Christians that have been married 2 or 3 times

It used to be that I was heartbroken if an ex-girlfriend married. Now it is like.... Just wait a few years and they will be single again!

I think there are people who are serial divorcers. I mean they keep doing things the same way, and so they keep doing the same thing.

But others can learn from their ways which got them with wrong people and into wrong relating, then they can do better in later relationships.

So, instead of first seeing a red flag or a white flag of truce, I would get to know someone and let that person speak for herself. And you can see if the person is arguing her way along, or growing in Jesus so she is helping you get more real with God and how to relate in love.

Also, Jesus says if we obey Him > "you will find rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:28-30)

So, a lady can test in prayer to see if what she is doing is getting her into more and more of Jesus Christ's rest and self control. There are both men and women who are trying to prove something, claiming to be called; but if they are self-called, they are not really pastors, but they can be church administrators who have the ability to make things happen.

But the arguing, complaining, controlling, self-abuse, and abuse of others and intimidation and ill temper are not the example of qualified leaders > 1 Peter 5:3. Yes, no one is perfect, but we will see an approved person growing.

ThisIsMe123 said:

I don't know if it's just in my area, but I've encountered Christian women that have been divorced twice, and if they reach their 50s...3 times.

One is a pastor and leads service (robes and all).

Does this put up a red flag for you as a Christian seeking a Godly woman or man?

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That would certainly raise a red flag for me. Women pastors are not part of my tradition.

It would raise a red flag for me at the outset only because she is the common denominator in those marriages, but I would take my apprehensions with a grain of salt until I had the opportunity to get to know her and hear her story.

Given Matthew 5:32 and 19:9, I consider most divorced women a bad risk. If she's divorced multiple times, she's an especially bad risk. If she initiated any of the divorces, it shows that she doesn't know how to keep a marriage together, but she does know that she can survive a divorce. And if she didn't initiate either time, then she's demonstrated that men don't want to keep living with her for whatever reason(s).

This is one of the reasons I don't plan to get married again. I just don't have to figure out if a woman will stick by me or not.
I also let women know I'm not monogamous. So staying single, being honest and loving who wants to spend time with me works really well.

ThisIsMe123 said:

Wouldln't you need to hear her state her case first? Like say...both husbands cheated on her? Would that justify you trying to date her?

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I always love to hear people's stories. Which is part of getting to know any person. But I pretty much relate to each person I meet on how they relate to me. I set my boundaries on how I am to be treated. I'm not very restrictive on that. Basically don't be an addict around me and be kind. If they can't follow those simple things then I'll pretty much find myself spending time with someone who is kind. That goes for friends as well as GFs.

It means they're twice, or even three times, as good at relationships!




On a less sarcastic note, their personal lives are none of my business. I tend to live-and-let-live when it comes to other people. There are more productive things to do with my time than focus on theirs. However, it would be a dating red flag for me and I probably wouldn't want them to be my pastor.

Here's the deal:
Be careful who you let into your life. Use your discretion when a situation calls for it, and don't worry if they think you're being judgmental. Their problems don't have to become yours. Just wish them well and move along.

Sorry to hear you're having such bad luck. Although it may not always seem like it, there are good ones out there.

Dating women in my age range(35-50); never being married is a red flag, lol.

My current girlfriend was married once, for five years, ten years ago. Not a problem for me.

I tend to LOL at a lot of the things that young singles obsess over. People not being able to get over the fact that their love interest kissed someone else before they met them, or isn't a virgin, or wears too tight of jeans, or has too many male friends, etc, etc.

It's called life and it is tough. Nobody is perfect. Focus on what are the most important traits you value and get over it.

At my age, you wouldn't believe how hard it was to find a woman that was A) Christian, B) single, C) sane, and D) attractive. E) 35-50 F) No crazy ex or kids still at home.

Normally, pick three out of the six, because you aren't getting all six in one woman. I am very blessed to have found this girl. And she also shares my political views and loves the same outdoor activities I do. I feel like I won the lottery.

But she isn't perfect and there are a few negative things that I could obsess over. But then I would spend the rest of my life alone and miserable.

We live in a world that is evil. Nobody is normal anymore. Most of the world say they are christian but most are not.

Read the book of Jeremiah, thats where we are today.

It's usually not for me to judge. Unless they're in church or other position trying to hand out marriage advice or other spiritual counsel. I know something aint right with that. And it would definitely be a red flag in any personal relationship too. Sort of the thing I'd want to stay away from, personally.

I would have questions, but I would not pry disrespectfully. If the circumstances presented themselves for me to make a decision about moving forward in a relationship I would ask. My decision would be based on what the answers are plus evidence of how things are now.

You never know what may have happened in a person's life or their relationships to put them in that situation, and you don't know what has happened in their life since then. God is a miracle worker. There would have to be evidence of healing and strength of character for me to move forward though because multiple marriage that end in divorce don't happen without damage, bad choices, and faulty reasoning. Once, and maybe twice, I could shrug off, but if more than two, then I have serious questions.

My ex-husband's mother married five times and had many boyfriends in between. It's not just her marriages and romantic relationships that are bad. EVERY kind of relationship there is has problems and never lasts for her. Her family can't stand her either. My ex and his sister have nothing to do with her now. She is now in her early 60's and primarily alone, with just a few casual work friends now and then who never seem to stick.

On the other hand, I have an uncle who married four times when he was very young and a very damaged young man. Then settled into a marriage with a woman he had known for a long time. They ended up raising 8 kids together, two of them being his former step-kids they ended up getting guardianship of. They have been together for about 30 years.

So, you never know. It could be bad, or it could be fine.