Lonely, gay but holy

I don't think being open about SSA would be helpful... unless it's within a context where you are encouraging others with the same struggle.

I don't need to know about the personal temptations that everyone is facing... we all face some, and God helps each of us as we need.

There is a mistaken notion in our culture that someone is defined by what triggers sexual interest within them. That's simply a false marker for identity.

Experiencing SSA does not define you... it's simply something you deal with personally.

Should I openly admit and represent myself as an adulterer if I struggle with temptations towards someone who is not my wife? Should I openly announce that I experience NSA (non-spouse attraction) and tell people that I'm actually an adulterer, even though I don't act upon it?

I don't think so. I wouldn't deny the struggle if asked, but I would not ever suggest that such a struggle defines me.

God has called every man to sexual fidelity to his own wife. Whether single or married, a man is still called to that fidelity, even if he doesn't know her yet.... Even if he never meets her in his lifetime, the calling to sexual fidelity is the same. By the same token, the man who experiences SSA is called to fidelity to his own wife. And if that man never marries, the calling to sexual fidelity is the same.

This means that SSA and NSA are really no different... SSA is simply a specific type of NSA. And the answer to both is the same: Sexual fidelity to one's current or future wife.

We are not called to never experience any particular sort of temptation... we are called to be faithful even while experiencing temptation. Do that. And don't apologize for the particular sort of personal temptations you face... but neither announce them. If you sense it will benefit someone, tell them in order to encourage them. But if not, don't make one sin or temptation more "noteworthy" than any other. And certainly, do not allow any one type of temptation to define who you are as a person.

Not sure what you believe so PLEASE forgive me..the desires are not something you have to live with. Jesus is REAL! To make this simple.. we all get thoughts desires.. some good some bad. Its when we ACT on them. Now.. if you would like GODS view.. as the word says. "It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better tomarry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband."

To give every moment one would to that spouse.. you give it to HIM! The walk so much closer I think.. could be. Forgive me.. dont let the world tell you ..this is something your stuck with.. I know to many that just woke up and that desire for the same sex was gone..they are always so shocked..well they were always told different. I am NOT here to offend..please forgive me

Darelle Michaels said:

Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Click to expand...

Because the church is a breeding factory. Everyone knows you go to church to get hooked up.

Now that I've typed in plain sight, it sounds pretty perverted, doesn't it?

So don't feel guilty for being true.

How can you believe since you accept glory from one another but do not seek the glory that comes from the only God? (John 5:44)

The loving sacrifices and inner strength of fellow Christians never fails to humble and impress me. OP is an inspiration.

Darelle Michaels said:

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Click to expand...

I'm not really clear on what it is you want. Do you desire God more so than ministry itself? Do you desire God more than anything in your life? Do you believe God in everything that He has said?

I think there are questions in your heart that only God can clearly answer for you.

Darelle Michaels said:

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Click to expand...

Homosexual tendencies is a dilemma that I am glad I was blessed to not have to deal with.

But you do well to abstain from sex of any kind if that is your lot in life at this time.

I believe that God will reward you mightily for your decision to apply your will power to the situation until such time as the Lord (perhaps) will deliver you from your homosexual tendencies.

Keep the faith and keep up the good work brother. I know things like this will not be a struggle for you on the other side of this life.

Darelle Michaels said:

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Click to expand...

Sounds like in your position, you should hold of from getting married till you are right in the head on your feelings and attractions.

The reason to be married is not a desire, its love, you fall in love with the other person for who they are and not what they are.

Now I will not go into detail about gay marriage, It would not be fair to you as I am a full Christain man who does not belive in it.

But what I will do is point you into the right direction from lust and attraction to love.

Go out and meet new people, men and wemon, in your head balance out what the differences are to you and why. In time, I think you will find that no one is better or worse for you.

Dont look at marriage as a sexual attraction and do not base your future mate, woman or man on sex. God wants you not to marry and be married to him. Unless you are week and cant do it.
For some its better for them to marry.

Go out and follow God fully, in every way, and he will bless you with who he wants you to be with.
He knows you, better then you know your self, so it best to let him decide who you should end up with.

I would say if you are "gay and lonely" you are in danger. Living with such a secret could lead you to having a bad week and seeking companionship at a bar in a nearby town. Since leading worship is a difficult and emotionally demanding ministry, you will go through bad times when forum companionship just won't do it for you. I'm not concerned about a one-time failure, but a pattern of failure and a crushing sense of condemnation.

1. You need real fellowship with people who check up on you and keep you honest. The best person would be your head pastor. Like living with alcoholism, gay celibacy needs support. I would make this my top priority.

2. You need a mental cut-off point at which you will leave the ministry if temptation overcomes you. The worst thing that you could do is fall into the trap of thinking that your ministry is the most important thing in your life and the lives of others. Sin can be forgiven, but don't justify sin by how much good you are doing. If you fall into sin, you need to take a break from ministry and refocus on pleasing God in your personal life.

Darelle Michaels said:

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Click to expand...

Hi Darrell

Firstly, the best way to answer anyone as to why you are single, is to say I have dedicated my life to God in the way I feel called by Him. You can explain by using Scripture to support your conviction.

If someone doesn't like that answer, that is not your problem. You are answerable to God.

Secondly, you are blessed not to be married, since now you can devote your attention to Spiritual things. So you do better not to marry since you are in the opportune position to do so.
(1 Corinthians 7:27-35, 38)

Matthew 19:12 (NIV)
12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Luke 18:29-30 (NIV)
29 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 30 will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”

Luke 14:26 (NIV) Italics insertion is mine
26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate (Love Jesus more than) father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.

You are doing well. Refrain from anything in which the Word of God and your conscience confirms to you that any thing you may do is not quite right...

1 John 3 (NIV) Bolding mine
19 This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: 20 If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God 22 and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.23 And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.24 The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

The above Passage is not teaching works; but rather, if you have repented of your old life of slavery to sin, and have given your life to follow Jesus as your only Lord, then you are living a New Life. By living a New Life, you are free from sin and are now living out God’s commands as your way of life.

Romans 13 (WEB) Bolding mine.
7 Therefore give everyone what you owe: if you owe taxes, pay taxes; if customs, then customs; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. 8 Owe no one anything, except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.
9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other commandments there are, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love doesn’t harm a neighbor. Love therefore is the fulfillment of the law.

So, you do well to lead a sanctified life onto God.

Romans 6 (NIV) Bolding mine
6 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

By sanctifying yourself to this New Life by faith results in Walking in the Light, and by so doing, the Law is fulfilled in you.

Ephesians 5:8-10
8 For you were once darkness, but are now light in the Lord. Walk as children of light, 9 for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth, 10 proving what is well pleasing to the Lord.

John 12:36 (NIV)
36 Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.”

Romans 13:12 (NIV)
12 The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.

So you are commanded to repent from darkness (slavery to sin) to become vessels of Light, which is founded in Love.

Ephesians 5:9-14 (NIV)
9 For the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth. 10 And find out what pleases the Lord.11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.

Living in the Light is to walk in the Spirit we received by our repentant faith in Lord Jesus. In this way, we fulfill the commands of God. . .

Romans 8 (WEB) Bolding mine
3 For what the law couldn’t do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God did, sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh; 4 that the ordinance of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.

The Scriptures clearly explain this truth throughout the entire Bible, that sanctification is our true and proper worship to God, and is our responsibility.

Romans 12 (NIV)
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God — this is your true and proper worship.

We are sanctified by faithfully living by the Spirit so that we may now serve God into a life of Love – and this is how we fulfill the Law of God.

Romans 13 (NIV)
8 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.9 The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet," and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Darelle Michaels said:

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Click to expand...

Being celibate for life is a gift from the Lord. Cherish it! It's an amazing gift that too many people don't understand and don't bother trying to understand. Unfortunately, you're going to have to battle with what people see as 'normal' for the rest of your life, but know that this is not selfish and there's nothing wrong with you.

Matthew 19:
“Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Since you're able to receive it, then receive it.

As a happily married man, there are definitely times I wish I had this gift! Not because I don't love my wife and kids, but because a simpler life would be, well, simpler. So, if you've got the gift, enjoy it! It seems Paul remained single for life, so why would God not call others to this life either? You'll just need to brush up on your theology of singleness (yes, there is one) so that those who don't understand this can see that it is in the Bible.

Darelle Michaels said:

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Click to expand...

To devote your life to the Lord is of highest honor. The stigma is a cultural thing, not biblical remember that. You will spring up alot of spiritual kids and fruitful friendships. And God will honor you for honoring your vessel.