My boyfriend is Muslim and he is making me doubt my faith...

Justachristiangirl · Apr 2, 2019

Pavel Mosko said:
Nika you need to listen to Jesus and Freddie Mercury! I did some internet snooping and saw your picture on another Christian Forum, your an attractive Ukrainian girl that should have no problem finding another fellow that is not abusive, and even a Christian guy. In fact, I think you should update your avatar photo with a new selfie and maybe there are some handsome teenage forum posters that live within 50 miles or less from you!

And as some have said where are your parents of guardians in all this? You should tell your father or most prominent male authority figure about this guy, so he can set him straight the next time he comes a courting.

And besides that, shouldn't you be focusing on your school work? But if you are still in high school you should see if you can book some time with the school counselor. After reading pages and pages of your responses I wonder if you have some unresolved dependency issues from childhood. At the very least you are in an unhealthy addictive relationship!

Well.. I don't really see my dad and um.. my childhood wasn't very nice and I had to grow up fast.. And yeah because of this relationship I have been really struggling in school, all my grades dropped from As to Ds because I struggled to focus in class and do my work even though I know I'm smart and would usually get a good grade.

Justachristiangirl · Apr 2, 2019

Loyce KG said:
What's your support system like?
Do you have family or friends or a church you can run to for help?

I do but I'm too scared and ashamed to talk about it, theres a lot of things i don't talk about to be honest. That's another reason why I've been so distant from church.. I just feel too embarrassed. Like I'm not good enough to be in that group of people.

Justachristiangirl · Apr 2, 2019

Gracia Singh said:
This is Satanic. You need to hang up. His goal is to wrench you away from Christ, manipulate you, make you feel guilty, and wear you down emotionally. Please, just go. You don't owe him an explanation. Just go. For your sake.

Please, please stop being scared. Please leave, and do not give this attempt to share each other's faiths another shot. This has clearly failed. Nothing to be ashamed of. It's not your fault, and converting him is in no way, shape, or form on you. It's not. Please, stop being scared, be brave, and let go, with Christ's help. Just close the door. You can do this! Sign off.

I left and then he cried all night and was begging me to stay.. he said to give him one more chance..

Justachristiangirl · Apr 2, 2019

mmksparbud said:
Yes--You can!!!

Not really.. I couldn't sleep and cried and couldn't focus on school work so I just gave up

Justachristiangirl · Apr 2, 2019

Albion said:
Well, has he ever said that Jesus is not God? I rather suspect that he has.

Nika, in my humble opinion, those two comments of his say everything you need to know about this. You two were happy, as he said, so long as you were distancing yourself from your own religion while he did not do the same with his--which is what most of us here deduced early in the conversation. And if you two were to reconcile, your relationship going forward would be on that same basis.

I do want to leave and I told him to let me go..

mmksparbud · Apr 2, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
Not really.. I couldn't sleep and cried and couldn't focus on school work so I just gave up

You are doing it. I didn't say it would be easy. The only kind of giving up allowed---is to give ypourself over to doing the will of God. He will heal your broken heart.
Psa_34:18 The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
Psa_51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Psa_147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

timothyu · Apr 2, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
I just feel too embarrassed. Like I'm not good enough to be in that group of people.

The one thing adults in 'support group' situations will understand is if you say 'help me, I'm a screwed up teenager'.

Don't feel ashamed for being a child learning to be an adult.

See what I mean 'if' he cried all night. You need to let him grow up too instead of enabling him to remain a teenager forever.

timothyu · Apr 2, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
I do want to leave and I told him to let me go..

You don't need his permission. You'd know that if you weren't trained otherwise. You weren't born to be owned by anyone. That is not the definition of partnership.

Justachristiangirl · Apr 2, 2019

mmksparbud said:
You are doing it. I didn't say it would be easy. The only kind of giving up allowed---is to give ypourself over to doing the will of God. He will heal your broken heart.
Psa_34:18 The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
Psa_51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Psa_147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

Thank you.. I just feel horrible. I hate hurting people and I hurt him. I feel like a monster because I made him hurt so badly. I never want anyone to feel the pain I go through..

timothyu said:
The one thing adults in 'support group' situations will understand is if you say 'help me, I'm a screwed up teenager'. Don't feel ashamed for being a child learning to be an adult.

See what I mean 'if' he cried all night. You need to let him grow up too instead of enabling him to remain a teenager forever.

He would probably say that he will never find love again..

timothyu said:
You don't need his permission. You'd know that if you weren't trained otherwise. You weren't born to be owned by anyone. That is not the definition of partnership.

Yeah you're right.. it's just how I was raised by parents and.. well through all of my childhood and as I was growing up I always let people use me or treat me in a bad way..

timothyu · Apr 2, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
He would probably say that he will never find love again..

His loss if he doesn't want to grow. (but a typical thing for any human to say upon a breakup. lol Drama There are a lot more phrases too.) I'm not making fun of this as I know this is serious to you, but as you grow you will see the humour in the things we all do at one time or another. We are all so predictable.

Nika Yermakova said:
Yeah you're right.. it's just how I was raised by parents and.. well through all of my childhood and as I was growing up I always let people use me or treat me in a bad way..

Well see? Don't you want to grow and be you? You can't if you continually put yourself in a cage. We all would like to see the great things you could possibly accomplish in our shared world, not just become another caged statistic .

mmksparbud · Apr 2, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
Yeah you're right.. it's just how I was raised by parents and.. well through all of my childhood and as I was growing up I always let people use me or treat me in a bad way..

When you grow up like that, you do not learn "limits." If you grow up having to tolerate physical and verbal abuse, you are "programmed" to take it, you can't say no, you can't fight back. You end up allowing that behavior as an adult for you know nothing else and you don't know how to stop it. I grew up sexually abused--you end up programed, trained to give in to sexual advances. You have no idea how to say no, for that was not allowed. You end up doing the same thing as an adult. It took God to retrain my mind, to put Him first meant saying no to certain things and He gave me the power to do so. You will have to face the same trial again and again until you learn to put God first. He will not let you stay the same. It can take some time to learn how to break that training.

Pro_22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Unfortunately, this applies to good and bad training. You, working together with God, can break this. It can become a generational curse---the victim raises the children in the same environment they knew and so it passes on. Let God take you out of it first, then you will be able to pass on good behavior and attitudes to your children. He wants only what is good for you.

Pro_3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Deu_5:33 Ye shall walk in all the ways which the LORD your God hath commanded you, that ye may live, and that it may be well with you, and that ye may prolong your days in the land which ye shall possess.
This is the difference between real love and the fake. Real love seeks the good of the other, the fake seeks only their own. Whatever God asks us to do is for our own good.

turkle · Apr 2, 2019

This is all so sad. You are very young and don't recognize that you are being manipulated and controlled by your "boyfriend". If you continue in this, this is what your life will look like, only worse.

Turn to your first love, the one who cares, loves and guides you. He will not force you to obey him (as your boyfriend is trying to do), but He is inviting you into a beautiful life with Him. You can either listen to the Lord who loves you, or your boyfriend who wants to control you for his own purposes. Control, bullying and manipulation are not love by any stretch of the imagination. I pray that you will choose wisely.

The Faceless · Apr 2, 2019

He's grooming, manipulating, and emotionally abusing her to make her the perfect submissive Muslim wife. Your life is over if you stay with this kid. You not only lose your freedom, you lose your salvation. And for what, this punk who is causing you so much trouble?

Kenny'sID · Apr 2, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
He started talking about science and how there are so many signs and scientifical evidence. I said I don't care about any of the science stuff..

Good for you.

We've discussed this in more depth than I care to mention here, and it has never been proven there is no God, not even close.

And remember, when they say "science" says this and that, in order to make is sound like we just can't argue with it, science actually says nothing, and it's a trick the way they word it. "Science is people" using the the natural, and in this case to prove things, and I assure you, "people" and their opinions on what the natural world tells us CAN be argued with.

I understand that for most of us, none of that matters, we just know there is a God, but that's for anyone who might be in your shoes here, and when we are told "Science says this so it's irrefutable" just know, it most certainly is not, and in my experience it fails every time when it comes to disproving God.

timothyu · Apr 2, 2019

Kenny'sID said:
and in my experience it fails every time when it comes to disproving God

Science originally set out to see what makes things tick in order to find God. Today's society has changed that. This right/left nonsense has spread into all aspects of life as a beacon of division which today's society is based on. Division of opinion in the world is more important now to Christians than it ever was and that is just not right. The only division is between Kingdom and world of man. Studying the ways of man leads to the polarity of the ways of the Kingdom. Dividing only man is a dead end, pun intended.

Roidecoeur78 · Apr 2, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
Thank you.. I just feel horrible. I hate hurting people and I hurt him. I feel like a monster because I made him hurt so badly. I never want anyone to feel the pain I go through..

Nika Yermakova said:
Yeah you're right.. it's just how I was raised by parents and.. well through all of my childhood and as I was growing up I always let people use me or treat me in a bad way..

Nika Yermakova said:
I don't really see my dad and um.. my childhood wasn't very nice and I had to grow up fast.

Sorry, but this all sounds like it originated in, and then snowballed from, desiring and seeking some temporary person, place, or thing, more than desiring and seeking to know, love, and serve your creator. Sometimes, not always, children of either gender that are left in a dad-less situation end up struggling worse than even those that, like myself, had to contend with an abusive dad. Your only viable option is to consider that God is your father, and He has left you an account of what is expected to both avoid unnecessary suffering and endure the necessary suffering.

Co-dependence is just another form of addiction- an addiction to people. Ending up codependent on human approval and desires, that is, wanting something from others and wanting others to want something from you, is no different than what is practiced in the animal kingdom. This can easily be seen in documentaries about lemurs and chimps and any other primates, it's all the monkey business of quid pro quo; and it naturally ends up in the torture of emotional manipulation that you have described. "Growing up", as a spiritual being, means leaving all that mess behind, and being less and less at the mercy of your instinctual lusts and fears. Give it up, or exist for decades moving from one emotional crisis to another.

Albion · Apr 2, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
I'm sorry... I'm just scared. I want to leave but he is making me feel guilty.. he came back (after ignoring me) and said that he loves me and doesn't want me to leave and will have hope until he dies. I said I love my God and i don't want to convert. He says "Even if your God isn't real?" and I said that I know he is real. He started talking about science and how there are so many signs and scientifical evidence.

Doesn't this ^ simply verify what we here have been warning you about? There may be some Muslim-Christian couples who have achieved a situation of mutuality, but every indicator we have been given says that your boyfriend is not of that sort.

Loyce KG · Apr 2, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
I do but I'm too scared and ashamed to talk about it, theres a lot of things i don't talk about to be honest. That's another reason why I've been so distant from church.. I just feel too embarrassed. Like I'm not good enough to be in that group of people.

Do you have access to a bible study group? If yes, go and listen as they share. Am praying for you sweetie. Don't let the enemy have a field day with you.

Justachristiangirl · Apr 2, 2019

Roidecoeur78 said:
Sorry, but this all sounds like it originated in, and then snowballed from, desiring and seeking some temporary person, place, or thing, more than desiring and seeking to know, love, and serve your creator. Sometimes, not always, children of either gender that are left in a dad-less situation end up struggling worse than even those that, like myself, had to contend with an abusive dad. Your only viable option is to consider that God is your father, and He has left you an account of what is expected to both avoid unnecessary suffering and endure the necessary suffering.

Co-dependence is just another form of addiction- an addiction to people. Ending up codependent on human approval and desires, that is, wanting something from others and wanting others to want something from you, is no different than what is practiced in the animal kingdom. This can easily be seen in documentaries about lemurs and chimps and any other primates, it's all the monkey business of quid pro quo; and it naturally ends up in the torture of emotional manipulation that you have described. "Growing up", as a spiritual being, means leaving all that mess behind, and being less and less at the mercy of your instinctual lusts and fears. Give it up, or exist for decades moving from one emotional crisis to another.

Well my dad does live with us, he just works a lot so I barely see him and.. when I was younger I got abused more mentally and physically. He would also drink so that made it worse. But I forgive him and things are better, except the drinking ^^ I don't like talking about it much.

Justachristiangirl · Apr 2, 2019

timothyu said:
His loss if he doesn't want to grow. (but a typical thing for any human to say upon a breakup. lol Drama There are a lot more phrases too.) I'm not making fun of this as I know this is serious to you, but as you grow you will see the humour in the things we all do at one time or another. We are all so predictable.

Well see? Don't you want to grow and be you? You can't if you continually put yourself in a cage. We all would like to see the great things you could possibly accomplish in our shared world, not just become another caged statistic .

Yeah I want him to get better.. we talked and we decided that we need to find a way to let go and start improving ourselves.

My boyfriend is Muslim and he is making me doubt my faith...

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