Getting healthy together

LovebirdsFlying

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At first I'd still feel hungry after eating and want to eat more, but unless I was *really* hungry, I would wait. I'd tell myself I can eat again in three hours. That way I didn't feel like I was starving myself. Gradually I stopped feeling hungry.

As of today's weigh-in: That number I couldn't get below? I'm below it by 1.2 pounds.

Calorie-dense things, I'm deliberately eating some of, since I'm sick right now and having trouble meeting the minimum calories otherwise. I count everything. I even log the communion when I go to church. Negligible nutritional value in it, but anything that goes into my mouth, I write it down.
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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Quick update/progress report:

I still slightly outweigh hubby. Every time I lose weight, so does he. But that will eventually change. If nothing else, he'll reach his goal weight, but I'll still have a ways to go, so I'll just keep going and then be smaller.

Today while we were out and about, we both noticed we were having trouble keeping our jeans in place. I don't know about you, but neither one of us cares in particular for that "sagging" fashion statement. Not our style. So, we went belt shopping.

I haven't needed or worn a belt in years. It's necessary now.
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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Not only did I not gain any weight over Easter, but I lost two more pounds. Hubby gained one. I'm closing in on him. :D But hey, ONLY a pound over a holiday isn't bad. We both made sane choices.

Our pastor is also losing weight. During the Easter breakfast at our church, he sat at the same table with us. A congregant noticed his "skimpy" plate compared to what he used to get, and that got him talking about his strategies. Like us, he has eliminated caffeine and carbonation. I told him how I'm logging everything that goes in my mouth, including communion. It helps me think about what I'm eating.

My strategy for clothes getting too big for me will be to depend on sweats with a drawstring, elastics, knits, and possibly dresses I can shape with a sash. That will accomodate my changing shape without having to buy new clothes too many times, until I reach my baseline weight (whatever that is) and can buy more permanent clothes. Since I just got several new pairs of jeans last Christmas, and they're already sagging on me, I may break out the needle and thread and make some tucks in the waistlines, when it comes to that.

Hubby is starting a new job tomorrow and doesn't yet know whether he'll be issued uniforms. If so, we presume he'll be measured and assigned the correct sizes. If not, I'll see if he can be talked into buying some new jeans and shirts for himself. His old clothes are worn out, threadbare, fraying at the hem, and very baggy on him. But, even though he's very generous about buying clothes for me, he's highly reluctant to buy anything for himself.
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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I feel a need to brag a little, if I may, please.

Remember I mentioned once before, in another thread, about having to dust and sweep under the computer desk in the living room. I couldn't lower myself to the floor. I had to sit on the couch, scoot forward and ease myself to the floor, and then roll across the room because crawling hurt my knees too much. Then when I was done, I had to reverse the process, roll back to the couch, and use it to pull myself up.

Today when that space needed dusting again, I didn't have to do all that. I could get down on the floor from right where I was. And then, when I was finished, I could-- surprise-- stand up again. All I had to do was rise to my knees and use the computer desk to steady me.

There was still some pain involved. I could not do this easily; I was merely able to do it. Weight is not the only reason for my mobility issues. I have permanent injuries from a car accident, so I'm always going to have some degree of difficulty moving around. I don't anticipate ever not needing a cane, for example. But maybe, just maybe, losing weight will help, even if it doesn't make it go away altogether.

I was going to discuss just now that I feel embarrassed when I use a motorized scooter while I'm shopping. There is a stereotype, lazy fat woman using a scooter merely to save herself the trouble of walking, and maybe if she'd get up and put one foot in front of the other for a change, she might not be so fat. I was going to mention how I always make sure my cane is visible in the basket when I'm using a scooter, so that people know I do have a disability, and I'm not just trying to get out of walking around in the store. I wanted to address the stigma, and this fear I have of being judged by strangers.

But then it occurred to me. I can't *remember* the last time I used a motorized scooter while shopping. I now use the push cart somewhat like a rolling walker, letting it keep me steady. I still require the cane, and I probably always will, but even in Costco, I don't use the scooter anymore.
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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The (sort of) bad news: My husband has had an unforeseen job change. This means also a change in our medical insurance. I may not be able to follow through on the surgery. Things are still up in the air right now.

The good news: Because the weight I've lost has cut the amount of insulin I need in half, and it remains to be seen what losing more weight will do, I may not need the surgery. The nutritional counseling and subsequent diet and exercise may have been enough.

And I think the same is going to be true for him. His new job does involve more physical activity. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. God is always in control.
 
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ms.smith

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I'm sorry to hear about the uncertainty. My husband and I are considering a big job/life change as well, nothing happening yet but even the idea of pursuing it is unsettling.

Excellent news about the changes in your health though! Cutting your insulin must feel awesome. I'm glad the nutritional counseling is helping!

God is in control, and I'm praying for you.
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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Well, it happened this morning. Someone at church told me I look good and asked me how much weight I've lost. When I answered, she responded, "Wow, we should celebrate! Let's go out for a banana split!"

I know it was a joke.

I just think it's a lousy joke.

Do people joke that way with alcoholics who get sober? "You haven't had a drink in three years? Wow, we should celebrate! Let's go out for a bottle of Jack Daniel's!" Probably not.

I didn't say anything, but it irked me. I've faced too much of that attitude, and I suppose I'm sensitive to it. That, and I notice nobody's joking the same way with my husband. I've lost 50 pounds total, 25 since January. He's lost 60 pounds total. People are only complimenting him (as they should; he deserves it) but they save the "let's undo all your hard work and progress" kind of teasing for me. I can't help but wonder why that is.

I figured this was the safest place to vent. Thanks for listening.

Photo today is at a nearby wildlife refuge. Round-trip distance from the parking lot to the end of the pier: 5 miles. I had to stop and rest on a few benches along the way, but I made the walk!

Nisqually May 2019.jpg
 
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DZoolander

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You’ll find that happens a lot - getting more frequent the more you lose. You’ll also find that other overweight people will start having problems with your success.

It is what it is - and just move along.
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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My brother (I don't really talk to him anymore) is one of several family members who have openly sabotaged my efforts. He himself does not have a weight problem, and never did. He was a cute kid who grew to be a handsome man, and was part of the "in" crowd in high school and college. I suspect he wants to make sure he *remains* top dog, while I'm the sick, troubled, weird, outcast sister that everybody laughs at, and he can feel sorry for. It feels good to see himself as above me. So, do you think he's going to let me get better, and risk losing that superiority? Heck no!

Under the guise of being a good loving brother, he has assured me I don't need to lose weight. I'm beautiful the way I am. At the first sign of me losing any weight at all, he'd caution me not to overdo the dieting or get too skinny. (I've never in my life had occasion to be described as "skinny." I was even born, as a preemie, weighing two pounds more than average for that gestational age.) While I appreciate the sentiment, well, you've seen the pictures. Medically, it's obvious I do need to lose weight. It isn't about not feeling beautiful. It's about taking care of my health. I've come a long way, but I've got farther to go, and I intend to see it through.

When we were still talking, I started a group on Facebook and made the mistake of appointing him as an admin. He very quickly turned it into a fat-positive page. I was going for, "We love ourselves as we are, yes. That's exactly why we need to make healthy decisions and take care of our beautiful bodies as best we can." He came along with, essentially, "So what if you're supermorbidly obese? You're every bit as hot and gorgeous as those skinny supermodels are. You don't need to change a thing, and anybody who says you could stand to make healthier choices is just being a hater." After a while, his voice and those of the people he added to the group drowned mine out, so I left the group I started, and just let him take over. I don't know what he's done with it now, since I blocked him some time ago.

One concern he expressed was that if I lost weight, it might change my personality, and I wouldn't be so much "fun" to be around. Um, I have PTSD. My personality is pretty warped. It *needs* to change. That's another area in which I have come a long way but I'm still not where I need to be yet. (Who is?) And "fun" to be around? What does that even mean? That I'm the socially awkward, unattractive geek people are secretly laughing at? If so, then I say phooey on "fun" to be around.
 
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ms.smith

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I'm sorry to hear you have had such a hard time with support from family.

Some of my family took a long time to say anything (my husband's family, mostly, most overweight). They weren't rude though, I just don't think they knew what to say. My family has been supportive, my grandmother is probably the best. She has complimented my hard work more than anything else.

When it comes to the banana split thing, it was just a poorly thought out statement. I don't even think it was a joke. People use food to celebrate. They may even think the "banana" part makes it a semi-healthy treat. I know that you are trying to lose weight so that is all you are thinking about, and you have diabetes so that changes things. But honestly, you could have a banana split every Sunday with brunch and it wouldn't sabotage your success at all. It would probably help you to maintain your lifestyle longer if you build in occasional treats.

It is different with food and alcohol. When you lose weight, you still need to eat food. When you are sober, you have to avoid alcohol completely. It isn't like you are starving now, you still eat, and you should still have a place in your life for good food in the company of others.
 
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DZoolander

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My brother (I don't really talk to him anymore) is one of several family members who have openly sabotaged my efforts. He himself does not have a weight problem, and never did. He was a cute kid who grew to be a handsome man, and was part of the "in" crowd in high school and college. I suspect he wants to make sure he *remains* top dog, while I'm the sick, troubled, weird, outcast sister that everybody laughs at, and he can feel sorry for. It feels good to see himself as above me. So, do you think he's going to let me get better, and risk losing that superiority? Heck no!

Under the guise of being a good loving brother, he has assured me I don't need to lose weight. I'm beautiful the way I am. At the first sign of me losing any weight at all, he'd caution me not to overdo the dieting or get too skinny. (I've never in my life had occasion to be described as "skinny." I was even born, as a preemie, weighing two pounds more than average for that gestational age.) While I appreciate the sentiment, well, you've seen the pictures. Medically, it's obvious I do need to lose weight. It isn't about not feeling beautiful. It's about taking care of my health. I've come a long way, but I've got farther to go, and I intend to see it through.

When we were still talking, I started a group on Facebook and made the mistake of appointing him as an admin. He very quickly turned it into a fat-positive page. I was going for, "We love ourselves as we are, yes. That's exactly why we need to make healthy decisions and take care of our beautiful bodies as best we can." He came along with, essentially, "So what if you're supermorbidly obese? You're every bit as hot and gorgeous as those skinny supermodels are. You don't need to change a thing, and anybody who says you could stand to make healthier choices is just being a hater." After a while, his voice and those of the people he added to the group drowned mine out, so I left the group I started, and just let him take over. I don't know what he's done with it now, since I blocked him some time ago.

One concern he expressed was that if I lost weight, it might change my personality, and I wouldn't be so much "fun" to be around. Um, I have PTSD. My personality is pretty warped. It *needs* to change. That's another area in which I have come a long way but I'm still not where I need to be yet. (Who is?) And "fun" to be around? What does that even mean? That I'm the socially awkward, unattractive geek people are secretly laughing at? If so, then I say phooey on "fun" to be around.
People like your brother who say stuff like that are like the people who video themselves giving money to the homeless - so they can post it on Facebook. They’re simply looking for a pat on the back for being so “enlightened”.
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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I compared the most recent photo above to one of us on our honeymoon, a year after we were married. It was 2009. I was at my heaviest weight, and if he wasn't, he was close to it. I still don't see a difference in the mirror, but the camera is showing me a few things. We're both visibly slimmer.
2009 vs 2019.jpg
 
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DZoolander

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You probably won’t see noticeable differences in the mirror - because the change is incremental and you’re always looking at yourself. :). Clothes and pictures - the things you’ve likely always disliked - will be your friends in keeping a good perspective.
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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Posted by me on my Facebook page:


I think it's almost a done decision now that hubby and I are not going to be having the weight loss surgery. Its purpose, for us, was to control the diabetes, not so much to become skinny. If we can do that without surgery, we'd rather. His control is absolutely phenomenal. I wonder if he would even qualify for the surgery if he were to be evaluated today. As for me, I'm having to reduce my insulin yet again. Last night I did 28 units, and I was well under 100 again this morning.* So tonight it's 26 units. I started out needing 60.

I've made efforts to lose weight before. Here are the things that are making a difference, I think:

1.) Food sensitivities have been discovered. I went my entire life, until fairly recently, without knowing I had problems with dairy, wheat, corn, and beans. Eating things your body can't handle will do all kinds of things, and it was causing me trouble I really don't want to describe in detail. Thank God somebody invented almond milk. I suppose I'd really be up a creek if I were allergic to tree nuts too, but I'm not.
2.) Writing down everything that goes into my mouth, despite my previous concern that this was "just another way to obsess over food," has made me more aware of what I eat. I didn't develop a weight problem because I was obsessed with food. I developed a weight problem because I was eating without awareness.
3.) Upping the exercise has been helpful. Both types. Cardio (primarily in the water) and strength training.

And just as important as these things, if not more so:

4.) I am no longer dealing with relentless food pushers. If you have someone in your life who is battling obesity, please, if they say no, back off and leave them alone. Don't keep asking. If you know something isn't on their eating plan, don't ask in the first place. Don't pressure them to "have just a little." Addictions don't work that way.


* That "under 100" is on the mg/dl scale, which is most common in the US. Other countries use the mmol scale, where 100 would be equivalent to 5.5.
 
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DZoolander

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I hope you don't mind me replying a lot to your posts. I find weight loss issues interesting, for a variety of reasons ranging from personal experience, to the (what I think are) fascinating social dynamics that come into play with it...which I think end up actually sabotaging people in their goal. I also think the issue is important, because I believe for many it's absolutely the BEST thing they will ever do for themselves if they follow through with it.

I know it's not what you wanted to hear at the start - but to be honest - I'm kinda glad to hear you're not having the surgery. Not because I don't want you to succeed, but rather because I think that if it can be done without the surgery, that's far preferable. And it sounds like you're doing awesome.

Weight loss is also a really tricky subject to be honest about - because everyone's got their guards up. And I'll admit - there's a perverse side of me that likes to see if I can say the things that I think ought be said - and work through the defenses people have that might make them feel upset at me at the start. Probably because that's how my own inner monologue works...lol

With that in mind - I don't like weight loss surgery - because in my mind it's little more than a forced diet. The reason I believe weight loss attempts fail is becaue people don't stick with them. I read the average "dieter" (person needing to lose weight) goes on 4 or so diets per year - and the average diet lasts about 3 weeks. That's 12 weeks of the year of actually trying, for all intents and purposes. Sure, they may be THINKING about it 52 weeks out of the year, feling badly about it, wishing it were different, etc...but active sustained effort...12 or so weeks. That means the other 40 weeks of the year are spent likely engaging in the very behaviors that keep them where they are.

The ONLY reason I was successful at it is because I'm persistent and habitual in my behaviors. What I did today is really no different than what I did yesterday, which is no different than what I did every day last week, every day last month, every day the month before that, every day of 2018, going back to July 4th of 2017. Rarely do you find people that can say that - which is why you rarely find anyone that's successful in losing and keeping off a good amount of weight.

And IMHO - that's why weight loss surgery works. It kinda forces people to behave that way. Except - in my case - I don't have the unpleasant side effects. There's no dumping. If I choose to indulge a bit around the holidays, I can do that and not worry about it/etc.

And if that's something you can pull off - which it sounds like you're well on the road to - I think that's far better. :)

The social aspect of it will be the most interesting for you.

I would caution about starting down the road of "we're not trying to get skinny" and starting that line of thought. I can see why you'd phrase things that way - but I think that how people frame endeavors in their thoughts also has a big bearing on their success.

My goal wasn't so much to be "skinny" - but rather I framed it in the context of "I'm not going to accept being fat any more." Why would that distintion matter? Because if I'm not shooting for "skinny" - then what exactly am a shooting for? "Healthy"? What does that mean? Healthy enough to do what? Aren't there people running around saying that you can be fat and healthy? Am I leaving the door to eventual fatness again?

I found it a lot easier with my "goal" to say that what I was defining as my objective was not to be *fat* any more. That way any ambiguity in my goal could possibly include "skinny", it could possibly include "healthy", maybe it could include "fit", or whatever. But - one thing it excludes is "fat...again". And I'd rather the ambiguity fall on that side than the other - if that makes any sense.

Sorry for the diatribe - lol - but like I said it's a topic I find interesting. Sounds like you're doing great.
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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You’re fine. This kind of discussion is exactly what I want. Recommended fad diets, I don’t, because I’m under medical supervision.
 
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DZoolander

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Yeah - I’m not really a fan of “diets” either. I don’t think food is really all that complicated. I tend to try to follow a basic hierarchy of foods - which makes sense to me.

Most important is getting a variety of vegetables, followed then by lean meats, followed then by fruits. I tend to stay away from oils, breads, etc. To an extent I guess my point of view is “if it doesn’t look like something I could pick, pull or kill with my bare hands, I’m probably not meant to be eating it”
 
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