What to do when you are beyond repentance?

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bathelter01

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I am wondering whether perhaps your resistance is coming from a fear of some kind which is holding you back? Perhaps a fear of rejection? Perhaps the fear of committing yourself to God not knowing where this may take you? Or maybe the fear of opening yourself up totally. Confessing our sins is not an easy task and coming to terms with things in our lives can make us feel vulnerable and uncertain. You can be absolutely sure that God loves you and wants to bless you, not to harm you. He wants to heal you, not hurt you. You do not need to be afraid because His perfect love casts out all fear. He will never reject you if you come to Him. You could run away from Him a thousand times, come back and He would still welcome you with His tenderness and care.

I understand. But there is an inability for me to return from the heart... There is a desire from the head but my heart has no desire to return. It feels completely resistant. I feel a rage against the Lord from my heart.
I have submitted myself and asked him to take this from me but he has not. I'm not sure that there is anything I can do at this point. I legitimately cannot repent from the heart as hard and consistently as I try.
I do not know what else I can do not am I sure I can be restored. Only the Lord can soften my heart.
 
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Anthony2019

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I think when we see other Christians experiencing their faith by expressing emotions, it's all too easy to judge ourselves and to feel excluded.

I am worried that you are being far too hard on yourself. Responding from the heart is a decision, not a feeling, although it can cause some people to experience emotion.

To illustrate, I have a family member who I do not have an emotional bond with and sometimes I feel guilty of not loving them enough, however I have discovered that I am offering love in practical ways.

We are all different and express our emotions in different ways. It is important not to confuse feelings of hardness of emotion with a seared conscience. The fact you feel in your mind that something is wrong and you desire to put it right shows that you have the capability to repent.

Repentance is more about a change in our mind determining a course of action, rather than a state of feeling. The fact that you are asking questions shows that you have the type of contrition that leads to repentance.

A true apostate would not have the ability or desire to examine themselves - they simply would not care about their relationship with God. That does not sound like you in the slightest.
 
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joymercy

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Repentance is more about a change in our mind determining a course of action, rather than a state of feeling.

and the best part is that the bible says that we can have our minds renewed

by the POWER or the Holy Spirit
 
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Anthony2019

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I legitimately cannot repent from the heart as hard and consistently as I try
You are perhaps spending too much time being hard on yourself. You don't have to go through struggle and suffering to make yourself right with God. Jesus has already taken the punishment for all your sins. You are free. You are forgiven. He is your heavenly father who loves you and wants to draw you closer to himself.
 
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Tom 1

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So I made a post a few weeks ago looking for wisdom about whether I had become like Esau or whether I am under discipline/spiritual warfare.

If you care to read the post, here it is:
Spiritual Warefare, Discipline or Non Believer?

I have come to determine with a great level of certainty that my heart has hardened past the point of repentance due to continued sin. I feel no brokenness or conviction over my sin nor do I have the desires of the Lord anymore. I find no ability to turn away from sin from a heart level like I once did. All that I am left with is severe fear of my future condemnation. As I read Hebrews, I see that my life now matches up perfectly with Hebrews 6:4, as well as Hebrews 10:26. I have spent time consulting with my pastor and other believing friends. They seem to believe that I am still a believer, but I sincerely disagree. I think they are coming around though.

As I have come to the conclusion that I am beyond repentance, my question is what is the best thing for me to do next. I cannot spend my life walking in apostasy creating greater condemnation for myself upon my death. Life is too much to live apart from Christ. There is no meaning to life other than Christ and there is no joy apart from him. I cannot continue with life apart from Christ. However, I see no other way to handle the situation other than suicide. Does anyone have any better suggestions or wisdom to give?

I know some of you may land in a more reformed camp like I once did, but there is no denial that someone can become like those mentioned in Hebrews. I have become one. What then do I do now?

Don't worry about it, sooner or later you will hit the crunch and get a different persepective. Don't get hung up on 'my feelings mean stuff', they don't.
 
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Gr8Grace

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I know some of you may land in a more reformed camp like I once did, but there is no denial that someone can become like those mentioned in Hebrews. I have become one. What then do I do now?
I responded in your other thread. It sounds like the reformed camp still has a pretty tight hold on you. Perseverance of the saints, as the reformed camp teaches it, is not biblical.

The Armin and calvins say the EXACT same thing, just with different wording.

calvins~~If you don't persevere in your works,deeds and fruits....you really were not saved.

armins~~If you don't persevere in your works,deeds and fruits...you will lose salvation.

So both religions rely on works.

The Biblical understanding is Acts 16:31. Trust in The Lord Jesus Christ and his person and work for you. He WILL save you.

You will have eternal life and will NEVER perish.John 10:28

Jesus Christ PRESERVES His Children. If we are faithless(useless believers) He remains faithful. Because He cannot deny HIMSELF<<<<Because we are part of His body.

You said you believed at a point in time. So you are saved. SO, you are miserable, can't find direction,scatter brained, can't find purpose and even mentioned suicide<<<because you are being faithless. 1 John 1:9, get back in fellowship with the Lord and carry on.

You have an inheritance in Heaven waiting for you. But if you remain faithless, you may lose that inheritance and enter His kingdom naked and as if through fire.

Gird up your loins, name and site your sins and failures to your Father, no guilt,no fear(He paid the price for ALL sin)..........and carry on. Today is a new day.

Grace and mercy. They are wonderful, wonderful attributes of our Lord and Savior!
 
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Gr8Grace

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I understand. But there is an inability for me to return from the heart... There is a desire from the head but my heart has no desire to return. It feels completely resistant. I feel a rage against the Lord from my heart.
I have submitted myself and asked him to take this from me but he has not. I'm not sure that there is anything I can do at this point. I legitimately cannot repent from the heart as hard and consistently as I try.
I do not know what else I can do not am I sure I can be restored. Only the Lord can soften my heart.
1 John 1:9 for believers. But I am beginning to think that this is just a 'emotional appeal' for loss of salvation false doctrine.

John 10:28. A easy, 1st grade reading, no holds barred verse for eternal security. Yet you keep bringing up 'meat verses' and believe INTERPRETATIONS of them with all your heart?

Seems pretty fishy to me.
 
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Gr8Grace

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I understand. But there is an inability for me to return from the heart... There is a desire from the head but my heart has no desire to return. It feels completely resistant. I feel a rage against the Lord from my heart.
I have submitted myself and asked him to take this from me but he has not. I'm not sure that there is anything I can do at this point. I legitimately cannot repent from the heart as hard and consistently as I try.
I do not know what else I can do not am I sure I can be restored. Only the Lord can soften my heart.
The mind and the heart are one and the same.

What we THINK is where the heart is..............the heart is what we THINK with the mind.
 
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bathelter01

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With my will I am constantly trying to push back into relationship with the Lord. I know that only in him is there true joy and satisfaction. Psalm 16:11. But my heart feels like a stone in my chest and I can't honestly say I desire repentance. It doesn't seem to desire anything. But I want to keep pushing into Christ. Can I still be a Christian and be this way?
 
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bathelter01

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A true apostate would not have the ability or desire to examine themselves - they simply would not care about their relationship with God. That does not sound like you in the slightest.

I understand. I'm finding myself feeling extremely condemned and fearful of that condemnation. As I examine myself I see how my heart and mind have changed completely. However, when I allow myself to be sure that I am still a Christian, I find that I have much less of a desire to pursue Christ. He seems less important. This ought not be and hasn't been in the past. I feel like I'm only able to fear my condemnation but not desire to be in relationship with Christ.
 
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Anthony2019

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I understand. I'm finding myself feeling extremely condemned and fearful of that condemnation. As I examine myself I see how my heart and mind have changed completely. However, when I allow myself to be sure that I am still a Christian, I find that I have much less of a desire to pursue Christ. He seems less important. This ought not be and hasn't been in the past. I feel like I'm only able to fear my condemnation but not desire to be in relationship with Christ.
You do not need to feel afraid of condemnation. Every fabric of your being is intimately loved by God. There is nothing you can do and no-where you can run to stop Him loving you. He knows how you feel and still cares about you.

It seems to me that you do have the desire to follow Christ, hence the reason for joining CF and discussing your faith with us! You are a Christian, first and foremost, because you have placed your faith in Him.

It is possible you are trying to reconcile your faith with how you feel. Remember our feelings can vary all the time and can't always be relied upon. Even Thomas did not stop becoming a disciple even though the Lord told him to stop doubting and believe!
 
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Anthony2019

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Is it possible for a true believer to become like Esau?
I do not believe in once saved always saved and therefore believe it is possible for a Christian to later reject Christ and lose their salvation. The scriptures are fairly consistent in teaching that apostasy is a planned and deliberate act of defiance and the engagement of wilful and persistent sin resulting in a hardness of heart that is no longer willing to repent.

God will continue to reach out to that person through his Holy Spirit, convicting of sin, and showing them the need to repent. But people ultimately have the free will to choose. It is possible for a person to become so totally hardened towards God that they are unwilling to respond to Him. I don't think from what you have posted that you have reached that stage.

The key issue here is willingness. If you recognise your need for salvation, which you certainly appear to, and are willing to ask for the Lord's forgiveness and for Him to help you repent, then you can be absolutely sure you have not committed the irreversible sin of final apostasy.

You have mentioned that you find repentance difficult and that is often the case with many of us. It is not easy to conform ourselves to God's will, but the emphasis is that we should ask the Lord to help us. His Holy Spirit will lead us and guide us, but we must co-operate with Him if we are to grow in Christ. Repentance is not so much about how we feel about our sin, but a willingness to turn from it.

I am reminded of the hymn "Trust and Obey. For there's no other way to be happy in Jesus". Obeying the Lord is doing what pleases Him. We do not serve a God who is angry with us and wanting to punish us. He is our Father in heaven who loves us and wants the best for us. He wants you to draw closer to Him and experience His joy and peace.
 
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bathelter01

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I do not believe in once saved always saved and therefore believe it is possible for a Christian to later reject Christ and lose their salvation. The scriptures are fairly consistent in teaching that apostasy is a planned and deliberate act of defiance and the engagement of wilful and persistent sin resulting in a hardness of heart that is no longer willing to repent.

God will continue to reach out to that person through his Holy Spirit, convicting of sin, and showing them the need to repent. But people ultimately have the free will to choose. It is possible for a person to become so totally hardened towards God that they are unwilling to respond to Him. I don't think from what you have posted that you have reached that stage.

The key issue here is willingness. If you recognise your need for salvation, which you certainly appear to, and are willing to ask for the Lord's forgiveness and for Him to help you repent, then you can be absolutely sure you have not committed the irreversible sin of final apostasy.

You have mentioned that you find repentance difficult and that is often the case with many of us. It is not easy to conform ourselves to God's will, but the emphasis is that we should ask the Lord to help us. His Holy Spirit will lead us and guide us, but we must co-operate with Him if we are to grow in Christ. Repentance is not so much about how we feel about our sin, but a willingness to turn from it.

I am reminded of the hymn "Trust and Obey. For there's no other way to be happy in Jesus". Obeying the Lord is doing what pleases Him. We do not serve a God who is angry with us and wanting to punish us. He is our Father in heaven who loves us and wants the best for us. He wants you to draw closer to Him and experience His joy and peace.

My mind is willing but my heart is hard. Is that willingness enough?
 
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Anthony2019

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My mind is willing but my heart is hard. Is that willingness enough?
Jesus said in Matthew 26:41 that the "spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". As human beings, we have limitations. We can feel tired, exhausted, despondent and our lives as followers can seem like a struggle. It is however our willingness that counts. It's the intention to persevere whatever the circumstances. You may feel despondent, you may feel that your heart seems cold, but the Lord recognises that you are willing. Make a decision to follow Him and He will take care of all the rest. He is inviting you to come to Him: "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)
 
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bathelter01

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Jesus said in Matthew 26:41 that the "spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". As human beings, we have limitations. We can feel tired, exhausted, despondent and our lives as followers can seem like a struggle. It is however our willingness that counts. It's the intention to persevere whatever the circumstances. You may feel despondent, you may feel that your heart seems cold, but the Lord recognises that you are willing. Make a decision to follow Him and He will take care of all the rest. He is inviting you to come to Him: "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

I don't feel distant, I feel completely cut off. If he sees that I'm willing, why has he not responded like he has in the past when I found a restored relationship with him?

If I have become too hardened to repent, what then do I do? Just humor me if you do not believe that I have.
 
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Anthony2019

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The reason I don't think you are beyond repentance is that for about five years I drifted away from God, stopped praying, stopped going to church, was hostile towards changing things in my life and wondering why God seemed so distant.

At around Christmas last year I felt I needed to bring my life and my will in alignment with God. I had become quite bitter and hardened. I decided that in the New Year I would go to a Franciscan Friary and spend a few days with the community in silent prayer. I felt from previous experience that to hear what God was calling me to do, I had to bring myself to complete quiet and stillness.

When I returned, I felt very different. The desire to return to church returned as well as the desire to pray. I have began to experience the presence of God in my life again.

God certainly has His way of bringing us back, however far we have drifted off. I'm fairly confident the same will happen to you, and perhaps it has already started. Be open to Him and be willing to go where He may lead you.
 
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bathelter01

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These last few days have caused me to doubt whether it is possible that could be in Christ or return.

I spoke with some brothers over the weekend that assured me that they believe that I am a believer and that there is no loss of salvation. However, I've found that when I feel confident in my salvation, I no longer seem to have any interest at all in the things of the Lord. Everything seems fine. No anxiety or fear. No sense of the reality of my need for Christ. No desire to pursue Christ. Just a desire to relax and have fun.

I've found myself feeling resistant from the heart to the Lord for the few days. Gritting my teeth at him. With a rage in my heart. I did a reading through Matthew last night with some people from church and found myself becoming angry as I was reading. My heart resisting the Scriptures and a rage against the Lord lighting in me.

It has progressively gotten worse especially today. I've had an anger today that has screamed, "I don't believe any of this. I should just leave. (the faith)" It hasn't bothered me on a deep level like it has in the past. I feel like I'm gripping onto no leaving with all my might but the Lord is not meeting me there.

Is this spiritual warfare or have I fallen away?
 
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