Scared, Hopeless, is it too late for me?

NoahSK · Apr 25, 2019

I can say that all I want in life is to believe and have Jesus in my life. So when the doubt comes in, it becomes unbearable. But I’m going to trust that Jesus hears my pleas and will help me to stop doubting. I prayed to Him to help me believe and to change my heart, as only He can. And I believe that He will be faithful.

The Righterzpen · Apr 25, 2019

NoahSK said:
This helps. My parents say something similar. Whenever I have strong doubts, I honestly break down in tears. My parents tell me that if I didn’t believe, I wouldn’t be this worried about it. They tell me that it is the OCD causing me to doubt, not myself. Recently, I’ve been praying for God to lift the doubts and help me believe. I’m going to keep praying and trusting that He will not ignore me. Thank you all.

My son has autism and church can be hard for him because of the unpredictability of people. He has difficulty contending with crowds and he gets antsy. The church we are going to currently, have provided a rocking chair for him. It's been very helpful.

He also has epilepsy and misses information. He wants to learn but confesses that learning things about God often confuses him.

There are people who struggle with a lot of different things for different reasons. You're not alone.

Are you being treated for your OCD? My son takes a variety of supplements as well as medication. Sometimes something as simple as vitamin B complex can make a big difference.

NoahSK · Apr 25, 2019

The Righterzpen said:
My son has autism and church can be hard for him because of the unpredictability of people. He has difficulty contending with crowds and he gets antsy. The church we are going to currently, have provided a rocking chair for him. It's been very helpful.

He also has epilepsy and misses information. He wants to learn but confesses that learning things about God often confuses him.

There are people who struggle with a lot of different things for different reasons. You're not alone.

Are you being treated for your OCD? My son takes a variety of supplements as well as medication. Sometimes something as simple as vitamin B complex can make a big difference.

Well I’ve been using some oils and other natural stuff but I’m not sure how much it’s helping. I’ve been reading stories from other people who have been through exactly what I am (reading their stories is like looking in a mirror of my life) and it has been encouraging to know that my doubts are not from me but from OCD and that as long as I hold onto the truth of Jesus, no matter how unreal it seems to me at the moment, He will be with me, and eventually, God willing, I will be free of this disease and be able to worship the Lord with everything I’ve got, without the presence of the doubts.

The Righterzpen · Apr 25, 2019

NoahSK said:
Well I’ve been using some oils and other natural stuff but I’m not sure how much it’s helping. I’ve been reading stories from other people who have been through exactly what I am (reading their stories is like looking in a mirror of my life) and it has been encouraging to know that my doubts are not from me but from OCD and that as long as I hold onto the truth of Jesus, no matter how unreal it seems to me at the moment, He will be with me, and eventually, God willing, I will be free of this disease and be able to worship the Lord with everything I’ve got, without the presence of the doubts.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is also quite effective for OCD.

I used to obsess about what people thought of me because of my son's behavior when he was younger. It took a lot of doctors and social workers telling me I was a good mom before I believed it.

I too went through about 10 to 15 years of being scared that I really wasn't a believer. But what that sprung from was a deep seated belief that I wasn't lovable. I came from a very difficult background. I figured why would God love me; nobody else really did. I truly "felt" unredeemable.

But feelings aren't facts! (Remember that!) :oldthumbsup:

When I finally realized that I was no worse of a sinner than anyone else (matter of fact - I was externally probably more moral than many - at least most of the unbelievers that were around me) that finally "leveled the playing field" and I stopped worrying about it. God did care about me. God did love me. I could see that.

Which at the time was a good thing because I'd very shorty come to the point of really needing Him. I'm a veteran and shortly after this, I started having flash backs to Desert Storm; I got so psychologically out of whack - I almost killed myself. God is faithful though. He wouldn't let go of me! I owe a lot to him. The very life that I'm still here typing to you.

God is certainly capable of holding tight to us, even when we are only half there mentally!

NoahSK · Apr 25, 2019

The Righterzpen said:
Cognitive behavioral therapy is also quite effective for OCD.

I used to obsess about what people thought of me because of my son's behavior when he was younger. It took a lot of doctors and social workers telling me I was a good mom before I believed it.

I too went through about 10 to 15 years of being scared that I really wasn't a believer. But what that sprung from was a deep seated belief that I wasn't lovable. I came from a very difficult background. I figured why would God love me; nobody else really did. I truly "felt" unredeemable.

But feelings aren't facts! (Remember that!)

When I finally realized that I was no worse of a sinner than anyone else (matter of fact - I was externally probably more moral than many - at least most of the unbelievers that were around me) that finally "leveled the playing field" and I stopped worrying about it. God did care about me. God did love me. I could see that.

Which at the time was a good thing because I'd very shorty come to the point of really needing Him. I'm a veteran and shortly after this, I started having flash backs to Desert Storm; I got so psychologically out of whack - I almost killed myself. God is faithful though. He wouldn't let go of me! I owe a lot to him. The very life that I'm still here typing to you.

God is certainly capable of holding tight to us, even when we are only half there mentally!

I’ve been so deep in doubt and wanting to believe that I said that if I can’t believe then I don’t want to be alive. If I didn’t believe, I don’t think I would have wanted it that bad. I have heard from somewhere that OCD attacks what is most dear to a person, which would in this case have to be my faith in Christ. If I didn’t believe, I wouldn’t be this worried about it. I have also had thoughts that I wasn’t good enough, and that God didn’t want me because I was too sinful. I am glad that you aren’t there anymore, and I believe that we are given these experiences so that when it comes to it we can sympathize and help out others with OCD or other disorders that normal people wouldn’t be able to relate with. I kind of thank God that these things happen to us, because it can help shift our faith from focusing on our ability to focusing on His ability. I find myself trusting now on God more than ever, because I realize that my efforts aren’t enough. I pray that God will help you through any struggles you are going through, and I know that these experiences will help shape us and help us help others.

The Righterzpen · Apr 25, 2019

NoahSK said:
I’ve been so deep in doubt and wanting to believe that I said that if I can’t believe then I don’t want to be alive. If I didn’t believe, I don’t think I would have wanted it that bad. I have heard from somewhere that OCD attacks what is most dear to a person, which would in this case have to be my faith in Christ. If I didn’t believe, I wouldn’t be this worried about it. I have also had thoughts that I wasn’t good enough, and that God didn’t want me because I was too sinful. I am glad that you aren’t there anymore, and I believe that we are given these experiences so that when it comes to it we can sympathize and help out others with OCD or other disorders that normal people wouldn’t be able to relate with. I kind of thank God that these things happen to us, because it can help shift our faith from focusing on our ability to focusing on His ability. I find myself trusting now on God more than ever, because I realize that my efforts aren’t enough. I pray that God will help you through any struggles you are going through, and I know that these experiences will help shape us and help us help others.

Well, what exactly are you doubting? Are you doubting God or are you more doubting yourself? There's a difference.

It was very infrequent that I ever doubted who God was or what He was capable of. There was a lot of things I understood intellectually and that was a saving grace in many ways, because I was able to reason myself out of some of the emotions I had. (That worked until I got to certain places where my emotions just overwhelmed me - than my "default mode" was just - God help me!)

Another thing was, that very rarely was I ever angry at God and the reason for that was that if I was ever going to get out of the emotional hole I was in; I needed God's help. There's one person I know who claims to be a Christian and says she's been one for 40 or 50 years and she's [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed at God that her life didn't turn out the way she thinks it should. That I honesty don't get???? With her I don't see any real change of heart. I don't know if she's just so bogged down in her personal dysfunction or what; but I couldn't imagine living like that.

So, I realize early on that it did no good to be mad at God over any of what I was going through because I could't shut out my only source of help. Looking back on it, of course I realize that God was the one who brought that revelation to me so early on, because without it, I was so utterly prone to self destruction.

I'd been depressed my entire life and it only lifted effectively maybe 15 years ago. I've also had PTSD my entire life. I still have it; but I've learned much better how to cope with it.

Life is managed it isn't cured! (That's another thing that's important to remember.) We all have our crosses to bear and it doesn't go away automatically. Paul was in Arabia for (I think it was 10 years) before he was "psychologically well enough" to evangelize. And here's a guy who wrote a good chunk of the New Testament.

Don't know if you've ever heard this song - but it's a good one.

But so is this one.

NoahSK · Apr 25, 2019

The Righterzpen said:
Well, what exactly are you doubting? Are you doubting God or are you more doubting yourself? There's a difference.

It was very infrequent that I ever doubted who God was or what He was capable of. There was a lot of things I understood intellectually and that was a saving grace in many ways, because I was able to reason myself out of some of the emotions I had. (That worked until I got to certain places where my emotions just overwhelmed me - than my "default mode" was just - God help me!)

Another thing was, that very rarely was I ever angry at God and the reason for that was that if I was ever going to get out of the emotional hole I was in; I needed God's help. There's one person I know who claims to be a Christian and says she's been one for 40 or 50 years and she's [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed at God that her life didn't turn out the way she thinks it should. That I honesty don't get???? With her I don't see any real change of heart. I don't know if she's just so bogged down in her personal dysfunction or what; but I couldn't imagine living like that.

So, I realize early on that it did no good to be mad at God over any of what I was going through because I could't shut out my only source of help. Looking back on it, of course I realize that God was the one who brought that revelation to me so early on, because without it, I was so utterly prone to self destruction.

I'd been depressed my entire life and it only lifted effectively maybe 15 years ago. I've also had PTSD my entire life. I still have it; but I've learned much better how to cope with it.

Life is managed it isn't cured! (That's another thing that's important to remember.) We all have our crosses to bear and it doesn't go away automatically. Paul was in Arabia for (I think it was 10 years) before he was "psychologically well enough" to evangelize. And here's a guy who wrote a good chunk of the New Testament.

Don't know if you've ever heard this song - but it's a good one.

But so is this one.

I have doubted both. I would doubt God’s existence (not sure why or how, but it was like I wanted to believe, but for some reason couldn’t; it was as if my intellectual side kept saying that it just wasn’t possible). I would fight this doubt, and I would end up doubting in my ability to believe, resulting in me believing that I wasn’t chosen to believe or that God hadn’t granted me faith. That thought sort of comes around full circle, as if I believed that God hadn’t granted me faith, I had to believe in Him in the first place. I have doubted my ability to believe and have faith, doubted God’s existence, and even doubted whether or not He wanted me or not. So it’s a combination of all of that that has left me in despair. And yes, I have heard both songs, which have helped me through some tough times. And can you explain to me more about this woman you mentioned?

The Righterzpen · Apr 25, 2019

NoahSK said:
I have doubted both. I would doubt God’s existence (not sure why or how, but it was like I wanted to believe, but for some reason couldn’t; it was as if my intellectual side kept saying that it just wasn’t possible). I would fight this doubt, and I would end up doubting in my ability to believe, resulting in me believing that I wasn’t chosen to believe or that God hadn’t granted me faith. That thought sort of comes around full circle, as if I believed that God hadn’t granted me faith, I had to believe in Him in the first place. I have doubted my ability to believe and have faith, doubted God’s existence, and even doubted whether or not He wanted me or not. So it’s a combination of all of that that has left me in despair. And yes, I have heard both songs, which have helped me through some tough times. And can you explain to me more about this woman you mentioned?

Well, this woman is in her mid 60's, never got married, seems as if she's always wanted to be married? She was molested as a child and can't seem to identify who she is outside of that experience. It's like she's never grown to maturity emotionally. I tried to be her friend and she ended up turning around and stabbing me in the back basically.

I think she didn't know what to do with me because I was the only person that she could not say she had a "worse life" than me. I think she was jealous. She didn't seem to be able to figure out how I'd survived all I had and to still have the faith I have. I have been through a lot of ...... poo!

She also had the tendency to be critical and need to prove she was right no matter what - sort of thing. I think her real issue was that she never resolved not feeling heard as a kid. She blamed her own father for not protecting her from the abuse (as far as I know it only happened once); yet states she never told her parents either. (So how do you justify blaming them?)

And me coming from a similar although far more dysfunctional background understood the cognitive distortions she had; and when I'd challenge her to consider a different perspective, she'd get mad at me.

Well, she had this other woman who allegedly was trying to mentor her. Who herself is just divisive. She's quite well described in 2 Timothy 3 and the description of what these sort of people do - is exactly what happened. She "led captive" this "silly woman laden with sin". This "mentor" didn't like me and she had a tendency to target people she didn't like. I found this out from another church member who's also been a target of hers.

My son with his autism and epilepsy was in need of the cry room in the back of the church. We were the only ones using it at the time and the "mentor" was spearheading the objection to us using it. So we ended up in the downstairs infant nursery of the church basement for like 4 years. Then several other things happened and basically I got fed up and we left. The last straw was when they wouldn't baptize my son. He'd waited 7 years. He was baptized last year at a Christian music festival we go to. So, that was the last straw.

The church we are at now seems much more accepting, although doctrinally, I'd have to say it's not quite as established. I think we are there for a reason though. It seems like a very lively church, where there is genuine interest in peoples' spiritual growth. I feel more accepted too; but I'm also not a quiet mousy person either, so if they can take me where I'm at; that does say something about their maturity as a faith group of people.

So, that's that.

As far as you are speaking of doubting God's existence. I go through times on occasion where I feel like this can't be real, because it's too awesome and I can't wrap my brain around it. It's almost like doubting God is real because He's too real. LOL. I don't know if that makes sense to you; or if that could be the type of doubt you experience too.

That I think though is distinctly different from the atheistic or agnostic type of doubt. I don't know how old you are. You speak of your parents, so I'm assuming your in high school to a 20 something. (You could be older if you've been dealing with OCD a long time and it causes you significant impairment - but I get the impression that you are younger.)

Also I don't know how long you've been a believer and if you remember not being a believer. I distinctively remember being an atheist as a teenager, so I have something to compare to. People who grew up in Christian homes sometimes don't have that perspective because they've been around religion their entire life.

So if the kind of doubt you are experiencing is "God, You're too good to be true". I think that is not necessarily an indication of a lack of faith. If you know what I mean. You see to be the kind of person who's invested emotionally in the understanding of your need for redemption. And that is certainly not characteristic of someone with no faith.

You follow me?

The Righterzpen · Apr 25, 2019

NoahSK said:
I have doubted both. I would doubt God’s existence (not sure why or how, but it was like I wanted to believe, but for some reason couldn’t; it was as if my intellectual side kept saying that it just wasn’t possible). I would fight this doubt, and I would end up doubting in my ability to believe, resulting in me believing that I wasn’t chosen to believe or that God hadn’t granted me faith. That thought sort of comes around full circle, as if I believed that God hadn’t granted me faith, I had to believe in Him in the first place. I have doubted my ability to believe and have faith, doubted God’s existence, and even doubted whether or not He wanted me or not. So it’s a combination of all of that that has left me in despair. And yes, I have heard both songs, which have helped me through some tough times. And can you explain to me more about this woman you mentioned?

Just looked at your profile - you are about 1 month younger than my son!

Do you play video games? Do you like Destiny? LOL

NoahSK · Apr 25, 2019

The Righterzpen said:
Well, this woman is in her mid 60's, never got married, seems as if she's always wanted to be married? She was molested as a child and can't seem to identify who she is outside of that experience. It's like she's never grown to maturity emotionally. I tried to be her friend and she ended up turning around and stabbing me in the back basically.

I think she didn't know what to do with me because I was the only person that she could not say she had a "worse life" than me. I think she was jealous. She didn't seem to be able to figure out how I'd survived all I had and to still have the faith I have. I have been through a lot of ...... poo!

She also had the tendency to be critical and need to prove she was right no matter what - sort of thing. I think her real issue was that she never resolved not feeling heard as a kid. She blamed her own father for not protecting her from the abuse (as far as I know it only happened once); yet states she never told her parents either. (So how do you justify blaming them?)

And me coming from a similar although far more dysfunctional background understood the cognitive distortions she had; and when I'd challenge her to consider a different perspective, she'd get mad at me.

Well, she had this other woman who allegedly was trying to mentor her. Who herself is just divisive. She's quite well described in 2 Timothy 3 and the description of what these sort of people do - is exactly what happened. She "led captive" this "silly woman laden with sin". This "mentor" didn't like me and she had a tendency to target people she didn't like. I found this out from another church member who's also been a target of hers.

My son with his autism and epilepsy was in need of the cry room in the back of the church. We were the only ones using it at the time and the "mentor" was spearheading the objection to us using it. So we ended up in the downstairs infant nursery of the church basement for like 4 years. Then several other things happened and basically I got fed up and we left. The last straw was when they wouldn't baptize my son. He'd waited 7 years. He was baptized last year at a Christian music festival we go to. So, that was the last straw.

The church we are at now seems much more accepting, although doctrinally, I'd have to say it's not quite as established. I think we are there for a reason though. It seems like a very lively church, where there is genuine interest in peoples' spiritual growth. I feel more accepted too; but I'm also not a quiet mousy person either, so if they can take me where I'm at; that does say something about their maturity as a faith group of people.

So, that's that.

As far as you are speaking of doubting God's existence. I go through times on occasion where I feel like this can't be real, because it's too awesome and I can't wrap my brain around it. It's almost like doubting God is real because He's too real. LOL. I don't know if that makes sense to you; or if that could be the type of doubt you experience too.

That I think though is distinctly different from the atheistic or agnostic type of doubt. I don't know how old you are. You speak of your parents, so I'm assuming your in high school to a 20 something. (You could be older if you've been dealing with OCD a long time and it causes you significant impairment - but I get the impression that you are younger.)

Also I don't know how long you've been a believer and if you remember not being a believer. I distinctively remember being an atheist as a teenager, so I have something to compare to. People who grew up in Christian homes sometimes don't have that perspective because they've been around religion their entire life.

So if the kind of doubt you are experiencing is "God, You're too good to be true". I think that is not necessarily an indication of a lack of faith. If you know what I mean. You see to be the kind of person who's invested emotionally in the understanding of your need for redemption. And that is certainly not characteristic of someone with no faith.

You follow me?

No, I think my sort of doubt is probably more toward the atheistic doubt, where it seems as though God and Jesus can’t exist. I’m not actually sure what it is, just that I hate it and didn’t want it in my life. It was like my brain would bring up every excuse for why it couldn’t be true, and I would try to fight it off, which would only result in more doubts flowing in. This really scared me the first time it happened, because at first I thought I had stopped believing altogether. I still sometimes fear that maybe I don’t believe. Not really sure. Anyhow, it’s very emotionally draining trying to fight the doubt when it just keeps coming stronger and more frequently. Add the fear that I’m gonna end up atheist some day and it only gets worse. I guess my view of God has changed a lot, from a loving father who wants me and waits for me to a God that doesn’t want me or won’t accept me. When I do stop doubting, the fear changes from fear of not believing to fear of going to Hell because I had fallen away and couldn’t do anything to come back.

The Righterzpen · Apr 25, 2019

NoahSK said:
No, I think my sort of doubt is probably more toward the atheistic doubt, where it seems as though God and Jesus can’t exist. I’m not actually sure what it is, just that I hate it and didn’t want it in my life. It was like my brain would bring up every excuse for why it couldn’t be true, and I would try to fight it off, which would only result in more doubts flowing in. This really scared me the first time it happened, because at first I thought I had stopped believing altogether. I still sometimes fear that maybe I don’t believe. Not really sure. Anyhow, it’s very emotionally draining trying to fight the doubt when it just keeps coming stronger and more frequently. Add the fear that I’m gonna end up atheist some day and it only gets worse. I guess my view of God has changed a lot, from a loving father who wants me and waits for me to a God that doesn’t want me or won’t accept me. When I do stop doubting, the fear changes from fear of not believing to fear of going to Hell because I had fallen away and couldn’t do anything to come back.

People who don't believe though despise the concept of election. You sound more to me like someone who falls into the category of fearing your not elect.

As far as "atheistic unbelief"; you believe the Civil War happened right? You believe WWII happened. There's not any less historical evidence for Jesus "having happened".

You ever seen this movie? It's a good one.

NoahSK · Apr 25, 2019

The Righterzpen said:
People who don't believe though despise the concept of election. You sound more to me like someone who falls into the category of fearing your not elect.

As far as "atheistic unbelief"; you believe the Civil War happened right? You believe WWII happened. There's not any less historical evidence for Jesus "having happened".

You ever seen this movie? It's a good one.

Yes, I have seen that movie, and at the end, seeing his heart become softened, seeing him finally come to accept Christ despite originally trying to tear Him down brought me to tears, because it meant that perhaps God could do the same for me. Throughout my times of deep doubt, I would pray for God to soften my heart and help me believe. One day, this week actually, I would have strong doubts, would finally overcome those doubts, tears of joy resulting from knowing Christ was real, only to fall back to doubt moments later. Repeat several times over a short span of time and you get the picture. And yes, one of my many gripping fears is that I am not one of the elect.

Chris M. · Apr 25, 2019

NoahSK said:
This helps. My parents say something similar. Whenever I have strong doubts, I honestly break down in tears. My parents tell me that if I didn’t believe, I wouldn’t be this worried about it. They tell me that it is the OCD causing me to doubt, not myself. Recently, I’ve been praying for God to lift the doubts and help me believe. I’m going to keep praying and trusting that He will not ignore me. Thank you all.

Keep running after him man and don't give up! I've faced moments like this too

James 4:8 Draw close to God and he will draw close to you

The Righterzpen · Apr 25, 2019

NoahSK said:
Yes, I have seen that movie, and at the end, seeing his heart become softened, seeing him finally come to accept Christ despite originally trying to tear Him down brought me to tears, because it meant that perhaps God could do the same for me. Throughout my times of deep doubt, I would pray for God to soften my heart and help me believe. One day, this week actually, I would have strong doubts, would finally overcome those doubts, tears of joy resulting from knowing Christ was real, only to fall back to doubt moments later. Repeat several times over a short span of time and you get the picture. And yes, one of my many gripping fears is that I am not one of the elect.

Well, what mental process do you go through that makes you question whether or not God is real, or whether or not you believe? Does it originate with the thought of "Oh I've done something so bad, God could not forgive me." or is it more "my mind is playing tricks on me" (it turns off / turns on = don't believe / believe again)? How long has this been going on?

The reason I ask is because my son went through a similar thing. He'd been on antidepressants and had a bad reaction to them. So he went off them and I started doing some research. I put him on calcium / magnesium / zinc supplements and neurologist's nurse suggested B-6 for ornery behavior and that was more effective at evening out his mood than pharmaceuticals. He still takes medication for his epilepsy, but that's it.

He's also been a homeschool student for the past two years and that has worked better for him than any other brick and mortar school he's ever been in. I've hired 2 tutors to teach him because I just don't have the patience. He's stable now, but he's been on these supplements for years.

A lot has happened though too. His dad died 2 years ago and the broken relationship was a major stressor to the kid. His mood actually stabilized after the initial shock of dad dying. So, if you have other life stressors piling up; that doesn't make it any easier.

NoahSK · Apr 25, 2019

The Righterzpen said:
Well, what mental process do you go through that makes you question whether or not God is real, or whether or not you believe? Does it originate with the thought of "Oh I've done something so bad, God could not forgive me." or is it more "my mind is playing tricks on me" (it turns off / turns on = don't believe / believe again)? How long has this been going on?

The reason I ask is because my son went through a similar thing. He'd been on antidepressants and had a bad reaction to them. So he went off them and I started doing some research. I put him on calcium / magnesium / zinc supplements and neurologist's nurse suggested B-6 for ornery behavior and that was more effective at evening out his mood than pharmaceuticals. He still takes medication for his epilepsy, but that's it.

He's also been a homeschool student for the past two years and that has worked better for him than any other brick and mortar school he's ever been in. I've hired 2 tutors to teach him because I just don't have the patience. He's stable now, but he's been on these supplements for years.

A lot has happened though too. His dad died 2 years ago and the broken relationship was a major stressor to the kid. His mood actually stabilized after the initial shock of dad dying. So, if you have other life stressors piling up; that doesn't make it any easier.

Both, honestly. Though when I think God can’t forgive me I don’t doubt His existence, but I do become very fearful of Hell. The other one, the on/off don’t believe/believe again, is more where I’m at right now. It will be random and could be triggered by anything, where the doubt will come unexpectedly and then leave just as unexpectedly. It’s weird. That has been going on for a few months; since February, I think? I think it was around my birthday when it began happening.

The Righterzpen · Apr 25, 2019

NoahSK said:
Both, honestly. Though when I think God can’t forgive me I don’t doubt His existence, but I do become very fearful of Hell. The other one, the on/off don’t believe/believe again, is more where I’m at right now. It will be random and could be triggered by anything, where the doubt will come unexpectedly and then leave just as unexpectedly. It’s weird. That has been going on for a few months; since February, I think? I think it was around my birthday when it began happening.

And your not addicted to inappropriate content or anything like that?

No sudden huge trigger like death of a family member? moving? changing schools? other type of life upheaval?

Been camping, bit by a tic? Had strep throat lately?

If it's none of these major life changes; it sounds like an "organic brain issue". Something about the chemicals aint quite "in jive" and medical illness can trigger sudden onset OCD. It's called PANDAS

Have you been checked by a doctor for medical causes?

Possible causes of sudden onset OCD in kids broadened

NoahSK · Apr 25, 2019

The Righterzpen said:
And your not addicted to inappropriate content or anything like that?

No sudden huge trigger like death of a family member? moving? changing schools? other type of life upheaval?

Been camping, bit by a tic? Had strep throat lately?

If it's none of these major life changes; it sounds like an "organic brain issue". Something about the chemicals aint quite "in jive" and medical illness can trigger sudden onset OCD. It's called PANDAS

Have you been checked by a doctor for medical causes?

Possible causes of sudden onset OCD in kids broadened

To be honest, for the past six or so years I have been addicted to inappropriate content in some form or other. Actually, that’s what started this all. I had tried numerous times to try and stop watching it, but ultimately would give up. It changed my mind. I began to have these sexual fantasies about people around me. I’m talking weird, horrible fantasies. Horrible stuff. I would look forward to having sex someday, with anyone, didn’t matter to me. No marriage, no relationships even, heck, I even thought about the possibility of hiring someone. Pretty bad for a professing Christian, right? After a promise to God to stop this if He would help me out of a scary situation, wouldn’t you know I looked up stuff again. I began to fear God’s judgement and tried to stop on my own, but couldn’t escape it. Ultimately, through reading a verse (Matthew 7:21-23) and doing some research, I concluded that something was wrong; if I was saved, surely I wouldn’t be doing this. I began to fear judgment again and I have struggled to find peace and assurance of salvation, which is where I’m at right now. I have repeatedly asked Jesus to enter my life and to help me fight this sin, which I have continued to struggle with, although to a considerably lesser extent. That’s basically my whole story right there.

The Righterzpen · Apr 25, 2019

NoahSK said:
To be honest, for the past six or so years I have been addicted to inappropriate content in some form or other. Actually, that’s what started this all. I had tried numerous times to try and stop watching it, but ultimately would give up. It changed my mind. I began to have these sexual fantasies about people around me. I’m talking weird, horrible fantasies. Horrible stuff. I would look forward to having sex someday, with anyone, didn’t matter to me. No marriage, no relationships even, heck, I even thought about the possibility of hiring someone. Pretty bad for a professing Christian, right? After a promise to God to stop this if He would help me out of a scary situation, wouldn’t you know I looked up stuff again. I began to fear God’s judgement and tried to stop on my own, but couldn’t escape it. Ultimately, through reading a verse (Matthew 7:21-23) and doing some research, I concluded that something was wrong; if I was saved, surely I wouldn’t be doing this. I began to fear judgment again and I have struggled to find peace and assurance of salvation, which is where I’m at right now. I have repeatedly asked Jesus to enter my life and to help me fight this sin, which I have continued to struggle with, although to a considerably lesser extent. That’s basically my whole story right there.

As a sexual abuse survivor, my struggle with (would I call it sex addiction - maybe? compulsive masturbation that I felt I had no control over and I was sure I'd done something beyond horrible.) PTSD certainly.

This "started" with a rather explicit dream about Jesus. I buried it for about 5 years (trying to get through my enlistment in the military and Desert Storm without loosing my mind!) Then I got into counseling and it took another 2 to 3 years to sort it out.

You're not alone and you're not crazy!

If you told your parents to help you get counseling for it - would they "freak out" about it?

NoahSK · Apr 26, 2019

The Righterzpen said:
As a sexual abuse survivor, my struggle with (would I call it sex addiction - maybe? compulsive masturbation that I felt I had no control over and I was sure I'd done something beyond horrible.) PTSD certainly.

This "started" with a rather explicit dream about Jesus. I buried it for about 5 years (trying to get through my enlistment in the military and Desert Storm without loosing my mind!) Then I got into counseling and it took another 2 to 3 years to sort it out.

You're not alone and you're not crazy!

If you told your parents to help you get counseling for it - would they "freak out" about it?

They already know. I’m not willing to keep anything a secret. I’m too scared not to make it known. I like to have assurance that I’m still not too far gone, and if confessing stuff like that to whoever can get me answers as to what’s going on, I’m willing to let it be known.

The Righterzpen · Apr 26, 2019

NoahSK said:
To be honest, for the past six or so years I have been addicted to inappropriate content in some form or other. Actually, that’s what started this all. I had tried numerous times to try and stop watching it, but ultimately would give up. It changed my mind. I began to have these sexual fantasies about people around me. I’m talking weird, horrible fantasies. Horrible stuff. I would look forward to having sex someday, with anyone, didn’t matter to me. No marriage, no relationships even, heck, I even thought about the possibility of hiring someone. Pretty bad for a professing Christian, right? After a promise to God to stop this if He would help me out of a scary situation, wouldn’t you know I looked up stuff again. I began to fear God’s judgement and tried to stop on my own, but couldn’t escape it. Ultimately, through reading a verse (Matthew 7:21-23) and doing some research, I concluded that something was wrong; if I was saved, surely I wouldn’t be doing this. I began to fear judgment again and I have struggled to find peace and assurance of salvation, which is where I’m at right now. I have repeatedly asked Jesus to enter my life and to help me fight this sin, which I have continued to struggle with, although to a considerably lesser extent. That’s basically my whole story right there.

Prayed for you last night and this morning.

Just so you know - I'm a 48 year old female. Pain and suffering touch a lot of different types of people in many ways.

You already know I also have a 17 year old son and as a mom, the last thing I'd want to see is him suffer from something he feels trapped in and not able to get out of. This is the kind of stuff suicides are made of and I'm sure your mom too would want to see you overcome this. If you can tell her about it and enlist her assistance to get help - support is the path to recovery.

This started 6 years ago, means you were 11 years old. No 11 year old could face that and not be overwhelmed and confused by it.

Six years is a long time to carry this. I don't think I've ever met someone who's found themselves in this situation who can get themselves out without help; and I think you've suffered alone long enough. When Lazarus came out of the tomb, Jesus told the people around him to unwrap him. We are the body of Christ. He put us here to help each other.

Not to fret about God; He understands your sexuality better than you do. He created us a certain way for a reason.

He also allowed the two of us to cross paths for a reason. If you're too afraid to talk to your mom about this right now; I'll do whatever I can to help you find the help you need. It's important to you, it's important to me and it's important to God that you be freed from this. We all face the trial of having to be brave though. God will send you people to help you and different folks to point you further down the path. The whole recovery process started for me almost 30 years ago. There've been a lot of people in my path. You can overcome this. I will tell you this right now though; it's not going to be an easy journey and it's not going to happen over night. There are a lot of bricks that got you to the place you are now and there will be a lot of bricks to walk on the way back out. There are other's who've walked this journey; and if you are afraid / think that you are homosexual, there are people who've walked that journey too.

And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.

Joel 2:24-26

Scared, Hopeless, is it too late for me?

Active Member

Jesus is my Shield in any Desert or Storm

Active Member

Jesus is my Shield in any Desert or Storm

Active Member

Jesus is my Shield in any Desert or Storm

Active Member

Jesus is my Shield in any Desert or Storm

Jesus is my Shield in any Desert or Storm

Active Member

Jesus is my Shield in any Desert or Storm

Active Member

Member

Jesus is my Shield in any Desert or Storm

Active Member

Jesus is my Shield in any Desert or Storm

Active Member

Jesus is my Shield in any Desert or Storm

Active Member

Jesus is my Shield in any Desert or Storm

Similar threads