Conflicting mind regarding relationship

Layla17293 · Apr 3, 2019

Hi family. I am conflicted deeply about what the Lord wants me to do regarding my relationship. When I first starting dating my boyfriend a year and a 3 months ago, I felt like the Lord was calling me into this relationship. I joined the relationship due to his heart for God, our daily conversations about the Bible and worship, things that helped me grow into the lover of Jesus I am today! Since then, I have been happy and really believed God had this man as my future husband (and specifically saw myself marrying him as well!) Everything was going well until randomly I just started getting thoughts in my head that maybe he's not the one - or maybe I shouldn't be with him. (Also, he started graduate school and we are long distance as well, but since graduate school we haven't been communicating as much just due to both of us being busy, and I also felt like I got used to not communicating and I was okay with it, which I surprised myself that way.) I don't understand why these thoughts are coming in my head. I visited him just the previous weekend, and something just felt off and different. We were communicating fine and no issues but, I just kept getting anxiety this time I visited him (my heart just kept beating really fast) and I felt weird at random times when we were together (like when we were eating once, or when he was driving me back home), and this never happened before when we've been together and I wish I could tell you guys exactly why but I cannot.

After discussing it over with my boyfriend and some people in my Christian community - it was the possibility of me either comparing him to some of the "good" qualities my previous relationships held. (but really these qualities were silly standards I had set up due to experiencing them in my past, one for example was my partner asking me questions as an effort to know more about me, another was just the type of humor I liked, etc.) Is it possible I think about these things subconsciously because I know the people of my past are single? I feel wrong for even letting that thought come into my head, and I don't know why it did after me not thinking about things like that EVER. But I never thought about these things until they all randomly popped in my head after 1 year.

So basically what I am trying to sum up is that, I love this guy so much - he is everything I want in a man, he places God first, he doesn't distract me from God, and he has no bad qualities and there are NO negatives to the relationship. It has and is still going good for 1 whole year and some, but I don't know why randomly my happiness has changed and all these thoughts came into my head. And I know love isn't just being happy ALL the time and isn't all emotion, but it takes work, and proves itsself unconditional. So is this just a test of proving a promise to love unconditionally despite these emotions and thoughts, or is this something bigger?

Is this an attack of the devil trying to end a God-given relationship? Or is this God convicting me to end it right now because even though it seems good it might not be for me? (But then I ask, why would I go through it for this long and feel everything for it to suddenly change?) I understand God's plan is so much greater for me, but I just don't know why all this has been coming up in my head so RANDOMLY after everything was going just fine. I always prayed before I start the relationship, that God if this is NOT the one, please do not let me continue the relationship any further. And I prayed that daily for the first month of my relationship. But a whole year later, there is a sudden change in my brain, like the prayer came up again. It switched from God bless this relationship to God if it is not the one - end it, and I know God's will will be done but just confused my sudden switch of character and thought.

I know God is not a God of confusion, but I just feel so conflicted because I don't know if this is the Lord telling me to break it up because He's trying to teach me something, to stay and push through and learn something else, or if this is the Devil trying to test me. It's all weird because I never made my relationship an idol, but this whole random thought in my head has consumed me - and now I feel like it is taking me away from God because I'm scared (to see if God wants me to end it, or because I just have been consumed by the wrong things) I know I will be okay either way because I have God, but I also know I will be so confused if I had to end it, and if I didn't end it I know this thought might come in my head again? How do I know what God wants me to do? Just make a spontaneous decision and see where it ends up?

My boyfriend and me have already discussed this and he said I don't need to rush into making a decision, but whatever decision I do make he'll be there to support me because He knows I'm genuinely just trying to hear and obey God.

I really need prayer to trust in God, to HEAR God's voice clearly from the rest, and to have God guide all my decisions especially this, because I don't want to hurt people in the process, I don't want to dishonor God, and I don't want to be conflicted. I just need God to give me peace and to give me discernment and understanding. I would love some advice and prayer for these things, thank you so much! Much love and blessings. Please feel free to PM me if there is any questions or any advice.

*Plus my christian friend made a good point that, we are both deeply involved in ministry (both of us are worship leaders at our respective churches) and many people have told us that we have a potential of a great calling to go into worship ministry together! Maybe the Devil is trying to ruin that?*, just still conflicted why these thoughts would still come up in my head. Don't know how to make the distinction where they are coming from? I definitely need to fast and pray, but even then I don't know if it is my flesh holding me back from making a certain decision or if it is God helping me making a certain decision?

** and I know some of you might think I am just over spiritualizing a situation, but to me there is no such thing as over spiritualizing! I just genuinely want to seek God's will and want to know what He is saying to me. Even though it may hurt or not, that is my priority - and I never want to NOT include God in my decisions.**

Andrew77 · Apr 3, 2019

Layla17293 said:
Hi family. I am conflicted deeply about what the Lord wants me to do regarding my relationship. When I first starting dating my boyfriend a year and a 3 months ago, I felt like the Lord was calling me into this relationship. I joined the relationship due to his heart for God, our daily conversations about the Bible and worship, things that helped me grow into the lover of Jesus I am today! Since then, I have been happy and really believed God had this man as my future husband (and specifically saw myself marrying him as well!) Everything was going well until randomly I just started getting thoughts in my head that maybe he's not the one - or maybe I shouldn't be with him. (Also, he started graduate school and we are long distance as well, but since graduate school we haven't been communicating as much just due to both of us being busy, and I also felt like I got used to not communicating and I was okay with it, which I surprised myself that way.) I don't understand why these thoughts are coming in my head. I visited him just the previous weekend, and something just felt off and different. We were communicating fine and no issues but, I just kept getting anxiety this time I visited him (my heart just kept beating really fast) and I felt weird at random times when we were together (like when we were eating once, or when he was driving me back home), and this never happened before when we've been together and I wish I could tell you guys exactly why but I cannot.

After discussing it over with my boyfriend and some people in my Christian community - it was the possibility of me either comparing him to some of the "good" qualities my previous relationships held. (but really these qualities were silly standards I had set up due to experiencing them in my past, one for example was my partner asking me questions as an effort to know more about me, another was just the type of humor I liked, etc.) Is it possible I think about these things subconsciously because I know the people of my past are single? I feel wrong for even letting that thought come into my head, and I don't know why it did after me not thinking about things like that EVER. But I never thought about these things until they all randomly popped in my head after 1 year.

So basically what I am trying to sum up is that, I love this guy so much - he is everything I want in a man, he places God first, he doesn't distract me from God, and he has no bad qualities and there are NO negatives to the relationship. It has and is still going good for 1 whole year and some, but I don't know why randomly my happiness has changed and all these thoughts came into my head. And I know love isn't just being happy ALL the time and isn't all emotion, but it takes work, and proves itsself unconditional. So is this just a test of proving a promise to love unconditionally despite these emotions and thoughts, or is this something bigger?

Is this an attack of the devil trying to end a God-given relationship? Or is this God convicting me to end it right now because even though it seems good it might not be for me? (But then I ask, why would I go through it for this long and feel everything for it to suddenly change?) I understand God's plan is so much greater for me, but I just don't know why all this has been coming up in my head so RANDOMLY after everything was going just fine. I always prayed before I start the relationship, that God if this is NOT the one, please do not let me continue the relationship any further. And I prayed that daily for the first month of my relationship. But a whole year later, there is a sudden change in my brain, like the prayer came up again. It switched from God bless this relationship to God if it is not the one - end it, and I know God's will will be done but just confused my sudden switch of character and thought.

I know God is not a God of confusion, but I just feel so conflicted because I don't know if this is the Lord telling me to break it up because He's trying to teach me something, to stay and push through and learn something else, or if this is the Devil trying to test me. It's all weird because I never made my relationship an idol, but this whole random thought in my head has consumed me - and now I feel like it is taking me away from God because I'm scared (to see if God wants me to end it, or because I just have been consumed by the wrong things) I know I will be okay either way because I have God, but I also know I will be so confused if I had to end it, and if I didn't end it I know this thought might come in my head again? How do I know what God wants me to do? Just make a spontaneous decision and see where it ends up?

My boyfriend and me have already discussed this and he said I don't need to rush into making a decision, but whatever decision I do make he'll be there to support me because He knows I'm genuinely just trying to hear and obey God.

I really need prayer to trust in God, to HEAR God's voice clearly from the rest, and to have God guide all my decisions especially this, because I don't want to hurt people in the process, I don't want to dishonor God, and I don't want to be conflicted. I just need God to give me peace and to give me discernment and understanding. I would love some advice and prayer for these things, thank you so much! Much love and blessings. Please feel free to PM me if there is any questions or any advice.

*Plus my christian friend made a good point that, we are both deeply involved in ministry (both of us are worship leaders at our respective churches) and many people have told us that we have a potential of a great calling to go into worship ministry together! Maybe the Devil is trying to ruin that?*, just still conflicted why these thoughts would still come up in my head. Don't know how to make the distinction where they are coming from? I definitely need to fast and pray, but even then I don't know if it is my flesh holding me back from making a certain decision or if it is God helping me making a certain decision?

** and I know some of you might think I am just over spiritualizing a situation, but to me there is no such thing as over spiritualizing! I just genuinely want to seek God's will and want to know what He is saying to me. Even though it may hurt or not, that is my priority - and I never want to NOT include God in my decisions.**

There are a number of possibilities.

One: You are just over thinking everything, and worrying yourself pointlessly.

Two: Your G-d given women's intuition is telling you something is off, but you can't figure it out.

Three: You should be married by now, and you are not, and you are not even moving in that direction.

The one possibility I don't buy, is "the devil is present!". First, the Devil can't destroy something that doesn't exist. The bottom line, no matter what else you want to say... you are not married. He is a just a boy... that is a friend. He is not your husband, and you are not married. The devil can't destroy something, you haven't even put together yet.

Moreover, I don't buy the whole devil might be attacking me stuff.... why? Because I've talked with people, and heard the stories of people who really did have a demonic experience. When you actually have a demonic experience, you won't be on here saying "could that be the devil?" You'll *KNOW* it was a devil. You will KNOW that you were attacked. It won't be a question, and like something you discuss over pizza after watching a scary movie.... you'll be on your knees thanking G-d for his protection.

So, No, I don't think the devil is involved.

I'm more concerned with the second possibility, or the third.

G-d has given women a small advantage in this area, that we call a woman's intuition. It's a sense, almost magical in nature, that something is wrong, but you can't ever pin it down. It means you are picking something up, small hints or cues, that something is off.

If this boy has moved on somehow, and he just doesn't have the balls to tell you, that could be the problem.

However, the most likely of all possibilities is the third. Relationships are never static. They are never stopped in the moment, and continue where they left off. That never happens. They are either growing, or dying. They are either moving forward, or moving backward. That is simply the nature of relationships.

Him moving away has separated you two. Relationships that are separated, tend to decline. Perhaps you are sensing this, and that is the anxiousness you are feeling.

So I'm going to tell you what I would do. This is only what I would do. You have to figure out what is best for your life, and what will be honored by the Lord.

I would determine this month, whether or not to be married. If we, together decided we really did want to be married, then I would get a ring immediately, and plan for a wedding in the follow 3 months. Life is short. What are we waiting for? You don't get younger, by age 30. You are 24. My mother was in her 20s, and in college when she married my father.

You can't ever get your years back, if you spend them with him over there, and you over here, and both doing your own things.

Again, that's what I would do. I'm not you. Only you can say if you really are ready for the next step in the relationship, and determine if this boy is worth that next step. Pray for wisdom, and make a choice.

FutureAndAHope · Apr 3, 2019

Layla17293 said:
Hi family. I am conflicted deeply about what the Lord wants me to do regarding my relationship. When I first starting dating my boyfriend a year and a 3 months ago, I felt like the Lord was calling me into this relationship. I joined the relationship due to his heart for God, our daily conversations about the Bible and worship, things that helped me grow into the lover of Jesus I am today! Since then, I have been happy and really believed God had this man as my future husband (and specifically saw myself marrying him as well!) Everything was going well until randomly I just started getting thoughts in my head that maybe he's not the one - or maybe I shouldn't be with him. (Also, he started graduate school and we are long distance as well, but since graduate school we haven't been communicating as much just due to both of us being busy, and I also felt like I got used to not communicating and I was okay with it, which I surprised myself that way.) I don't understand why these thoughts are coming in my head. I visited him just the previous weekend, and something just felt off and different. We were communicating fine and no issues but, I just kept getting anxiety this time I visited him (my heart just kept beating really fast) and I felt weird at random times when we were together (like when we were eating once, or when he was driving me back home), and this never happened before when we've been together and I wish I could tell you guys exactly why but I cannot.

After discussing it over with my boyfriend and some people in my Christian community - it was the possibility of me either comparing him to some of the "good" qualities my previous relationships held. (but really these qualities were silly standards I had set up due to experiencing them in my past, one for example was my partner asking me questions as an effort to know more about me, another was just the type of humor I liked, etc.) Is it possible I think about these things subconsciously because I know the people of my past are single? I feel wrong for even letting that thought come into my head, and I don't know why it did after me not thinking about things like that EVER. But I never thought about these things until they all randomly popped in my head after 1 year.

So basically what I am trying to sum up is that, I love this guy so much - he is everything I want in a man, he places God first, he doesn't distract me from God, and he has no bad qualities and there are NO negatives to the relationship. It has and is still going good for 1 whole year and some, but I don't know why randomly my happiness has changed and all these thoughts came into my head. And I know love isn't just being happy ALL the time and isn't all emotion, but it takes work, and proves itsself unconditional. So is this just a test of proving a promise to love unconditionally despite these emotions and thoughts, or is this something bigger?

Is this an attack of the devil trying to end a God-given relationship? Or is this God convicting me to end it right now because even though it seems good it might not be for me? (But then I ask, why would I go through it for this long and feel everything for it to suddenly change?) I understand God's plan is so much greater for me, but I just don't know why all this has been coming up in my head so RANDOMLY after everything was going just fine. I always prayed before I start the relationship, that God if this is NOT the one, please do not let me continue the relationship any further. And I prayed that daily for the first month of my relationship. But a whole year later, there is a sudden change in my brain, like the prayer came up again. It switched from God bless this relationship to God if it is not the one - end it, and I know God's will will be done but just confused my sudden switch of character and thought.

I know God is not a God of confusion, but I just feel so conflicted because I don't know if this is the Lord telling me to break it up because He's trying to teach me something, to stay and push through and learn something else, or if this is the Devil trying to test me. It's all weird because I never made my relationship an idol, but this whole random thought in my head has consumed me - and now I feel like it is taking me away from God because I'm scared (to see if God wants me to end it, or because I just have been consumed by the wrong things) I know I will be okay either way because I have God, but I also know I will be so confused if I had to end it, and if I didn't end it I know this thought might come in my head again? How do I know what God wants me to do? Just make a spontaneous decision and see where it ends up?

My boyfriend and me have already discussed this and he said I don't need to rush into making a decision, but whatever decision I do make he'll be there to support me because He knows I'm genuinely just trying to hear and obey God.

I really need prayer to trust in God, to HEAR God's voice clearly from the rest, and to have God guide all my decisions especially this, because I don't want to hurt people in the process, I don't want to dishonor God, and I don't want to be conflicted. I just need God to give me peace and to give me discernment and understanding. I would love some advice and prayer for these things, thank you so much! Much love and blessings. Please feel free to PM me if there is any questions or any advice.

*Plus my christian friend made a good point that, we are both deeply involved in ministry (both of us are worship leaders at our respective churches) and many people have told us that we have a potential of a great calling to go into worship ministry together! Maybe the Devil is trying to ruin that?*, just still conflicted why these thoughts would still come up in my head. Don't know how to make the distinction where they are coming from? I definitely need to fast and pray, but even then I don't know if it is my flesh holding me back from making a certain decision or if it is God helping me making a certain decision?

** and I know some of you might think I am just over spiritualizing a situation, but to me there is no such thing as over spiritualizing! I just genuinely want to seek God's will and want to know what He is saying to me. Even though it may hurt or not, that is my priority - and I never want to NOT include God in my decisions.**

I tried to seek God on this issue, and He gave me no immediate answer. However the negative things you described sound like attacks from Satan. It just seems similar to the way he has attacked me in the past.

I would say push the feelings aside, and just go on with the relationship, with the provision of praying that God will expose any sin, pitfalls, or issues, that you can not see.

Sketcher · Apr 3, 2019

No bad qualities, eh? You don't know him well enough. All of us have some bad qualities. You should both know each other's bad qualities fairly well before you start making permanent plans.

As to the feelings themselves, maybe they're just where you're at right now. And maybe this isn't an issue of staying or going being God's will. Maybe God isn't as invested in whether or not you marry him or marry at all or stay single. Maybe there's nothing you have to do except not sin, just like before you got together.

Endeavourer · Apr 3, 2019

Here's a great resource for making sure your choice of a spouse has the potential to result in a happy marriage:

Choosing the Right One to Marry - Letter #2 (Marriage Builders®,...

In my experience, these points are exactly on. A mismatch in any of these areas will lead to dissatisfaction in the relationship later - even if you think now that they won't.

ValleyGal · Apr 3, 2019

It is completely normal to think about, and have feelings about, your previous relationships. You will never stop thinking about your "first love" so to speak. They will cross your mind every once in a while. After all, you cared about them deeply. There is nothing wrong with thinking about them and admiring their finer qualities. In fact, it is honouring to them, for helping to shape who you are in your current relationship. Go with it, and pray for them, and pray for your current partner, that the Lord would continue to bless your relationship - especially since you are long distance now.

Take your time so you know each other and how you function. Talk about things that matter - not just about things like how many children you want, but what values do you want to raise them with. Notice things like how you manage conflict, are you both emotionally and relationally mature? How do you regulate each other? Do you influence each other? Do you value each other, and how do all these (and more) play out in your relationship? Give it time. You'll know...

Joined2krist · Apr 5, 2019

I find it hard to believe he has absolutely no bad qualities, it makes me feel that you're infatuated. I'll pray for you both,God bless

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Conflicting mind regarding relationship

Layla17293

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Andrew77

The walking accident

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FutureAndAHope

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Sketcher

Born Imperishable

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Endeavourer

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