God's Role in Marriage?

GraceTruthLove · Apr 18, 2019

Hello All,

Today I ran into an article that presents an idea I have never heard of: "God gives us freedom to choose if we marry and, by extension, whom we marry. There’s no biblical support whatsoever for the idea that we decide if we want to marry and, if we choose to marry, then God tells us who He’s picked for us. If we’re single, God calls us to follow Him. If we’re married, God calls us to follow Him. We may freely choose which path to take, but let each choice be made with wisdom." -ThatCrazyChristianRomance.com.

One of the author's key support passages is 1 Corinthians 7:6-9. Paul, in this passage, doesn't mention seeking God's will on whether one should go down the path of marriage or singleness.

Has God left the choice to marry or not marry to each believer's discretion? Will He or won't He direct us in His will on the matter of marriage and who to marry? As a young, single adult I've always assumed God would direct me on this when the time was right. I am seeking advice on whether is approach is actually invalid.

HTacianas · Apr 18, 2019

GraceTruthLove said:
Hello All,

Today I ran into an article that presents an idea I have never heard of: "God gives us freedom to choose if we marry and, by extension, whom we marry. There’s no biblical support whatsoever for the idea that we decide if we want to marry and, if we choose to marry, then God tells us who He’s picked for us. If we’re single, God calls us to follow Him. If we’re married, God calls us to follow Him. We may freely choose which path to take, but let each choice be made with wisdom." -ThatCrazyChristianRomance.com.

One of the author's key support passages is 1 Corinthians 7:6-9. Paul, in this passage, doesn't mention seeking God's will on whether one should go down the path of marriage or singleness.

Has God left the choice to marry or not marry to each believer's discretion? Will He or won't He direct us in His will on the matter of marriage and who to marry? As a young, single adult I've always assumed God would direct me on this when the time was right. I am seeking advice on whether is approach is actually invalid.

Given the state of some of the marriages I've seen, if God was the one who chose whom to marry, He is quite a joker.

Sabertooth · Apr 18, 2019

Per 1 Corinthians 7, if you have a negligible sex drive, you probably have the Spiritual gift of celibacy and are able to devote more of your time in His service. If it is not negligible, it is better to marry [dealing with it in an appropriate fashion] than to constantly expose yourself to temptation.
Believers should marry believers (implying that they can choose to do otherwise) [See 2 Corinthians 6:14-18].
We are called to be "led by the Spirit" [Romans 8:14]. So even though there is no specific Biblical support for the choices cited above, they would fall under deferring to God's specific leading for us. This includes trusting Him to connect us to an optimal, if not the ideal, spouse for us.

Of the Kingdom · Apr 18, 2019

I honestly hope you don't make any *major* life decisions without consulting God. On the other hand, just waiting for God to say yes or no seems very undesirable, so I guess I would agree with that writer more than not.

In any important issue we should pray and ask God to guide us. Certainly it is appropriate to begin a romantic interest based on our personal feelings, but wise to seek direction whether to pursue it or not. If thinking seriously about marriage, I would recommend that you pray for God's direction. Once you discuss this with the young lady, I would hope both of you would pray together about it. Nevertheless, I believe God wants you to make your own choices, just with the knowledge that you have sought confirmation before acting.

Endeavourer · Apr 18, 2019

There are a number of people out there that will make wonderful spouses for you. I believe God directs our choice by advising us what to look for. It's all right there in his Word. Look for someone who behaves how God would want him to behave. That's 80%+++ of compatibility right there.

Next, look for someone that is compatible with you. Here is an article that I've found to be 100% correct with respect to choosing a compatible mate. I've seen couples who lack compatibilities in these areas struggle - and those who are compatible in these areas tend to be better matched:

Choosing the Right One to Marry - Letter #2 (Marriage Builders®,...

crossnote · Apr 18, 2019

Psalm 37:4 (KJV) Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Proverbs 16:3 (KJV) Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.

HeartenedHeart · Apr 19, 2019

GraceTruthLove said:
Hello All,

Today I ran into an article that presents an idea I have never heard of: "God gives us freedom to choose if we marry and, by extension, whom we marry. There’s no biblical support whatsoever for the idea that we decide if we want to marry and, if we choose to marry, then God tells us who He’s picked for us. If we’re single, God calls us to follow Him. If we’re married, God calls us to follow Him. We may freely choose which path to take, but let each choice be made with wisdom." -ThatCrazyChristianRomance.com.

One of the author's key support passages is 1 Corinthians 7:6-9. Paul, in this passage, doesn't mention seeking God's will on whether one should go down the path of marriage or singleness.

Has God left the choice to marry or not marry to each believer's discretion? Will He or won't He direct us in His will on the matter of marriage and who to marry? As a young, single adult I've always assumed God would direct me on this when the time was right. I am seeking advice on whether is approach is actually invalid.

This may help you:

Courtship & Marriage | Messengers of Light Ministry

GraceTruthLove · Apr 19, 2019

Thanks all.

Joined2krist · Apr 20, 2019

If God chooses who we all marry, everyone should be married. I think in some cases He does and in others He leaves it up to them. He chose who Adam married but I don't think all Solomon's wives were chosen for him by God.

Joined2krist · Apr 20, 2019

If God chooses who we all marry, everyone should be married. I think in some cases He does and in others He leaves it up to them. He chose who Adam married but I don't think all Solomon's wives were chosen for him by God.

Andrew77 · Apr 21, 2019

GraceTruthLove said:
Hello All,

Today I ran into an article that presents an idea I have never heard of: "God gives us freedom to choose if we marry and, by extension, whom we marry. There’s no biblical support whatsoever for the idea that we decide if we want to marry and, if we choose to marry, then God tells us who He’s picked for us. If we’re single, God calls us to follow Him. If we’re married, God calls us to follow Him. We may freely choose which path to take, but let each choice be made with wisdom." -ThatCrazyChristianRomance.com.

One of the author's key support passages is 1 Corinthians 7:6-9. Paul, in this passage, doesn't mention seeking God's will on whether one should go down the path of marriage or singleness.

Has God left the choice to marry or not marry to each believer's discretion? Will He or won't He direct us in His will on the matter of marriage and who to marry? As a young, single adult I've always assumed God would direct me on this when the time was right. I am seeking advice on whether is approach is actually invalid.

Genesis suggests that marriage is generally the ideal plan.

"it is not good for man to be alone". Right?

However, beyond G-d bringing Eve to Adam, there is no evidence that G-d prompts you to get married, or brings someone into your life.

The Bible says "whoever finds a wife".... key word being "finds", which means you have to be looking.

There is no evidence whatsoever, that G-d already has your super special specific person, picked out for you, and when he decides to, he'll bring that person to you.

There is tons of evidence that when you go looking for a spouse, that G-d can guide your search with success.

A prime example would be Abraham, sending his servant to find a wife for Issac. The girl didn't just magically show up... he had to search for her, in another country even.

And if you think about it... the idea that you just need to wait around for G-d to bring you someone, seems crazy at face value.

If you are not looking for a wife, and are just waiting around for a woman to show up.... and the girl is not looking for a husband, and just waiting around for a man to show up.....

How exactly do you plan to meet each other? She is sitting at home watching TV, waiting for someone to find her. You are sitting at home watching TV, waiting for someone to find you.

How does this work? Well it doesn't. That's why you have 50 year old people, still waiting for G-d to bring them someone.

I actually know a guy right now that says he's just waiting for someone to show up. Been single 10 years now..... still waiting. Dude's going to die waiting at this rate.

So my view is... you need to be looking if you want a spouse. That's my view. Other people say differently, and that's fine. This is what I believe, based on what I've seen.

Sabertooth · Apr 21, 2019

You, at least, need to be involved & accessible.

Ttalkkugjil · Apr 21, 2019

Paul thought celibacy good. This he speaks according to allowance.

Jesus has let him to take regard for temperament, to apply principles to conditions as they existed at that time.

But that does not change Jesus' institution.

Wherever Paul speaks in Christian liberty's matters, he knows he's speaking as someone that has the Spirit. In this sense he writes, "I'd have all to be as also myself."

God had given him continence's gift, and in view of the approach of Christ's second advent, his wish was that this gift might be owned more generally.

He's no fanatic, he knows that everyone has received his own gift of grace from God.

The Spirit distributes her gifts for her service as she chooses, endowing each of her servants according to the work that she expects from them. A Christian's fitness for marriage is God's gift, for a family's care's a training for duties in the Church.

Heavenhome · Apr 21, 2019

Ttalkkugjil said:
Paul thought celibacy good. This he speaks according to allowance.

Jesus has let him to take regard for temperament, to apply principles to conditions as they existed at that time.

But that does not change Jesus' institution.

Wherever Paul speaks in Christian liberty's matters, he knows he's speaking as someone that has the Spirit. In this sense he writes, "I'd have all to be as also myself."

God had given him continence's gift, and in view of the approach of Christ's second advent, his wish was that this gift might be owned more generally.

He's no fanatic, he knows that everyone has received his own gift of grace from God.

The Spirit distributes her gifts for her service as she chooses, endowing each of her servants according to the work that she expects from them. A Christian's fitness for marriage is God's gift, for a family's care's a training for duties in the Church.

I don't get your reference to the Spirit ( what spirit?), if you mean the Holy Spirit then nowhere does the Bible speak of the Holy Spirit in feminine terms. Only as in "he".. just saying.. because we need to follow what the Bible says.

Ttalkkugjil · Apr 21, 2019

Heavenhome said:
I don't get your reference to the Spirit ( what spirit?), if you mean the Holy Spirit then nowhere does the Bible speak of the Holy Spirit in feminine terms. Only as in "he".. just saying.. because we need to follow what the Bible says.

Please don't derail the thread. I was clearly speaking of the Spirit of God.

Paul proceeds in his statements with care, "I tell single people, it's good for them if they stay as I."

His advice is conditional, "If they can't control themselves, let them marry; for it's better to marry than to burn, to be consumed by desire, since constant craving is a temptation."

They should do what isn't sin in order to avoid that which is sin. For the burning in excitement isn't permissible outside of marriage, and the rule here can't be suspended.

It may happen that a single person may not find it possible to get married.

In such cases every Christian may trust in Jesus to get from him the power to keep their body in subjection and to overcome the flesh's lust.

Heavenhome · Apr 21, 2019

Apologies for not addressing the OP but referring to the Holy Spirit as a she, is wrong and I feel important enough to point out.

Heavenhome · Apr 21, 2019

GraceTruthLove said:
Hello All,

Today I ran into an article that presents an idea I have never heard of: "God gives us freedom to choose if we marry and, by extension, whom we marry. There’s no biblical support whatsoever for the idea that we decide if we want to marry and, if we choose to marry, then God tells us who He’s picked for us. If we’re single, God calls us to follow Him. If we’re married, God calls us to follow Him. We may freely choose which path to take, but let each choice be made with wisdom." -ThatCrazyChristianRomance.com.

One of the author's key support passages is 1 Corinthians 7:6-9. Paul, in this passage, doesn't mention seeking God's will on whether one should go down the path of marriage or singleness.

Has God left the choice to marry or not marry to each believer's discretion? Will He or won't He direct us in His will on the matter of marriage and who to marry? As a young, single adult I've always assumed God would direct me on this when the time was right. I am seeking advice on whether is approach is actually invalid.

I take this as Paul saying (in essence, God) that whilst it is good for some to remain single so as to devote themselves wholeheartedly to God, most people are better off to marry.
As Eve was made for Adam and it was good for man not to be alone, as a Christian it is important that your would be partner shares your faith otherwise usually one party will bend to the other and sadly it is most often the person of faith that will be compromised.

As God gives us free will it is up to us if or who we marry but the guidelines are clearly presented in Scripture.
Of course this doesn't apply if neither are Christian and those who do come to Christ later will find it difficult (not impossible though!) if their spouse doesn't share their new faith. However many also may come to faith by the quiet love and witness of their partner so nothing is ever hopeless.

I, however am only talking from observation of family and friends as I am not, nor never have been married. It is funny because I always just somehow knew that I would stay single.
I think in all things important God always gives us clear guidelines in the Bible as to all aspects of our lives.

mnphysicist · Apr 22, 2019

GraceTruthLove said:
Has God left the choice to marry or not marry to each believer's discretion? Will He or won't He direct us in His will on the matter of marriage and who to marry? As a young, single adult I've always assumed God would direct me on this when the time was right. I am seeking advice on whether is approach is actually invalid.

Waiting for some sort of divine green light means you likely avoid the heartbreaks that a lot of young folks go through. Perhaps in ones 20's this is ok... but I know far too many singles who learned they were sold a bill of goods far too late in life. And while such an approach of waiting may randomly work for 1:20 potential couples, that means 38 people will remain single for life if they follow such. The gift of celibacy is likely to be granted to a few folks out of those 38 remaining... but remaining single apart from said gift is going to bring about a ton of trouble for those remaining.

I think of a younger fellow I know, the dude has dated under a handful of women in his entire lifetime, none has lasted more than a month or two, he's 35 years old, and says he wants to get married, and is waiting on God. There is no scriptural support for his approach to this... and as the years pass, I seriously doubt any woman will want to date him for fear of the trouble which lies within. Should he find someone, its going to take a ton of counseling before they can even think of marriage.

The other side of the coin is our tendency for self deception, especially so when the hormones of romance are burning... in which case, all the pieces seemingly drop magically into place, so it has to be God's will!!! And then 2-3 years pass, and the fire of romance hormone evaporates... and now the young couple who were sure they were doing the will of God in getting married are now asking Him to throw lightning down upon one other.

God gives us a lot of freedom. Paul personally gives some good advice, but beyond this the scriptures are pretty silent as to who and as to when.

There is a lot of bad relationship advice in the Christian sphere... pretty much anything from Bill Gothard, or the young Joshua Harris (author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye) should be viewed with suspicion, short of explicit scriptural references. (Picking bits and pieces of proverbs and psalms out of context to sell a given point of view does not qualify)

Sabertooth · Apr 22, 2019

I see staying present in the public eye (in associations that are appropriate for oneself*) as a happy medium.

As an autistic, aggressive pursuit did not work for me.
And no one will ever get the chance to meet you, if you would reclude yourself.

*Church, causes, clubs, hobbies, gym, classes, etc.

They meet you in your element.
Right away, you have a common interest!

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