Cousin committed suicide. I need help.

forlovingHim

Active Member
Oct 24, 2017
40
103
38
Muncie
✟18,888.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Celibate
Thank you everyone who already prayed in response to the other thread I created before I was sure that my cousin, Christian, is dead (he shot himself in the head this morning), and I realized after a kind message from another CF member that I need to request 2 different kinds of prayer, now.

1) The family and others who loved Christian really need prayers for Viewing and funeral preparations, the grieving process, and learning to live our lives without him, now.

2) My own Day 1 ‘Denial’. All day long I have been taking care of other people and going around asking for prayers and thanking people for them and it just sank in... the reason I can’t stop compulsively doing this is because in my heart I cannot accept that he is really gone, never coming back. I don’t want to be alone but I live far enough away from my family (my car is currently having some problems) that I think my mom is only going to be able to come pick me up when it’s time to get ready for the Viewing.

Christian was only about 20 years old. His mother had him very young so I can remember being a little girl and holding him in my arms and thinking that I didn’t want to give him back. I didn’t even know how much I loved him because we had just grown apart over time, but this is hitting me badly. I spent all day working hard to avoid facing that he is not waking up. His body is probably being stored somewhere and he’s not in it.

I didn’t want to bother the one friend who probably could have paid me a visit but he’s also poorly equipped to deal with this. My reliable friends are either truly too busy or for whatever reason I just can’t make myself go down the hall to talk (2 of them are neighbors). The friend I thought might actually be able to give me some support in this ignored me all day because he didn’t want to deal with either the immensity of the situation or the fact that I bring God into it—he literally just now got back to me but there is no real answer to handling grief, I’m finding.

God is listening. I just had people get back with me while I was typing this. Thank you all for praying. It helps to not be alone with it, and I know my whole family is feeling the same way.

-Sarah
 

8484838

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Dec 27, 2017
1,530
1,627
28
.
✟480,532.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Thank you everyone who already prayed in response to the other thread I created before I was sure that my cousin, Christian, is dead (he shot himself in the head this morning), and I realized after a kind message from another CF member that I need to request 2 different kinds of prayer, now.

1) The family and others who loved Christian really need prayers for Viewing and funeral preparations, the grieving process, and learning to live our lives without him, now.

2) My own Day 1 ‘Denial’. All day long I have been taking care of other people and going around asking for prayers and thanking people for them and it just sank in... the reason I can’t stop compulsively doing this is because in my heart I cannot accept that he is really gone, never coming back. I don’t want to be alone but I live far enough away from my family (my car is currently having some problems) that I think my mom is only going to be able to come pick me up when it’s time to get ready for the Viewing.

Christian was only about 20 years old. His mother had him very young so I can remember being a little girl and holding him in my arms and thinking that I didn’t want to give him back. I didn’t even know how much I loved him because we had just grown apart over time, but this is hitting me badly. I spent all day working hard to avoid facing that he is not waking up. His body is probably being stored somewhere and he’s not in it.

I didn’t want to bother the one friend who probably could have paid me a visit but he’s also poorly equipped to deal with this. My reliable friends are either truly too busy or for whatever reason I just can’t make myself go down the hall to talk (2 of them are neighbors). The friend I thought might actually be able to give me some support in this ignored me all day because he didn’t want to deal with either the immensity of the situation or the fact that I bring God into it—he literally just now got back to me but there is no real answer to handling grief, I’m finding.

God is listening. I just had people get back with me while I was typing this. Thank you all for praying. It helps to not be alone with it, and I know my whole family is feeling the same way.

-Sarah
I can't imagine what it's like to go through that. My thoughts are with you sister, and I pray for your consolation in the Lord. Much love to you.

Also, I'm posting this hymn so that in some way it may be at all comforting.

 
Upvote 0

Tone

"Whenever Thou humblest me, Thou makest me great."
Supporter
Dec 24, 2018
15,128
6,906
California
✟61,140.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Private
I'm sorry for your loss. May Abba Yahuah wrap you and your family in His Loving Arms and comfort you in your grief, in Yahshua ha Mashiach's Name...Breathe...
 
Upvote 0

anna ~ grace

Newbie
Supporter
May 9, 2010
9,071
11,925
✟108,146.93
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
"Christian was only about 20 years old. His mother had him very young so I can remember being a little girl and holding him in my arms and thinking that I didn’t want to give him back. I didn’t even know how much I loved him because we had just grown apart over time, but this is hitting me badly."

My brother shot himself at 23. I remember holding him as a baby, and never wanting to give him back, either. He was so cuddly and fat and cute. He was my little brother.

We grew apart, too. Eventually, he wouldn't talk to me anymore. I wish he would have.

You will go through a lot of feelings. It's been two years, but after facetiming my mom and sister, I often think "hey, maybe I can facetime George, too!", then I realize I can't, because he's dead.

My heart goes out to you. Grief takes a very, very long time. Especially when someone does something as stupid, awful, sad, and permanent as this. It's very sad.

I am basically a Catholic Christian. One thing we do, is pray for the dead, and trust in God's Divine Mercy. I don't know if my brother responded to God's Mercy at the last moment, but I hope he did. I'll pray for Christian, too.

You are not alone.
 
Upvote 0

Carl Emerson

Well-Known Member
Dec 18, 2017
14,660
9,972
78
Auckland
✟375,561.00
Country
New Zealand
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
This is a sad time and we share in this...

If it helps - I had a friend who was suicidal and the Lord spoke to her clearly saying - "If you take your life I wont love you any less...

You have our prayers.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Greg Merrill

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Apr 5, 2017
3,536
4,621
70
Las Vegas
✟319,724.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
Father, I just mentioned Revelation 21:4 in my last post, and now I read this post.
What a tragedy suicide is, yet how understandable knowing people would not live their life under certain circumstances any longer. I pray for the friends and family of Christian. May his death not be in vain. Comfort the grieving, and renew their strength. May people be drawn to You who are Life, the Giver of life, the Sustainer of life, and the One that grants eternal life. Amen.
 
Upvote 0

forlovingHim

Active Member
Oct 24, 2017
40
103
38
Muncie
✟18,888.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Celibate
I can't imagine what it's like to go through that. My thoughts are with you sister, and I pray for your consolation in the Lord. Much love to you.

Also, I'm posting this hymn so that in some way it may be at all comforting.



Saw this earlier and it was exactly what I had been praying for. I wanted the comfort of hearing hymns. The Lord used you in such a powerful way. I could cry and it felt better then, and I had really needed that. Thank you so much.
 
Upvote 0

forlovingHim

Active Member
Oct 24, 2017
40
103
38
Muncie
✟18,888.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Celibate
I'm sorry for your loss. May Abba Yahuah wrap you and your family in His Loving Arms and comfort you in your grief, in Yahshua ha Mashiach's Name...Breathe...
The Hebrew always helps me a lot. Thank you.

To others, as well: So many of you have been saying such good prayers for me. I have needed them all, and I have prayed through them with every single one of you and been so grateful that you typed it out for me. May God bless you all. <3
 
Upvote 0

forlovingHim

Active Member
Oct 24, 2017
40
103
38
Muncie
✟18,888.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Celibate
This is a sad time and we share in this...

If it helps - I had a friend who was suicidal and the Lord spoke to her clearly saying - "If you take your life I wont love you any less...

You have our prayers.

This helped so much. At least two other people that I know in real life told me very similar things that they had experienced, and I take so much comfort that I can believe in this. God bless you.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

forlovingHim

Active Member
Oct 24, 2017
40
103
38
Muncie
✟18,888.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Celibate
"Christian was only about 20 years old. His mother had him very young so I can remember being a little girl and holding him in my arms and thinking that I didn’t want to give him back. I didn’t even know how much I loved him because we had just grown apart over time, but this is hitting me badly."

My brother shot himself at 23. I remember holding him as a baby, and never wanting to give him back, either. He was so cuddly and fat and cute. He was my little brother.

We grew apart, too. Eventually, he wouldn't talk to me anymore. I wish he would have.

You will go through a lot of feelings. It's been two years, but after facetiming my mom and sister, I often think "hey, maybe I can facetime George, too!", then I realize I can't, because he's dead.

My heart goes out to you. Grief takes a very, very long time. Especially when someone does something as stupid, awful, sad, and permanent as this. It's very sad.

I am basically a Catholic Christian. One thing we do, is pray for the dead, and trust in God's Divine Mercy. I don't know if my brother responded to God's Mercy at the last moment, but I hope he did. I'll pray for Christian, too.

You are not alone.
Yeah. It is basically the first loss of a loved one (that was not already old and sick) that I have experienced. The feelings are crazy. Turns out the grief process is a lot different in a situation like this than it is when someone takes a very long time to go, becoming visibly more ill as time passes. I felt more prepared that way, while this one came as a complete shock. It’s good to not feel alone as I go through something similar that you have shared with me.

I will pray for you as well, because as I feel this I understand that it never goes away. It has truly changed my life and I know that God will use it all for good, but it will always hurt too. Beauty from ashes, right? God is good that way. I really appreciate His powerful love and how He uses His servants to show it.
 
Upvote 0

anna ~ grace

Newbie
Supporter
May 9, 2010
9,071
11,925
✟108,146.93
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Yeah. It is basically the first loss of a loved one (that was not already old and sick) that I have experienced. The feelings are crazy. Turns out the grief process is a lot different in a situation like this than it is when someone who takes a very long time to go, becoming visibly more ill as time passes. I felt more prepared that way, while this one came as a complete shock. It’s good to not feel alone as I go through something similar that you have shared with me.

I will pray for you as well, because as I feel this I understand that it never goes away. It has truly changed my life and I know that God will use it all for good, but it will always hurt too. Beauty from ashes, right? God is good that way. I really appreciate His powerful love and how He uses His servants to show it.
Amen, Sarah. God be with you. This pain is a journey, but God will bring you through it. I know He will. Continued prayers for you, for Christian, and his family.
 
Upvote 0

KimmyO

Active Member
Feb 28, 2018
50
47
62
VA
✟20,164.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I am so sorry for your tragic loss! Such a sad time and devastating thing to do. So hard for those left behind. I'm praying for peace, comfort and even joy in the midst of this trial! I pray many will draw nearer to God and those who don't know Him will turn to Him in this time of sorrow. "Godly sorrow leads to repentance, but worldly sorrow leads to death" sadly. 2 Cor. 7:10 I pray that many are drawn by the Holy Spirit to repentance in this time of sorrow. Let your words and heart of love spread His word and life in this time. God is with you, and many will turn to the Lord thru this sorrow! Even in your hurting, God will use you to speak his love to others around you. Praying for strength for you and understanding. May the Lord bring good things even in the midst of this tragedy. <3
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums