Feelings of worthlessness

Sm412

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Hi everyone,

So I recently spent some time in Seattle with extended family. I got to hear all about my perfect cousins and all the progress they're making in college. One is going to be an engineer, the other a nurse.

I am a GED holder and I washed out of high school and college. I am very bright and do very well in my courses, but throughout my life I have struggled with severe mental health and addiction issues. I spent age 16-18 institutionalized and have been to psychiatric facilities and rehabs more times than I can count since. I have difficulty staying motivated, organized, and focused in school. That in combination with bipolar and alcohol/cocaine led to wrecked transcripts and suspended financial aid. My cousins, on the other hand, are neurotypical and highly functional.

About 10 months ago, something "clicked." I put together the strongest recovery I have experienced since my symptoms first appeared at age 14. I take very good care of myself, manage my symptoms, and stay off the alcohol and cocaine. I've had 2 slips in the last 10 months. I am on track now, am highly motivated, and I'm doing great. Drinking/using twice in a 10 month period is a record for me. I accepted Christ into my life, abandoned atheism, and haven't been this happy since childhood. My struggles have led to a tremendous sense of empathy and compassion. In the last 10 months I have gotten off disability and achieved financial independence doing a job I absolutely LOVE. I work in the mental health field as part of a treatment team assisting others with similar issues. I am VERY good at it and highly passionate. I have a strong sense of community and really feel like I'm giving back. My pastor told me I was showing the face of Jesus in doing what I'm doing. I'm currently working toward my peer support certification.

But I still think I don't "measure up." My family are all highly functional, high achievers, upper-middle class professionals. Engineers, lawyers, upper management. I make 13.50 an hour, and will make 16-18 once I have my peer support cert. I don't own a home, and have to live with roommates. Part of me wants to finish my accounting degree (my past major) and work as a CPA, so I can have that prestigious title, big house, and high income like the rest of my family. So I can "measure up." I enjoy accounting and I'm good at it, but the passion isn't there the way it is with what I'm doing now.

I think the solution here is to not compare myself to neurotypical people who haven't been through 1/100th of what I've been through, and don't struggle with the things I struggle with. That and recognizing the great things I've accomplished already. I don't know, I could use some support. What do you think?
 

Jeshu

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You are doing great! Let those worldly longings die within you, they only hurt you and make you feel worthless, and replace them with Heavenly longings - to be more Christ like - for example. Such longings bring good life alive and do away with bad life.

Peace.
 
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Heavenhome

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Wow! You are doing wonderfully. Don't fall into the trap of being influenced by worldly standards.
I'm sure that the things you have been through in the past have given you real empathy for those in need and as a Christian, you are exactly where God wants you to be.
 
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mama2one

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I accepted Christ into my life, abandoned atheism, and haven't been this happy since childhood.tremendous sense of empathy and compassion. gotten doing a job I absolutely LOVE. I am VERY good at it and highly passionate

let's see:
-you haven't been this happy since childhood
-you became a Christian
-you have a job you love
-you're making a difference in other people's lives
-you have empathy and compassion

using your talents, making a difference, & loving it
you're worthy and God is using you
 
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Sm412

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Thank you all so much! These responses really set my mind right.

I'm glad I had a relapse, to be honest. On my 29th birthday I drank and did cocaine. It felt "good," but it was a fake good. A chemically induced good. It didn't even compare to the grace, peace, and well-being I feel through Christ. It strengthened my faith, motivation, and resolve.

I have conquered my demons through the grace of God :) now I must travel this path He has set before me. Thank you all so much.
 
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FutureAndAHope

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Hi everyone,

So I recently spent some time in Seattle with extended family. I got to hear all about my perfect cousins and all the progress they're making in college. One is going to be an engineer, the other a nurse.

I am a GED holder and I washed out of high school and college. I am very bright and do very well in my courses, but throughout my life I have struggled with severe mental health and addiction issues. I spent age 16-18 institutionalized and have been to psychiatric facilities and rehabs more times than I can count since. I have difficulty staying motivated, organized, and focused in school. That in combination with bipolar and alcohol/cocaine led to wrecked transcripts and suspended financial aid. My cousins, on the other hand, are neurotypical and highly functional.

About 10 months ago, something "clicked." I put together the strongest recovery I have experienced since my symptoms first appeared at age 14. I take very good care of myself, manage my symptoms, and stay off the alcohol and cocaine. I've had 2 slips in the last 10 months. I am on track now, am highly motivated, and I'm doing great. Drinking/using twice in a 10 month period is a record for me. I accepted Christ into my life, abandoned atheism, and haven't been this happy since childhood. My struggles have led to a tremendous sense of empathy and compassion. In the last 10 months I have gotten off disability and achieved financial independence doing a job I absolutely LOVE. I work in the mental health field as part of a treatment team assisting others with similar issues. I am VERY good at it and highly passionate. I have a strong sense of community and really feel like I'm giving back. My pastor told me I was showing the face of Jesus in doing what I'm doing. I'm currently working toward my peer support certification.

But I still think I don't "measure up." My family are all highly functional, high achievers, upper-middle class professionals. Engineers, lawyers, upper management. I make 13.50 an hour, and will make 16-18 once I have my peer support cert. I don't own a home, and have to live with roommates. Part of me wants to finish my accounting degree (my past major) and work as a CPA, so I can have that prestigious title, big house, and high income like the rest of my family. So I can "measure up." I enjoy accounting and I'm good at it, but the passion isn't there the way it is with what I'm doing now.

I think the solution here is to not compare myself to neurotypical people who haven't been through 1/100th of what I've been through, and don't struggle with the things I struggle with. That and recognizing the great things I've accomplished already. I don't know, I could use some support. What do you think?

Sound like you are doing awesome, don't worry about comparison, your progress sounds great.
 
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Esther2286

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Hi there! You are doing just wonderful. In my experience, I found that if we try and measure up to be like everyone else, we are not truly being ourselves. I realized that I will never be what someone else is, but I will be, and will become the best me.

You have come such a long way and have attained a great job and you are helping people. You are to be commended for overcoming the adversity in your life.

The words from the Bible that I read when I was working my way through my career is from Colossians 3:23 “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.”

If you are doing your work to please the Lord, you won’t be thinking about measuring up to what other men/women are doing. I know it is contrary to what we are taught, but the Bible teaches us to walk in the ways that are going to help us to be the person He has created us to be. Right? I wish you all the very best in life and encourage you to continue in your faith. If you don’t read Daily Devotionals, I would suggest reading them, they are very encouraging.
 
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Heavenhome

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Thank you all so much! These responses really set my mind right.

I'm glad I had a relapse, to be honest. On my 29th birthday I drank and did cocaine. It felt "good," but it was a fake good. A chemically induced good. It didn't even compare to the grace, peace, and well-being I feel through Christ. It strengthened my faith, motivation, and resolve.

I have conquered my demons through the grace of God :) now I must travel this path He has set before me. Thank you all so much.
I applaud you for your honesty, there are times we all stumble the most important thing is that you now know the true lasting joy is in the Lord, not in other things .
I am so happy for you.
Remember that He will never leave or forsake you.

Just as an aside it is sometimes easy to see the "big"things (drugs, drink etc) as the downfall and of course they are, not for everyone, but we all have our weaknesses. It can be even things like shopping addictions, internet overuse and many other things .
Also remember we may stumble many times but if our heart is with our Lord He will set us up on the rock again. And each time we'll be stronger.
God bless you:)
 
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Sm412

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Wow! Thank you both so much!

You know, what a waste it would be that I be delivered from my affliction and not try to pass that strength and hope on to others. I have a duty. I'm doing what I'm doing for the Lord.

I will be doing peer support specialist training next month. I believe very strongly in the peer support system, as it affords me the opportunity to use my experience and strength to be of service. I volunteered for a peer-run mental health agency and the experience was amazing.
 
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