Is this God wanting me back?

1. I gained a lot of weight this year buying candy, snaking, lazy. I went to my therapist in March and walking there I had major back pain and was tired. After walking home I felt like I was going to die so much pain and nearly passing out. After which I decided to cut on my food but did not know how.
   
2. My entire family had bad colds last month. We all took cold medicine. I lost my appetite. My sister got very sick. At first we though it just a cold but one more day at home and she would have passed away so she was rushed to the hospital.
3. After which when my cold ended I decided to cut my food intact in half and lost about 25 pounds.
4. Felt crummy so I started to devolve in "woman foot fetish" videos on YouTube. Of course felt crummy but that is not the end.
   
5. Found a "foot fetish" video of a Portuguese woman later looking more about the language I found a video that aroused me from a Portuguese novella. After which I wanted to learn the language more. Searched for Portuguese speaking woman and found a video of a blogger later finding out she is a married Christian and was talking about how Jesus saved her. I felt crummy that she was happy though.
6. After which I devolve more in "woman foot fetish" until I had enough really felt bad even had bad attitudes with my family as I would yell at my Grandmother for no reason.
7. Since I wanted to lose weight I decided to take daily walks. Did the walks the first day walking home on someones front windshield car I saw "God loves you" I was surprised. Okay so the next say I saw a f-word scribble which got to me a bit but I brushed it off and know where to avoid it.
8. Meanwhile my sister is getting much better and will leave the hospital soon.
   
9. Now walking home from my walk from going to the store I was taught at home that all the "yuppies" living here were stuck up jerks and how my mother and uncle hate that they are living here. Pulling the wagon to try to avoid an young woman I nearly trip over. I could have gotten seriously hurt even killed but I was just srapped my hand and knee. Excepting the young woman to keep walking she said "Are are alright?" I was shocked and I said "I am fine". She then said "Are you sure?" again shocked and then I said "Yes" after which she said something nice and walked away.
10. My sister leaves the hospital and goes into a nursing home. Of course I have to hear my mother and Grandmother rant and swear how "that b-- did nothing to get her in a room" I get irritated as they love to hold grudges and call people bad names behind there back. My sister did get a new case worker and she is now in the nursing home.
    
11. Okay still taking my daily walks again going on YouTube I find the "foot fetish" videos boring so I start look for ASMR videos for sleep. I watch a few and also been watching videos on how to learn Portuguese. So I find a channel and watch one sleep video later browsing and finding another young Christian girl so I watch her ASMR bible study video. The video basically explained everything that I am struggling with. Is this not a sign from God or what.
12. Taking my daily walks I run into my father and then I end up visiting my sister. She was happy I visited her but it was not indented.
13. Okay Sunday rolls around again and I feel crummy and depressed. I walking home and run into my father again I got angry and said I want to go home. I want to attend Church but I am afraid and can't find one.
    
14. Now I start to use my Bible app on my phone and then buy a physical Bible at home after watching another AMSR Bible study video.
    
15. Okay so I register here and start to talk on how crummy my life is. I get much loved support here.
16. After which I spend some time looking for Churches feeling crummy I can't find one's that are only Catholic "no offensive to Catholics but I had terrible experiences with the Catholic Church" nearby see them in Manhattan and Queens. So I try all frustrating searches and accidentally stumble to this Church I was not even looking for and walking distance. I get advice to contact them by email which I do.
    
17. So now well last night I lose it I listen to some Christian music actually this album ‎Heaven in the Real World by Steven Curtis Chapman so I let it out to God how I felt sorry for abandoning him even saying bad things that "I don't believe him" and once when angry using his name in vain. Of course I then struggle with the enemy telling me to just give up again. I since contact the Church to register for events which they got back to me this morning that they only have the registration process too see how many attend and it is not required. So I plan to attend Friday night and Sunday.
    
18. So now with very little sleep I am nervous of the road ahead. I am nervous that my mother will judge me with "but you are Catholic" even though she only says she prays because of my sister being sick and won't eat meat on Friday but does not go to Church. My noisy uncle who listens to "Southern Gospel Music" but watches trashy programs with witches and demonic movies and judges me on everything.

Albion said:

God wants you back. It does not depend on the answer to any of your 18 points of concern.

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Ken C. said:

Google the word Grammarly. Download it and it will help with spelling and punctuation. Write that book.

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1. It was too small really they had three services in one day.
2. It shared it's building with the school back then now they do have there own building.
3. The age group was not good you had kids and teenagers ranging from maybe 10-19 years old. At the time I was age 22 so I could only cling onto the youth. That's why the very few young people I saw must have left for a different church.
   
4. The other age group was in there 50's-60's and older. Any people that were young adults complained quite often that there were very few people there age and more mature adults.
   
5. When they had events they had them for the youth group or the senior group.
6. Quite often they would suddenly cancel events because attendance was low.
7. Quite often they would end groups because the attendance was low.