I feel like a hypocrite and it scares me

grandvizier1006 said:

While I suppose this could help, I'm unfamiliar with routine prayers. I was raised Presbyterian and I'm from Mississippi, known for the least amount of Catholics anywhere in the US. I'm not Catholic (I hope you don't think I'm a heretic for that; I'd like to think I'm trying to be a Christian). As such, I've never prayed to a saint before. It's just not in my upbringing and it resembles paganism too much to me (I know that it is not, but when you haven't grown up with such things you can understand how it would be difficult to change denominations and practices so drastically.) That being said, I do have a cross necklace. I got that for Christmas because I asked for it. I wanted a physical object reminding me of my faith--nothing fancy or elaborate. That being said, I'm willing to give the hours a shot if they work.

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Just talk to God like you’re talking to us. Don’t get all religious about it. God doesn’t want your religion, He wants your heart...He wants a relationship.

grandvizier1006 said:

This church is more of my parents' church. They go some Sundays, if they get up early enough, and just stay for the service, then leave. It's very crowded and we know no one there. Why my parents aren't willing to interact with anyone is unknown to me, but I personally feel uncomfortable sharing my struggles with people that are essentially strangers. A smaller church with less emphasis on "looking polite and well-dressed" would be easier for that, but I have to go out and find one. I've thought about asking my friends if I could arrange something where they take me to whatever church they go to each Sunday, but I don't want to be a burden to them (I'd probably have to pay for their gas; we're all college students or graduates so most of us are poor-ish).

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You’re making excuses my friend. Just remember this God sees you and hears you right now, right where you are. Meet Him there, He will show you what to do next but you have to go to Him first. Your bedroom will do just fine.

grandvizier1006 said:

I'll certainly do that, but I don't know if God is mad at me. I don't know what He thinks or how He operates. He knows my weaknesses, my struggles and my failures and He is supposed to be with me. But because He won't come and tell me in clear words what it is I'm doing wrong (and how to fix it), I don't quite know what to start doing first other than obviously cleaning up my life.

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Do you have a bible? Read it. If not there’s plenty on line. See, the glorious thing about God is this....you don’t have to know the answers or the next step. I’m telling you from experience to simply open your mouth and start talking even if it’s something like “hey God, it’s me...help!”

grandvizier1006 said:

This church is more of my parents' church. They go some Sundays, if they get up early enough, and just stay for the service, then leave. It's very crowded and we know no one there. Why my parents aren't willing to interact with anyone is unknown to me, but I personally feel uncomfortable sharing my struggles with people that are essentially strangers. A smaller church with less emphasis on "looking polite and well-dressed" would be easier for that, but I have to go out and find one. I've thought about asking my friends if I could arrange something where they take me to whatever church they go to each Sunday, but I don't want to be a burden to them (I'd probably have to pay for their gas; we're all college students or graduates so most of us are poor-ish).

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I highly recommend given you have this free time to find a church to call home. That just could be answer to your prayers.

I was unchurched for years and when I finally went I found answered prayers waiting for me. Get involved, talk to a pastor and you will be surprised how much it will change your walk in the Holy Spirit.

1st know that ALL of that never came from God. He is not against you. He does not EVER act like talk like remember like think like ANY person on this earth. So.. when HE says I LOVE YOU! I AM NOT against you.. Yeah.. its like.. so? I LOVE YOU! Still has a smile on His face.. ALWAYS sees show yous the way out IF we listen to HIM! The enemy comes right in to TAKE ROB us of our JOY!

Guilt? Yeah.. NOT FROM GOD! He never ever makes us feel like that. Try to think of someone that sees all you do all you think.. and yet does not judge you nor condemn you. NO really do this. we are taught NO ONE does this. CHRIST IS! He does. You find you keep loving Him more and more.. for the endless mercy grace forgiveness. No one keeps loving us as we hurt them use them never pray never talk..yet.. Hes still there and NEVER makes you feel like you did anything wrong. We can hurt Him...but HIS LOVE never ever ever changes. NO matter what you do.. He will never leave you.. He is closer then a friend...

So..forgive your self.. resist the enemy and REJOICE! ALL THINGS work out for your good.. to them in Christ JESUS

grandvizier1006 said:

I graduated college back in December. For the past few months I've been sitting around doing very little and I understand that I need a job. I have issues with being lazy, inappropriate content, etc. All typical stuff young men my age have issues with when they have too much free time. I've been having trouble getting to bed and waking up at reasonable hours. This is a problem I've had whenever there were periods in my life without anything to do.

I feel like I'm letting God down and he's disappointed in me because I'm not doing anything that indicates I'm a Christian. I haven't been going to church (too lazy, scared of driving, the only church I can go to is incredibly crowded and I'd have to go with my parents). I sometimes wonder if I were to die, right now, would God say I deserve Hell because I've done very little to glorify Him?

The reason why I am calling myself a hypocrite is because my twin brother is an atheist. But he at the very least has a job and is getting into a graduate school. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, by contrast. I can't say that I'm doing well or living a godly life while my brother isn't just because I believe and he doesn't when he's the one that's actually doing things and I struggle with sin and wasting my time. How should I feel about all this? Guilty? Forgiven? Ashamed?

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Don’t be too hard on yourself. The fact that you know something is wrong, and you’re reaching out for help is a good thing.

Right now both you and I are in a similar place. I have free time too, but I’m doing my best to be diligent. And right now the only thing that matters to me is the word of God, and dwelling in it always. I found that if I read or listened to 40 chapters of the Bible in a day, then I’d get through it in a month. Then I could start over every month.

If I were you, I’d get a calendar and use it. Ask God for His will, and tell Him everything. There’s no need to feel ashamed for not having a job right now. That’s the worlds thinking. Perhaps God has allowed you to have all this free time, so you could spend it with Him, and that your knowledge and understanding would grow.

If you have a Bible, then why would you need to go to a church where someone else interprets the Bible for you? My Bible is my church.

There is a good book, "A Lifting Up Of The Downcast" by William Bridge. Doesn't cost much to download a Kindle version from Amazon. It is a series of studies on Psalm 42:5: "Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, my Help and my God."
It was written in the 17th Century and directed at people just like you! Whenever I feel down, I read sections of the book and it lifts my spirit and increases my faith. He deals with all the objections that downcast people have that would make them feel discouraged.

I have left my church over issues in it, so I am a "lone ranger" at present. I am getting on Youtube and soaking myself with good ministry. Graham Cooke is a real faith builder. Roberts Liardon is inspiring, and I am getting good teaching from Derek Prince. Lester Sumrall is also good value. These good ministries are valuable for building a strong foundation for your Christian life.

grandvizier1006 said:

I'll certainly do that, but I don't know if God is mad at me. I don't know what He thinks or how He operates. He knows my weaknesses, my struggles and my failures and He is supposed to be with me. But because He won't come and tell me in clear words what it is I'm doing wrong (and how to fix it), I don't quite know what to start doing first other than obviously cleaning up my life.

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What He wants is you in alignment with Him and to learn more and more to love as He does. Sometimes we get quiet times where He can work in us. You won't always have quiet time so I would spend the time seeking Him and getting right with Him. In your seeking, let's not discount Him helping you with the issues you mentioned here. Start tonight, don't turn on the inappropriate content but find a good message to listen to instead.

grandvizier1006 said:

I graduated college back in December. For the past few months I've been sitting around doing very little and I understand that I need a job. I have issues with being lazy, inappropriate content, etc. All typical stuff young men my age have issues with when they have too much free time. I've been having trouble getting to bed and waking up at reasonable hours. This is a problem I've had whenever there were periods in my life without anything to do.

I feel like I'm letting God down and he's disappointed in me because I'm not doing anything that indicates I'm a Christian. I haven't been going to church (too lazy, scared of driving, the only church I can go to is incredibly crowded and I'd have to go with my parents). I sometimes wonder if I were to die, right now, would God say I deserve Hell because I've done very little to glorify Him?

The reason why I am calling myself a hypocrite is because my twin brother is an atheist. But he at the very least has a job and is getting into a graduate school. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, by contrast. I can't say that I'm doing well or living a godly life while my brother isn't just because I believe and he doesn't when he's the one that's actually doing things and I struggle with sin and wasting my time. How should I feel about all this? Guilty? Forgiven? Ashamed?

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My advice is that you pray constantly for God's guidance as you look online and in newspapers for jobs that God wants you to have. Then, apply for the ones that you feel God wants to match with your interests and abilities. My daughter says that "finding a job is a full-time job." She's a college lecturer.

Another advice is if your church is too crowded, go on your own to a number of churches, asking God for his guidance, not looking for churches where you feel comfortable but where you can find a young adults' group and where you can get involved to serve God there. Of course, find one that preaches and teaches the Bible as God's Word, Jesus as the divine-human Rescuer, and God as the Creator.

Again, when Satan tempts you with "laziness, inappropriate content, etc.," tell him to get behind you, claiming Jesus' victory over him. Ask God persistently to replace the sinful tendencies in your life with the qualities of his new birth and the new nature that he gives you, assuming that you are a real Christian, which I believe because of your post worrying about your eternal destiny.

I point is that when you are praying humble prayers to the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit as the one true God for his victory in your life, the devil can't get at you.

One last thought: You must get out on your own and cut your parents' apron strings, which is God's will for all of us to do as we grow up because we need to follow God's path, not our parents'. Then, your atheist brother will respect you more.

grandvizier1006 said:

I'll certainly do that, but I don't know if God is mad at me. I don't know what He thinks or how He operates. He knows my weaknesses, my struggles and my failures and He is supposed to be with me. But because He won't come and tell me in clear words what it is I'm doing wrong (and how to fix it), I don't quite know what to start doing first other than obviously cleaning up my life.

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The answers are in Scripture. You have the tools, and keep searching in His Word for answers. You will know how God sees you, how He operates.

That being said, study Romans 12:9-12-there is a lot to pick up on Christian character and discipline.

grandvizier1006 said:

I graduated college back in December. For the past few months I've been sitting around doing very little and I understand that I need a job. I have issues with being lazy, inappropriate content, etc. All typical stuff young men my age have issues with when they have too much free time. I've been having trouble getting to bed and waking up at reasonable hours. This is a problem I've had whenever there were periods in my life without anything to do.

I feel like I'm letting God down and he's disappointed in me because I'm not doing anything that indicates I'm a Christian. I haven't been going to church (too lazy, scared of driving, the only church I can go to is incredibly crowded and I'd have to go with my parents). I sometimes wonder if I were to die, right now, would God say I deserve Hell because I've done very little to glorify Him?

The reason why I am calling myself a hypocrite is because my twin brother is an atheist. But he at the very least has a job and is getting into a graduate school. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, by contrast. I can't say that I'm doing well or living a godly life while my brother isn't just because I believe and he doesn't when he's the one that's actually doing things and I struggle with sin and wasting my time. How should I feel about all this? Guilty? Forgiven? Ashamed?

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Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone have to work their own salvation, because the soul is what truly matters at the end of the day, so treat your convinction as something to reflect on and grow from. The scripture that this brings me back to is Psalms 73. I read it every time I drown myself with self-pity and envy.

Psalms 73

Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart.

2 But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.

3 For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

4 For there are no bands in their death: but their strength is firm.

5 They are not in trouble as other men; neither are they plagued like other men.

6 Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain; violence covereth them as a garment.

7 Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish.

8 They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: they speak loftily.

9 They set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth.

10 Therefore his people return hither: and waters of a full cup are wrung out to them.

11 And they say, How doth God know? and is there knowledge in the most High?

12 Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.

13 Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency.

14 For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning.

15 If I say, I will speak thus; behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children.

16 When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me;

17 Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end.

18 Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.

19 How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed with terrors.

20 As a dream when one awaketh; so, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image.

21 Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins.

22 So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.

23 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.

24 Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

27 For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.

28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.

Instead of being blindsided by worldly success, pray for others including your brother that God has mercy on them and take delight that you are holding God's hand.

grandvizier1006 said:

I'm not physically fit and I fear I would be killed.

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90 - 180 days at the Gym, and go into the Navy, no Fox holes.

grandvizier1006 said:

The idea of doing nothing my whole life scares me, too. I just don't know what God would condemn me for doing: not getting a job and feeling miserable, or trying and failing horrendously?

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Don't be afraid to fail. Be afraid to have done nothing. At least try. Give it a shot. Pray about it, then go job hunting! Ask God to lead you to the right job, keep you safe on the road, and give you courage, and wisdom, and He will!

grandvizier1006 said:

I graduated college back in December. For the past few months I've been sitting around doing very little and I understand that I need a job. I have issues with being lazy, inappropriate content, etc. All typical stuff young men my age have issues with when they have too much free time. I've been having trouble getting to bed and waking up at reasonable hours. This is a problem I've had whenever there were periods in my life without anything to do.

I feel like I'm letting God down and he's disappointed in me because I'm not doing anything that indicates I'm a Christian. I haven't been going to church (too lazy, scared of driving, the only church I can go to is incredibly crowded and I'd have to go with my parents). I sometimes wonder if I were to die, right now, would God say I deserve Hell because I've done very little to glorify Him?

The reason why I am calling myself a hypocrite is because my twin brother is an atheist. But he at the very least has a job and is getting into a graduate school. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, by contrast. I can't say that I'm doing well or living a godly life while my brother isn't just because I believe and he doesn't when he's the one that's actually doing things and I struggle with sin and wasting my time. How should I feel about all this? Guilty? Forgiven? Ashamed?

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I would suggest that you start by spending time each day praying. Prayer has power to change your life. Jesus said "Pray that you enter not into temptation, for the spirit is willing and the flesh weak". This statement suggests that as we pray our human weakness is swallowed up by God's victory. i.e. as a praying person we don't remain weak we gain strength. This will also give you direction, for God will show you what you should be doing with your life, in regards to work. laziness, etc.

Guilty as charged, but it is proof God is at work...

For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Heb 12:3-11)

grandvizier1006 said:

How should I feel about all this? Guilty? Forgiven? Ashamed?

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Pretty crummy, I should think. Your description of your life suggests very strongly that you don't really know Christ as your Saviour and Lord. Viewing inappropriate content, laying about, forsaking church, living aimlessly - these are not the products of a life yielded to the Lord and growing in Him.

grandvizier1006 said:

I graduated college back in December. For the past few months I've been sitting around doing very little and I understand that I need a job.

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Congratulations on graduating from college!

What was your major in college, and what kind of career did you envision for yourself? Have you changed you mind about what you want to do for a living (that's perfectly okay!), or are you just having trouble finding job openings?

Does your college have a career/advising center, or a mailing list/web site where they post job openings? My university has both of those things. Even though you've graduated, your college's career/advising center might be able to connect you with job opportunities.

Many people -- perhaps most, these days -- work for several different companies at several different jobs over the course of their lives, so don't tie yourself in knots too much over finding the perfect lifetime job the first time. Work somewhere for a couple of years and see how you like it. If you like it, stay; if not, move to a different job; and in the meantime, you'll have gotten some job experience and saved a little cash.

It's okay if you don't know how to live on your own yet. You'll learn as you go, and your parents can advise you while you're getting started. My parents helped me when I moved into my first apartment -- helped me find the apartment, and helped me figure out how to get connected to the utilities, and so on. I'll be advising my own children the same way in a few years. You can always call or text mom & dad if there's something you can't figure out.

You don't have to earn God's love. None of us could earn God's love anyway. God loves us just because he made us. If you're feeling distant from God, though, you might consider taking advantage of the free time you have right now and volunteering in some way. You've said that you don't drive, but is there anything within walking distance -- a homeless shelter, or a school where you could help kids with their homework in the afternoons, or something like that? One place we meet God is in the faces of the people we help.

Blessings, grandvizier1006. I wish you well in your journey.

I just got to say that people have called and labeled me "lazy" all my life, Just because I wasn't as physical, had/have a low metabolism, and played a lot of video games as a kid, was a nerd, hung out with other nerds, ect...

But, I'm not lazy because I don't work a normal job, or don't work a normal job because I am "lazy"... When I moved out of my parents house and away from my parents, after I graduated high school and was eighteen, got married (the first time) but, after I moved out of my parents house and graduated high school, I think I proved that I was not lazy or irresponsible, I have worked from the time I was 16, up to about 33, when something started happening with me mentally, that was or got or became very bad for about 3-4 years, and only started letting up "some" after that, and it is still with me, and it's not just simply "sensory overload" like some people might call it, well, maybe it is or could be, but on a scale and of a certain "kind and type" that definitely prevents me from working or having any kind of "normal life" like "normal people" do...

I am diagnosed with a very real mental disability that most people don't understand, cause most of them say that I seem like I'm pretty normal on the outside, or when they see me or something, ect... Oh, but if they only knew what was going on "within" or on the inside at these times and oftentimes... And what goes on within me that I'm not showing anybody, is triggered by stuff on the outside and around me, that I think is Spirits trying to communicate with me, through things (sometimes or at times everything or almost everything) And you want to talk about "sensory overload"...

It's bad, real bad, I cannot watch anything new anymore or that I have not been exposed to or know already on a TV screen or whatever, I have to leave, shut it off, or get away from it, I can't tune out a TV when I would go to someone else's house or something anymore, and/or/because it bothers me, and I just can't do it, can't handle it, I always feel like it's talking to me or trying to speak to me and about me, ect, and "following me" ect... Sometimes wonder if it's a tool and outlet of the devil, ect... This prevents me from going over to peoples houses and enjoying and TV ever, and since many people do not understand, and want to have their TV's on all the time or when I am over there, or watch shows or movies, I can't do it...

What happens with TV almost all the time, can happen with radio or stereo sometimes, and with people, animals, and even inanimate things and even the forces of nature at times, or just out and about or among people talking, a lot of noise or noises going on, ect, sometimes also...

It's sensory overload yes, but it's also because I think it is talking to or about me or trying to or with me sometimes, about me or people I know... By all the noise, pictures, whatever, stimuli, I just can't handle it sometimes or a lot of the time... I want to freak or flip out, but I usually don't but just try to get out of and away from the situation or it best I can...

I don't like groups or hanging out being around a group or more than one person alone, at a time... This has less to do with the usual, normal, atypical reasons people do not like to go out and be or associate or socialize with groups of people, It's because of what my mind does to me and how I think it is sometimes associated with Spirits, and Spirits are either trying to communicate or just mess with me on purpose cause they think it's fun, or funny or something, I still don't know, but I never show it on the outside, even in the midst of while it is going on and happening, but It is "sensory overload" and such intense fear, anxiety, and on the verge of panic, and sometimes very severe paranoia that... Well, let's just say "it is what it is" and leave it at that...

I don't not want to work, cause I used to work, anyhow, I do not, not want to work, it's that I can't do it now anymore...

I have to spend a great deal of time alone and by myself in my apartment, where "I get to dictate and control what sights, sounds, ect, "things" I am exposed to, or the noises (or sights and sounds) going on around me, ect, and control my environment, ect...

When I can't do that most of the time, It would probably put me back in the mental hospital again...

I "dream" of having a so-called normal life and normal existence again, like I did before all of this started when I was 33, (I'm 40 now) I can only dream about it now, because it is only a dream for me now, because I will probably never ever be normal, or be able to ever go back to a normal life and normal existence ever again...

I only halfway have some sanity or peace of mind now, because of being by myself and in a place where I get to control my environment, and what I am exposed to, ect...

Most of the "simple things" that most "normal people" get to do and enjoy, I do not get to because I can't now anymore... Now I only, or can only dream now about being able to be like one of them again, or have a normal life and normal existence again... I can only, and get to only dream about them...

Now, I'm making efforts to get out of my house and do some things, and go to, and try to get involved in and with a church, if I can, ect... These simple, little things that, for normal people are so easy and take for granted, I dream about having and being able to do or be... Because I feel like I have to put forth "enormous effort" and strong, strenuous, exertion of my will sometimes to be able to do them, or be them, or whatever...

But, I am going to try, because I to and beginning to feel like somethings got to be changed up, or I need to try some new and different things and "out there" and not stuck alone in my apartment all the time... But, for you guys it's so easy for you, while it's quite the opposite for me sometimes, or a lot of the time...I envy you guys...

God Bless!

grandvizier1006 said:

I graduated college back in December. For the past few months I've been sitting around doing very little and I understand that I need a job. I have issues with being lazy, inappropriate content, etc. All typical stuff young men my age have issues with when they have too much free time. I've been having trouble getting to bed and waking up at reasonable hours. This is a problem I've had whenever there were periods in my life without anything to do.

I feel like I'm letting God down and he's disappointed in me because I'm not doing anything that indicates I'm a Christian. I haven't been going to church (too lazy, scared of driving, the only church I can go to is incredibly crowded and I'd have to go with my parents). I sometimes wonder if I were to die, right now, would God say I deserve Hell because I've done very little to glorify Him?

The reason why I am calling myself a hypocrite is because my twin brother is an atheist. But he at the very least has a job and is getting into a graduate school. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, by contrast. I can't say that I'm doing well or living a godly life while my brother isn't just because I believe and he doesn't when he's the one that's actually doing things and I struggle with sin and wasting my time. How should I feel about all this? Guilty? Forgiven? Ashamed?

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The conscience is typically a pretty good guide. Ignoring one's conscience eventually eases the pain of bad conduct. In fact God has warned of turning people over to a reprobate mind. There's no day like today, or as God put it, today is the day of salvation. We are not promised another hour or minute.
In Him