- Mar 31, 2019
- 91
- 25
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
i have been saved for twenty years and looking back over that time i am thankful for every minute of it. when i was not looking for Jesus he was the one who pursued me and overtook me with his love. Christ saved me out of my debauchery for i was the one sitting at the foot of the tree of good and evil and eating the fruit that was forbidden. i did not choose him he choose me (john 15:16).
my walk with Jesus started of in grace and the fruit of that walk was becoming more and more evident. the fruit i was experiencing had power and was effecting real change for God because my view of the lord was correct (1 john 4:19 ). Christ was using me but over time something began to change in my mind. my understanding that deep understanding of Gods grace had not been rooted in me yet. i began to adopt the mentality that the gift of righteousness/salvation was to great that i must do something in the way of self works to truly be righteous. how can a man who could not save himself by his best attempts to earn salvation lose the gift of salvation by not perfectly performing ''good works'' for righteousness unto salvation. but this began to become my mentality.
so i went on a journey for about 10 years and praise God for it. i began to do ''good works'' not the ones Christ calls us to do through faith while trusting in him but selfish works by my own strength in an attempt to prove something to God (galatians 2:20). now if i do works to fulfill the law the law is what is expected of me (james 2:10). as i began to work through the law/works mentality i noticed something begin to happen, sin began to grow and become more and more of an issue. why? because i was trusting in myself and my ability to keep the law and not Christs finished work on the cross regarding my salvation/righteousness. under the law/works mindset sin took control of me in a greater way then before inappropriate content,bitterness,lust,anger ect.. i was experiencing perceived rejection from God even know he was not rejecting me i was perceiving it and rejections gives sin strength.
this was very confusing because i knew i was Gods son. Jesus was still talking to me,loving me,correcting me, causing me to weep at his presence when he would visit me ect... the Lord would allow me to minister still though it was limited due to the fact that he wanted to protect his children from my preaching of law/grace mix. i began to become very angry with the Lord due to there being something just not right so that perception of rejection caused me to rebel. i began to become aggressive with Jesus i ripped a bible in half and told him what i thought about him along with other acts of anger and frustration towards him. through all that God still loved me as a son. now the relationship was not healthy due to me but he was relentless on his end towards me by showing me grace and mercy. Christ told us to love our enemies and at that time i was his enemy and he loved me.
now being the good pharisee i was i decided to double down on my attempts to fulfill the law/works mentality i had. i preface what i'm about to say with this. all works done in the law are nothing but dirty rags in the eyes of God and those works only harm you further as they did with me and my walk with God. if they are not done understanding Christ is the one who paid the price and not me with a hearts position of receiving his grace they are dead. so in my attempt to please God i fast 40 days 40 nights liquids only 3 times over the course of four years i fasted 37 days, 21 days and countless other smaller fasts. i gave away 70,000 dollars, volunteered for everything i could food ministry,street evangelism,taught classes, ect... and all i got was more frustrated. now those works are good works when resting in Christ and his sacrifice but if done to earn anything from God they are dead and pointless. i felt led of the Lord to add all that to say this God just resisted me even more not in his love because through all this my standing was one of righteousness by his blood but in my peace joy fellowship ect.... any work done to earn salvation God will resist (james 4:1-10) but he doubles down and gives more grace/love this i know.
I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU
after all of this my actions,my sins,my anger,my disregard for him he remained faithful he remained in control and he kept his position as Lord and God (2 timothy 2:13). you see all this had one point and it was not to punish me or to cast me away it was to lift me up so i could bare fruit. it was to break me in a good way in a loving fathers way. because that is what the law does it breaks those who try to fulfill it (galatians 3:1-5). seeing how God is good all the time and his intentions are good towards his own it was all love even know i was not so loving.
having gone through this section of my walk with the great master now his grace is rooted and i have returned to my first love with that deep understanding of grace i lacked before. to try to earn anything from God by works in order to make ones self righteous will cause your life to fall apart. why? because everything we have from God is a gift everything our righteousness in him is because of him. when Christ fulfilled the law and said it is finished he meant it. it is finished! our sin was paid for past present and future that day on the cross the price of the law was atoned once and for all by our high priest Jesus Christ. no matter how mired down you become he will always leave the 99 and come recklessly pursuing you with his love why? because he loves you because he gave up himself so you would not as a child of God have to go through it. Jesus has placed who he is within you and he can not deny himself. what a great God he is the one who is and who was and who is to come. hallelujah thank you Jesus.
Jesus is the God of grace and grace alone. he has given us salvation and has made us righteous because he has fulfilled the law and we are not required to, nor even to try.
my walk with Jesus started of in grace and the fruit of that walk was becoming more and more evident. the fruit i was experiencing had power and was effecting real change for God because my view of the lord was correct (1 john 4:19 ). Christ was using me but over time something began to change in my mind. my understanding that deep understanding of Gods grace had not been rooted in me yet. i began to adopt the mentality that the gift of righteousness/salvation was to great that i must do something in the way of self works to truly be righteous. how can a man who could not save himself by his best attempts to earn salvation lose the gift of salvation by not perfectly performing ''good works'' for righteousness unto salvation. but this began to become my mentality.
so i went on a journey for about 10 years and praise God for it. i began to do ''good works'' not the ones Christ calls us to do through faith while trusting in him but selfish works by my own strength in an attempt to prove something to God (galatians 2:20). now if i do works to fulfill the law the law is what is expected of me (james 2:10). as i began to work through the law/works mentality i noticed something begin to happen, sin began to grow and become more and more of an issue. why? because i was trusting in myself and my ability to keep the law and not Christs finished work on the cross regarding my salvation/righteousness. under the law/works mindset sin took control of me in a greater way then before inappropriate content,bitterness,lust,anger ect.. i was experiencing perceived rejection from God even know he was not rejecting me i was perceiving it and rejections gives sin strength.
this was very confusing because i knew i was Gods son. Jesus was still talking to me,loving me,correcting me, causing me to weep at his presence when he would visit me ect... the Lord would allow me to minister still though it was limited due to the fact that he wanted to protect his children from my preaching of law/grace mix. i began to become very angry with the Lord due to there being something just not right so that perception of rejection caused me to rebel. i began to become aggressive with Jesus i ripped a bible in half and told him what i thought about him along with other acts of anger and frustration towards him. through all that God still loved me as a son. now the relationship was not healthy due to me but he was relentless on his end towards me by showing me grace and mercy. Christ told us to love our enemies and at that time i was his enemy and he loved me.
now being the good pharisee i was i decided to double down on my attempts to fulfill the law/works mentality i had. i preface what i'm about to say with this. all works done in the law are nothing but dirty rags in the eyes of God and those works only harm you further as they did with me and my walk with God. if they are not done understanding Christ is the one who paid the price and not me with a hearts position of receiving his grace they are dead. so in my attempt to please God i fast 40 days 40 nights liquids only 3 times over the course of four years i fasted 37 days, 21 days and countless other smaller fasts. i gave away 70,000 dollars, volunteered for everything i could food ministry,street evangelism,taught classes, ect... and all i got was more frustrated. now those works are good works when resting in Christ and his sacrifice but if done to earn anything from God they are dead and pointless. i felt led of the Lord to add all that to say this God just resisted me even more not in his love because through all this my standing was one of righteousness by his blood but in my peace joy fellowship ect.... any work done to earn salvation God will resist (james 4:1-10) but he doubles down and gives more grace/love this i know.
I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU
after all of this my actions,my sins,my anger,my disregard for him he remained faithful he remained in control and he kept his position as Lord and God (2 timothy 2:13). you see all this had one point and it was not to punish me or to cast me away it was to lift me up so i could bare fruit. it was to break me in a good way in a loving fathers way. because that is what the law does it breaks those who try to fulfill it (galatians 3:1-5). seeing how God is good all the time and his intentions are good towards his own it was all love even know i was not so loving.
having gone through this section of my walk with the great master now his grace is rooted and i have returned to my first love with that deep understanding of grace i lacked before. to try to earn anything from God by works in order to make ones self righteous will cause your life to fall apart. why? because everything we have from God is a gift everything our righteousness in him is because of him. when Christ fulfilled the law and said it is finished he meant it. it is finished! our sin was paid for past present and future that day on the cross the price of the law was atoned once and for all by our high priest Jesus Christ. no matter how mired down you become he will always leave the 99 and come recklessly pursuing you with his love why? because he loves you because he gave up himself so you would not as a child of God have to go through it. Jesus has placed who he is within you and he can not deny himself. what a great God he is the one who is and who was and who is to come. hallelujah thank you Jesus.
Jesus is the God of grace and grace alone. he has given us salvation and has made us righteous because he has fulfilled the law and we are not required to, nor even to try.
