Getting healthy together

Yes! You can do it! 3lbs by the end of May is completely doable! When you have a significant amount of weight to lose, you can lose a lot more at a time than someone with less, I could see you losing even more than 3lbs, but 3lbs may be what you need.

How do you measure and log your food intake? Do you use a website like MyFitnessPal? (I do, it's how I lost my weight and keep it off).

Not the specific feeling, my husband has outweighed me always, but he's much taller. I was a little miffed to find out that he'd lost more % of weight than I had, even though I'd stayed dedicated and kept my weight off and he's been all laissez-faire about the whole process, dropping on and off the wagon, losing weight, gaining a little, losing a little more, going to the gym, skipping the gym...it has been frustrating.

It sounds like you are doing great. MFP is an excellent resource AND you are using a food scale.

As far as it being harder for women, it isn't so much the hormones make it harder, they just mask progress sometimes. I use a weight trending app (Libra, for Android) and I can visibly see a spike when I ovulate and when my cycle starts. Then there will be a big dip after the spike and eventually, it all evens out. That is why I like using the trending app.

If there is anything I can offer to help, let me know. I didn't have nearly so much to lose, I lost about 25% of my body weight, I went from just in the obese BMI category to squarely in the middle of the "normal" range, and I've kept it off for over 6 months now. My husband, because of his lackadaisical approach, still isn't at his goal weight. Overall he's lost about 29% of his body weight, but it's been back and forth.

I will say that recognizing and allowing him to have his lackadaisical approach is what finally got him back going to the gym. I kept trying to micromanage his weight management plan (kept telling him he needed to track his food, go to the gym, etc - nagging). When I finally let go and told him he could do his own thing, he decided to start going to the gym again. Now we go together sometimes and alone sometimes.

We don't always eat the same either, my husband is an extremely picky eater. He eats no veg, at all. No fruit, at all. I also used to nag about this earlier in our relationship, but I've grown since then and I don't now.

I can't handle large quantities of dairy, I take lactose enzymes, but sometimes I overdo the dairy even with the pills and it's quite painful.

I hope that losing weight and successful surgery will help with your diabetes. I had brief experience with gestational diabetes in my last pregnancy, it was difficult. My dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes as well, he is struggling a lot to manage it and his weight.

^ yes, that's the truth
men do have more muscle mass so they do lose easier than woman

keep walking and logging your food and you WILL lose those 3 lbs by end of May

you can do it!

LovebirdsFlying said:

I just encountered this. Tell me it isn't the doggone truth.

Click to expand...

It really isn't true. I have little kids, I have lost between 3 and 5lbs (and it stayed off) with each stomach bug. The stomach bug is the great equalizer.

The rest *shrug* but that stomach bug is no joke.

You'll likely be more successful than he is over the long haul, because he has choice in the matter and you have significantly less choice now that you've had the operation. And the truth of the matter is, it's the long haul that matters in success with weight loss.

Men may have it easier when it comes to losing weight, I don't know. That's what people say. But, as someone that lost 120 lbs when I was a lot younger in about 8 months...and kept it off for years and years...then screwed up and gained about 70 lbs back...and then dumped that a couple of years ago to get back to a healthy weight again...I will say that my "success" relative to other people has nothing to do with being a man. It has to do with the way I approach the issue.

When I lost the 120 lbs and kept it off for nearly a decade years ago, the reason I was successful was because for those 10 years, my behavior did not change. What I was doing in July of 1998 wasn't significantly different than what I was doing in July of 2008. I didn't approach it like "dieting to achieve a goal" - rather I came to enjoy the exercise and the eating healthy.

Same with now after getting back to my senses after a lapse for a couple of years after having kids. The reason I'm at my "goal weight" (if you want to call it that) now in April of 2019 just as I was back in 2017 is because I don't lapse. I don't think I'm "done" and can then return to the behaviors I had before.

It's for those reasons that people fail, IMHO. They get their feelings hurt, they decide on a whim they're going to do something about it, they do a frenetic starvation thing with overdone exercise they can't maintain, they go at it like a madman for a week or two, they weigh themselves and they see maybe they gained a pound or two...and they get frustrated...eventually settling back to what they were doing beforehand deciding "I'm going to learn to like myself instead. I don't need to lose weight. The good people don't judge me. I ought not cater to them".

Until they inevitably rinse and repeat. I think I read a statistic that said the average dieter goes on 4 diets per year, and the average diet lasts about 3 weeks. That means that despite how much someone may spend thinking about weight loss, they actually spend only about 12 weeks per year trying to do something about it in likely a misguided fashion...and 40 weeks per year engaging in the behaviors that keep them where they are. That's why they fail, and why I didn't. What I was doing in July of last year is fundamentally no different than what I was doing in August, in September, in October, in December, in March of the next year, ad infinitum. No breaks, no cheats, etc.

And I'd guess, most likely, your husband probably has more in common with the people I'm describing than he does with me. For that reason, he will likely yo yo a bit, but dramatic change is probably not in the cards.

You've had surgery, so you're likely compelled to be more like me and be consistent. That will be a winning formula for you.

But you really need to stop looking at weight as some sort of social activity. Who cares what he does? Who cares what anyone else does. You go do you, and you'll be pleased with the results over the long haul.

Ahh - I thought you had the operation already.

Yeah, I'll be honest, I'm always cynical about weight loss when I hear people talk about it. Especially when I hear people lobbing back and forth about "Are you on Keto or Paleo or this or that", etc. The more they use a term, the more likely I think they are to fail over the long haul, because "diets" are kind of the antithesis of long term behavior modification (which is what I think is key).

Don't get me wrong - most of those approaches to eating are perfectly fine and will get people where they want to go. It's the mindset that I find problematic.

It'll be an interesting journey for you...and you'll learn a lot about people...lol

Yeah, that's one of the things that I learned. Eating more often is actually beneficial to the effort - it's the choices in what you eat that matters more the volume itself.

Which is why I kinda winced a little bit when I read that you were weighing and measuring things...lol I mean, I don't think that it's meant to be that complicated. My guess is that the weighing and measuring is for the purposes of portion control. But really - if your selections are good - portion size isn't as big of an issue.

For example - it's hard to go beyond your optimum daily caloric intake if you're eating things in pretty much their natural state. Like, say you were to take a chicken quarter, some steamed broccoli, asparagus and brussell sprouts, seasoned how you like...even a big heaping plate which is more than you are able to eat isn't likely to get beyond 500ish calories.

The problem comes when you start bringing in processed foods. Generally speaking, I think a good general rule of thumb is that the more people who have had to touch it to bring it to the form you're eating now - the less likely you are meant to be eating it. If it doesn't look like something you could have picked, pulled or killed with your bare hands, the less likely it's something that ought enter your mouth.

People think of food as being defined as "Anything that can pass your lips and give you pleasure without immediately killing you" - but that's not really it at all. Food is a utilitarian thing - and there are plenty of ways of approaching it that are just as (if not more) pleasant than processed foods are.

The key is though to get used to eating that way.

"It's inconvenient to cook" - nah it really isn't. Get yourself an instant pot. Throw in some chicken quarters, some black beans, cut up a few peppers and onions, throw in some seasoning, and a half hour later you've got a good meal with leftovers for a day or two after that won't take you over your caloric goal.

"It's expensive" - nah it really isn't. The above is one of my favorite things to make - and I can make nearly a weeks worth of food for around $10.

"But what about when I go out to eat with coworkers or whatever" - you can find something healthy on pretty much every menu. Nobody there cares that you don't get dessert. Nobody cares that you didn't get lasagna. Well, other fat people might once you start succeeding, but that's another issue altogether (how other people react to success).

So - just something to mull around. Not that I'm trying to sidetrack you from what's working for you or introduce too many new things into the mix - but just putting something in there to mull around for later once you get further down and measuring stuff gets tedious...lol

DZoolander said:

Yeah, that's one of the things that I learned. Eating more often is actually beneficial to the effort - it's the choices in what you eat that matters more the volume itself.

Which is why I kinda winced a little bit when I read that you were weighing and measuring things...lol I mean, I don't think that it's meant to be that complicated. My guess is that the weighing and measuring is for the purposes of portion control. But really - if your selections are good - portion size isn't as big of an issue.

For example - it's hard to go beyond your optimum daily caloric intake if you're eating things in pretty much their natural state. Like, say you were to take a chicken quarter, some steamed broccoli, asparagus and brussell sprouts, seasoned how you like...even a big heaping plate which is more than you are able to eat isn't likely to get beyond 500ish calories.

The problem comes when you start bringing in processed foods. Generally speaking, I think a good general rule of thumb is that the more people who have had to touch it to bring it to the form you're eating now - the less likely you are meant to be eating it. If it doesn't look like something you could have picked, pulled or killed with your bare hands, the less likely it's something that ought enter your mouth.

People think of food as being defined as "Anything that can pass your lips and give you pleasure without immediately killing you" - but that's not really it at all. Food is a utilitarian thing - and there are plenty of ways of approaching it that are just as (if not more) pleasant than processed foods are.

The key is though to get used to eating that way.

"It's inconvenient to cook" - nah it really isn't. Get yourself an instant pot. Throw in some chicken quarters, some black beans, cut up a few peppers and onions, throw in some seasoning, and a half hour later you've got a good meal with leftovers for a day or two after that won't take you over your caloric goal.

"It's expensive" - nah it really isn't. The above is one of my favorite things to make - and I can make nearly a weeks worth of food for around $10.

"But what about when I go out to eat with coworkers or whatever" - you can find something healthy on pretty much every menu. Nobody there cares that you don't get dessert. Nobody cares that you didn't get lasagna. Well, other fat people might once you start succeeding, but that's another issue altogether (how other people react to success).

So - just something to mull around. Not that I'm trying to sidetrack you from what's working for you or introduce too many new things into the mix - but just putting something in there to mull around for later once you get further down and measuring stuff gets tedious...lol

Click to expand...

I disagree for the most part. It's hard to avoid processed foods entirely. Being able to accurately use a food scale is really helpful in losing weight and keeping it off long term.

I've been using a food scale (off and on, only when I'm serious about controlling my weight) for over 10 years. Food scales are frequently used in the UK for baking as they are more accurate than measuring cups and spoons often used in the States.

If you are logging your food (which is a tool most people find helpful for weight loss) being able to accurately log the correct amount is important. A food scale is the only accurate way to do that at home.

What about calorie dense things? Oils or butters? Healthy fats are good, but you can go over easily if you are just guestimating.

Besides, this is the kind of things that turn people off if they don't particularly love veg and meat without some butter or sauce. To them, that may be bland or unpalatable. Being able to use a food scale allows people to lose weight eating the same foods they enjoy, for the most part. This is important to long term sustainability.

And the OP will probably need to be able to use a food scale post surgery, as the portions she will need to measure post WLS will need to be accurate and will be small.

I guess it's a difference in approach.

Like, one of the things i realized about myself is that I'm horrible at portion control. I like to eat. I like to eat until I'm full. Weighing this amount of calorie rich things and trying to portion things out just didn't work. To me it was easier to say "No more bleu cheese" than to say "1/2 oz of Bleu cheese" - or to go for the various low calorie types of it.

To that end - I eat far more now than I did when I was heavy. It's just different things that I've found that I like equally well if not better - but do not carry with it the caloric punch. I always stunk at portion control - so I avoided it altogether.

For me at least - it worked best (or actually worked at all) if I looked at it as a change - and to find things that fit within the framework of that change but that I still liked. If you find vegetables bland - seasoning is not fattening nor is it calorie dense. Experiment with seasoning.

But that was just my approach - because I found it simple to maintain with zero thought put into it.