Child Having Seizures And Her Mother Tells Me No On Coming To See Her

Boidae · Mar 31, 2019

My sixteen year old daughter who lives in Upstate NY had a very bad traumatic brain injury in 2015. Her lasting symptoms from that seem to be a headache and trouble with organization, or so we thought. Tuesday night she had a seizure. Her mom told me about it and I asked if I could go up to see her. She said no at this time and in case something else happens she wanted me to be there.

Last night she had two more. She is home now and is supposed to see a neurologist tomorrow or Tuesday. This time I told her I was coming up (I live in Florida) and I don't feel right being down here and not with her.

I was told that I shouldn't come up because she'll be in school and I won't get to see her and all I am going to do is stress everyone out including my daughter who doesn't need the extra stress. I conceded and said okay.

My girlfriend while she understands thinks that my daughter's mom doesn't have a right to tell me no as that's my daughter and she would not tell her son's father that he cannot come and see her if he said he was coming. My supervisor also feels the same and as do others I have talked to this morning. Part of me agrees, but part of me is trying to keep the peace.

A few minutes after I said okay to her when she said no, she said she'll see when spring break is and I can come up then and spend time with my daughter and her siblings which are my kids as well.

I am torn still. I don't think it's fair that her mother told me no. Why would my daughter be in school when she has had three seizures in less than a week? That doesn't make sense. I feel like I am being lied to there.

I really want to jump in my car and go see my daughter. I pay child support and health insurance for them, so technically she cannot deny me seeing them. However, I feel like keeping the peace is better even though I feel like my daughter needs me right now.

Thoughts?

Romans 8 · Mar 31, 2019

This breaks my heart. That's your daughter. You have every human right to see her as you should, but the legal system is a real bear. I went through hell with my ex and accessing my daughter for visitation. You're right that you need to keep on peaceful terms, but under these circumstances maybe just let the mother know that you you need to see her and she needs to see you.
I could go on and on about how unfair the system has been made for men but it doesn't help. Mothers today have far too much control of the kids and often use them as pawns for extorting money and inflicting pain. I'm not saying this is your ex's objective, but if the shoe were on the other foot, I'm sure she would want to see the little one.

God Bless, and keep up the positive attitude you seem to hold.

Hank77 · Mar 31, 2019

Boidae said:
I really want to jump in my car and go see my daughter. I pay child support and health insurance for them, so technically she cannot deny me seeing them. However, I feel like keeping the peace is better even though I feel like my daughter needs me right now.

I like your attitude, what I hear is a father who wants to do what is best for his daughter. Please don't allow legal details, voices of those who are declaring your rights as her father, yada, yada, that's not what this is about.

Have you talked to your daughter? If so she knows that you are thinking about her and want to be there if she needs you to be. She knows when her spring break is. Does she want you to come now or over the break? She is 16 yrs. old, she can speak for herself. But ultimately you have to do what your conscience is telling you to do because kids often try to please their parent or say they are OK with something their not.

Boidae · Mar 31, 2019

Hank77 said:
I like your attitude, what I hear is a father who wants to do what is best for his daughter. Please don't allow legal details, voices of those who are declaring your rights as her father, yada, yada, that's not what this is about.

Have you talked to your daughter? If so she knows that you are thinking about her and want to be there if she needs you to be. She knows when her spring break is. Does she want you to come now or over the break? She is 16 yrs. old, she can speak for herself.

According to her mom she is upset (if she truly is) that she even told me what was going on. I'm not sure why that is and I don't think now is the time to ask for a reason from my daughter.

I did talk with my daughter yesterday, but didn't ask those questions. I do know it doesn't matter what she says her mother will overrule her if she feels like it and since my daughter lives with her I don't want there to be a battle between the two of them.

Hank77 · Mar 31, 2019

Boidae said:
According to her mom she is upset (if she truly is) that she even told me what was going on. I'm not sure why that is and I don't think now is the time to ask for a reason from my daughter.

I did talk with my daughter yesterday, but didn't ask those questions. I do know it doesn't matter what she says her mother will overrule her if she feels like it and since my daughter lives with her I don't want there to be a battle between the two of them.

Maybe she didn't want you to know because she did want you to worry before they even knew for sure what was going on.
I think your decision not to go now is well founded. It wouldn't be good for your daughter's health to be fighting with her mother.
As long as you are talking to her she knows you love her and are concerned for her. Her spring break should be soon.
This must be very hard on you. May the Lord give you peace.

Loyce KG · Mar 31, 2019

Boidae said:
My sixteen year old daughter who lives in Upstate NY had a very bad traumatic brain injury in 2015. Her lasting symptoms from that seem to be a headache and trouble with organization, or so we thought. Tuesday night she had a seizure. Her mom told me about it and I asked if I could go up to see her. She said no at this time and in case something else happens she wanted me to be there.

Last night she had two more. She is home now and is supposed to see a neurologist tomorrow or Tuesday. This time I told her I was coming up (I live in Florida) and I don't feel right being down here and not with her.

I was told that I shouldn't come up because she'll be in school and I won't get to see her and all I am going to do is stress everyone out including my daughter who doesn't need the extra stress. I conceded and said okay.

My girlfriend while she understands thinks that my daughter's mom doesn't have a right to tell me no as that's my daughter and she would not tell her son's father that he cannot come and see her if he said he was coming. My supervisor also feels the same and as do others I have talked to this morning. Part of me agrees, but part of me is trying to keep the peace.

A few minutes after I said okay to her when she said no, she said she'll see when spring break is and I can come up then and spend time with my daughter and her siblings which are my kids as well.

I am torn still. I don't think it's fair that her mother told me no. Why would my daughter be in school when she has had three seizures in less than a week? That doesn't make sense. I feel like I am being lied to there.

I really want to jump in my car and go see my daughter. I pay child support and health insurance for them, so technically she cannot deny me seeing them. However, I feel like keeping the peace is better even though I feel like my daughter needs me right now.

Thoughts?

I think you need to keep the peace between her mum and yourself. It's a hard place to be but am sure the spirit can lead you into truth. Stay away if that's her mum's desire until spring break. You'll be able to make up for the lost time. The system in the U.S is very hard on men. Back here, most single mothers will do anything to have a caring and present dad in their children's life.
Am sorry brother. May God give you peace.

SkyWriting · Mar 31, 2019

Boidae said:
Why would my daughter be in school when she has had three seizures in less than a week?
Thoughts?

In my shoes,
I'd want constant supervision, which is easier if she is in school so mom can rest for 8 hours. So that might explain that.

Johnny4ChristJesus · Mar 31, 2019

Boidae said:
My sixteen year old daughter who lives in Upstate NY had a very bad traumatic brain injury in 2015. Her lasting symptoms from that seem to be a headache and trouble with organization, or so we thought. Tuesday night she had a seizure. Her mom told me about it and I asked if I could go up to see her. She said no at this time and in case something else happens she wanted me to be there.

Last night she had two more. She is home now and is supposed to see a neurologist tomorrow or Tuesday. This time I told her I was coming up (I live in Florida) and I don't feel right being down here and not with her.

I was told that I shouldn't come up because she'll be in school and I won't get to see her and all I am going to do is stress everyone out including my daughter who doesn't need the extra stress. I conceded and said okay.

My girlfriend while she understands thinks that my daughter's mom doesn't have a right to tell me no as that's my daughter and she would not tell her son's father that he cannot come and see her if he said he was coming. My supervisor also feels the same and as do others I have talked to this morning. Part of me agrees, but part of me is trying to keep the peace.

A few minutes after I said okay to her when she said no, she said she'll see when spring break is and I can come up then and spend time with my daughter and her siblings which are my kids as well.

I am torn still. I don't think it's fair that her mother told me no. Why would my daughter be in school when she has had three seizures in less than a week? That doesn't make sense. I feel like I am being lied to there.

I really want to jump in my car and go see my daughter. I pay child support and health insurance for them, so technically she cannot deny me seeing them. However, I feel like keeping the peace is better even though I feel like my daughter needs me right now.

Thoughts?

If you do go, I would love to pray for your daughter over the phone OR if you wife is willing for your daughter to get phone prayer, I would love to pray for her.

Boidae · Mar 31, 2019

Johnny4ChristJesus said:
If you do go, I would love to pray for your daughter over the phone OR if you wife is willing for your daughter to get phone prayer, I would love to pray for her.

While incredibly sweet, she will not allow that to happen.

Johnny4ChristJesus · Mar 31, 2019

Boidae said:
While incredibly sweet, she will not allow that to happen.

Very sad. Sorry to hear that.

NothingIsImpossible · Apr 1, 2019

Sounds more like the other woman is really trying to say "I'll be stressed if you come here because I don't want you being here.". Mind you I don't know her of course.

As someone who had seizures and a brain injury, family support was always important to me. Especially when it's your parents. And since shes had three seizures this week, somethings going on. Could be some stress, could be something else changed neurologically ...etc. Hopefully what ever it was they will figure it out. Dealing with seizures and brain injuries is something you never fully get used too.

Last thing I'd add if they change/put her on meds for it, make sure if she has ANY weight gain right away, have them change them again. One of the seizure meds raised my weight from 175 to 210 in only 2-3 months.

Joined2krist · Apr 1, 2019

I think your daughter needs you. I can't imagine her being sad that you went over to visit her during this period. The problem seems to be with your ex who feels uncomfortable with you around. Tell her that you'll not be in her way while you're there, avoid getting into an argument with her, God bless

Andrew77 · Apr 3, 2019

Boidae said:
My sixteen year old daughter who lives in Upstate NY had a very bad traumatic brain injury in 2015. Her lasting symptoms from that seem to be a headache and trouble with organization, or so we thought. Tuesday night she had a seizure. Her mom told me about it and I asked if I could go up to see her. She said no at this time and in case something else happens she wanted me to be there.

Last night she had two more. She is home now and is supposed to see a neurologist tomorrow or Tuesday. This time I told her I was coming up (I live in Florida) and I don't feel right being down here and not with her.

I was told that I shouldn't come up because she'll be in school and I won't get to see her and all I am going to do is stress everyone out including my daughter who doesn't need the extra stress. I conceded and said okay.

My girlfriend while she understands thinks that my daughter's mom doesn't have a right to tell me no as that's my daughter and she would not tell her son's father that he cannot come and see her if he said he was coming. My supervisor also feels the same and as do others I have talked to this morning. Part of me agrees, but part of me is trying to keep the peace.

A few minutes after I said okay to her when she said no, she said she'll see when spring break is and I can come up then and spend time with my daughter and her siblings which are my kids as well.

I am torn still. I don't think it's fair that her mother told me no. Why would my daughter be in school when she has had three seizures in less than a week? That doesn't make sense. I feel like I am being lied to there.

I really want to jump in my car and go see my daughter. I pay child support and health insurance for them, so technically she cannot deny me seeing them. However, I feel like keeping the peace is better even though I feel like my daughter needs me right now.

Thoughts?

This is too messy of a story. You need to talk to someone who actually knows you and the situation.

There is so much crazy in that post, that I don't feel comfortable giving any advice. You need to talk to someone who knows your story, and how you ended up where you are, and can give you advice.

Based on what little you said, if this was me, and I'm in that situation, I would not go. But like I said, you need to talk to someone else who really knows what all is going on.

Boidae · Apr 3, 2019

Andrew77 said:
This is too messy of a story. You need to talk to someone who actually knows you and the situation.

There is so much crazy in that post, that I don't feel comfortable giving any advice. You need to talk to someone who knows your story, and how you ended up where you are, and can give you advice.

Based on what little you said, if this was me, and I'm in that situation, I would not go. But like I said, you need to talk to someone else who really knows what all is going on.

I have done just that. They said holding off was the right choice.

I am going to go up for their spring break for a few days. My girlfriend is going to take a few days off from work and travel with me. Since I am driving, I can use the company on an 18 hour drive. Plus, my kids up there would like to meet her and she them.

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