Condescending and/or Rude Phrases That May Seem Nice

ViaCrucis · May 11, 2019

"I'll pray for you."

Obviously this is context sensitive; but frequently is uttered as a kind of pious-sounding middle finger to the one being addressed. It isn't a sincere statement about one's concern for another, but rather an attempt at winning a spitting contest by trying to make a false appeal to piety and self-righteousness.

If someone comes to me desiring prayer, then sure letting them know that I'll pray for them would be sincere. Said in sincerity is one thing; said as a curse is another.

-CryptoLutheran

Introverted1293 · May 11, 2019

ViaCrucis said:
"I'll pray for you."

Obviously this is context sensitive; but frequently is uttered as a kind of pious-sounding middle finger to the one being addressed. It isn't a sincere statement about one's concern for another, but rather an attempt at winning a spitting contest by trying to make a false appeal to piety and self-righteousness.

If someone comes to me desiring prayer, then sure letting them know that I'll pray for them would be sincere. Said in sincerity is one thing; said as a curse is another.

-CryptoLutheran

Thank you

I will remember that

GodLovesCats · May 11, 2019

Introverted1293 said:
Yeah, I definitely should watch that statement. When I was shopping I asked a woman when she was expecting. I said congratulations to her. She wasn't pregnant. Oops

I look at the woman's whole body to see if her weight gain is limited to the abdominal area. If she looks a little chunky overall, I don't ask.

Introverted1293 · May 11, 2019

ChristianForCats said:
I look at the woman's whole body to see if her weight gain is limited to the abdominal area. If she looks a little chunky overall, I don't ask.

Thank you

Nithavela · May 12, 2019

Introverted1293 said:
There are times when a person thinks that they have the right motivations and they make statements that in their minds, they seem nice.

Now these are just my opinions. But there also based on what other people have told me, and from some observations.

What phrases that are actually rude that, but may seem nice to the person that are making the statement?

1. I forgive you.

This sounds nice, especially when the person asks for forgiveness. But it is not nice when someone does not ask for forgiveness and they don't think they did anything wrong. For example, I talked about forgiving a group of people that sue businesses (I am talking about activists), and it really ticked people off, even though I thought my intentions were noble.

2. I will pray for his soul.

Well, this is definitely rude to say about the dead. I had to learn the hard way. I said this about Stephen Hawkins when he died. Of course, in my mind I wasn't being rude. But I now understand now why this is rude to say about someone who died. For one thing, it is not Biblical, and another thing, it is a very condemning statement.

3. Bless your heart.

I have always thought that this statement was such a nice statement. Someone is blessing my heart. But come to realize that this statement is not nice statement at all. It is just a nice way of telling someone, you are so ignorant. I had no idea that this phrase was very condescending. But I am starting to notice people saying it to other people when there is a heated discussion.

4. Love the sinner and hate the sin.

I know that there is controversial in that statement. Some Christians will say that this isn't Biblical and some Christians will say that this is. Both sides have strong arguments. But that is not the point. This statement still sounds like an insult to people outside the Christian faith. And it also sounds like you are saying that you don't sin, but they sin. It actually sounds arrogant.

Can you think of anything else? The reason why I ask is because I have put my foot in my mouth many times without thinking.

I can tell that you worked really hard for this post.

GodLovesCats · May 13, 2019

This is an obvious no-no: "You should be happy because your dad is in heaven." When someone said that to me the year my dad died, I stopped instant messaging with her.

GodLovesCats · May 13, 2019

I used to chat in a pet loss chat room. Someone was upset when she said her cat was 15 and I asked her how much longer she thought the cat will live. Another time I was nearly expelled for telling somebody to be glad his 13-year old dog was not young.

loveofourlord · May 17, 2019

Michael Collum said:
Reminds me of that era where the phrase "i'll pray for you" meant God was going to mess your life up.

yeah, the version I kinda know of in the era of youtube is, "I know your wrong about X and pray that god will show you how wrong you are before it's too late."

I was going to mention #4 if you hadn't, to me that's always come off as, "I don't hate you, I hate who you are." I don't hate you, I hate your black. kind of a statement if you put it in a different context.

gaara4158 · May 17, 2019

I’ve gotten a few:

“The Truth is not in you. That’s why you disagree with me.”

“I have prayed and God told me you’re just not ready to hear the Truth.”

“There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

All of these reflect an unwillingness to consider that I may have good reasons for rejecting the arguments they’d put forward up to that point. They assume there’s something wrong with me or something special about them. It’s just so dismissive.

JackRT · May 17, 2019

gaara4158 said:
A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

And a waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Strathos · May 17, 2019

gaara4158 said:
I’ve gotten a few:

“The Truth is not in you. That’s why you disagree with me.”

“I have prayed and God told me you’re just not ready to hear the Truth.”

“There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

All of these reflect an unwillingness to consider that I may have good reasons for rejecting the arguments they’d put forward up to that point. They assume there’s something wrong with me or something special about them. It’s just so dismissive.

Isn't the last one just a way of saying that some people suffer through no fault of their own, and the fact that we are better off than them isn't because we're inherently better than them or anything? I hear it said about homeless people, for example.

gaara4158 · May 17, 2019

Strathos said:
Isn't the last one just a way of saying that some people suffer through no fault of their own, and the fact that we are better off than them isn't because we're inherently better than them or anything? I hear it said about homeless people, for example.

Sure, but context matters. Expressing the same sympathy for someone who simply differs in opinion to you as we give to truly impoverished people can be quite passive aggressive.

ViaCrucis · May 17, 2019

ChristianForCats said:
This is an obvious no-no: "You should be happy because your dad is in heaven." When someone said that to me the year my dad died, I stopped instant messaging with her.

I heard a bit of this earlier this year when my dad passed. I understood that they were genuinely trying to be helpful, but I find it troubling that this kind of language can undermine the very real grief that accompanies loss. I believe that my father is home with the Lord and with all the saints, reunited with my mom and grandparents, and yes that does bring me joy. But loss is still loss, grief is still grief, and death is still death.

The reality of death, the reality of suffering, the reality of pain isn't removed by faith; faith doesn't mean dismissing these things, but confronting them in a different way. Faith provides hope in the face of tragedy.

To make a bold confession of life in the face of death is absurd, and yet that is the absurdity of Christianity. And it should be treated and taken soberly and seriously, not flippantly.

-CryptoLutheran

Ophiolite · May 19, 2019

Introverted1293 said:
Can you think of anything else? The reason why I ask is because I have put my foot in my mouth many times without thinking.

This one has been touched on peripherally already. In some threads a member, noting my self identification as an agnostic, or classifying me as an atheist based on my comments will say "Some of us have been chosen by the Lord to be with him in Heaven, others are destined for eternity elsewhere", or words to that effect.

Now, I understand that this may well be their firm belief and I have no problem with them holding such a belief. What I find disturbing is that their seems to be an implicit delight that I shall perish and they shall be saved. I deal with this by thinking, "If I valued their opinion, I would be offended".

Based on your posts in this thread I don't see any risk that you would say anything remotely like that, even in error.

Introverted1293 · May 19, 2019

Ophiolite said:
This one has been touched on peripherally already. In some threads a member, noting my self identification as an agnostic, or classifying me as an atheist based on my comments will say "Some of us have been chosen by the Lord to be with him in Heaven, others are destined for eternity elsewhere", or words to that effect.

Now, I understand that this may well be their firm belief and I have no problem with them holding such a belief. What I find disturbing is that their seems to be an implicit delight that I shall perish and they shall be saved. I deal with this by thinking, "If I valued their opinion, I would be offended".

Based on your posts in this thread I don't see any risk that you would say anything remotely like that, even in error.

Thank you very much for sharing. I actually have a problem with that too. It does seem like that some Christians delight that some people, in their beliefs, will perish. I do have Christian beliefs. But I'm not worried about somebody else's salvation or somebody else's doom. I am just worried about my own.

This gives me an idea about another thread.

GodLovesCats · May 29, 2019

Here is something else I don't like: Someone says how her cat died and others trying to offer support say what could have been done instead of euthanasia. What good does that do? We can't turn back hte clock. Rewriting the past is a good idea if you know you will be in the same situation again, but not shortly after a pet died.

Introverted1293 · May 29, 2019

ChristianForCats said:
Here is something else I don't like: Someone says how her cat died and others trying to offer support say what could have been done instead of euthanasia. What good does that do? We can't turn back hte clock. Rewriting the past is a good idea if you know you will be in the same situation again, but not shortly after a pet died.

Thank you very much for sharing

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