Is a lying prayer worse than a selfish one?

To be honest, David's psalm prayers (and about half of his story), only serve to discourage me. If David, a self-proclaimed "man after God's own heart" can't get God to actually help him (The dying son, the ridiculously long delay between being anointed and crowned, and the constant warfare both internal and external), it just shows that God will leave you in the pain without actually helping. I don't want this stuff. I don't care what it is for, I don't care what he wants me to learn from it, and I really don't care about expanding his kingdom.

This is kind of like when I was active duty. I could request anything from the commander...as long as it was of benefit to his mission, not my own desires.

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Ok si you advocate the lying prayer. Got it.

God's will: go through these painful experiences and suffer

My heart's desire: absolutely no suffering or pain

So praying for his will would be a lie

Still running into his will includes everything I want to avoid in life. So either I pray for what I actually want, or lie to him about about what I want in my prayers. I can't align my prayers with his will as long as the pain is there.

As things have gone from good (several years ago) to bad, I have lost trust in him.

I used to follow and be content to move along as directed. In general it was always upwards, with a bad event being redeemed shortly. Ex. I got fired as an assistant manager at a convenience store so the manager's girlfriend (the senior assistant working at a different store) could be promoted to manager (if they had come to me I would've bowed out of her way). I even got an audible answer for why: "because you wouldn't move on". Less than a month later, I got a job more in line withy my geology major from college that paid in 3 days of work what the manager made in a week. My monthly income changed by like 5x what I had been making. Fast forward about 7 years. I was promoted at my job, making even more money. The only issue was working a lot away from the house (like 4-6 weeks at a time, with a few days between jobs). That changed due to external economics. I was laid off for 9 months. I finally got on with another firm. I prayed for that to never happen again. I sank into depression (not diagnosed, but I knew) during those 9 months. I still believed and trusted, but much less than before. I worked at that job for about 5 or 6 more years (raises, not really opportunity for promotion though). I prayed for several things, one of which was to settle down into a permanent house. I received an audible answer: no. To be honest that hurt. It really demolished my faith. It recovered some but again diminishing returns. Later, my wife had a stoke and heart attack. She was minorly affected by the stroke, and mostly recovered (90-95%). I ended up out of that job (about a year this time) again due to external economic issues. I decided to change careers to education this time. So less money by about half. Still things were starting to look up again, until June.. That's when my wife had a MAJOR stroke. The other one she had was minor. This one was a full on paralyzing half her body stroke. Her health has continued to decline and she has had 3 minor strokes since. Shortly after the first we got her assistance with medical and providers etc. In December, the agency handling that started putting a LOT of hoops to jump through and ended up cutting us off of the help when we couldn't manage some of them. I am still trying to fix that. I am paying someone out of pocket, and definitely losing ground economically. I am having to change jobs (I will claim responsibility for this). I am drowning. I pray, beg, and cry out to God for more ACTUAL help. Not spiritual, material help. All I get from Him and His will is more pain. I have pretty much lost all trust in him. I ONLY pray to Him now because A) He is the only one that can fix my wife (I pray constantly for a physical healing, not healing after she dies, I have enough faith to know that she will be healed after she dies) and B) I need more financial resources since a large section of what is killing my faith is related to money. I can't make it on the small amount he has supplied. I need him to give me ACTUAL help, not comfort, not spiritual help. Actual material help.

Actually, he steered me through a 12 year career and then a new career. Examples: when I lost the convenience store job, he put me in touch with acquaintances who could help me break into the oil production field. Later, when I needed $300 to start the Alternative Certificate Program (the way someone with a bachelor's degree not in education becomes a certified teacher in our state), He supplied that. I was broke and going to a funeral, when I parked and saw an older lady backing her car into a pickup truck, and starting to crush her rear panels near the lights. I stopped her and guided her into the spot and left t at that. Afterwards, my pastor (who knew I was trying to get up the$300) said she had approached him and asked if I needed anything. I didn't have a clue who she was, but she was the matriarch of one of the richest families in town. She paid for the starting fee. I know that was the hand of God. Before all of that, He even threw my wife in my path. (Trust me, biggest miracle ever!)

With all of that, the problems lately have undermined ALL of that. It is as Joseph said of the 7 years of famine: the good years would be forgotten, it would be so bad. That is where I am at, the trust has eroded away. I need him to fix this stuff, because I can't put faith in a God that would allow this. I can't reconcile the loving heavenly father he showed me with the uncaring figure that has taken his place.

Yes. I have read it. Other difference is: i am not Job. I don't have that level of faith.

In fact 2 things struck me about the book of Job. 1) God didn't do a full restoration: his kids were still dead. Replacements later wouldn't make up for that. 2) I often wonder what Job would have said and done if God had actually told him why he was struck the way he was. I really doubt Job would have kept his faith if he had known it was a wager between God and Satan that led to his troubles.

I was talking about the end of the book when God is talking to Job. If after all the pain, Job had asked why (which he did) and God had relied, "I had a bet with Satan about you.", Job would have walked away. I believe that is why God answered with the "shaming" questions, instead of straight up telling him.

I don't want my faith strengthened. My faith will be nothing but hurt by problems. To strengthen my faith I need relief. Problems erode my trust in God, because there are 2 possibilities: 1) He doesn't care and is unwilling, in which case why bother with him, 2) He is unable to fix it, again, why bother? My faith is dying because I need him to act to fix the problems, not strengthen me for them, comfort me through them, or anything of that nature.

samwise gamgee said:

Strengthening you and comforting you is the way God fixes problems.

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So, which of those heals my wife? Which of those gets me the money I need to pay someone to help her or pays my electricity so I can afford to pay someone? The first isn't going to happen through a problem (or at least not in a direction towards God) and the second is just words without actual material help. Even the Bible states that last part:

James 2:16 "And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?"

That is God trying to comfort me without actually fixing anything.

I did trust him. Then all this happened. His lack of protection and actual help (real help, not spiritual help which does absolutely nothing to help) destroyed that. My trust will NEVER get back to where it was. He made sure of that. If he wanted trust, love and praise from me, he needed to keep this from happening. Instead, this is his will.