Questions For Wives

ViaCrucis said:

Back up a few verses, now read it. Actually, start even further back. And now keep reading, because Paul continues talking on this subject into the 6th chapter.

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him." - Ephesians 5:15-6:9

See where I emphasized the text in bold, that's the key here. All of those things Paul says after that are connected to it, what does "submitting to one another" look like?

"Wives, your husbands as to the Lord" (the Greek text is lacking the verb, which is being borrowed from the preceding statement, i.e. "submit to one another")

"Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church", how did Christ love the Church? He "gave Himself for her", what did Jesus say? "The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve".

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord"

"Fathers, do not provoke your children"

"Slaves, obey your masters"

"Masters, do the same to them"

This isn't about being "the boss", this is about submitting to each other in love out of reverence to Christ. This isn't about glory, it's about the cross. Stop seeking glory, and seek the cross--learn to die. As the Apostle says in the beginning of the 5th chapter of Ephesians (which is why you really should start reading even before where I began quoting above),

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Ephesians 5:1-2)

-CryptoLutheran

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This is a long post for such little content. You just copy pasted what seemed 90% of a simple question: what is your interpretation.

If, I got it correctly you believe the man is NOT the head of his wife but they submit to each other. Fine.

One problem though, if man is not head over his wife then Christ is not head of the church, as Ephesians 5:23 states they are.

i've made a pot of tea. Would you care for a cup?

Tree of Life said:

Hey ladies.

I'm trying to be a better husband by asking better questions.

What are the questions that you would love for your husband or significant other to ask you?

Thanks in advance.

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I think it best to answer her questions. If you need a question to ask her....Am I communicating the answers to your questions?
Blessings

We are retired. Hubby spends nearly all of his time in the garage. Maybe the questions I'd like him to ask are, "Hey, do you want to do something fun today?", "Anything in the house you'd like help with?", "Do you want to go somewhere?".

Would you care to dance?

For me, what's really important in my marriage is feeling like my husband and I are a team. So I really appreciate it when - for example - instead of planning his weekend without reference to me, he asks (on about Thursday) what I'd like to do that weekend, and we make a list together and plan to cover some of what each of us wants.

Same-same for holidays or the like.

I realise, though, that this is partly personality driven. I like to plan and know what I'm doing and he's a go-with-the-flow kind of guy; so for him to do this means setting aside his preferred approach and meeting me in mine. For your wife, knowing her preferred approach might shape that conversation quite differently.

I'm going to frame your beautiful painting. Which frame do you prefer?

IMO the best questions you could ask are about getting to know her.

Yes, you married her and thus "know her" but people change. If you dont pay attention on a regular basis she could be a whole entirely different woman.

I'd say ask the Lord how you can be a better husband to her.

Asking a bunch of random women on this forum will only cause you to hear questions other women want to hear, none of which (assuming) are your wife.

If all else fails, ask her directly what you can do.... how you can help.... etc.

Communication does wonders.

You didnt ask for my input since I'm a man with my own wife....but I felt it needed saying.

Tree of Life said:

I do lots of housework around the house - usually a few hours worth every day. I'm looking for ways to engage my wife emotionally. I figured questions would be a good place to start.

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Tree of Life said:

A counselor once told me that I need to focus on entering my wife spiritually, emotionally, and physically. We all know how to focus on the lattermost. But I think the "entering emotionally" might have something to do with asking good questions.

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Engaging and "entering" emotionally has to do with a whole lot of empathy. Engaging is discussing her emotions, her perspective, her experience of the world and of you. "Entering" has to do with joining with her in those emotions - feel what she's feeling, understand why she's feeling what she's feeling, and join her in it. Be emotionally on her side and open up to her vulnerability, and be vulnerable with her.

Questions to ask? Can you help me understand your perspective on this? How can I share in this burden? Would you like advice or would you like a shoulder to lean on? How can we present a united front on this? Is there something I'm not understanding? How can I help you through this? ... but a lot of it will be validating. Figure out what she might be feeling and say it to her: That feels like disappointment to me - is that how you're feeling? or I'd be so mad (or other feeling word here) if I were you!

When it comes to entering spiritually, it mean share your hopes, dreams, vulnerabilities, purpose, goals, etc. It means letting her into your heart and soul, without fear. It means connecting at the most intimate level and sharing your beliefs and why you believe them, while also letting her share hers without fear of conflict.

Amazing things happen when two people intentionally open heart and soul to each other.

Daniel C said:

The Bible says the husband is head of his wife. Ephesians 5:23.

This means you're the boss and supposed to lead your wife not have her give you instructions on what to do, regardless of what a councillor says.

The President does not ask the vice president for permission,he's the boss.

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I see you are single as well....that explains a lot.

Oops, someone beat me to that one.

Daniel C said:

The President does not ask the vice president for permission,he's the boss.

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Actually he does confide in the vice president, and i can even see him asking if he thinks something he's doing is ok or not.

Discussing decision making is the top of the list, even biblically, when you think about how God wants us to come to Him in prayer. If there’s disagreements then pray that she changes her mind and you’ll know it’s also God’s decision.

Emotional stuff...for myself I know that even the most ridiculous, seemingly insignificant thing can make me emotional. Don't just say, "Wow, that's a bummer.". Listen (hear), hug, and let her work through it. I about had a breakdown yesterday over a spilled drink. Silly for sure, but that's the way I am.

Tree of Life said:

She doesn't ask many questions.

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My question suggestion could be an ice breaker.

My husband and I stay connected emotionally by going on extended dates, generally at least 4 hours each. The dates are personally interactive (not movies or TV). As a general pattern, the first three hours give enough time to naturally draw out intimate, connected conversation with each other. When you're stuck together for this extended period of time, conversations naturally tend to evolve to the more personal and intimate. Any shorter and you might not get past the weather and such to really get into each other's hearts and minds with the conversations.

Due to all of the emotional bonding and connecting that occurred, generally there is a mutual desire to affirm our affection towards each other at the end of the date. This affirmation is a continued extension of the emotional connection we've built through the date.

As far as the conversation itself, we try to mind that it stays approx 50/50 - which will help make sure your wife shares her heart and is drawing closer to you as well. Conversations can range to asking each other what the Lord has been showing us this week, to dreaming about our next vacation together, to talking about how we can see the Lord's providence in our lives throughout our pasts, to talking about the majestic creation all around us. We sometimes talk shop back and forth so we stay connected about the world in which each other spends their day (remember 50/50). A great way to expand the quality of the connection is asking her how she felt about [whatever she or you just said].

So, this was kind of a longer, technical answer about how we keep conversations at an intimate level, but setting is an important part of the pursuit of emotionally connecting conversations. Regardless of how sweet your question and intent is, if not enough time is spent connecting during the conversation, your efforts are less effective.

As a female, I really enjoy this approach to eliciting emotionally intimate conversations.

ValleyGal said:

Would you like advice or would you like a shoulder to lean on?

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This is a really important point for emotional intimacy. A pattern I notice is that men can automatically move towards offering advice when a women is spilling her heart out. They want to help her fix things. But a woman often doesn't want advice when she's relating her difficulties; she wants empathy and an emotional connection.

Just one additional opportunity to emotionally connect.

Tree of Life said:

When I talk about asking my wife questions, I'm not talking about: "Hey honey, what do you command me to do today?" I'm talking about: "Hey what do you want to do for your birthday?" Or "Hey, what creative projects are you working on?"

If you think that male headship means that we should not take an interest in our wives then I think you have a radically unbiblical notion of headship and leadership.

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Going to leave this thread now but a quick message.

I think it was a misjudgment on my part to post that in this thread,as you actually asked for women to give feedback and not Biblical feedback.

The comment about a divorce I know for sure was wrong, judging by my own regret for posting it.

I just want to apologise and wish you the best with your marriage.

Brightmoon said:

More help around the house on a daily basis and not just when you feel like it . Women feel annoyed that they constantly have to ask

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How is that a question that you want your husband to ask you?