bored and have nothing more exciting to do. Go away from computer in your free time and it will be better. Try not be around girls if you do not need to.

Lucian Hodoboc · May 18, 2019

Well, the apostle Paul advises people who have sexual desires to get married. Sex between a husband a his wife is not a sin. So try to find a single Christian girl and, after a short period of chaste courting, propose to her and get married.

NoahSK · May 18, 2019

Lucian Hodoboc said:
Well, the apostle Paul advises people who have sexual desires to get married. Sex between a husband a his wife is not a sin. So try to find a single Christian girl and, after a short period of chaste courting, propose to her and get married.

Well, I'm 17, so that may not be an option at the moment. There is a girl that I do like at my school though, and I'm working on how to tell her. Anyway, I hear stories about people who are married and still struggle with inappropriate content.

GOD Shines Forth! · May 18, 2019

NoahSK said:
Apparently, the Holy Spirit is supposed to change you and get rid of your sinful ways and desires, and apparently Christians with the Holy Spirit in them will not continue to habitually sin.

Why do you think Paul, after building UP the Colossians with all the things they have and are IN CHRIST wrote:

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ who is youra life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. 5Put to death therefore what is earthly in you:b sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6On account of these the wrath of God is coming.c 7In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. 8But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 9Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old selfd with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.--Colossians 3

The Father gave you a sexual drive, it got corrupted by sin, and only AFTER salvation can you do what Paul wrote above. He also gave a very practical word here:

For this is the will of God, your sanctification:b that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4that each one of you know how to control his own bodyc in holiness and honor, 5not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. 7For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. 8Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.--1 Thessalonians 4

Obviously God knows some among us struggle mightily in this area, and He gives us sound teaching as to how to approach it. Behind sexual immorality is the twisting of a very normal and GOD-GIVEN imperative: the spiritual and sexual union of husband and wife, followed by children!. It is NOT recommended for many to remain unfulfilled in this area. Like playing with dynamite! But self-control is a must no matter what path you take because in marriage there are temptations that can come. No getting around the trial and patience of sanctification.

"This is God's will for you..."

So, no, even though you (and millions more of us out here) have "...prayed and cried out to God to help me get rid of this sexual desire", it is unlikely to happen as a ZAP! and suddenly all is well. That's what all the religious charlatans offer, and they'll make mincemeat of you having you come down to the altar to get saved over and over. Maybe it will "take" this time or "this time" you'll REALLY BELIEVE!

The Father heard you the first time. You're in the battle. Take up the full armor of GOD!

paul1149 · May 18, 2019

NoahSK said:
I'm stuck trying to fight sin, but perhaps I'm not even saved in the first place. It's as if God has just given up on me and has given me over to my sinful ways, and now it's too late. I repent, but I don't even know if my repentance is real or not. I

I would say to take yourself out of the emotional and experiential realm on this. The parable of the sower likens the state of the heart to different soil conditions. You obviously care about God, but you've got some rocks in your soil that the plow is getting hung up on. The Master Husbandman is married to the soil. He is not going to abandon the farm, He's going to work on removing the rocks.

1Jn 1.9 says that "if we confess our sin, God is faithful and just to forgive our sin, and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness". It doesn't matter if you feel saved or not, or if God seems silent or not, what matters is the Word of God. It says God is faithful, and it says His power is perfected in our weakness (2Cor 12), as long as we keep our focus on Him.

We're not saved by our performance, but by His. Keep looking to Him, and keep thanking Him for His forgiveness. Those who are forgiven much love much. Do what you can, in terms of getting rid of material, finding other things to do, etc, and spend time in the Word and meditating on it. Keep moving forward and don't let your present weaknesses stop you. God has not rejected you, so make sure you keep yourself open to His mercy and grace.

royal priest · May 18, 2019

You need barriers between you and temptation. You need to discern at which point temptation begins it's allurement on you. This requires studying the weakness and vulnerability of your heart, learning of God's means of helping you to reinforce your mind and soul, and knowing how to counter temptation when it attacks you.

Brotherly Spirit · May 18, 2019

Just know as a man you're not alone in your struggle. I'm not a woman but even they struggle with their sexuality. The point is you're human and it's not something that can ever be changed. Your character, the motivations and intentions can be changed; having awareness and responding to your thoughts and emotions. I know it's not easy but a certain mindset and habits that follow do help. Giving your own testimony you had periods of overcoming the struggle, your own words "Anyway, as I focused more on Christ and my walk with him, I felt my sex drive go down quite a bit, at least compared to what it was before. I saw this as the work of God, and I was overjoyed at this."

Recently I watched a YouTube video, short version of American Gospel: Christ Alone. The one point from it is as Christians were not supposed to try being "good" or God-like. It's God who's good as Jesus said in the Gospel, as men we're not "good". So it's by God through Jesus we're reconciled to him; the more we seek in faith trusting his character and works, the more we have the spirit and truth in us. It's Him who does the changing, the way we believe and live.

As for sin we're forgiven in Christ, the law is to know sin for it to be judged and condemned (not us); the body of Jesus his flesh and blood crucified paid for our sins and covers our own unrighteousness. Easiest way to think about it is he's the true vine being life and we're the dead branches given life. He's the one who's righteous before God, he overcame the flesh and was resurrected reborn in the Holy Spirit. Please don't lose hope but rely more on this truth, on him, and continue to seek life in Jesus knowing you're saved and just be thankful getting nearer to him.

Loyce KG · May 18, 2019

I recommend that you listen to this sermon by David Wilkerson-the communion of the Holy Spirit. He breaks it down to the application in our sexual lives.
Link
http://ia800502.us.archive.org/22/items/SERMONINDEX_SID4263/SID4263.mp3

Loyce KG · May 18, 2019

Lucian Hodoboc said:
Well, the apostle Paul advises people who have sexual desires to get married. Sex between a husband a his wife is not a sin. So try to find a single Christian girl and, after a short period of chaste courting, propose to her and get married.

Marriage doesn't cure lust. It provides companionship and fulfillment. At the root of inappropriate content addiction is selfishness, lust and greed for instant gratification (I don't mean to sound judgemental). I have seen couples struggle with one spouse being addicted to inappropriate content that they neglect their partner or require extra-ordinary sexual performance from them. I think he needs to curb his impulsive desires and get in control, then He can marry.

Messerve · May 18, 2019

This is extremely common these days, so I'm sure you can find Christian brothers (or even just A brother) to share this with and fight it together. Like you say, no number of filters is going to keep you from finding a way around them because, it's sad to say, our flesh can easily drown out the Holy Spirit's warnings if the desire or addiction is strong enough.

There is accountability software out there you can do with a close friend which shares your browsing history with each other, but again there is a way around that. In my case, I realized if I simply disabled the program my accountability partner wouldn't know and would just keep getting clean reports from me even though they shouldn't have been. So that didn't really work. Plus, I don't think he ever truly set it up it on his end either, so I felt betrayed.

If your phone is the main source of this stuff, I found a helpful app that allows you to block certain apps at certain times of day. On Android, AppBlock worked good for me. I haven't tested the ones for iPhones yet. Of course, you can always disable the app that blocks the others, but for some reason that actually helped me more than other things I tried.

Like someone else pointed out eventually your hormones will stabilize and it will get easier. Probably in your early or mid twenties. Not that that's an excuse not to fight it now, because you definitely need to. but be encouraged that five or so years from now you will already notice that the fight isn't as hard as it once was and you'll be able to distract yourself with other things a little better.

TRVL ONE · May 18, 2019

Maybe a doctor can give you something to shut down your sex drive. Otherwise dedicate your day to pray,bible study and worship. Take 1 or 2 days each week to fast, have people pray for you.

NoahSK · May 18, 2019

TRVL ONE said:
Maybe a doctor can give you something to shut down your sex drive. Otherwise dedicate your day to pray,bible study and worship. Take 1 or 2 days each week to fast, have people pray for you.

I've actually been thinking of maybe taking something that'll make it a little easier. I'll have to check that out more. I think my therapist mentioned some sort of medicine that's supposed to help with my OCD that also lowers sex drive, so I'm going to ask him about that.

zippy2006 · May 18, 2019

NoahSK said:
If anyone has anything to say that can help me, please do. I'm sick and tired of trying to fight something that won't go away no matter what. It's getting worse instead of better over time.

First, understand that you're fighting a dragon, not a mouse. This is a serious issue that is not easy or quick to overcome. So get comfortable, because it's going to be awhile before this sinful pattern is overcome.

Try to set a small goal and stick to it. If you sin 10 times a month, try to cut it down to 8. If you struggle with a large variety of inappropriate contentography, try to cut out a small piece, such as videos or a particular genre or hardcore inappropriate contentography. In the meanwhile you can try to quit cold turkey if you like, but even if you fail there be sure to fall back to more modest goals.

Try to channel your mental and physical energies into more productive avenues. Do something creative. Take up a sport. Learn an instrument or a language. Focus on deepening your relationships with friends and family.

Identify triggers and avoid them. Avoid the things that lead you into the sin. Does endless web surfing incite boredom and lust? Cut it out. Do certain situations inflame your passions? Avoid them or at least place yourself in them less frequently.

Blessings and hope,
Zip

chilehed · May 18, 2019

Addictions are incredibly difficult (nearly impossible) to truly beat on your own, and inappropriate content is one of the worst. I suggest trying to find a support group, odds are at least one of the pastors in your town knows of one. If you don't feel comfortable taking with your own pastor visit the others.

I'm a big believer in Twelve Step programs (like Narcotics Anonymous). If you showed up at my NA meeting I know we'd make you feel welcome, it might feel odd if you don't have a drug problem but we know that the problem of addiction manifests itself in many ways and the Steps are the same. There are fellowships like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous that might fit, but it could be hard to find a meeting.

In any case, I suggest not getting into any romantic relationships until you get some level of recovery from this. Addiction is a relational disease, and I know that when I was in it I was infallibly attracted to sick relationships.

Lucian Hodoboc · May 19, 2019

Loyce KG said:
Marriage doesn't cure lust.

Probably not, but to a certain degree it diminishes it. I can't speak for everyone, but the majority of men have a lower interest in anything related to sex once their prostate has been emptied of sperm daily. It's a biological fact, and the Bible offers it as a solution in 1 Corinthians 7:9, so it must help to some degree.

The reason why some men still struggle with inappropriate contentography addiction despite having a spouse might be related to what science calls "the Coolidge effect".

Sometimes, sex within marriage is just part of the solution. Praying every day, reading Scripture, attending church (if possible) and trying to keep yourself busy by getting involved in righteous activities (helping those who need help, watching Christian movies, reading Christian books etc.) can also help reduce lust. If all else fails, there are inappropriate content addiction programs and even pills to diminish libido.

carp614 · May 21, 2019

I can think of a few things you could try

First, don't use electronic devices in private. Just stop doing that.

Second, monitoring software like Covenant Eyes can be really helpful. Accountability can be key to defeating inappropriate contentography's grip.

Third, consider praying and fasting with the specific purpose of asking the Lord to occupy this part of your life. Fasting is excellent practice for abstaining from something sinful. God can strengthen your will power through fasting.

Fourth - and this one is probably the most important thing - when you fail, ask God for forgiveness and try again. If you are saved then you may rest in the knowledge that God is in the lifelong process of sanctifying you. When you fail it is not because you are not saved, it is because you are a sinner in need of a Savior.

Charlie84 · Jun 5, 2019

Hi Noah,

I read your post and it inspired me to join this forum because I've been where you are. First, I agree with some of the other posts - you're young and need time for your hormones to settle down.

I personally have struggled with inappropriate content for many years, and only two things have really helped in the end -

1. Install some software on your computer to make inappropriate content harder to access. I use k9 on my pc and an app called Brainbuddy on my phone which has a good internet filter built in.

2. Stay busy! Get out of the house and don't let yourself be alone in situations of temptation.

Good luck to you xx

Lucian Hodoboc · Jun 5, 2019

Charlie84 said:
I use k9 on my pc

It's being discontinued this month.

K9 Web Protection

Charlie84 · Jun 5, 2019

Hi Lucian,

Yes I have noticed! Are you aware of any good alternative?

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