As Christian's Are we obligated To genuinely like one another?

Shadowprophet · Apr 10, 2019

This Question comes about Because I have encountered a person, Who claims to be a Christian, And Yet, is an insufferable Jerk.

I honestly don't like anything about this person and to be honest he's so off-putting I Just can't tell myself or other people I like the guy, I don't. I don't like the guy.

He's the kind of person who will say awful things to others and hurt peoples pride and feelings with really cutting insults and then turn around and Say he's a Christian,

I consider myself a Christian. I love God, I want to serve God better than I have been.

But this person, I don't like him, I don't want to call him brother. He makes me feel sick inside just being around him. My question is, Am I obligated to Like this person? I Don't want to, There is this Feeling, When I'm around this person, Like I'm being taken advantage of Like this person uses the title Christian to force me to tolerate and deal with them.

What Should I do about this situation? Because There is no confusion in my feelings about this person, I don't like them, And Even if this person were a True Child of God, I don't like this person and don't want to fellowship with that person, Am I obligated too?

I mean, Don't get me wrong, If this person truly is a Christian, Then Good for that person, I personally, Do not want to associate with this person, And I personally don't like this person. Am I allowed to not fellowship with this person as long as I don't make a big deal out of it, What I am asking is, Within the fellowship. Am I allowed to have personal feelings about not really liking someone?

What is the proper thing to do in a situation like this?

trophy33 · Apr 10, 2019

No, as a Christian you are not obligated to like anybody.

Most people are nasty, rude, godless, sinful etc.

As a Christian, you are obligated to love them, though. That means to act towards them in a helpful way.

Shadowprophet · Apr 10, 2019

myst33 said:
No, as a Christian you are not obligated to like anybody.

Most people are nasty, rude, godless, sinful etc.

As a Christian, you are obligated to love them, though. That means to act towards them in a helpful way.

Don't get me wrong, I to the extent that I can, I wish the person happiness and I wish the person to have only good happen to them, I don't wish bad things for him. I just, at the same time want to distance myself from him as far away as I can get If that makes sense.

trophy33 · Apr 10, 2019

Shadowprophet said:
Don't get me wrong, I to the extent that I can, I wish the person happiness and I wish the person to have only good happen to them, I don't wish bad things for him. I just, at the same time want to distance myself from him as far away as I can get If that makes sense.

Yes, it makes sense. In Jesus's example, He did not teach that the one who helped the hurt Samaritan should like Samaritans, to live with them, to go to pubs with them etc.

So what you say makes sense, IMO. Love them, but you do not need to like them or be with them. Be with people you like.

Shadowprophet · Apr 10, 2019

myst33 said:
Yes, it makes sense. In Jesus's example, He did not teach that the one who helped the hurt Samaritan should like Samaritans, to live with them, to go to pubs with them etc.

So what you say makes sense, IMO. Love them, but you do not need to like them or be with them. Be with people you like.

Thank you, I am going to try my best to get past this issue, There was a time, I could have liked someone like this person, But, I've reached a point now, That I feel there is no reason to Harm peoples feelings. Not over small issues.

Love covers a multitude of sin, But hurting peoples feelings and insults that Cut, That doesn't seem like God to me, You know? So I just want to be distant from him, It feels like he was placed in my way as some sort of obstacle. And that's fine, Challenges happen.

trophy33 · Apr 10, 2019

Shadowprophet said:
Thank you, I am going to try my best to get past this issue, There was a time, I could have liked someone like this person, But, I've reached a point now, That I feel there is no reason to Harm peoples feelings. Not over small issues.

Love covers a multitude of sin, But hurting peoples feelings and insults that Cut, That doesn't seem like God to me, You know? So I just want to be distant from him, It feels like he was placed in my way as some sort of obstacle. And that's fine, Challenges happen.

There are some people who simply will always be somehow connected to us (parents, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters etc), even if we do not like them.

But if he is just somebody you met and you do not like being with him anymore, I see no Christian obligation for spending much time with him.

Hurting peoples feelings is something the Bible actually quite ignores. Look at John the baptist or Jesus or Paul how frequently they "hurt peoples feelings" by saying the clear truth about their sin, character etc. But some people are doing it just because they are evil themselves and like doing it for doing it. No real Christian likes conflict.

timewerx · Apr 10, 2019

NO. We do not need to be friendly to everybody. To be friendly to everyone is NOT a Christian teaching but Pharisee!! WHOA!! BOOM!! :o

2 John 1:9-11
Anyone who runs ahead without remaining in the teaching of Christ does not have God. Whoever remains in His teaching has both the Father and the Son. 10If anyone comes to you but does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your home or even greet him. 11Whoever greets such a person shares in his evil deeds.…

trophy33 · Apr 10, 2019

timewerx said:
NO. We do not need to be friendly to everybody. To be friendly to everyone is NOT a Christian teaching but Pharisee!! WHOA!! BOOM!!

Pharisees did not teach to be friendly to everyone, quite the opposite. They were extremely strict and separated from others.

usexpat97 · Apr 10, 2019

As Christian's Are we obligated To genuinely like one another?

It's kind of an oxymoron, you know....

timewerx · Apr 10, 2019

myst33 said:
Pharisees did not teach to be friendly to everyone, quite the opposite. They were extremely strict and separated from others.

There's actually two schools of Pharisee. The strict one you're speaking of comes from the School of Shammai Pharisee.

It's the Hillel School of Pharisee that teaches being friend of everyone and probably the ones who supported the Disciples of Christ.

W2L · Apr 10, 2019

Shadowprophet said:
This Question comes about Because I have encountered a person, Who claims to be a Christian, And Yet, is an insufferable Jerk.

I honestly don't like anything about this person and to be honest he's so off-putting I Just can't tell myself or other people I like the guy, I don't. I don't like the guy.

He's the kind of person who will say awful things to others and hurt peoples pride and feelings with really cutting insults and then turn around and Say he's a Christian,

I consider myself a Christian. I love God, I want to serve God better than I have been.

But this person, I don't like him, I don't want to call him brother. He makes me feel sick inside just being around him. My question is, Am I obligated to Like this person? I Don't want to, There is this Feeling, When I'm around this person, Like I'm being taken advantage of Like this person uses the title Christian to force me to tolerate and deal with them.

What Should I do about this situation? Because There is no confusion in my feelings about this person, I don't like them, And Even if this person were a True Child of God, I don't like this person and don't want to fellowship with that person, Am I obligated too?

I mean, Don't get me wrong, If this person truly is a Christian, Then Good for that person, I personally, Do not want to associate with this person, And I personally don't like this person. Am I allowed to not fellowship with this person as long as I don't make a big deal out of it, What I am asking is, Within the fellowship. Am I allowed to have personal feelings about not really liking someone?

What is the proper thing to do in a situation like this?

Imagine this person suffering in hell. Do you have compassion on him?

~Zao~ · Apr 10, 2019

Jesus had actually three circles that He moved in. The first were the inner circle. Peter, John and Andrew. They were the intimate ones that got to share in the most important revelations with Him. Then there were the disciples themselves that shared in the inner teachings of the parables and were witness to many things. Then there were the crowd that got to hear just the parables with no inner teachings but received much from Him nonetheless. That seemed to be what Jesus’ world consisted of.
The guy in the Op sounds like Judas thoughts in action.

timewerx · Apr 10, 2019

W2L said:
Imagine this person suffering in hell. Do you have compassion on him?

Jesus, being aware that many Pharisees would likely end up in condemnation, looked at some of them in anger.....

That's in the Bible... Jesus isn't a person who will welcome everyone with open arms and a smile.

Society's portrayal of Jesus who greets everyone with a smile is NOT biblical.

If you really love your enemies, make them realize they did wrong......

I did many bad things in my life. If I got rewarded instead of reaping the consequences, I would never have learned the value of NOT doing bad things.

bèlla · Apr 10, 2019

Shadowprophet said:
But this person, I don't like him, I don't want to call him brother. He makes me feel sick inside just being around him. My question is, Am I obligated to Like this person? I Don't want to, There is this Feeling, When I'm around this person, Like I'm being taken advantage of Like this person uses the title Christian to force me to tolerate and deal with them.

There are people I refuse to have in my presence. Our spirits are not in sync and they don't bring me nearer to God. Their impact is the opposite. And I've never been told to behave otherwise.

Not everyone who professes a belief in Christ is His servant. Satan will bring people into our midst to wreak havoc and disrupt our focus and work on God's behalf. Whether we're addressing a coworker, friend, church attendee, or family member is immaterial in my mind. His plans and purposes reign supreme and I'm willing to set aside anything or anyone who threatens its fulfillment.

I would address the issue in prayer and seek the Lord's direction. If it's someone you must encounter frequently I'd ask others to pray on my behalf and even use prayer lists if possible. Then I'd allow the Lord to have His way in the matter. This may result in a change of heart for you, the other person, or his removal.

I employ prayer as a helpful strategy for protection. It keeps my heart and mind aligned with His and reduces the probability of negative seeds springing forth within me. My emotional response to someone is a choice. Whether I like or love them is a conscious response.

For me, like and love require greater familiarity. And before that takes place I address the issue in prayer. Is this someone I should have in my life? Is He your choice as a friend, companion, and so on. If it's an employer or coworker I ask the same. If the response is yes and it is a trial or something the Lord has permitted I accept it and seek His strength for its defeat.

timewerx · Apr 10, 2019

Shadowprophet said:
So I just want to be distant from him, It feels like he was placed in my way as some sort of obstacle. And that's fine, Challenges happen.

It's always an option to avoid this person.

Either staying put or avoiding is about equal in this case. Although many Christians will tell you to stay put. While it looks like a noble and brave thing to do, again, not entirely Biblical.

Jesus did avoid certain people on some occassions.. Jesus even taught to leave a town who will not accept you...

...That was meant so we don't needlessly waste our energy and time or needessly expose ourselves to crooked behavior. It is true with time, you'll eventually acquire some of their habits - the people you spend time with.

RDKirk · Apr 10, 2019

timewerx said:
There's actually two schools of Pharisee. The strict one you're speaking of comes from the School of Shammai Pharisee.

It's the Hillel School of Pharisee that teaches being friend of everyone and probably the ones who supported the Disciples of Christ.

So you're saying we should not be like the Pharisees that supported the disciples of Christ?

RDKirk · Apr 10, 2019

So, OP, what is your actual physical situation with this person? How significant is the issue?

Is this person someone you must necessarily remain in contact with?

Is calling him a "brother" merely a hypothetical matter because he calls himself a Christian, or is he someone you must actually interact with as a brother--such as someone in your bible study or other close situation in your congregation?

If he is actually harming people as you claim, then Matthew 18 is given to you as a command. Speak directly to him about what you see. If he denies it, go back to him with two or three other people who have witnessed the same offenses you have witnessed.

The third step would only count if you're all members of the same congregation, but failing that, you can still restrict your own contact with him.

If there isn't anyone else who has witnessed the same offense, or if you're unwilling to take the matter to him, then learn to ignore it.

Shadowprophet · Apr 10, 2019

RDKirk said:
So, OP, what is your actual physical situation with this person? How significant is the issue?

Is this person someone you must necessarily remain in contact with?

Is calling him a "brother" merely a hypothetical matter because he calls himself a Christian, or is he someone you must actually interact with as a brother--such as someone in your bible study or other close situation in your congregation?

If he is actually harming people as you claim, then Matthew 18 is given to you as a command. Speak directly to him about what you see. If he denies it, go back to him with two or three other people who have witnessed the same offenses you have witnessed.

The third step would only count if you're all members of the same congregation, but failing that, you can still restrict your own contact with him.

If there isn't anyone else who has witnessed the same offense, or if you're unwilling to take the matter to him, then learn to ignore it.

No, This person is a coworker, I could easily avoid this person, It's just, The overall problem I've been having is, It's very rare for me not to like a person. I genuinely like most people unless the person of the subject has hurt someone.

It's just, He is a known Christian, Or at least he says he is. Again, I am no judge, The problem comes about, that I have a very simplistic "Family" View of most Christians, And the fact that I have such unsavory feelings for the man, Makes me question my own dedication to Christ If that makes any sense?

I feel like, If I don't like someone, that is a Christian, Then maybe something is wrong with me.

timewerx · Apr 10, 2019

RDKirk said:
So you're saying we should not be like the Pharisees that supported the disciples of Christ?

Not everything the Pharisees did is evil. Nor all of them are. Some are good.

I think you know what I mean.

timewerx · Apr 10, 2019

Shadowprophet said:
It's just, He is a known Christian, Or at least he says he is. Again, I am no judge, The problem comes about, that I have a very simplistic "Family" View of most Christians, And the fact that I have such unsavory feelings for the man, Makes me question my own dedication to Christ If that makes any sense?

It's okay to judge, that is how we discern.

What the Bible is really saying in Matthew 7:1-2 is don't judge in haste. Carefully consider people's circumstances (see life through their perspective, "wear their shoes") so that you may judge them with the right measure that is fair and with compassion.

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As Christian's Are we obligated To genuinely like one another?

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