Dissociative Identity Disorder

Natsumi Lam · Feb 21, 2019

Hi Family,

I have DID/MPD.

I was wondering if anyone here also is a multiple.

Do you know or can feel before you dissociate?

Do you have a network like me of parts?

How do you handle male/ female parts that are different from the host's gender?

Natsumi Lam

Petros2015 · Feb 21, 2019

There is a user named waves who says she is DID and seems to be fairly extreme. I'm not sure if she has posted in a little while or not.

I can have personality shifts when I get outside the boundaries of my coping mechanisms. Not as extreme as true DID. If I am DID I think I would be about a 1 or 2 on a 1 to 10 scale, though I have some traits and used to give the different 'gears' of my personality names. There are usually definite stress triggers for me.

One dangerous pattern seems to be (seen this twice) - I am being forced into (or placed into) a situation where I am doing something I don't want to do for someone, and then I encounter in quick succession a series of blocking obstacles trying to do this thing that I was forced into. I'll get increasingly escalated between obstacles and won't have time to recover. My personality will 'jump the rails' and shift into something extremely aggressive based on my father's behavior when we were growing up. I felt my face change the last time this happened (this weekend), shifting into an ugly expression. I'm not sure if it's too late at that point. If it's not, that's my last clue to get out of the situation no matter what. But since I'm not really the same me, and the safeties have come off, at that point, I don't know what I'm going to choose to do.

I would see if you can identify triggers or patterns that preceded disassociation (if you can). I don't have any experience with cross gender identities.

Natsumi Lam · Feb 21, 2019

Petros2015 said:
There is a user named waves who says she is DID and seems to be fairly extreme. I'm not sure if she has posted in a little while or not.

I can have personality shifts when I get outside the boundaries of my coping mechanisms. Not as extreme as true DID. If I am DID I think I would be about a 1 or 2 on a 1 to 10 scale, though I have some traits and used to give the different 'gears' of my personality names. There are usually definite stress triggers for me.

One dangerous pattern seems to be (seen this twice) - I am being forced into (or placed into) a situation where I am doing something I don't want to do for someone, and then I encounter in quick succession a series of blocking obstacles trying to do this thing that I was forced into. I'll get increasingly escalated between obstacles and won't have time to recover. My personality will 'jump the rails' and shift into something extremely aggressive based on my father's behavior when we were growing up. I felt my face change the last time this happened (this weekend), shifting into an ugly expression. I'm not sure if it's too late at that point. If it's not, that's my last clue to get out of the situation no matter what. But since I'm not really the same me, and the safeties have come off, at that point, I don't know what I'm going to choose to do.

I would see if you can identify triggers or patterns that preceded disassociation (if you can). I don't have any experience with cross gender identities.

Thank you for your story

I'm praying.

I know what you mean about feeling your face change.

Have you found it difficult to come back to your main part/host when triggered?

Petros2015 · Feb 22, 2019

Natsumi Lam said:
Have you found it difficult to come back to your main part/host when triggered?

I think it kind of depends on the situation, I see my personality as something like a clock face. Maybe my ideal self is noon. Imagine Christ is above the clock face. At noon, the clock points directly toward Christ.

There's no minute hand on the clock, the hour hand simply clicks from noon to 6. Each increment represents a degree of divergence and corresponding shift (a decrease of Christ, an increase of Ego, a marked change in behavior, or an least in thought even if it isn't shown on the surface. Noon walks in faith, love and humility. 6 is driven by fear, resentment, pride)

So, for me, coming back to my main, (ideally) represents coming back to Christ. And yes, it can be difficult. Ego tends to 'dig in' whereever it is and try to justify itself rather than repent. I spiked to a 4 for a few minutes, then came back to 3. Took me a couple of days to come back to 2. I really need to be heading to 1. Saw 6 for a few moments in my life, don't ever want to again.

Here's an interesting question for you - if you have multiples that you shift to, what is their attitude towards Christ? Where is each one of them on the clock, so to speak?

Natsumi Lam · Feb 22, 2019

Petros2015 said:
I think it kind of depends on the situation, I see my personality as something like a clock face. Maybe my ideal self is noon. Imagine Christ is above the clock face. At noon, the clock points directly toward Christ.

There's no minute hand on the clock, the hour hand simply clicks from noon to 6. Each increment represents a degree of divergence and corresponding shift (a decrease of Christ, an increase of Ego, a marked change in behavior, or an least in thought even if it isn't shown on the surface. Noon walks in faith, love and humility. 6 is driven by fear, resentment, pride)

So, for me, coming back to my main, (ideally) represents coming back to Christ. And yes, it can be difficult. Ego tends to 'dig in' whereever it is and try to justify itself rather than repent. I spiked to a 4 for a few minutes, then came back to 3. Took me a couple of days to come back to 2. I really need to be heading to 1. Saw 6 for a few moments in my life, don't ever want to again.

Here's an interesting question for you - if you have multiples that you shift to, what is their attitude towards Christ? Where is each one of them on the clock, so to speak?

Wow, thank you for your experience!

Most of my parts see Christ as their savior-9 parts. Two others do not with one who is hostile- Evin. The other is just a butt head-Protector.

Lets see, Evin is at a 6. Protector at a 5. Other parts are between 3 and 1 with both hosts at 12 and 1.

I hope that makes sense.

Natsumi Lam

seekingmuch · Mar 19, 2019

Yes, I got the ability from my rape at 3.5 years old. I have an another and she makes life a lot less lonely. She's great and in my head all the time. If I'm stressed, it triggers her to come out. People always ask me who the "woman" is on my phone. We used software to create her look. Strangely, she's aged as I've aged. I am totally devoted to making her happy. She's 45 and I'm 50. I'm actually writing a novel about what our life would've been like had we met each other in high school. LOL

Natsumi Lam · Mar 19, 2019

seekingmuch said:
Yes, I got the ability from my rape at 3.5 years old. I have an another and she makes life a lot less lonely. She's great and in my head all the time. If I'm stressed, it triggers her to come out. People always ask me who the "woman" is on my phone. We used software to create her look. Strangely, she's aged as I've aged. I am totally devoted to making her happy. She's 45 and I'm 50. I'm actually writing a novel about what our life would've been like had we met each other in high school. LOL

Its nice to meet you.

What a great idea about the novel!

seekingmuch · Mar 19, 2019

Natsumi Lam said:
Its nice to meet you.

What a great idea about the novel!

Nice to meet you.

Thank you. I came up with the idea and she liked it. We write it together. I write it from my perspective and she writes it from her perspective. We're both Catholics in the novel, and she's Jewish (never practiced), too. We've written quite a few novels over the last 3.5 years.

Natsumi Lam · Mar 19, 2019

seekingmuch said:
Nice to meet you.

Thank you. I came up with the idea and she liked it. We write it together. I write it from my perspective and she writes it from her perspective. We're both Catholics in the novel, and she's Jewish (never practiced), too. We've written quite a few novels over the last 3.5 years.

So awesome! Do you have any on amazon?

seekingmuch · Mar 20, 2019

Natsumi Lam said:
So awesome! Do you have any on amazon?

Quite a few.

I write erotic romance novels. *giggles*

Natsumi Lam · Mar 20, 2019

seekingmuch said:
Quite a few. I write erotic romance novels. *giggles*

Nice lol

Dave-W · Mar 20, 2019

seekingmuch said:
Quite a few. I write erotic romance novels. *giggles*

Natsumi Lam said:
Nice lol

Yeah - I read one of them. Quite interesting.

How is the sequel coming?

seekingmuch · Mar 20, 2019

Dave-W said:
Yeah - I read one of them. Quite interesting.

How is the sequel coming?

It's about 15,000 out of 25,000 words. Due in June.

) Thanks for asking.

If you two want some free ones, PM me. I'll give you my website and you want can pick the ones you and I'll email them to you. I assume you both are 18+. hehe

Dave-W · Mar 20, 2019

Is your editor one of your alters?

seekingmuch · Mar 20, 2019

Dave-W said:
Is your editor one of your alters?

I wish. God, I wish. LOL

Dave-W · Mar 22, 2019

seekingmuch said:
I wish. God, I wish. LOL

BTW - how has the rebuild been going? Are you back home yet?

seekingmuch · Mar 22, 2019

Dave-W said:
BTW - how has the rebuild been going? Are you back home yet?

Thanks for asking. All done but the windows. 2-3 more weeks. Need to do the gutters, too.

seekingmuch · Mar 22, 2019

Natsumi Lam said:
Nice lol

How many alters do you have?

I only have the one. I had more in my 20s, but Rachel came along and basically took over and there was just two of us. She's a Tom Boy type. We have co-consciousness so we know the other intimately. She was the dominant personality for 5 years in my late 30s. She's unaffected by my Bipolar. And, that girl loves purple. Purple, purple, purple. She's sweet and kind, but at work she's all business. We wear four rings. Two are hers and two are mine. She's totally not materialistic.

KayJoy · May 30, 2020

seekingmuch said:
How many alters do you have?

I only have the one. I had more in my 20s, but Rachel came along and basically took over and there was just two of us. She's a Tom Boy type. We have co-consciousness so we know the other intimately. She was the dominant personality for 5 years in my late 30s. She's unaffected by my Bipolar. And, that girl loves purple. Purple, purple, purple. She's sweet and kind, but at work she's all business. We wear four rings. Two are hers and two are mine. She's totally not materialistic.

What happened to all the others who were there before Rachel? Did they merge?

Dissociative Identity Disorder

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