Need help on strong feelings for someone I met online

pinkjess

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Last year I met someone online shortly after I realized sex wasn't filthy. Within marriage of course. I grew up with a skewed view of it, and so as an adult I began to struggle with confusion and hostility towards feelings of attraction, thinking they were dirty and something to be avoided. In the beginning of last year I began to struggle with intense feelings of loneliness that wouldn't go away. I literally had a physical sensation of a cold, hollow ache in the upper left part of my chest near my shoulder. I started a blog and Reddit and unleashed my raw thoughts on there hoping to find someone who understood or wanted to connect with me. Writing had become a great therapy tool for me, but it didn't take away the aching within.

In April 2018 I prayed to God about my desires and cried to Him to send me someone to connect with. In my heart I craved a male friend. I started to ask myself why it was so important to me, because Jesus should have been enough for me. I felt bad for wanting a human in my life so much when God loves me more than anyone ever could. I remember being at a playground near a pond and praying about my desire for a companion, and if it was not in His will for me to ever have a husband in my life--to help me accept and be content in Him alone.

I am not sure if God got fed up with me praying about it over and over again, but it seems He answered two weeks later.

I had made a post on Reddit and this guy commented and long story short we've been texting each other for almost 11 months. He is a believer too. We've developed feelings for each other and I like him a lot. We have talked about everything under the sun and I feel like I could talk to him for hours. In the beginning he shared a lot of stuff with me, and in turn it made me share stuff with him too. We shared secrets, talked about life and death, and exchanged childhood photos. It did something to my soul, like a healing balm. The icy ache I had melted away and for once I felt known. We've talked about meeting and hopefully we will this year sometime. But I don't know what God's will is.

Naturally my feelings have turned into a strong flame. I think I have fallen into lust or adultery. I started struggling with intense feelings of wanting to experience intimacy with him. I now struggle with masturbation when I was previously clean for 8 years. I sometimes have dreams about him and it draws me back into it. My emotions are involved and it is making it very hard to break from. A friend told me unclean spirits or demons are causing me to struggle with this and that I need to rebuke it. Others have warned me about soul-ties. I am worried this relationship is not God-sent or God is letting Satan play with me. I don't want to sin or live in sin. But my feelings for this person are so strong. I can't reconcile any of it anymore. How do I know? Do I have unclean spirits in my life? Is God angry at me? Does He want me to stop talking to him?

P.S. Before anybody jumps me and asks me how do I know this is not a 55 year old predator living in a basement, I have video messaged and voice called him and done internet research, and he is who he says he is.

P.S.S. I know I have not met him yet and that I can't know for sure if I truly like him yet, but after texting 11 months and sharing almost everything with each other, it's easy to develop some pretty strong feelings of attachment.
 

anna ~ grace

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Pray. Do one thing that might sound risky; give this guy less of your time. Spend that time in prayer, Scripture study, and going for walks. What you are describing kind of sounds almost like an emotional addiction. Don't neccesarily cut this off, but give yourself space. Give your soul space, and give God more of your time. That's my only advice for now, but hopefully it can give you some perspective, and a break from what might not be a super-healthy relationship. If something is consuming us, robbing us of peace, and taking up all of our time, it's a good thing to take a few steps back.
 
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Last year I met someone online shortly after I realized sex wasn't filthy. Within marriage of course. I grew up with a skewed view of it, and so as an adult I began to struggle with confusion and hostility towards feelings of attraction, thinking they were dirty and something to be avoided. In the beginning of last year I began to struggle with intense feelings of loneliness that wouldn't go away. I literally had a physical sensation of a cold, hollow ache in the upper left part of my chest near my shoulder. I started a blog and Reddit and unleashed my raw thoughts on there hoping to find someone who understood or wanted to connect with me. Writing had become a great therapy tool for me, but it didn't take away the aching within.

In April 2018 I prayed to God about my desires and cried to Him to send me someone to connect with. In my heart I craved a male friend. I started to ask myself why it was so important to me, because Jesus should have been enough for me. I felt bad for wanting a human in my life so much when God loves me more than anyone ever could. I remember being at a playground near a pond and praying about my desire for a companion, and if it was not in His will for me to ever have a husband in my life--to help me accept and be content in Him alone.

I am not sure if God got fed up with me praying about it over and over again, but it seems He answered two weeks later.

I had made a post on Reddit and this guy commented and long story short we've been texting each other for almost 11 months. He is a believer too. We've developed feelings for each other and I like him a lot. We have talked about everything under the sun and I feel like I could talk to him for hours. In the beginning he shared a lot of stuff with me, and in turn it made me share stuff with him too. We shared secrets, talked about life and death, and exchanged childhood photos. It did something to my soul, like a healing balm. The icy ache I had melted away and for once I felt known. We've talked about meeting and hopefully we will this year sometime. But I don't know what God's will is.

Naturally my feelings have turned into a strong flame. I think I have fallen into lust or adultery. I started struggling with intense feelings of wanting to experience intimacy with him. I now struggle with masturbation when I was previously clean for 8 years. I sometimes have dreams about him and it draws me back into it. My emotions are involved and it is making it very hard to break from. A friend told me unclean spirits or demons are causing me to struggle with this and that I need to rebuke it. Others have warned me about soul-ties. I am worried this relationship is not God-sent or God is letting Satan play with me. I don't want to sin or live in sin. But my feelings for this person are so strong. I can't reconcile any of it anymore. How do I know? Do I have unclean spirits in my life? Is God angry at me? Does He want me to stop talking to him?

P.S. Before anybody jumps me and asks me how do I know this is not a 55 year old predator living in a basement, I have video messaged and voice called him and done internet research, and he is who he says he is.

P.S.S. I know I have not met him yet and that I can't know for sure if I truly like him yet, but after texting 11 months and sharing almost everything with each other, it's easy to develop some pretty strong feelings of attachment.
Strong emotions can shut off and block your logical mind and corrupt your spiritual discernment. So you need to be very careful about them. You have not met this guy in person yet, and until you do, you are not going to get the full picture of what he is really like.

I advise you to spend time in prayer and reading of the Bible, get your emotions under the Lordship of Christ and develop your spiritual discernment so that when you meet the guy, you are able to see him as he really is. He will be on his best behaviour on his first meeting with you, so you will not get the knowledge you need about his heart and his spirit until you get to know him more fully, and that can happen only through spending time with him.

I would be very careful not to be manipulated into a premature relationship by your emotions, or by any promises or undertakings by him.

One thing I would say to you and you need to be very alert about this. If he asks you for money for anything, don't, please don't agree. This will be an indication that he would be using you. The man that God has for you will never ask you for money. Don't be influenced by your emotions if he gives you a hard luck story about sick relatives, or needing the fare to come and see you, or any other reason. I feel quite burdened to warn you about this.

There have been many stories of lonely women being shafted by men using their vulnerability to take advantage of them, and the women losing thousands of dollars through false promises of loan repayments, and when their bank accounts have been cleaned out, the man has disappeared without trace.

I hope this doesn't happen to you, and I do hope that this man is honest and above board, but I counsel you to be harmless as a dove and wise as a serpent.

To be quite honest, I am deeply afraid for you that you might be manipulated into something that is going to end up in tears and a cleaned out bank balance, and this may ruin you for God's man who might come along in the future.
 
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PloverWing

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Meeting in person seems like a good next step. Take all the precautions that people are recommending, because there are lots of weirdos on the Internet -- meet in a safe, public place, don't give out your bank account number, and so on. But maybe meet and see if you're a compatible couple in a face-to-face relationship.
 
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Josephus

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I agree with the above. What you need are friend friends. Friends you can bounce ideas and emotions off of. Who can help you think. You have a deep heart and once you take in a thought and sink with it, it's hard to part with it. Disappointment may be your greatest fear and enemy. I'd suggest not allowing your emotions drive your actions or encounters. G-d has a soul mate for you. And He is the matchmaker who orchestrates events and people to bring matches together. Let Him drive, and be content being single, not afraid. May you find your soul mate in His grand timing. If this guy is the one, I pray that you find out eventually, and if he's not the one, I pray you find out soon.
 
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ilovejcsog

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I went through something similar loneliness can cause us to imagine things and look at things differently than if we were happy and content with being alone. We can talk ourselves into all kinds of things being lonely. I would say the same thing. JUST BE CAREFUL. There are plenty of predators out there that seem fine because we want them to be fine out of our loneliness. I am real good at having crushes but usually get a wake up call and realize how foolish I have been again. Take it slow and don't do anything sexual, the guilt will be bad on you. I truly believe that Satan is out there tempting us with such things.
Pray that God will give you the path you need right now, pray for discernment also and guidance, just keep praying, lol.
God bless you and wait on God to lead you. So much doubt is usually telling.
 
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Kenny'sID

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it's my opinion, God has made you/us like you are, he wanted us to have strong desires and he made sex enjoyable, all so we would procreate. Sure, we can and will sin, but in your case or the case of any as young as you, what is happening is perfectly normal.

On any sin you experience, especially at this time in your life when these feeling can cause all kinds of things to go amiss as you try to deal with trying to please God, as well as the strong, God given desire, I think God will cut you/others like you, some slack because of your age. Dare I say God will take some responsibly here? it's at least something to consider.

Anyway, try to control yourself, and not sin, but if you do, it's covered, just ask forgiveness, move on and don't worry yourself.

As mentioned you should take precaution, meet the guy, and find out as soon as possible, one way or another if he is the one. Then marry when the time is right, and the time may be right when you love him enough to stand a good chance of spending the rest of your life with him. What I mean is some people want to wait till the time is perfect, but all most of us really need is to be sure of the love, the rest is only about convenience.

The sooner you marry or move on to another relationship, and eventually get married, the less the temptation of sin. But again, in the meantime, as long as you are doing the best you can to make it happen and make it happen without making a big mistake, I think you can relax a bit for reasons already mentioned.
 
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paul1149

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It's good that you've done video chat, but there is nothing like meeting in real life. Online relationships can be dangerously incomplete in terms of vital relationship markers, and our imaginations all too readily fill in the missing objective pieces according to our own preferences.

The Song of Solomon says not to arouse or awaken love before it so desires. And proverbs says the wise man makes his steps secure. So you need to verify the relationship before you go any further with it. Ideally some steps in this direction should have been done before this emotional stage, but it is what it is.

The feelings of sexual desire are natural. That they're getting out of hand doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is not basically a good one. i The Bible says it is better to marry than burn. So it is critical to prove the relationship. If you get a green light you can proceed.
 
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turkle

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I seem to remember that you were concerned about this person's mental instability, tendency towards violence, anger and hatred of people. As I remember it, you had long threads about him where nearly every respondent strongly advised you to leave this situation, and when you did, you realized you did the right thing. Is this the same person? Because if he is, it sounds like you have gotten yourself into a trap that you really need to get out of once and for all.
 
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Andrew77

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Last year I met someone online shortly after I realized sex wasn't filthy. Within marriage of course. I grew up with a skewed view of it, and so as an adult I began to struggle with confusion and hostility towards feelings of attraction, thinking they were dirty and something to be avoided. In the beginning of last year I began to struggle with intense feelings of loneliness that wouldn't go away. I literally had a physical sensation of a cold, hollow ache in the upper left part of my chest near my shoulder. I started a blog and Reddit and unleashed my raw thoughts on there hoping to find someone who understood or wanted to connect with me. Writing had become a great therapy tool for me, but it didn't take away the aching within.

In April 2018 I prayed to God about my desires and cried to Him to send me someone to connect with. In my heart I craved a male friend. I started to ask myself why it was so important to me, because Jesus should have been enough for me. I felt bad for wanting a human in my life so much when God loves me more than anyone ever could. I remember being at a playground near a pond and praying about my desire for a companion, and if it was not in His will for me to ever have a husband in my life--to help me accept and be content in Him alone.

I am not sure if God got fed up with me praying about it over and over again, but it seems He answered two weeks later.

I had made a post on Reddit and this guy commented and long story short we've been texting each other for almost 11 months. He is a believer too. We've developed feelings for each other and I like him a lot. We have talked about everything under the sun and I feel like I could talk to him for hours. In the beginning he shared a lot of stuff with me, and in turn it made me share stuff with him too. We shared secrets, talked about life and death, and exchanged childhood photos. It did something to my soul, like a healing balm. The icy ache I had melted away and for once I felt known. We've talked about meeting and hopefully we will this year sometime. But I don't know what God's will is.

Naturally my feelings have turned into a strong flame. I think I have fallen into lust or adultery. I started struggling with intense feelings of wanting to experience intimacy with him. I now struggle with masturbation when I was previously clean for 8 years. I sometimes have dreams about him and it draws me back into it. My emotions are involved and it is making it very hard to break from. A friend told me unclean spirits or demons are causing me to struggle with this and that I need to rebuke it. Others have warned me about soul-ties. I am worried this relationship is not God-sent or God is letting Satan play with me. I don't want to sin or live in sin. But my feelings for this person are so strong. I can't reconcile any of it anymore. How do I know? Do I have unclean spirits in my life? Is God angry at me? Does He want me to stop talking to him?

P.S. Before anybody jumps me and asks me how do I know this is not a 55 year old predator living in a basement, I have video messaged and voice called him and done internet research, and he is who he says he is.

P.S.S. I know I have not met him yet and that I can't know for sure if I truly like him yet, but after texting 11 months and sharing almost everything with each other, it's easy to develop some pretty strong feelings of attachment.

Well if you are committing sin like masturbation, then this not good. If meeting this guy, is causing you to sin, then you need to stop talking with him.

You need to clear that up pretty fast.

Let's say that you stop messing around....

Ok, how do you plan to proceed? Have you talked with his parents? Have you talked with your parents? What does everyone say about this guy?

How do you plan to meet? Does he have money and a job? Where does he work, and what does he do? How long as he been working?

What's his family like? Where does he go to church? How long as he been a Christian? Does he have any past girlfriends?

You need to bring him to your parents, and have dinner. Then ask your parents what they think of him.

Where are you going to live after you get married?
 
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ilovejcsog

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I really like most of your suggestions but I doubt they are in the same state as most of the on line situations are not that easy. I wouldn't bring him home to my family until I met him and had a friendship for a while and I wouldn't meet him without someone I know being around or at least watching. You just never know. I certainly agree with you on the sexual end. That is just lust if that is what is going on since they haven't even met. I might add that if it is true what Turkle said he would be gone from me yesterday!
I liked your post a lot 77. You had a lot of important suggestions.
 
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Petros2015

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Netfriend relationships can be VERY emotionally intense. it's a little bit like a Rorschach diagram - you see what you want to see; the mind 'fills in the blanks' for everything you don't know and it's easy to fall in love/lust with the image in your mind, because it is, in a sense 'perfect'.

That being said, after 11 months you do know a lot about the reality of him, you have video chatted and I presume phone call sometimes. You have a real relationship with this person. About the struggles with sexual/lust thoughts I would say, 'is he deliberately steering you to these things?' along the lines of a 'lets get together and hook up'? If he is, then you probably don't want to do that, and might want to break contact.

On the other hand, if you are looking for a relationship and a potential marriage partner, then it's probably time to explore meeting in person. Have a good dating plan, safe meeting spot, fun stuff to do or enjoy. Go find a "playground near a pond" and sit with him, see if it feels like you are getting your answer and go from there. Give him some time to assess his feelings after meeting you too, and see if it's something you want to continue with the idea of marriage in the future. It sounds like you have done your research and he is a believer too.
 
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Petros2015

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As I remember it, you had long threads about him where nearly every respondent strongly advised you to leave this situation, and when you did, you realized you did the right thing. Is this the same person?

Oh... that would be a hearse of a different color if that's the case.
 
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FutureAndAHope

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Last year I met someone online shortly after I realized sex wasn't filthy. Within marriage of course. I grew up with a skewed view of it, and so as an adult I began to struggle with confusion and hostility towards feelings of attraction, thinking they were dirty and something to be avoided. In the beginning of last year I began to struggle with intense feelings of loneliness that wouldn't go away. I literally had a physical sensation of a cold, hollow ache in the upper left part of my chest near my shoulder. I started a blog and Reddit and unleashed my raw thoughts on there hoping to find someone who understood or wanted to connect with me. Writing had become a great therapy tool for me, but it didn't take away the aching within.

In April 2018 I prayed to God about my desires and cried to Him to send me someone to connect with. In my heart I craved a male friend. I started to ask myself why it was so important to me, because Jesus should have been enough for me. I felt bad for wanting a human in my life so much when God loves me more than anyone ever could. I remember being at a playground near a pond and praying about my desire for a companion, and if it was not in His will for me to ever have a husband in my life--to help me accept and be content in Him alone.

I am not sure if God got fed up with me praying about it over and over again, but it seems He answered two weeks later.

I had made a post on Reddit and this guy commented and long story short we've been texting each other for almost 11 months. He is a believer too. We've developed feelings for each other and I like him a lot. We have talked about everything under the sun and I feel like I could talk to him for hours. In the beginning he shared a lot of stuff with me, and in turn it made me share stuff with him too. We shared secrets, talked about life and death, and exchanged childhood photos. It did something to my soul, like a healing balm. The icy ache I had melted away and for once I felt known. We've talked about meeting and hopefully we will this year sometime. But I don't know what God's will is.

Naturally my feelings have turned into a strong flame. I think I have fallen into lust or adultery. I started struggling with intense feelings of wanting to experience intimacy with him. I now struggle with masturbation when I was previously clean for 8 years. I sometimes have dreams about him and it draws me back into it. My emotions are involved and it is making it very hard to break from. A friend told me unclean spirits or demons are causing me to struggle with this and that I need to rebuke it. Others have warned me about soul-ties. I am worried this relationship is not God-sent or God is letting Satan play with me. I don't want to sin or live in sin. But my feelings for this person are so strong. I can't reconcile any of it anymore. How do I know? Do I have unclean spirits in my life? Is God angry at me? Does He want me to stop talking to him?

P.S. Before anybody jumps me and asks me how do I know this is not a 55 year old predator living in a basement, I have video messaged and voice called him and done internet research, and he is who he says he is.

P.S.S. I know I have not met him yet and that I can't know for sure if I truly like him yet, but after texting 11 months and sharing almost everything with each other, it's easy to develop some pretty strong feelings of attachment.

The bible tells us it is better to marry than to burn with passion. God understands that we can get passionate sexually, at times. Although we should try to control ourselves. I would say if you are feeling so much desire for the guy, you should go the step further and plan, investigate, seek out, whether they will make a good partner for you. God would not be angry with you for you weaknesses, in regard to the lustful thoughts, feelings, but again try to control them. But I would encourage you to investigate whether you should marry the guy.
 
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