My boyfriend is Muslim and he is making me doubt my faith...

BlessedMommy05 · Apr 1, 2019

I only agree with few what has been said, I dont agree throwing your computer out it can be useful information when used right. Do you have parents or love ones whom you can go to and stay with for awhile? If so then go there and clear your mind ask God to clear it for you and pray for direction and for peace in your heart, then once done that, in my view you may or may not have clarity in your heart but listen if you dont leave him now it will get worse down the road trust me, I been there.. You cant change him only yourself . If a man wants to change for the girl he's with then he will change himself such as controlling behavior and other things that are not good examples. All you can do is be yourself and live the way God wants you to live.. Weather thats working a good job, going to school, attending a good bible based church. Remember set the example shine the light let God help you do all of that. even on days where its hard and you struggle, listen to music, pray, or just talk to God in your mind and heart as well thats prayer too, I do that a lot. Find one or two good friends that wont stab you in the back or family members whom you can rely on and talk to them too. All in time it'll help. God bless.

ChicanaRose · Apr 1, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
Unhealthy obsession, and don't be sorry it's good that you're being honest. I need it more. I just don't know how to get the courage. Because it really hurts like my heart had been hurting all day.

Then that's all the more reason you should seek help from a Christian therapist or a pastor. If you cannot do it alone, then you need the support of other believers.

Justachristiangirl · Apr 1, 2019

Pedra said:
Sorry must be honest Nika, that is not a description of love.
It is a description neurotic behavior and co-dependency issues. Many people have found help in doing some therapy to get to their issues of co-dependency etc. Relationships built on unhealthy patterns are rocky & rarely last, then on to the next which usually results in the same pattern, drama and instability. When a person gets emotionally healthy they will start living their life and not needing to live through another person's emotional reactions.

Albion said:
In short, Nika, we are convinced that you will suffer now--for a while--or else suffer worse and for possibly a long time if you do not stand with the decision you made and told him about. That's how these things go.

Gracia Singh said:
No more chances.

Just leave. He does not need or deserve any more "chances". You need to leave.

Please stop being so afraid, dear. Christ is with you. Ask Him for help and strength, trust Him (He loves you so much!), and pull the plug on this harmful, damaging, draining relationship.

Gracia Singh said:
This is not love. This is immature, more hormonal and chemical than anything (a literal addiction), shallow, and emotionally draining. This relationship is pretty much literally driving you nuts. And damaging your faith, self-esteem, emotional health, and capacity to enjoy the life that God has given you. Please pull the plug. You really have to. It's not optional. It's a must.

If you have to throw your laptop in the trash, do it. It's not worth losing your sanity, losing Christ for all eternity, or winding up in a brothel in Pakistan. Think I'm joking? I'm not, dear.

paul1149 said:
Nika, dear, as many have said, this is not healthy love. It is idolatry, worshiping a human person as your God. The only cure for idolatry is to place the real God on the throne of your heart in place of the idol. If you delight in the Lord, He will fill your heart, begin to heal it, and become your everything. This might take time, so you'll have to work at it stick to it.

Once you're more whole you will be able to handle a relationship in such a way that it won't destroy you, as this one is obviously doing.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. -Matt 6:33

Go to God and tell Him that you've made a person more important to you than Him. Tell Him you know it's wrong and you're sorry, and ask His help to overcome this besetting sin. He will help you, because it is His will that you draw near to Him and do well for yourself. Jesus makes people whole, from the inside-out.

Ironically, if there is a chance for this relationship, it lies in you first doing right by God. And if you do so, whether the relationship ever works out or not you've done well for yourself. But if you refuse to do this, things will only get worse. Think of me as an older brother (and one who has been through something like this), and please attend to these words very carefully.

BlessedMommy05 said:
I only agree with few what has been said, I dont agree throwing your computer out it can be useful information when used right. Do you have parents or love ones whom you can go to and stay with for awhile? If so then go there and clear your mind ask God to clear it for you and pray for direction and for peace in your heart, then once done that, in my view you may or may not have clarity in your heart but listen if you dont leave him now it will get worse down the road trust me, I been there.. You cant change him only yourself . If a man wants to change for the girl he's with then he will change himself such as controlling behavior and other things that are not good examples. All you can do is be yourself and live the way God wants you to live.. Weather thats working a good job, going to school, attending a good bible based church. Remember set the example shine the light let God help you do all of that. even on days where its hard and you struggle, listen to music, pray, or just talk to God in your mind and heart as well thats prayer too, I do that a lot. Find one or two good friends that wont stab you in the back or family members whom you can rely on and talk to them too. All in time it'll help. God bless.

ChicanaRose said:
Then that's all the more reason you should seek help from a Christian therapist or a pastor. If you cannot do it alone, then you need the support of other believers.

I showed him screenshots of the replies on here.. and this is what he said...
"I'd say it again that you broke my trust and did what my friend told you not to (not to talk about our relationship to others and ask for advice). Plus they're attacking me and my religion. You people were so nice so I don't understand how can you call my prophet with those names? Or you just pretend to be nice? Did I ever said something wrong about Jesus? Tell me. You want advice from people who hate Muslims deep inside? Do you think they can ever understand you? Or they'll give advice without judging? Tell me. I read everything with an open mind. And you preach so much love and hide reality. Your books call us unlovable. And just because they're adult doesn't mean they're expert. Do they have a degree in something like this? OK then I'll do the same, if you're being like this then I can too. I'll talk to my friends and then I'll believe them blindly. No matter what they say no matter how much it hurts later. My self respect is my top priority. I don't care if you're my girlfriend, my wife or anyone. Do you know when ppl become controlling? Do you know? When they don't trust their partner or their partner priorities someone else then them. You've broken my trust too many times. You don't accept that you trust your biased friends more than me. They don't even have proof for what they say. They just speak their opinions. No facts support their arguments. That's why I don't believe them. We were good when you didn't invited anyone else in our personal matter. And I can't bear stupidity. I can't take it. I hate listening to stupid arguments that has no supporting facts. I accepted you when you were at your lowest, I improved you I was a good friend to you. I tried my best to help you without expecting anything in return. So tell me nika why did you choose them over me? Where were those ppl when you needed them? What were they doing that time?"

Then I told him, "What do you mean... I choose you over everything... I did choose you over their advice so many times.. this time I wanted to show what they say so that you could see and understand me.. but maybe that was a mistake because you don't want to understand... I don't choose you? Really? I didn't choose you over my friends? When they left me I didn't chase them, I didn't say "I'm sorry for Ignoring you I was talking to my boyfriend", no I stayed with you. I didn't chose you over my religion? I stopped going to church, I stopped reading the bible, I stopped praying. I didn't chose you over my health? I stayed up all night for you even when I was sick, I stayed up for you even when I was throwing up blood the next day."

Then he said, "I don't want those things to know how you feel I want you to explain it to me. Those people are nothing to me and their arguments also means nothing. I want you to tell me how you feels. Not them. You're introducing new people in my life whom I never want to meet or talk to. Why? I only care about you not them. Just tell me how you feel I'll understand what do they even have to do with this all? You show me opinions of people who doesn't matter to me. If you'll speak yourself I'd consider listening. Because I care for you. But why'd I read those screenshots? I don't even know those people and they are nothing to me. Do you think they can do anything for us? They're only making it worse. They're happy with their own life and they don't even care. But they want to look like a hero when it comes to religion. It's called "protagonist syndrome" every human being has that. That's inbuilt feature read psychology you'll understand. I don't speak anything from my side I have enough knowledge to prove my words authenticity and I can present facts supporting it. Remember the days when it's only between us and no one was involved. Did something like this ever happened then?"

I said, "We still struggled with religion.."

He said, "No we didn't. We just used to read each others books. Without hard feeling and with full respect. It changed when your friends got involved. I was respecting you, you opinion and everything. But your friends attacked me so I got defensive and become rude. Whose mistake is it now? It's neither yours nor mine. It's your friend's mistakes. You shouldn't have involved them. It's you life and if you can't make a decision on your own then you won't achieve anything in life no one will guide you everyday. You need to be independent. Your friends are so ignorant. They don't even reply when I say something to them. They don't even care for you either. They all just want to be cool in their life. This relationship was never toxic you friends made it toxic. There are other non Muslims too who hate us but they at least become less ignorant when we explain Islam to them. But your friends are so obsessed with themselves. I teaches about Islam to a non Muslim today she was trying to attack me but she get less ignorant after I explained her. Your friends are just thinking that they can't be wrong."

Then.. we both got upset at eachother and argued a bit... then I told him I choose Christianity and he said "It was a beautiful relationship until your friends come in it. But now maybe we should end it. If you've chosen it then live with it." We will talk again tomorrow, he went to sleep... before we started fighting about religion we were so happy. And he's right we did have a beautiful relationship. People would tell me "you two make me believe in love again". We have so many memories together and dreams and goals... then we started to get more serious about religion and things just started to fall apart. We started to argue for the first time and we hurt eachother... I don't know to do now I'm just trying not to cry. I miss him and he means so much to me and I never want to hurt him.. I feel like all of this is my fault... I'm having the urge to tell him that we could try again.. that maybe things could change... I'm sorry I'm probably just being annoying..

timothyu · Apr 1, 2019

What is it about both religions that says you both can't just love neighbour as self even if not each other. Too bad humans create these barriers between people. God says my rules, not man's. People say our rules,not yours.

ChicanaRose · Apr 1, 2019

I think that there is a big difference between being generally loving towards a non-believer, and considering a future with one. You seem to know that you need to detach yourself from this person but cannot get yourself to do so...at least not on your own. Are you willing to seek in-person help through your local Christian community?

Sketcher · Apr 1, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
I showed him screenshots of the replies on here.. and this is what he said...
"I'd say it again that you broke my trust and did what my friend told you not to (not to talk about our relationship to others and ask for advice). Plus they're attacking me and my religion. You people were so nice so I don't understand how can you call my prophet with those names? Or you just pretend to be nice? Did I ever said something wrong about Jesus? Tell me. You want advice from people who hate Muslims deep inside? Do you think they can ever understand you? Or they'll give advice without judging? Tell me. I read everything with an open mind. And you preach so much love and hide reality. Your books call us unlovable. And just because they're adult doesn't mean they're expert. Do they have a degree in something like this? OK then I'll do the same, if you're being like this then I can too. I'll talk to my friends and then I'll believe them blindly. No matter what they say no matter how much it hurts later. My self respect is my top priority. I don't care if you're my girlfriend, my wife or anyone. Do you know when ppl become controlling? Do you know? When they don't trust their partner or their partner priorities someone else then them. You've broken my trust too many times. You don't accept that you trust your biased friends more than me. They don't even have proof for what they say. They just speak their opinions. No facts support their arguments. That's why I don't believe them. We were good when you didn't invited anyone else in our personal matter. And I can't bear stupidity. I can't take it. I hate listening to stupid arguments that has no supporting facts. I accepted you when you were at your lowest, I improved you I was a good friend to you. I tried my best to help you without expecting anything in return. So tell me nika why did you choose them over me? Where were those ppl when you needed them? What were they doing that time?"

Then I told him, "What do you mean... I choose you over everything... I did choose you over their advice so many times.. this time I wanted to show what they say so that you could see and understand me.. but maybe that was a mistake because you don't want to understand... I don't choose you? Really? I didn't choose you over my friends? When they left me I didn't chase them, I didn't say "I'm sorry for Ignoring you I was talking to my boyfriend", no I stayed with you. I didn't chose you over my religion? I stopped going to church, I stopped reading the bible, I stopped praying. I didn't chose you over my health? I stayed up all night for you even when I was sick, I stayed up for you even when I was throwing up blood the next day."

Then he said, "I don't want those things to know how you feel I want you to explain it to me. Those people are nothing to me and their arguments also means nothing. I want you to tell me how you feels. Not them. You're introducing new people in my life whom I never want to meet or talk to. Why? I only care about you not them. Just tell me how you feel I'll understand what do they even have to do with this all? You show me opinions of people who doesn't matter to me. If you'll speak yourself I'd consider listening. Because I care for you. But why'd I read those screenshots? I don't even know those people and they are nothing to me. Do you think they can do anything for us? They're only making it worse. They're happy with their own life and they don't even care. But they want to look like a hero when it comes to religion. It's called "protagonist syndrome" every human being has that. That's inbuilt feature read psychology you'll understand. I don't speak anything from my side I have enough knowledge to prove my words authenticity and I can present facts supporting it. Remember the days when it's only between us and no one was involved. Did something like this ever happened then?"

I said, "We still struggled with religion.."

He said, "No we didn't. We just used to read each others books. Without hard feeling and with full respect. It changed when your friends got involved. I was respecting you, you opinion and everything. But your friends attacked me so I got defensive and become rude. Whose mistake is it now? It's neither yours nor mine. It's your friend's mistakes. You shouldn't have involved them. It's you life and if you can't make a decision on your own then you won't achieve anything in life no one will guide you everyday. You need to be independent. Your friends are so ignorant. They don't even reply when I say something to them. They don't even care for you either. They all just want to be cool in their life. This relationship was never toxic you friends made it toxic. There are other non Muslims too who hate us but they at least become less ignorant when we explain Islam to them. But your friends are so obsessed with themselves. I teaches about Islam to a non Muslim today she was trying to attack me but she get less ignorant after I explained her. Your friends are just thinking that they can't be wrong."

Then.. we both got upset at eachother and argued a bit... then I told him I choose Christianity and he said "It was a beautiful relationship until your friends come in it. But now maybe we should end it. If you've chosen it then live with it." We will talk again tomorrow, he went to sleep... before we started fighting about religion we were so happy. And he's right we did have a beautiful relationship. People would tell me "you two make me believe in love again". We have so many memories together and dreams and goals... then we started to get more serious about religion and things just started to fall apart. We started to argue for the first time and we hurt eachother... I don't know to do now I'm just trying not to cry. I miss him and he means so much to me and I never want to hurt him.. I feel like all of this is my fault... I'm having the urge to tell him that we could try again.. that maybe things could change... I'm sorry I'm probably just being annoying..

This guy is clearly a loser. Don't look back.

Pedra · Apr 1, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
I showed him screenshots of the replies on here.. and this is what he said...
.

Sorry I don't follow why would you show him screen shots? what purpose does that serve? It seems like a deeply dysfunctional relationship that has lots of patterns of melodrama. Unless you are only 16, you really need some professional counselling so you can learn new tools , develop some mental health, stability, responsibility & some emotional growth & all that would develop your self-esteem. You're life would be much better & it would give you more choices /opportunities.

Justachristiangirl · Apr 1, 2019

Pedra said:
Sorry I don't follow why would you show him screen shots? what purpose does that serve? It seems like a deeply dysfunctional relationship that has lots of patterns of melodrama. Unless you are only 16, you really need some professional counselling so you can learn new tools , develop some mental health, stability, responsibility & some emotional growth & all that would develop your self-esteem. You're life would be much better & it would give you more choices /opportunities.

Well yeah..I'm 16 he's 17

Justachristiangirl · Apr 1, 2019

Sketcher said:
This guy is clearly a loser. Don't look back.

Why is he a loser?

Justachristiangirl · Apr 1, 2019

ChicanaRose said:
I think that there is a big difference between being generally loving towards a non-believer, and considering a future with one. You seem to know that you need to detach yourself from this person but cannot get yourself to do so...at least not on your own. Are you willing to seek in-person help through your local Christian community?

I'll try but I'm too scared to talk about it

timothyu · Apr 1, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
Well yeah..I'm 16 he's 17

Then this is a non issue. This is all natural progression and by no means soon enough to even think permanence. No sense playing adult games until you hit 30. No offence. Just be prepared to learn and move on.

Pedra · Apr 1, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
Well yeah..I'm 16 he's 17

Lol! well that explains the emotional turmoil -hormones.
If it is controlling and rollercoaster seems angry, dysfunctional it's not stable happy relationship. Btw, have you done anything to re- commit to your Christian faith? through study, prayer and fellowshipping in a church?

paul1149 · Apr 1, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
I showed him screenshots of the replies on here

Why are you showing him these replies? The advice here is for you to take in and process, independent of him.

The Faceless · Apr 1, 2019

What did you expect involving yourself with a man of a faith that rejects your God? He isn't like an atheist who just doesn't care or accept religion; he's involved in a religion that outright denies that your God is God. Millions of Christians have been murdered in the name of his God.

Get rid of this man for good. He's planting evil seeds.

ChicanaRose · Apr 1, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
I'll try but I'm too scared to talk about it

Ok, trying is a great start. Since you are only 16, maybe talk to family too.

Justachristiangirl · Apr 1, 2019

Pedra said:
Lol! well that explains the emotional turmoil -hormones.
If it is controlling and rollercoaster seems angry, dysfunctional it's not stable happy relationship. Btw, have you done anything to re- commit to your Christian faith? through study, prayer and fellowshipping in a church?

Well like I mention earlier I stopped going to church and praying and reading the bible but now that I'm "free" I'm starting to study the bible more

Justachristiangirl · Apr 1, 2019

paul1149 said:
Why are you showing him these replies? The advice here is for you to take in and process, independent of him.

Yeah I know that was a mistake..

The Faceless · Apr 1, 2019

Showing him screenshots?! Do you even want help? Advice? Do you even want to leave?

ChicanaRose · Apr 1, 2019

The Faceless said:
Showing him screenshots?! Do you even want help? Advice? Do you even want to leave?

Well, we can't really change the past, so we just need to move forward with the right decision from this moment forward. From this moment forward, don't share the screen shots with him.

timothyu · Apr 1, 2019

The Faceless said:
Showing him screenshots?! Do you even want help? Advice? Do you even want to leave?

Be nice. She is young and life is a learning process.

My boyfriend is Muslim and he is making me doubt my faith...

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