My boyfriend is Muslim and he is making me doubt my faith...

Lucaro · Mar 31, 2019

I can imagine what you're feeling about this guy, but trust me, this is not love.

When we fall in love with someone (which is different from love), we can't stop thinking about the person, we want to be together all the time and - most dangerous - we put ourselves in situations that we wouldn't normally do.

Being in love often makes us break our rules and accept things we don't usually accept. When that feeling is over, we see clearly how foolish the decisions we made were.

I think the more you talk with him, the harder it will be to get out of this situation.

Jesus is always the right choice.

Aquatic Waves · Mar 31, 2019

Nika if he truly cares about you, he wouldn't force you to do something that you don't want to do. And being in a relationship that someone controls you is not healthy. It's toxic. Sending my thoughts to you

timothyu · Mar 31, 2019

The Pope today told Catholics to stop trying to convert people from other religions. He said it most always comes to an impasse. Applicable here from either side.

Willing-heart · Mar 31, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
Me and him were fighting now.. I told him how I feel for the first time.. he got upset and called me mean and ignorant and didn't even mention when I said that this is hurting me.. he just said that I'm judging the whole religion based on his actions, he got very upset and started defending his religion.. I said I'm sorry and told him I'm the one to blame and it was all my fault. He said I'm closed minded... he didn't even say anything about my feelings.. he doesn't care, I'm on the verge of tears and I'm shaking... I keep on forgiving and acting like its okay but it's not! It's not okay, I'm so weak and tired and I feel played and I keep giving chances and hoping. Isn't that what Jesus told us to do? To forgive those who do us wrong? Maybe I'm being selfish.. my feelings never mattered why would they now..

You just have to let go and let God... I remember my Muslim friend calling me ignorant too. It's hard to accept such insult. I take no pleasure in being criticized, opposed or attacked- but Jesus takes pleasure in us when we endure persecution for his sake. Like the great apostle Paul, our commitment should always be to pleasing God above all else. And for this reason, was why:

Festus, the Roman procurator of Judea, called the apostle Paul a mad man.
The pope said of Martin Luther that he ought to be in an insane asylum (Bedlam).
The Roman emperor Julian the Apostate called Bishop Athanasius an “enemy of gods, wicked, and a clever rascal.”
John Wesley was beaten and robbed by a street mob and ridiculed in the press because he preached the gospel of Jesus Christ.
William Booth, the founder of the Salvation Army, was ridiculed and called insane, and the people who joined the movement were attacked and beaten.

Godly Leadership

readywriter · Mar 31, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
A month or so ago I was talking about a Muslim friend that I am very in love with... we ended up becoming a couple with the intention of marrying and out love grew deeper. But the problem is our different religions... I'm a Christian and he is a Muslim. For weeks and months he tried to convert me. I've watch hundreds of videos about his faith with him and he always debated and argued and now.. I'm lost. He didn't bring me closer to Islam.. and only brought be farther away from Christianity and now I'm lost.. I'm scared that I will go to hell and.. we have broken up and tried to leave the toxic relationship but we always come back because we love each other so much... I can't let go and I don't know what to do.. I'm scared and lost and I don't believe in anything anymore. I haven't prayed and weeks and I'm scared...

Hello @Nika Yermakova,
With respect, you do know what to do. You just feel powerless to do it.

* God can deliver you, and will, if you ask Him to. Tell Him of your strength of feeling for this man and that you feel powerless to do what you know to be right. Ask Him for His deliverance. Then fill your life with activity that is healthy and satisfying, and which keeps you far away from the man who has such an emotional hold over you.

* Read God's Word and stay your mind on Him; acknowledge Him in everything that you do. Commit your way unto Him, and praise Him and thank Him for His deliverance, regardless of those thoughts and feelings which will seek to enter your mind and hold you captive. They are deceptive lusts, or desires, that war against the soul. When they come, don't fight them, but thank God that they have no power over you, that He will strengthen you and deliver you. Feed your mind on things that are not going to stimulate those thoughts, avoid emotional media input and music.

* Work hard at those things that although giving you pleasure, don't stimulate the emotions or physical desires. Such as a craft of your choice, walking, cycling, gym activity, helping others, voluntary work, educational studies, etc.,

* One day you will look back and see God's hand at work and be so grateful to Him for keeping you from a path that could only lead to misery and torment.

In Christ Jesus
Chris

Justachristiangirl · Mar 31, 2019

timothyu said:
2)

Taken from info I saved years ago. Cannot find the original website.

Quote... 'The p.a. relies on your self-doubt so that he/she CAN turn the focus on you.. Once you know what you are dealing with and are confident in that fact they are less able to instill the doubt and make you the wrong one and themselves the "injured" party...'

Thank you..

truefiction1 · Mar 31, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
A month or so ago I was talking about a Muslim friend that I am very in love with... we ended up becoming a couple with the intention of marrying and out love grew deeper. But the problem is our different religions... I'm a Christian and he is a Muslim. For weeks and months he tried to convert me. I've watch hundreds of videos about his faith with him and he always debated and argued and now.. I'm lost. He didn't bring me closer to Islam.. and only brought be farther away from Christianity and now I'm lost.. I'm scared that I will go to hell and.. we have broken up and tried to leave the toxic relationship but we always come back because we love eachother so much... I can't let go and I don't know what to do.. I'm scared and lost and I don't believe in anything anymore. I haven't prayed and weeks and I'm scared...

Sorry you're going through this. I pray that the Lord will have mercy and give you His grace to bring His holy peace to your soul.

I would also ask you to take courage from the great faith in and Love for the Lord Jesus Christ that the holy martyr from which you likely received your name: St. Nika of Corinth, whose Love for Christ was so great that not even her own life in this world was anything in comparison to it. Thus, she (along with several of her brothers and sisters in Christ were drown in the sea for their belief in and confession of Christ)

Christ truly is the Son of God, and He is truly risen from the dead, ascended into Heaven, and coming again to raise all those who've died. Yet, He is always with us, even now.

Justachristiangirl · Mar 31, 2019

derpytia said:
He is literally being emotionally abusive to you.

Yes he is... he will blame me after all of this is over. I asked him if he would and he said "kinda, After seeing all these signs and miracles if you still don't believe then maybe you're brainwashed by ppl or you're kinda stupid. I'll think that. I don't want to hurt you just answering honestly."

[QUOTE="Lucaro, post: 73810901, member: 416803"]I can imagine what you're feeling about this guy, but trust me, this is not love.[/QUOTE]
Thank you this made me feel kinda relieved...

[QUOTE="Aquatic Waves, post: 73810929, member: 418420"]Nika if he truly cares about you, he wouldn't force you to do something that you don't want to do. And being in a relationship that someone controls you is not healthy. It's toxic. Sending my thoughts to you[/QUOTE]
Thank you.. you're right.. it's just he always told me that he loved and cared for me... I trusted him..

[QUOTE="Willing-heart, post: 73810956, member: 402392"]You just have to let go and let God... I remember my Muslim friend calling me ignorant too [/QUOTE]
Thank you so much...

[QUOTE="readywriter, post: 73811101, member: 261987"]Hello [USER=417294]@Nika Yermakova,
With respect, you do know what to do. You just feel powerless to do it.[/QUOTE]
You're right I do know what to do. It's my choice and I have to do it.. i read a qoute that said "when God shows you it's time to let go and you refuse to, he will allow the person to hurt you to the point that you have no choice but to let go" ....and I feel like this is happening to me right now.. my heart is hurting so much I can't even explain it. It's like killing me, I can feel it physically.. I need to do this.. I need to have enough courage to stop this.. even tho I love him..[/user]

Justachristiangirl · Mar 31, 2019

truefiction1 said:
Sorry you're going through this. I pray that the Lord will have mercy and give you His grace to bring His holy peace to your soul.

I would also ask you to take courage from the great faith in and Love for the Lord Jesus Christ that the holy martyr from which you likely received your name: St. Nika of Corinth, whose Love for Christ was so great that not even her own life in this world was anything in comparison to it. Thus, she (along with several of her brothers and sisters in Christ were drown in the sea for their belief in and confession of Christ)

Christ truly is the Son of God, and He is truly risen from the dead, ascended into Heaven, and coming again to raise all those who've died. Yet, He is always with us, even now.

Thank you so so much...

truefiction1 · Mar 31, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
Thank you so so much...

Your welcome, and thank you as well.

BunkerBuster91 · Mar 31, 2019

I HAVE MEET MANY MUSLIMS AND MEET SOME WHO CONVERT TO CHRISTIAN FAITH DONT LISTEN TO MUSLIM STUFF HALF THERE STUFF IS NOT TRUE NOT TRY MAKE SOME PEOPLE MAD HERE BUT IF FAITH IN DANGER AND YOU WORRIED THEN LEAVE HIM END OF THE STORY JESUS FAITH IS TRUE AND REAL JESUS WARN ABOUT OTHERS
1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Justachristiangirl · Mar 31, 2019

truefiction1 said:
Your welcome, and thank you as well.

For what?

Justachristiangirl · Mar 31, 2019

BunkerBuster91 said:
I HAVE MEET MANY MUSLIMS AND MEET SOME WHO CONVERT TO CHRISTIAN FAITH DONT LISTEN TO MUSLIM STUFF HALF THERE STUFF IS NOT TRUE NOT TRY MAKE SOME PEOPLE MAD HERE BUT IF FAITH IN DANGER AND YOU WORRIED THEN LEAVE HIM END OF THE STORY JESUS FAITH IS TRUE AND REAL JESUS WARN ABOUT OTHERS
1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Thank you ^^

truefiction1 · Mar 31, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
For what?

For sharing your dilemma. Back when I was a young person just coming out of high school I was romantically involved with a girl whose religion also taught against the beliefs and practices of the Church that I was raised in. Your own struggles have reminded me of the spiritual turmoil I'd suffered in those many months, and have brought to my mind the many wondrous things that God had lead me to and showed me because of it all.

Archaeopteryx · Mar 31, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
A month or so ago I was talking about a Muslim friend that I am very in love with... we ended up becoming a couple with the intention of marrying and out love grew deeper. But the problem is our different religions... I'm a Christian and he is a Muslim. For weeks and months he tried to convert me. I've watch hundreds of videos about his faith with him and he always debated and argued and now.. I'm lost. He didn't bring me closer to Islam.. and only brought be farther away from Christianity and now I'm lost.. I'm scared that I will go to hell and.. we have broken up and tried to leave the toxic relationship but we always come back because we love eachother so much... I can't let go and I don't know what to do.. I'm scared and lost and I don't believe in anything anymore. I haven't prayed and weeks and I'm scared...

This sounds like a very difficult situation to be in and I'm sorry to hear that this continues to be a struggle for you. I was previously in an interfaith relationship (I was a Christian at the time; she wasn't) and we made it work, but I think it only worked because we had a firm basis of respect for each other's right to hold a different point of view vis-à-vis religious matters. At no point did we make any attempt to convert each other.

In your situation it sounds like there are two separate, although related, issues at play: The first is whether the relationship itself is toxic. This has nothing to do with faith per se, but whether you function together as a couple, as two people who have a strong bond of affection and trust. The second issue is your respective faiths and how you deal with any doubt that may arise as a result of being close to a person who believes differently. Although these two issues cooccur in your situation, they can be considered independently: (1) Is the relationship good for you? Does it function as a good relationship should? Are your interactions positive and personally meaningful? (2) How should you deal with challenges to your faith that come from associating with people who hold different beliefs? The latter question applies to more than just your boyfriend; it applies to friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances who, like him, are of a different religion or have no religion at all. I'm not going to pretend to know how to best answer these questions, but I hope that seeing them as two separate issues at least brings some clarity, making it easier for you to find an answer.

Archaeopteryx · Mar 31, 2019

Archaeopteryx said:
This sounds like a very difficult situation to be in and I'm sorry to hear that this continues to be a struggle for you. I was previously in an interfaith relationship (I was a Christian at the time; she wasn't) and we made it work, but I think it only worked because we had a firm basis of respect for each other's right to hold a different point of view vis-à-vis religious matters. At no point did we make any attempt to convert each other.

In your situation it sounds like there are two separate, although related, issues at play: The first is whether the relationship itself is toxic. This has nothing to do with faith per se, but whether you function together as a couple, as two people who have a strong bond of affection and trust. The second issue is your respective faiths and how you deal with any doubt that may arise as a result of being close to a person who believes differently. Although these two issues cooccur in your situation, they can be considered independently: (1) Is the relationship good for you? Does it function as a good relationship should? Are your interactions positive and personally meaningful? (2) How should you deal with challenges to your faith that come from associating with people who hold different beliefs? The latter question applies to more than just your boyfriend; it applies to friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances who, like him, are of a different religion or have no religion at all. I'm not going to pretend to know how to best answer these questions, but I hope that seeing them as two separate issues at least brings some clarity, making it easier for you to find an answer.

Addendum: I should add that I disagree with what others in this thread have implied: that any toxicity in the relationship is due to his religion, or that him being a Muslim is the source of the problem behaviour. I disagree because he could become a Christian and the same patterns of behaviour could continue—the only thing that would change is the subject matter. This is why I think the situation needs to be analysed in terms of the two issues mentioned above.

Justachristiangirl · Mar 31, 2019

Okay so we talked and yes we are not together anymore. But he still loves me and he wants me and him to read the Quran and bible together. But honestly I don't want to feel love anymore, it hurts me and I honestly lost hope. I really did but it's not like I can throw these feelings away. This time I was honest and spoke how I truly felt. I said everytime I stood up for myself (like he wanted me to) he would get upset or mad at me. So how can I be honest with him if he reacts this way? I told him he can't leave and we better talk about this like adults and be mature about this. We are different and I don't want to convert, I don't want to focus on love right now because its hurting me. And maybe it's not the love I'm mistaking him for a soulmate when he is a lesson from God. I don't want us to be getting upset in a middle of a conversation, I want us to figure it out maturely. He is bad for me - or at least loving him is bad when we start talking about religion. I want to follow God and be with Jesus and I don't want to hurt him. Maybe we should stay friends? But the feelings for eachother would stay, if not get stronger..

timothyu · Mar 31, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
But he still loves me and he wants me and him to read the Quran and bible together

By keeping connected, the odds are you can be manipulated back into his idea of a relationship.

"Although they may have presented themselves very differently in the beginning, know this is not who they really are, and stop trying to get them back there... either by changing them or yourself... neither works... and the p.a. will thwart any attempt ...."

Nika Yermakova said:
Maybe we should stay friends?

A break is needed, a long break. I'd bet after a year and meeting for coffee you would find yourtself being a new woman. Hard to image though isn't it . Look at battered women who love their oppressors. How is emotional battery different? You sound like you want to stay connected. You can't fix him, only yourself. Can you keep this up for the rest of your life? Be honest.

You seem to be a perfect match but in abnormal ways, ways involving dominance and submission.

I speak from experience with a wife whose mental illness could be reasonably stabilized with meds, but whose passive-aggressiveness was uncontrollable. I at least did not enable her behaviour.

derpytia · Mar 31, 2019

Nika Yermakova said:
Yes he is... he will blame me after all of this is over. I asked him if he would and he said "kinda, After seeing all these signs and miracles if you still don't believe then maybe you're brainwashed by ppl or you're kinda stupid. I'll think that. I don't want to hurt you just answering honestly."

That's exactly what abusers say and do. They will break you down to make sure you don't leave them. They will call you stupid and ignorant as many times as it takes for you to start believing it so that you'll essentially become emotionally dependent on them. And then when they do these things to you and you call them out on it, they will gaslight you (either make you believe it never happened or call your feelings into question, implying that you have no reason to feel the way you do) which makes you doubt yourself and your own feelings and makes you (again) more dependent on them.

It's a lie and it's a trap. I watched a very good friend of mine go through this and it got to the point where she almost lost her life to her abuser. It took three of us (her friends) to physically stand with her so that she could tell her abusive boyfriend that she didn't want to see him anymore.

Do not remain friends with him. He still wants to trap you and hold onto you so that he has someone to exert power over. Do not do anything that you don't want to do no matter how sincere he is about it. It is a trap, plain and simple.

Aquatic Waves · Mar 31, 2019

Then stop all contact with him for good. You don't need anymore drama from him

My boyfriend is Muslim and he is making me doubt my faith...

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