I feel Outcasted as a 30's never married no kids Christian

Kenyon Ledford

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Was listening to Ben Courson. He was talking about how Awekward it must have been for Abraham, since the name means "Blessed Father"

"Hi, Abraham. How many children do you have?"
"Um...zero."
"Dude, you're 99-years old. WHHATEEVVERRR"
 
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Gregory Thompson

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I dont think were understanding the problem. The problem is not my wanting a spouse, but rather the perceived disappointment from church members who seem to expect me to be married.
The breeding factory mentality is pretty tedious.
 
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Amittai

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I dont think were understanding the problem. The problem is not my wanting a spouse, but rather the perceived disappointment from church members who seem to expect me to be married.

I know this scenario, and I'm in my 60s - perhaps I'll be eligible soon! Am on the lookout for a bluestocking with craggy looks.
 
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I feel weird in today's church. While I get that there's this thing called grace for all sinners; I also sense that worldly culture is infecting our church culture. The reason I say this is the number of divorces within the church, and very few of them have to do with abuse or infidelity; usually the reason cited is financial. On the one hand, because I see so much divorce, and that in general the court will side with the females on their desire to divorce; which leaves me cautious to even pursue a woman, because I'm apt to believe it just won't work no matter how good of a husband or father I could be. On the other hand, I hear woman screaming how they can't find a good man in church, but when they said good man, they mean a myriad of different things, and it usually includes well off financially (which really isn't biblical; finances in and of themselves aren't biblical, only how we steward them). I bust my butt and work hard to a mundane lifestyle that is not appealing to women, nor can I find a better job in order to support a godly woman. I find myself clawing and scratching for a solitary life that seems meaningless. Not only this, but I grew up in pretty rich household; my father made six figures, and our house was destroyed twice by natural disasters; so I cannot for the life of me fathom why so much stress is placed on finances of the home when God just decides to take it away whenever through no fault of my own. I would desire a wife who would stick with me through thick and thin no matter what, no matter what happens (Obviously I would not include infidelity in this; however I never have cheated on any past girlfriends nor do I have any desire to do so in the future, and believe me, there have been opportunities to).
I feel very out of place in a church culture of divorce and remarrying, which from what I can see, is explicitly against what the Bible teaches, both in divorce and in the marrying of a divorced a person.
Let’s get married. I want a baby
 
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bèlla

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I dont think were understanding the problem. The problem is not my wanting a spouse, but rather the perceived disappointment from church members who seem to expect me to be married.

People are free to think what they want. I have no control over their thoughts. But I have jurisdiction over my response and the impact I allow from unsolicited advice and opinions. They can only affect me to the degree I permit. It isn't my responsibility to please them or satisfy their earthly expectations. That's a recipe for failure.

~Bella
 
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Miles

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Others don't know what you're going through, but you likewise don't know what they're going through. Most probably mean well, but it's also said that misery loves company. We can't read minds, and it's a bit like comparing Apples to Buicks. Not many enjoy feeling like an outsider, but there are worse fates than not finding love by a particular age. You still have time. The ifs and whens are nobody's business but yours. Just strive to be the better man, and keep moving forward.
 
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Junia

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People are free to think what they want. I have no control over their thoughts. But I have jurisdiction over my response and the impact I allow from unsolicited advice and opinions. They can only affect me to the degree I permit. It isn't my responsibility to please them or satisfy their earthly expectations. That's a recipe for failure.

~Bella

once again, Bella has has said it perfectly.

do other peoples' opinions matter compared to how Jesus (who loves you so completely) feels about you?

the idea that all men and all women must marry and bear children is societal expectations. nothing to do with what God thinks (of course, some must marry and bear children to keep the human race going but it was never meant to be for every human being
 
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Junia

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Others don't know what you're going through, but you likewise don't know what they're going through. Most probably mean well, but it's also said that misery loves company. We can't read minds, and it's a bit like comparing Apples to Buicks. Not many enjoy feeling like an outsider, but there are worse fates than not finding love by a particular age. You still have time. The ifs and whens are nobody's business but yours. Just strive to be the better man, and keep moving forward.

so true. God has all the time in the world to find a spouse for evryone who wishes for one. there is no time limit or age limit. though i get how frustrating the wait must be, in the meantime
 
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lismore

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Sadly we are the times where Christians often seem more worldly then Christian. Sometimes I meet new people and I would have never guessed they were christians.

Yup. The Apostle Paul did say that in the last days Perilous times will come (2 Timothy 3).

Welcome to the Last Days Friend.

IMHO, we should not make marriage our goal, we should make doing the will of the Lord our goal. Because time is short. :)
 
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lismore

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The present evangelical church is family-oriented to a fault.

Yes. It's kind of ironic in 'Christianity' that marriage is often seen as a goal in itself, given that Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul weren't married.

I heard a pastor speak on this subject recently, he said that often singles can be slightly jealous of married couples and their perceived good lives. But when you 'lift the lid' on the life of a married couple, as he probably has to when counselling them, he said they've all got hair-raising issues to a greater or lesser extent.

God Bless :)
 
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Junia

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Yes. It's kind of ironic in 'Christianity' that marriage is often seen as a goal in itself, given that Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul weren't married.

I heard a pastor speak on this subject recently, he said that often singles can be slightly jealous of married couples and their perceived good lives. But when you 'lift the lid' on the life of a married couple, as he probably has to when counselling them, he said they've all got hair-raising issues to a greater or lesser extent.

God Bless :)

I did not marry because one look at my own parent's marriage turned me off marrying. not for me unless God heals my heart from all that and i end up ready to trust a man.
 
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Junia

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It's weird how churches idolise marriage. i mean marriage is great for some people and others are better off single. and some married couples dont want children either and the church ocnsiders that odd? i dont get that. what's odd about it?
 
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lismore

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It's weird how churches idolise marriage.

Yes. Whether single or married, young or old, sick or well, rich or poor we are commanded by Jesus to love one another. It's how the world will see who are his disciples, if we have love for one another. God Bless :)
 
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bèlla

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When I began preparing for marriage I read my share of marriage books. But I covered more about marital problems. I wanted to know how couples overcame challenges and remained together.

The topic is overly romanticized. But the reality of sharing your life with someone with no possibility of exit is far harder than most expect. Many see the positives of companionship and physical intimacy.

They don’t envision the disagreements, disappointments, or failures. Or the character flaws they set aside when they were dating. You’ve pledged your life to an imperfect person with no idea of what it means. You’ll discover it as the years go by.

But there’s no refund. You’re hoping you’ve made the right choice.

~Bella
 
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NerdGirl

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Others don't know what you're going through, but you likewise don't know what they're going through. Most probably mean well, but it's also said that misery loves company. We can't read minds, and it's a bit like comparing Apples to Buicks. Not many enjoy feeling like an outsider, but there are worse fates than not finding love by a particular age. You still have time. The ifs and whens are nobody's business but yours. Just strive to be the better man, and keep moving forward.

Miles! I have no other way to contact you (your wall is turned off!), but just wanted to say HELLO and wonder if you remember me from years ago?

Also, to be relevant to the thread, I didn't get married until I was almost 35. It wasn't for lack of want, I've always been a hopeless romantic. But after going through a pretty rough 8 years of marriage that I largely regret... singlehood is looking really appealing again. I really don't care if anyone disapproves of me now or in the future. What's important is knowing that you've been the best you that you can be, whether it's single, married, childless, or otherwise.
 
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