Sex/Love obsessions

Life2Christ said:

I forced myself to do the online dating thing because I don't have time to socialize. You should at least try it to get it over with.

Click to expand...

A lot of people I know do the online dating thing. Like you said...finding time to socialize can be difficult for some.

When I was very young, I believed love making was for the procreation of children. That’s how I got here as well as my other three brothers and a sister. It was the natural flow of life.

This is how I lived my life; which gave me two sons and a happy marriage; the term “sex” never entered my mind.

Now with my wife gone and my children having children of their own the need for comfort still exists, so I am here to ask;

Is wanting the comfort of a woman knowing you have no intention of having children in the process a bad thing---

Is this a sin--?

chuckpeterson said:

Is wanting the comfort of a woman knowing you have no intention of having children in the process a bad thing---

Is this a sin--?

Click to expand...

I'm sorry for your loss. Sexual intimacy is marvelous and your desire isn't sinful. The union of two physically can be very stimulating, emotionally healing, and deepen the bond between you. It is an opportunity for sharing and exploration. You are in the company of someone you love and trust who feels the same.

In the sanctity of your oneness lies a passion that should be unleashed on the other and she should do the same for you. Sharing yourselves sexually with one another is the ultimate alabaster box being broken open.

It is loving, ecstatic, nourishing, and spiritual too.

Chuck,
If you look into how God created us with the ability to have sex without going thru heat as other animals need to, so a seasonal rut etc I think it becomes obvious that humans don't have the limitations that other animals have.
I agree with LaBella that loving sex is healing and healthy.

iambren said:

Do you have one? Have you ever had one?

I have one and it makes me soooo ashamed. I'm in my 50s and this gal is 18. She helps out with the worship team playing her violin. She's pretty,feminine,a true Christian,attending a Christian college.

The first time I saw her I had this love-awe pit in my stomach. Don't think of me as stupid or silly--I'm wise enough to know that nothing real could become of this. And I can hear you ladies now-raining recriminations upon me. When she was off to school it was nice ie I could simmer down ie these feelings that are SO stupid and irrational.

But someone must suffer the same way. It's intense,like I want to grab her and take her away (not REALLY)!
So far I've come up with this:

1 I've been without a relationship for a long time now (about 5 years,post divorce).

2 She reminds me of me at that age--driven,college,whole life before her,happy in Christian service,chance to get a GOOD marriage and do it right,involved in a fulfilling career. I want to share with her,hold her close, more than the sexual ideas.

Tell me your ideas,BEYOND the lust angle--I got that one. I hate this feeling,such a distraction.

Click to expand...

I understand completely, good luck to you.

This thread is almost five years old - how did someone ever come across it?

Initially, I though Iambren was back....

iambren said:

No wonder women are so stressed out, they should think about sex more often.

Click to expand...

Those who say they don't either have woundedness that keeps them from it or they are lying. Healthy women think about sex, but it might not always be in the same way men do.

Citanul said:

This thread is almost five years old - how did someone ever come across it?

Click to expand...

They keep the old threads here for a reason. I usually don't look at how old they are. There could be someone who could benefit from it now.

JAM2b said:

They keep the old threads here for a reason. I usually don't look at how old they are. There could be someone who could benefit from it now.

Click to expand...

It's not the age of the thread I was commenting on, more the effort that it would have taken to find it. You've got to go to Page 18 before you get to the threads that were last commented on in October 2014.

oh. maybe it came up in a keyword search?

I have had a few crushes but never pursued them due to my situation. It saddens me. I have the desire for a relationship but my means physically are limited due to health. I've been single my whole life (30 years this September) but had a summer love in the 8th grade.... Our love languages complimented each other.... it was great.... I have met girls that reminded me of her but they had desires not parallel to mine or ones I am not interested in fulfilling

Well, the original subject of the thread was that a guy in his 50's was lusting after an 18yr old schoolgirl and he was blaming his lack of intimate relationships for his lust.

I don't buy it.

I've been divorced for 5 years and went a couple of years with no intimate relationships. I did not find myself lusting after teenagers.

Emotionally and mentally healthy and normal people are attracted to people closer to their age range.

Admittedly, when I was first divorced after 20 years of marriage, I was single for the first time since age 24, and I was emotionally and mentally regressing to that age. I was attracted to women in their mid 20's. However, as the effects of the divorce faded, I slowly "healed" and became more attracted to women closer to my age.

Now, I'm dating someone that happens to be 10 years younger than me, and we seem to be a good fit.

I look back now to the women I was attracted to and find it sad but sobering.

And the whole issue of sexual intimacy outside of marriage is a sticky one. I was in a couple of intimate relationships after my divorce and just felt horrible, emotionally.

My best friend made a poignant observation once in a conversation with me on the subject. He said that when you are intimate with someone, you give a little piece of your soul in the exchange. If you are not in a committed and loving relationship with them, then you lose that little bit of your soul when the relationship ends.

That's exactly how I felt the next day, along with the guilt and regret of offending God and cheapening his gift of intimacy.

iambren said:

Do you have one? Have you ever had one?

I have one and it makes me soooo ashamed. I'm in my 50s and this gal is 18. She helps out with the worship team playing her violin. She's pretty,feminine,a true Christian,attending a Christian college.

The first time I saw her I had this love-awe pit in my stomach. Don't think of me as stupid or silly--I'm wise enough to know that nothing real could become of this. And I can hear you ladies now-raining recriminations upon me. When she was off to school it was nice ie I could simmer down ie these feelings that are SO stupid and irrational.

But someone must suffer the same way. It's intense,like I want to grab her and take her away (not REALLY)!
So far I've come up with this:

1 I've been without a relationship for a long time now (about 5 years,post divorce).

2 She reminds me of me at that age--driven,college,whole life before her,happy in Christian service,chance to get a GOOD marriage and do it right,involved in a fulfilling career. I want to share with her,hold her close, more than the sexual ideas.

Tell me your ideas,BEYOND the lust angle--I got that one. I hate this feeling,such a distraction.

Click to expand...

Have you tried talking to her? Although on one hand it sounds like a longshot, women have been known to go out with much older men. Men her age are so immature these days it's pathetic, but if she rebuffs you, its because she's not ready for a real man yet.

BTW, I have crushes all the time, on actors though. It's ludicrous I know, but the current one is 25 and I am 43. He's super adorable.