Is it okay to be a less emotional Christian?

Ashley755 said:

Well, this is an internal conflict I've had for a while. I'd like your take on it.

I'm not much of a "feeler", personality-wise. I like to be logical and straightforward. I enjoy studying theology and apoligetics. I don't tend to cry during worship and my language is quite unemotional as well. I'm just a thinker. I do feel quite profoundly, but I express those emotions towards God in more of a private way and not as much through singing in worship or general outward expression (my Myers-Briggs type is even INTP, if anyone here is familiar with that).

I guess my dilemma is that I am not a "typical" modern day Christian teenager and I don't find too many Christians I can relate to, so it has made me question whether it is right for me to be this way. What do you guys think?

Thanks!

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Don't worry, I do this too. I don't like melodramatic stuff that comes from some charismactic services. I feel very close to God and more emotional/reverent in private prayer and contemplation, way more than church services. I also don't like group prayer much.

All of us are just different types

Every person should find the way that gets them more intimately connected to God. If there's a certain music style in worship you like.. listen to that more. If there are parts of the Bible that resonate extra for you, meditate on that, or read that more. Try the different ways of prayer, and see what you like best, and stick with what you like best. Most people like lowering their head and closing their eyes when they pray in my church. I can't connect with God sometimes doing that. I like raising my head and opening my eyes for a part of the time. I'm not afraid to do that because I know where my heart's at. lol and probably few notice anyway.

We also change in life. The way I connect with God isn't the same as it was a year ago. So I mean these little details don't matter much. You know I actually used to be like you. I think I gradually got more and more used to group prayer because I go every Sunday to this church. And since I started singing in the band, I feel way more comfortable in the place. It is good to be able to share more with the Church body.. but it's nothing to be ashamed of. God has a plan for you, and you can't know what exactly it is or rush it. Just ask God about it, and trust in what he tells you.

i feel like i am in a very similar situation to you there.
I only just joined this site a day ago and this is the first post that showed up. So its really helped me to see how people have responded.
I am a researcher, i really get into apologetics and the history of christian theology. But when it comes to people asking me about God or me trying to discuss with someone the positive impact having God in your life will bring, i just draw a blank.
I am sure that God wants me to be a researcher as there will be purpose behind it, but when you go to Church or see evangelical messages/events that are bringing people to God in huge numbers, its really emotion focused.
People are in tears from happiness and you can see that they are having a life changing experience.
The burden that comes off when people accept they are sinners and need help and they can't do it on their own, you can see that its something that really impacts those listening who aren't christians and is so effective at reaching people.
As much as i want to be able to bring as many people to God like that, it seems obvious that i have a different purpose.

My advice is to take your passions and the parts of Christianity that you're into and keep going with them. It might just seem like you are satisfying your hunger to learn for a while, but at some point you are going to run into someone who needs your help, spiritually, but has many objections to God, Jesus and Christianity. You will be able to talk with them and offer them facts and be able to break down some of the defenses they had built from the bad stigma Christianity has today, be able to debunk a few myths they have heard about christians and ultimately bring them to God.

It might not be bringing 100 people a week to God, but the 1 tough case person that He needs in His kingdom could be the conversation you are studying for.

May have gotten a bit off track there but i hope that makes sense.
The bottom line is that there is no right and wrong when it comes to who you are. If you are genuinely trying your hardest to be the best Christian you know how to be then you're on the right path. God has made you this way for a reason, he just has a way of keeping you in the dark about what that reason is until you are ready to fulfill your purpose
Believe me i have had some times where i thought "why am i going through this/am i doing this right?", then months later something will come up and its such a light bulb moment of "oh i get it now!" "It all makes sense"

I'm in the same boat, sister. It concerned me for a while too, but then I realized it's actually a gift. Though emotions certainly has its purposes, I'm thankful that God didn't make me a particularly emotional kind of believer, because I am not as easily compromised by fleshly urges or the loving calls of cults.

Ashley755 said:

Well, this is an internal conflict I've had for a while. I'd like your take on it.

I'm not much of a "feeler", personality-wise. I like to be logical and straightforward. I enjoy studying theology and apoligetics. I don't tend to cry during worship and my language is quite unemotional as well. I'm just a thinker. I do feel quite profoundly, but I express those emotions towards God in more of a private way and not as much through singing in worship or general outward expression (my Myers-Briggs type is even INTP, if anyone here is familiar with that).

I guess my dilemma is that I am not a "typical" modern day Christian teenager and I don't find too many Christians I can relate to, so it has made me question whether it is right for me to be this way. What do you guys think?

Thanks!

Click to expand...

It's not wrong at all. Too often, church culture equates being moved by God with being emotional, and further equates being emotional with being holy, which is beyond unfortunate. We aren't just asked to love God with all of our heart, soul, and strength. We're asked to love Him with our minds too.

I'm an ENFP, but I'm also really into the theology/apologetics side of Christianity, so I understand feeling isolated.

Also, in case you were looking for a book recommendation, I've not read Brant Hansen's Blessed Are The Misfits, but my sister has, and if I'm not mistaken, it talks about this sort of thing.

ENFP-T

A surprising score on my re-taking that personality test...

I don't know what the extra T at the end means

Ashley755 said:

Well, this is an internal conflict I've had for a while. I'd like your take on it.

I'm not much of a "feeler", personality-wise. I like to be logical and straightforward. I enjoy studying theology and apoligetics. I don't tend to cry during worship and my language is quite unemotional as well. I'm just a thinker. I do feel quite profoundly, but I express those emotions towards God in more of a private way and not as much through singing in worship or general outward expression (my Myers-Briggs type is even INTP, if anyone here is familiar with that).

I guess my dilemma is that I am not a "typical" modern day Christian teenager and I don't find too many Christians I can relate to, so it has made me question whether it is right for me to be this way. What do you guys think?

Thanks!

Click to expand...

Just now (weeks later) it occured to me to review the weaknesses (and especially since I'm older, well past 40) of my own temperament, the INFP. As we age, we tend to develop the areas we are weaker in, but it still seemed it could be useful to look again (I had long ago, more than once), and kinda see if I'm doing ok enough accounting for own preferences.

To everyone in the thread: it's so good to know what your own temperament is so that one doesn't think others are less good since they are not like one's self! (this highlighting is actually for everyone in the thread, not just any one person but every person.

It seems the teachings of Christ have definitely helped me better love others, in ways past what I might just from my own natural preferences.

Here's a wonderful chorus singing Kyrie Eleison (translation: "Lord have mercy"), and if you see the faces of the members of the choir you see many different temperaments!
Hallelujah!

Ecclesiastian said:

I'm in the same boat, sister. It concerned me for a while too, but then I realized it's actually a gift. Though emotions certainly has its purposes, I'm thankful that God didn't make me a particularly emotional kind of believer, because I am not as easily compromised by fleshly urges or the loving calls of cults.

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Right, instead the weaknesses of other temperaments are different ones, just as dangerous.

Brad of Aus said:

i feel like i am in a very similar situation to you there.
I only just joined this site a day ago and this is the first post that showed up. So its really helped me to see how people have responded.
I am a researcher, i really get into apologetics and the history of christian theology. But when it comes to people asking me about God or me trying to discuss with someone the positive impact having God in your life will bring, i just draw a blank.
I am sure that God wants me to be a researcher as there will be purpose behind it, but when you go to Church or see evangelical messages/events that are bringing people to God in huge numbers, its really emotion focused.
People are in tears from happiness and you can see that they are having a life changing experience.
The burden that comes off when people accept they are sinners and need help and they can't do it on their own, you can see that its something that really impacts those listening who aren't christians and is so effective at reaching people.
As much as i want to be able to bring as many people to God like that, it seems obvious that i have a different purpose.

My advice is to take your passions and the parts of Christianity that you're into and keep going with them. It might just seem like you are satisfying your hunger to learn for a while, but at some point you are going to run into someone who needs your help, spiritually, but has many objections to God, Jesus and Christianity. You will be able to talk with them and offer them facts and be able to break down some of the defenses they had built from the bad stigma Christianity has today, be able to debunk a few myths they have heard about christians and ultimately bring them to God.

It might not be bringing 100 people a week to God, but the 1 tough case person that He needs in His kingdom could be the conversation you are studying for.

May have gotten a bit off track there but i hope that makes sense.
The bottom line is that there is no right and wrong when it comes to who you are. If you are genuinely trying your hardest to be the best Christian you know how to be then you're on the right path. God has made you this way for a reason, he just has a way of keeping you in the dark about what that reason is until you are ready to fulfill your purpose
Believe me i have had some times where i thought "why am i going through this/am i doing this right?", then months later something will come up and its such a light bulb moment of "oh i get it now!" "It all makes sense"

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What a lovely and encouraging post this was. I'm INFP in temperament, but older, so it's less obvious possibly until I point it out. How about you?

Welcome to CF! Hope you visit areas of interest and contribute more of what you can bring from your own background. Especially I'd be interested--many of the sciences are interesting to me even if in some sub area I hadn't visited such posts yet. Or you could mention the area to me here. I think you pretty much have it just right in your response there, and also found the testimony from another perspective good to hear.

R. Genevieve said:

It's not wrong at all. Too often, church culture equates being moved by God with being emotional, and further equates being emotional with being holy, which is beyond unfortunate. We aren't just asked to love God with all of our heart, soul, and strength. We're asked to love Him with our minds too.

I'm an ENFP, but I'm also really into the theology/apologetics side of Christianity, so I understand feeling isolated.

Also, in case you were looking for a book recommendation, I've not read Brant Hansen's Blessed Are The Misfits, but my sister has, and if I'm not mistaken, it talks about this sort of thing.

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My best friend of the past, who died a few years ago due to an accident, was ENFP, and he and I really had great philosophical discussions. (Praise the lord for sending me a new one also a couple of years ago here in this new place we live.) It's really great to be aware of how we approach the world, and know what are our strengths and weaknesses. I was encouraged to see your post. I posted a link to a wonderful song just above where you could see many temperaments in the choir as they sing. We all belong, together.

StrivingFollower said:

Every person should find the way that gets them more intimately connected to God. If there's a certain music style in worship you like.. listen to that more. If there are parts of the Bible that resonate extra for you, meditate on that, or read that more. Try the different ways of prayer, and see what you like best, and stick with what you like best. Most people like lowering their head and closing their eyes when they pray in my church. I can't connect with God sometimes doing that. I like raising my head and opening my eyes for a part of the time. I'm not afraid to do that because I know where my heart's at. lol and probably few notice anyway.

We also change in life. The way I connect with God isn't the same as it was a year ago. So I mean these little details don't matter much. You know I actually used to be like you. I think I gradually got more and more used to group prayer because I go every Sunday to this church. And since I started singing in the band, I feel way more comfortable in the place. It is good to be able to share more with the Church body.. but it's nothing to be ashamed of. God has a plan for you, and you can't know what exactly it is or rush it. Just ask God about it, and trust in what he tells you.

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What a great testimony. This might be enjoyable for you, and I like how we can see so many types of temperaments in the choir here also (but the song is great even if we couldn't see them; it's just an extra blessing).

aiki said:

While God has given us each a distinct and unique personality, He is conforming each of us to the "image of His Son." (Romans 8:29) The goal in walking with God isn't to be more like who we are but more like Jesus. Thus, as believers mature, they end being a lot more alike than different, reflecting increasingly the character and mind of Christ rather than their own personality and preferences. But in western cultures that place a very high premium on individuality and the importance of "being who you are," the homogenizing effect of the Spirit is often resisted. And so the Church is heavily populated by people who desire to be unique and "true to themselves," the result of which is much dissension, egotism, and sin. One cannot be full of one's self and be full of Christ, too.

Proverbs 28:26
26 He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely will be delivered.

Jeremiah 17:9
9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?

Matthew 16:24
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.

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So true. For many of the lost though, a good first step is to even find even just their own soul -- their own genuine being -- just as the most basic starting point even, after being so confused by the world and it's endless noise and wrong directions.

And...there...in the actual soul of the person, is the urge, the longing to find what is missing from their lives!

So often the person saying they are trying to "find myself" or "find one's center" or such things is actually trying to find God, and doesn't know it.

So, while finding oneself isn't the way, the truth, the Life, it can still be an encouraging sign of the struggling lost person trying to at least stop listening to the world and its lies, and begin to search for what is missing, for God, that ultimate longing in their souls.

Actually, I'd often hope that a person trying to 'find themselves' is already embarking on the very first steps (or potential) to find the Himself as they seek to find themselves -- to find our Father. And that's then that urge to 'find oneself' begins to actually aid in the only way that matters ultimately. That they might be able to listen and hear when the truth about Christ dying for their sakes is told to them.

seeking.IAM said:

I believe there are branches of Christianity that associate emotional reaction with the in-dwelling of the Holy Spirit. The unfortunate result is that can make those who are not as emotional feel "less than." Less Christian. Less saved. Less baptized in the Spirit.

The fact is that some of us - and I include myself in that - are never going to be comfortable in some parts of the body having some worship forms. There is nothing wrong with us, or them for that matter. We're just made up differently than each other. Fortunately, there are parts of the body where folks like us can worship in ways that are comfortable to us. I wish someone could have told me that earlier. We're made as God intended us to be.

"This above all else: To thine own self be true." - Shakespeare
​

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In our own authentic soul is the very longing for God. If a person can be true to their own soul enough, they will long for God, connect to the urge to find Him. It's tricky for many though, because the soul isn't simply the body, or the urges of the flesh, and those different feelings are not easy to distinguish apart. The person's own spirit (given by God to them), what some call simply the 'soul', is the part I think that isn't affected very much by what is happening at the moment usually, but is...constant.

SinoBen said:

Hey Ashely, welcome to the club. I'm Phlegmatic with a bit of melancholy personality wise. What the folks in here said already are very good takes on this matter, so be encouraged and find comfort in exactly the way God has already wired you to be. With me, God has pushed the boundaries through circumstances that got me preaching up front and leading in bible study groups, those are learnt skills, I see it as God's strength in my weakness. So... if you do anything, submit to the Holy Spirit, recognise circumstances as ways God can shape you to be the person He wants you to be.

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Wow, what a wonderful testimony! Praise God for all the gifts He gives us!

Ing Bee said:

Hi Ashley-
What a great question. Maybe this will be encouraging:

Humans, (created to show/image God), necessarily reflect God's personal nature: we have a mind, will and emotions just like our Creator. To be in an "interpersonal" relationship means to share those three things with another person who does the same.

These three elements have a flow:

1. First comes the Mind - perceiving, evaluating, imagining, etc.
2. Second comes the Will - based on our perceptions and judgements (value system) we desire and then act in order to achieve our desired objective
3. Finally, our emotions are intended as a feedback loop to clue us in to whether or not our will has been achieved and motivating further action.

If you notice in places like Romans 12:2, Paul points out that a renewal of our Mind (conforming to God's thoughts rather than those common to rebellious humanity) results in know God's Will, with the implication that we then act to achieve that will in our sphere. When we do, we are joyful, content in ANY circumstance (Philippians 4:11-13).

As we grow in the likeness of Christ we will think the way God does, want what God wants and respond emotionally as God does. Here's an example from Matthew 9:36:

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."
​

Everywhere Jesus went teaching and healing, he saw the sorry state of his "sheep".

• Jesus perceived with his eyes and understood what he was seeing: his Mind was engaged.
• Jesus (and the Father) desires humanity to be whole and healthy: his Will is in operation
• Jesus felt deep, gut-wrenching pity because his will for the people was not taking place: his Emotions were operating and motivating him to further action
• ...so he acted by feeding them with truth, healing them, entreating and equipping his disciples to do the same to multiply the effect. (vv.37-38)

Or, another example from the well-known John 3:16 passage:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.​

• The Father perceives the destructive effects of sin and death : Mind
• His agape (self-giving, other benefitting attitude) was for people to not perish: Will
• God, ever-pleased in his Beloved Son, extends that pleasure to all who put their trust in Him and adopt that person into the family: Emotion.

God is not interesting in "emotionalism" but in true worship: perceive God for his grandeur and faithfulness, desiring to be in relationship with him, and experiencing the emotional well-being that comes from getting what we want: Him! Emotion is not an end to itself, and anyone who pursues emotional sensation rather than interpersonal connection with the Father, through the Son by the Holy Spirit is making an idol out of a good thing.

​

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Starting with the very last part -- I may be only telling you what you well know (and it's not the main thing you spoke of, but another thing) -- I've learned by experience that we are generally (though lesser or greater, at times) incompetent to always assess other's emotions, because while we are made so much better through faith and Christ's word in us, and His changing us, we are not omniscient enough to always distinguish (we can sometimes...but can fail just as easily) what is just 'emotionalism' (self indulgent trying to spur emotions merely for enjoyment, say like some rock music does or many other examples) and in contrast what are true and real emotions, capacity given by God Himself and rightly working.

We can't know, often. Because we are not Him. Of course, if we truly have repented fully just recently, it does indeed help remove callouses from our own hearts, and better open our own eyes, so that at least we can see better than we usually can.

Generally I loved your post, and it was encouraging to see. Praise the Lord.

It not wrong not to be emotional, its actually how Christians should be. Self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and a basic thing that makes a man to be a real man.

Its harder for women to achieve this goal, but its their goal too.

Roidecoeur78 said:

Actually, since emotions are just extensions of bodily instincts that have been reified over millennia, I would assert that anyone relying on being emotional as an indication of being in communion with the eternally true and living God are conflating something that is primal with the spiritual (which is completely understandable, since we are spiritual beings in animal bodies, and the very source of our weakness toward sin and temptation).

Yes, Jesus wept in righteous compassion, God the Father has righteous wrath against evil, and we are to be in fearful reverence towards our Creator but fearless toward speaking the truth to the world of humanity; but, more often than not, human emotions as reactionary instincts are completely irrational, biased for or against others, used to get what we want or avoid what we don't want, and deceptively used to claim a moral high ground that isn't ours to claim. The less emotions and the more reason involved in one's relationship with Yahweh, the more likely one is to comprehend the word without subjective bias swaying them.

it says
"But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it"
not the ones that "feel" it.

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Agree on these things you've written here. I want to emphasize I may here only say things you already all (or in part) agree with, but I think are helpful to say, regardless.

Our natural (the unforced) emotions are part of this body God designed, part of our nature, and are not good (nor even bad) in themselves, thought they can often push towards evil, or even at times towards what Christ says to us is the good. They are very definitely not a Guide for us, but more like natural energy of the body.

But they do indeed, just as you say or suggest, respond in ways that are helpful when we are following God's will -- even love is (in part) an emotion (in addition to its other sides) by God's own design in us, in addition to being shown in actions, in outcomes of responding to others.

Of course people mean so many different things when they use the word love.

For our mutual enjoyment, and gain, for anyone reading (even if they read this many times before), let's hear again the wonderful inspired words we all have heard about what real love is, and celebrate His goodness --

31 Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.
And yet I will show you the most excellent way.

1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13 NIV
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Here I could learn more, and always want to, about what real love is, and not only my own urges, but instead the gift of God when I follow His ways.