Baptized at 12 but it was a total joke and I finally had to admit it. My life was so filled with sin. From age 12, my life began to spiral. That's when I was first molested by my boyscout master; he enjoyed himself twice. The biological got divorced that year. At 16 I discovered cannabis and little did I know, it saved my life by showing me the truth of myself, which was that I was indeed a good person, that everyone around me wrong. I struggled with suicide from 12 to 27 and a little afterwards, about 16 years in all. I finally became a real Christian, I'd say, when I gave myself to God and He then, miraculously, has had me on a remarkable journey that no man could possibly script. God's Spirit came to me in as much Raw Power as my physical body could endure and it was something that words could never properly convey. That process started nearly three years ago.
Now that I know that I am loved by God in the most unbelievable of ways, my entire sense of thinking has changed. My entire self is no longer that which is once was. In fact, I don't remember what it was like to be so confused and scared, without even understanding it. I knew that I was off, in all things, I just didn't realize that what I was feeling was the actual embodiment of the Sin Nature itself. Living in Sin is a Spiritual Confusion that is undeniable....gosh, this place is filled with it, in fact, this forum is no different from the world. In fact, in fact, if I want to be abused, all I have to do is come here and I can be heaped upon for a simple opinion....and this is supposed to be "home" for me, a haven of sorts, but it's really a den of wolves. So you see? Everything is backwards...what is bad is good and what is good is bad.
No....no one talks about Jesus. Not REAL witnessing. No one even knows what the Gospel is. I've never had a discussion about it....ever. Oh sure, I've had the same discussions you've all had. Pft....I used to think that I knew the bible better than just about anything else in my life. That and music. I mean, I really thought I understood.....but I have been in this same terribly false system that we are in....and we are going to break out of it. It is wrong....It is desperately lacking.
I'm doing all kinds of things about this problem that I'm addressing. Because Christians do not witness on the whole, people are suffering. I've sold my house and am getting close to having nothing. When all is done, I will likely only own my set of drums, stored at anothers house, but other than that, I am almost ready to go where God sends me. I have taken a full year off and have been working diligently to make sure that what I say is accurate, firstly. I am currently in a time where I can come here, and contribute, but I do prefer to work with others who are suffering. I know what it is to hurt, to be weak, insecure and without confidence....just basic, regular confidence. I know what it's like to not have anyone in your church ask if you're alright. No one ever did that for me, and my parents paid the gay piano player to take me home and live with him....from 14.5 on. They never paid him for me....I was worthless....and this was done in front of an entire church. No one said a word....ever. So I understand what is happening in our churches, and I know that those who do not possess love are the ones whom do not reach out. I recently completed a lot of work with a Sister in Kenya, leading her to Jesus without agenda, and hopefully creating a way to get to that chruch and bring them as many blessings as I am able. I am also attempting to work on a few projects, one of which deals with Confidence, another regarding Black Sheep, another for BSOCS and I'm shooting for a movie script.