Utter despair

Inagony said:

I’m so hurt & confused. I was never normal. I’m so pathetic. I wore a mask all my life that I didn’t know I was wearing. I just thought I didn’t know how to handle my emotions, I didn’t realize that I didn’t have certain emotions (such as emotional love) I now know I function from my head and not my heart. I so want to be normal. I had a crisis of faith several years ago. I asked God to give me scripture to help me. I heard 2 Timothy 3. I was devastated, but my husband and others convinced me it was the enemy. But now I realize those scriptures do fit me. I feel like Esau, hated before I was ever born. I don’t blame God for hating me, I’m an abomination, but I didn’t recognize what I was. I feel His wrath, I hurt to my core.

Click to expand...

If you are a Christian, you are no longer under the wrath of God. What has the Holy Spirit told you through your reading and reflecting upon 2 Timothy 3? Did any verses particularly stand out?

God doesn't hate you despite what your emotions may say. Emotions change, God's word does not. I pray that you will be renewed and people who can give you wise counsel do so. God bless you.

Inagony said:

I feel like Esau, hated before I was ever born.

Click to expand...

Esau the person wasn't hated. The scripture refers to the apostate nation that would later arise from him ("Two nations are in your womb...").

Whenever God gives us a hard truth to process, it is for our good and without condemnation. The devil's stock in trade, OTOH, is to take a partial truth and use it to condemn us, or get us to misstep and condemn ourselves. So let's say you actually do have a hard time accessing your emotions. This might be brought to your attention because it needs to be dealt with. But there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8). So grace covers you as you move forward, and God is your best friend in helping you to overcome.


Don't despair. This is the time to claim and stand on the promises of God. In Christ they are "Yes", and await our "Amen" (2Cor 1.20). Jesus has promised never to leave or forsake. And He is true to His promises.

[FONT=Open Sans, Verdana]Try reading Romans 8, about God unfailing love, or some of the Psalms. May they be a balm to your soul. Also, raise your faith shield, and put on the helmet of salvation, as in Eph 6.[/FONT]

Bless you... I can only tell you what I know. What I know.. He came.. died for the world.. duh. But.. before you were born.. before the world was.. He had to do something so He would never lose you.. He did this for everyone. Gods not some man.. see you will be in heaven.. standing with millions...yet.. WHY is He only looking at you? He tells you.. YOU were the reason I came. Dont you see everything? It was made for you.

Those verses are for you.. the ENEMY comes to kill steal and destroy. Worry fear doubt... all these kind of things are NOT FROM GOD! All the feelings you talked about.. not one came from GOD! And.. KNOW THIS! The enemy can NOT EVER TELL THE TRUTH! So FLIP what he says. Its a LIE! You DONT have to feel like this. God said.. keep your mind on me and I will keep you in perfect peace. God said Isa 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" <---GOD CANT LIE! This is for EVERYONE.

A He died already for ALL your sins.. He took away the SINS of the world. He gave you HIS peace not as the world gives.. You put on HIS armor. You.. be strong in the power of HIS MIGHT! His JOY is your strength. Can you not see? The enemy comes to STEAL what GOD IS TRYING TO DO!

Dont you see? He IS carrying you! He covering you! The enemy just does not want you to see to KNOW GOD has not forgotten you. JESUS IS REAL! And its never based on how GOOD or BAD you are.. He is not like man. His love for you has NEVER changed.. He does cry.. every time you do. And He also cries because not one person knows how much HE LOVES THEM!

You need to speak HIS WORD! No joy.. you say.. no.. the JOY Of the lord is my strength. Jesus even gave you peace.. not of this world. You dont understand.. its not that He is waiting.. to do it.. HE ALREADY DID IT! Your HIS! The enemy does not want you to know that. And there are over 5 thousands promises in GODS WORD.. EVERYONE of them are yours....

What will happen..what you will not know why is.. this peace will come.. and you will have no CLUE why its there... and a joy

He rightly divides the word..for you..this came to mind "his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning" <----this is not a nice thought.. THIS WILL HAPPEN! In Jesus name.. as our Brothers said.. its not us.. its FAITH IN THAT NAME!

YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN ALONE! He knows.. feels cries every tear with you..

Inagony said:

I’m so hurt & confused. I was never normal. I’m so pathetic. I wore a mask all my life that I didn’t know I was wearing. I just thought I didn’t know how to handle my emotions, I didn’t realize that I didn’t have certain emotions (such as emotional love) I now know I function from my head and not my heart. I so want to be normal. I had a crisis of faith several years ago. I asked God to give me scripture to help me. I heard 2 Timothy 3. I was devastated, but my husband and others convinced me it was the enemy. But now I realize those scriptures do fit me. I feel like Esau, hated before I was ever born. I don’t blame God for hating me, I’m an abomination, but I didn’t recognize what I was. I feel His wrath, I hurt to my core.

Click to expand...

Dear, none of us are normal. All of us are in some way pathetic. We're just dust. But still... God loves you so much! Rest in Christ, friend. He loves you, so much! He died for you! Many of us have personalities we'd rather change. But God has created you with a nature through which you might best love and serve Him. Be yourself, with Christ's help. Our salvation is a journey, upwards, with Christ. None of us are fully there yet. All of us are still climbing.

As others have said, don't neccesarily go by feelings. Those can and do change. God's love for you and ability to save you does not change.

There is no need to despair. You are not an abomination and God does not hate you. He loves you (1 John 4:8).

God's love for you is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness (Psalms 86:15). His love is everlasting (Jeremiah 31:3) and it endures forever (Psalms 136:26). He rejoices in you with gladness and exults over you with loud singing (Zephaniah 3:17). God cares for you and doesn't want you to be anxious or afraid (1 Peter 5:7).

Jesus said we are like sheep that have gone astray. Some of us have wandered off many times. I know I have. In fact, I have let the Lord down on many occasions. But when we have lost our way, Jesus continues to leave the ninety nine sheep to come after us, to call us, pick us up and carry us home.

In the words of Henri Nouwen:
"Can you trust the voice of the One who came not to condemn you but to set you free from fear? You have to choose life. At every moment you have to decide to trust the voice that says, “I love you. I knit you together in your mother’s womb” (Psalms 139:13). Everything Jesus is saying to you can be summarised in the words "Know that you are welcome". Jesus offers you his own most intimate life with the Father."

You have made the step toward the fulness of God. Accept His love and begin your journey to healthiness. Simply state out loud "I will not let this feeling overcome me, and I will with faith God overcome it." Say it out loud with meaningfulness, and you will immediately feel better.

JacobKStarkey said:

You have made the step toward the fulness of God. Accept His love and begin your journey to healthiness. Simply state out loud "I will not let this feeling overcome me, and I will with faith God overcome it." Say it out loud with meaningfulness, and you will immediately feel better.

Click to expand...

That should work.

My prayers are with you.
We are all loved more than we think.
God has blessed you with the knowledge of Him.

Inagony said:

It’s a long story but I never understood the gospel, I had made a profession of faith but I never had assurance. I just became really scared of dying. I was religious but had no relationship. Now I realize I never had a genuine relationship with anyone. All of the first part of 2 Timothy 3 basically fits me, but it was hidden even to me. I deserve whatever punishment I get. I suppose I suppressed the truth, I was blind to my sin. I guess I just didn’t want to admit I was a sinner. To be honest I just didn’t get it. I have fulfilled a lot of Bible prophecy about people fit for destruction. I recently learned about predestination & it all makes sense. I just wish I could understand why someone would be created just to be destroyed. I’m not saying I’m innocent, but if I could choose my personality, I definitely would not have chose the one I have.

Click to expand...

God is love and God is a practical entity. He would not create a world or any person in it, that is fundamentally unredeemable.

I struggled with the question of whether or not I was one of God's elect for probably about 10 years. I knew I was no better than anyone else; but when I finally realized I wasn't a worse sinner than anyone else; it leveled the playing field. I had just as much chance of being elect as anyone else. That's when I finally stopped worrying about it.

"Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." The end of it though is love; because "perfect love casts out fear."

"A bruised reed He won't break and a smoldering flax He won't extinguish." Matthew 12:20

"I will restore unto you the years the locust has eaten...." Joel 2:25

You are correct; people who will reap the condemnation of the wages of their sin, do deserve that punishment. Yet those who genuinely fear what they know they deserve, are closer to the Kingdom than they understand.

Been there - done that!

Inagony said:

It’s a long story but I never understood the gospel, I had made a profession of faith but I never had assurance. I just became really scared of dying. I was religious but had no relationship. Now I realize I never had a genuine relationship with anyone. All of the first part of 2 Timothy 3 basically fits me, but it was hidden even to me. I deserve whatever punishment I get. I suppose I suppressed the truth, I was blind to my sin. I guess I just didn’t want to admit I was a sinner. To be honest I just didn’t get it. I have fulfilled a lot of Bible prophecy about people fit for destruction. I recently learned about predestination & it all makes sense. I just wish I could understand why someone would be created just to be destroyed. I’m not saying I’m innocent, but if I could choose my personality, I definitely would not have chose the one I have.

Click to expand...

Nobody is created just to be destroyed. We are all created to LOVE. Sinners make the wrong choices that, in the end, result in destruction. God wants you to choose Him so you will not be destroyed. One verse in the Bible - I don't know which one - is, "Pride comes before destruction." So you need to throw pride in a dumpster, not your faith.

The fear of dying is easier to free yourself of than you think. "For God so loved the world that He sent His one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16. It's a core part of the Christian faith. Just believe and ask, and you will receive.

Of course the question about believing Jesus died for all sinners to live forever, which makes sense to the entire CF community because people have to learn God's Word before they can believe it, has answers. It is a difficult process so please don't give up. You would not be here asking for help without God.