Another reason I avoid online dating platforms

Rajni

☯ Ego ad Eum pertinent ☯
Supporter
Dec 26, 2007
8,552
3,930
Visit site
✟1,210,341.00
Country
United States
Faith
Unorthodox
Marital Status
Single
I get scared just by trying to join or receiving a message from someone I don't find particularly interesting. I was so tempted to join one site last year and I made friends with a guy who wanted to do bible study but kept on worrying that I would scam him. I on the other hand was scared by his request to study "God's will for us." I did a good Bible study but second guessed myself and thought that he was proposing. Needless to say I had to quit the site just to keep my head straight. I still don't mind just browsing pictures and profiles

I can totally relate with the whole private-messaging thing. I actually
have mine turned off on the forums I belong to. Unless it has to
do with forum-administration, there's nothing anyone therein
needs to say to me in private that they can't post to me publicly.
Things get too creepy otherwise (I learned this from Facebook, too).
 
Upvote 0

dayhiker

Mature veteran
Sep 13, 2006
15,557
5,287
MA
✟220,067.00
Faith
Charismatic
Marital Status
In Relationship
Politics
US-Others
To me people are people and wither they are on a computer site or at a church function they will be people. The trick in my mine is what skills do we have to evaluate if we are a match for someone. The skills one needs online are somewhat different than in person.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Run to Jesus
Upvote 0

Run to Jesus

Member
Oct 29, 2011
157
21
✟10,378.00
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Single
To me people are people and wither they are on a computer site or at a church function they will be people. The trick in my mine is what skills do we have to evaluate if we are a match for someone. The skills one needs online are somewhat different than in person.

So true! All the more the reason to be prayerful and ask God if you are taking the right step.
 
  • Like
Reactions: dayhiker
Upvote 0

ThisIsMe123

This And That
Mar 13, 2017
2,819
1,165
.
✟185,044.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I can totally relate with the whole private-messaging thing. I actually
have mine turned off on the forums I belong to. Unless it has to
do with forum-administration, there's nothing anyone therein
needs to say to me in private that they can't post to me publicly.
Things get too creepy otherwise (I learned this from Facebook, too).

Not sure there's avoiding that on Facebook...that is unless you have no Facebook. That, "People you may know" list that pops up is an invitation to get others to reach out to you, usually because you both share mutual friends with others on FB.
 
Upvote 0

Rajni

☯ Ego ad Eum pertinent ☯
Supporter
Dec 26, 2007
8,552
3,930
Visit site
✟1,210,341.00
Country
United States
Faith
Unorthodox
Marital Status
Single
Not sure there's avoiding that on Facebook...that is unless you have no Facebook. That, "People you may know" list that pops up is an invitation to get others to reach out to you, usually because you both share mutual friends with others on FB.

Facebook has it now where if you're not connected, the message
someone sends is filtered so that not even an alert comes up that
it's there. Even if I do read it, unless I act on it by replying, it
doesn't register on the other person's end that I saw it.

The person who sent me the creepiest message on Facebook
years ago is still on my block-list, even though I've since closed
down the profile I had at the time it happened. They were
married (though their spouse was never in any of their posted
pics), but still seemed to show what I thought was just a bit too
much interest in me. The message they sent that creeped me out
literally had me wondering if they were stalking my home,
because they asked why I wasn't outside on my porch enjoying
the evening weather. First of all, how did they know I wasn't
outside (I wasn't!), and secondly, how in tarnation did they know
I had a porch (I did!). So I'm running all over the house closing my
curtains and shades and peering out between the blind-slats to see
if I can detect my stalker.

No stalking took place, but the inquiry was just way too unnerving.
It helped to reinforce my no-PM policy.

Fortunately, I haven't really gotten any creep-tastic PMs since then.
Maybe people in general are learning not to do that, even if they don't
mean any harm by it. Maybe I creep them out already and so they
keep their distance! :D
 
Upvote 0

ThisIsMe123

This And That
Mar 13, 2017
2,819
1,165
.
✟185,044.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Facebook has it now where if you're not connected, the message
someone sends is filtered so that not even an alert comes up that
it's there. Even if I do read it, unless I act on it by replying, it
doesn't register on the other person's end that I saw it.

The person who sent me the creepiest message on Facebook
years ago is still on my block-list, even though I've since closed
down the profile I had at the time it happened. They were
married (though their spouse was never in any of their posted
pics), but still seemed to show what I thought was just a bit too
much interest in me. The message they sent that creeped me out
literally had me wondering if they were stalking my home,
because they asked why I wasn't outside on my porch enjoying
the evening weather. First of all, how did they know I wasn't
outside (I wasn't!), and secondly, how in tarnation did they know
I had a porch (I did!). So I'm running all over the house closing my
curtains and shades and peering out between the blind-slats to see
if I can detect my stalker.

No stalking took place, but the inquiry was just way too unnerving.
It helped to reinforce my no-PM policy.

Fortunately, I haven't really gotten any creep-tastic PMs since then.
Maybe people in general are learning not to do that, even if they don't
mean any harm by it. Maybe I creep them out already and so they
keep their distance! :D

One can get past that filter by adding them as a friend, so they can at least see that little red notification.

I usually make sure we have shared mutual friends on our friends list before reaching out. I'm like, "Hey, I see we know that same person, we went to high school together "

Something generic like that .
 
  • Like
Reactions: Rajni
Upvote 0

ThisIsMe123

This And That
Mar 13, 2017
2,819
1,165
.
✟185,044.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I quit using facebook this week because men use it to scam people they are always making up silly scam stories, even though Facebook is not a dateing site men use it for that, it's sad :(

Guilty as charged here, lol!...considering I didn't want to waste money online dating. I typically do it when I see me and her share a few mutual friends and/or share other interests via the Facebook groups. That way it isn't as off-putting. So...not a scammer, but I'm a legit guy looking for someone. :)

I'd be like, "Hey, you know so-and-so! We went to high school together!" So at least I had a reason to initiate chat. :)
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Citanul

Well, when exactly do you mean?
May 31, 2006
3,420
2,618
45
Cape Town, South Africa
✟206,608.00
Country
South Africa
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Single
I must be using FB wrong ... I've never used it to sham anyone! Don't think I even know how to do that.

I never have either. In fact when I see posts like the OP I wonder if my online dating experience is somehow unusual as I've never encountered anyone who wasn't who they claimed to be.

None of the women I've ever met in person as a result of connecting on a dating site has misrepresented themselves. They all appeared to be genuinely looking for a partner, even if what they were looking for wasn't me. And I have seen profiles of people I've met in real life, so are there really all the scam profiles that people claim there are?
 
  • Like
Reactions: dayhiker
Upvote 0

dayhiker

Mature veteran
Sep 13, 2006
15,557
5,287
MA
✟220,067.00
Faith
Charismatic
Marital Status
In Relationship
Politics
US-Others
Citanul .... I've always found the people I meet on line to be regular people. Almost everyone uses the web for something and so they are everyday people. 90 plus % are good people and a few rotten apples give people a lot of stories to tell. That's what I found.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

ProGoddess

Daughter of My Lord
Jan 15, 2017
518
776
Heaven
✟28,753.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Oh Ya, I was recovered the next day.

Good to know that you recovered that fast.

You are the second person whom I heard that had gone through this bad experience. The other one was travelling alone and was tailed without aware of it. It appeared to be a good target. Thank God, it was only money they wanted.

Well, back to what you guys were discussing. I have always wondered why people would go online to find a partner, or specifically for a life partner. What if the people were just being there to look for fun, and nothing else? Compare to real life vs online, which would be better to meet someone who is serious about a relationship that is long term? Hmm.. why did you go online in the first place? What kind of mentally did you go online with?

Since the internet is world wide, chances are, the people there can come from anywhere - that is, from different countries, nationalities, races, cultures and customs, background, social status, etc, how do you deal with it?

Oops... I kinda ask too much.. I shall pause for a bit.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

dayhiker

Mature veteran
Sep 13, 2006
15,557
5,287
MA
✟220,067.00
Faith
Charismatic
Marital Status
In Relationship
Politics
US-Others
Well, on line is a way to meet people one wouldn't meet otherwise.
Online sights have ways or looking for people that are within say 25 miles of where you live. I found one serious long term relationship online using a dating site. Now I'd use a social site like meetup to meet people. Often with meetup the meeting is around a common interest, like hiking or dancing. I've meet a lot of people that I enjoyed hanging out with thru meetup. Most of my GFs since my divorce have been thru meetup.
 
Upvote 0