- Mar 11, 2019
- 6
- 11
- 42
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
Hello everyone.
I'm trying to come back to faith, I'm certainly not there at the moment. I struggle with the typical intellectual barriers people bump into when encountering Christianity. A part of me knows that it's a pointless endeavor to get hung up on small details, considering that it prevents faith from happening. Nevertheless, I have work to do in this regard, I'm a skeptic analytical type by nature.
At one point I was quite fundamental, faith was easy, life was good. I can't put my finger on precisely what happened, or when, or why... but here I am. I've spent well over a decade living as an agnostic (never went full atheist, not for any duration anyways), with a respect and interest in Buddhism, though I've never considered myself a Buddhist.
So why bother? Well, things are not good, they haven't been for awhile. The main problem being alcoholism. To say my drinking has been detrimental is an understatement. I won't go into details, but if you've had this problem or know someone who has, you're well aware of the horrors. I'm addicted, no doubt about it.
It finally caught up to me to the extent that I ended up in treatment, 90 days at a facility. I managed to stay sober for 7 months afterwards, but slipped one time and it was right back to it. I can't delude myself any longer, this has to stop but I'm too weak willed to do it alone.
My agnosticism was the reason why I couldn't accept a spiritual higher power, and without that it's pointless. After last night though I woke up feeling differently... scared, nervous, desperate, urgent... I've been calling out to God all day. I cracked open my recovery Bible, been reading here at the forum... there's been a lot of fear and reflection today.
So anyways, thanks for reading, please say a prayer if you can, I know I'll be praying before I close my eyes for the night.
I'm trying to come back to faith, I'm certainly not there at the moment. I struggle with the typical intellectual barriers people bump into when encountering Christianity. A part of me knows that it's a pointless endeavor to get hung up on small details, considering that it prevents faith from happening. Nevertheless, I have work to do in this regard, I'm a skeptic analytical type by nature.
At one point I was quite fundamental, faith was easy, life was good. I can't put my finger on precisely what happened, or when, or why... but here I am. I've spent well over a decade living as an agnostic (never went full atheist, not for any duration anyways), with a respect and interest in Buddhism, though I've never considered myself a Buddhist.
So why bother? Well, things are not good, they haven't been for awhile. The main problem being alcoholism. To say my drinking has been detrimental is an understatement. I won't go into details, but if you've had this problem or know someone who has, you're well aware of the horrors. I'm addicted, no doubt about it.
It finally caught up to me to the extent that I ended up in treatment, 90 days at a facility. I managed to stay sober for 7 months afterwards, but slipped one time and it was right back to it. I can't delude myself any longer, this has to stop but I'm too weak willed to do it alone.
My agnosticism was the reason why I couldn't accept a spiritual higher power, and without that it's pointless. After last night though I woke up feeling differently... scared, nervous, desperate, urgent... I've been calling out to God all day. I cracked open my recovery Bible, been reading here at the forum... there's been a lot of fear and reflection today.
So anyways, thanks for reading, please say a prayer if you can, I know I'll be praying before I close my eyes for the night.
