7 months

and based on some of the post titles, I may seem strange.

My husband passed away just 12 days before what would have been our 41st anniversary. Was he a believer? I don't know.
Yes he believed in God, but Bible tells us that even the demons believe. I spoke to him one final time after the pain meds had kicked in. The nurses said he could still hear. I believe them because a few years previously I had been in the hospital and drugged up for pain. I knew what was going on around me but couldn't communicate it aloud.

Three days after his death I was out taking a class. Passed the test with 98%, which is a bonus because I needed that on my resume.
I am grieving, but not in the traditional sense. I think I passed through the worst of it before he died.

I am not wearing the ring, but his coat still hangs by the door.
I had his truck hauled away and cleaned his closet/drawers. I was able to salvage a few things to wear to work.
I feel like I might be ready to date but settle for going out with friends.

I think that's all I can offer up front. Ask questions of me if you wish.

Thank you, Westozzie.

SpiritSong, thank you. I continue to go out to places I went before. I have relied on those friends, many of whom have experienced loss. I find that some of them seem to be still holding on even though it is years since their loss. I also know this will never go away while I am on this earth so it is better to learn to accept the pain.
Friendly dates is all I had in mind. I only just learned to allow people to get close enough for a hug in 2014. Before that I was pretty closed off to the outside world.
Besides, for the rest of this year I am working at cleaning up the mess my husband left me. He was a bit of a hoarder and definitely a procrastinator. That garage is going to keep me busy all summer and the bills will be caught up by December. I had to go out and get a job with little qualifications because he would not let me finish school or get a job outside our farm. I'm surprised he even let me learn how to drive at 30.

So this is all a whole new world to me.

SpiritSong said:

Mine had not wanted me to work either, so I had to find a job that had on-the-job-training once he passed away. That helped a lot. Mine passed in 2005, so I am not really hanging onto him any longer, though I do have dreams about him still at times. Waking from such dreams is tough, because it is like experiencing his passing all over again, only on a smaller scale. (For a second he was there, alive, happy or sad, but there! Then he is gone when you wake. It is a rude awakening).

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I'm so sorry. I had only one dream of my husband and it was a dream that took me back in time, so when I woke up it was more like a memory.