lacking drive to seek Christ, though I know to not seek Him and love Him is Hell...

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how do I get the drive to seek Him? I felt like I grieved His Holy Spirit away from me. I refused to fully surrender, I believed a lie that it was optional. anyhow, I lost a lot of drive. and I developed a strong distaste toward reading the Bible shortly after I felt His presence leave, and I started eating food... a lot. how do I get back to Him? How do I get the drive to get back to Him? it felt like trust left my heart. I believe in Jesus in my head 100%, but it is like I lost the assurance that He was on my side, and thought that I became an enemy of God. so... the Bible does not speak to me, sermons stopped moving me, feels like my heart is stony, and I can't hear His voice any more, my mind feels carnal, I know it is the end times, I used to be terrified of losing my salvation to the point of trying to earn my salvation, and not trust Him to do it, now it feels like I lost my salvation, and can't get back. But I hope that feelings and symptoms are just that. symptoms that can be refuted, and feelings that can be changed.
 

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how do I get the drive to seek Him? I felt like I grieved His Holy Spirit away from me. I refused to fully surrender, I believed a lie that it was optional. anyhow, I lost a lot of drive. and I developed a strong distaste toward reading the Bible shortly after I felt His presence leave, and I started eating food... a lot. how do I get back to Him? How do I get the drive to get back to Him? it felt like trust left my heart. I believe in Jesus in my head 100%, but it is like I lost the assurance that He was on my side, and thought that I became an enemy of God. so... the Bible does not speak to me, sermons stopped moving me, feels like my heart is stony, and I can't hear His voice any more, my mind feels carnal, I know it is the end times, I used to be terrified of losing my salvation to the point of trying to earn my salvation, and not trust Him to do it, now it feels like I lost my salvation, and can't get back. But I hope that feelings and symptoms are just that. symptoms that can be refuted, and feelings that can be changed.

I'll tell you what Jesus told me. "I will never leave you nor forsake you." The Holy Spirit, once He indwells you, seals you unto the day of redemption to the Father. You left Him, He did not leave you. He is with you even now. We can't by our works earn salvation, or even choose it of our own will, so we can't choose to lose it. He does the choosing, and if you were drawn to Him in the first place, you cannot lose that salvation. This is what the Bible teaches. You keep referring to certain parts of the Bible that plant doubts in your mind, and those doubts come from Satan.
 
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Greg J.

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how do I get the drive to seek Him? I felt like I grieved His Holy Spirit away from me. I refused to fully surrender, I believed a lie that it was optional. anyhow, I lost a lot of drive. and I developed a strong distaste toward reading the Bible shortly after I felt His presence leave, and I started eating food... a lot. how do I get back to Him? How do I get the drive to get back to Him? it felt like trust left my heart. I believe in Jesus in my head 100%, but it is like I lost the assurance that He was on my side, and thought that I became an enemy of God. so... the Bible does not speak to me, sermons stopped moving me, feels like my heart is stony, and I can't hear His voice any more, my mind feels carnal, I know it is the end times, I used to be terrified of losing my salvation to the point of trying to earn my salvation, and not trust Him to do it, now it feels like I lost my salvation, and can't get back. But I hope that feelings and symptoms are just that. symptoms that can be refuted, and feelings that can be changed.
Is it your will (only genuinely revealed by your actions [but not whether they are successful or not]) to obey the Lord? If so, you are not going to lose your salvation unless you choose to reject, and keep rejecting, God.

We all eventually go through "dry" times with the Lord. It is an opportunity for our faith to grow. Either look at Scripture a little or consider what you already have read. It is true. God is faithful. He always keeps His promises (although sin on earth can block us from receiving, or He is keeping them in some a way that would seem indirect to us). This is a fight that you can't have when God feels close. We must consider his Word and choose to recognize it as true and right without letting our feelings or perceptions affect our judgment or decisions. This is a quality that is required for spiritually maturing. We must be able to recognize right and wrong, good and bad, from Scripture, and not what feels/seems right and wrong. Stay focused on the Lord and everything will eventually be fine. Sometimes the dry periods can last years, however.
 
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Southernscotty

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1 John 3:20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.

Feelings mean nothing. Base your walk with God on His Word and lean not on your own understanding.
 
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Sanoy

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(Romans 7:14)For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. 15For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.20Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

21So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.22For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Romans is a really good book for times like these. The whole book, but especially the chapters around 7. It is the part in us that wants to do good that concerns our relationship with God. Not the temptations in our head or our perpetual failure to overcome them. When that desire for good goes dark and ceases to oppose the evil inclinations of our hearts then we have a problem. The part of you that opposes evil lay become victorious, or it may become a prisoner in your own body, but let it never stop opposing what is evil, and loving Christ whose nature is what goodness refers to.
 
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this is not my name

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I'll tell you what Jesus told me. "I will never leave you nor forsake you." The Holy Spirit, once He indwells you, seals you unto the day of redemption to the Father. You left Him, He did not leave you. He is with you even now. We can't by our works earn salvation, or even choose it of our own will, so we can't choose to lose it. He does the choosing, and if you were drawn to Him in the first place, you cannot lose that salvation. This is what the Bible teaches. You keep referring to certain parts of the Bible that plant doubts in your mind, and those doubts come from Satan.
well, that is the point, when the Holy Spirit was calling me to submit, it may have been that He was calling me to let Him in, and if He never indwelt me, then I am in trouble after resisting the filling and indwelling of the Holy Spirit. in that case I have no assurance of salvation, and I may be in a similar boat as Judas, who believed in Jesus, but not really saving faith. or maybe he just lacked loving God with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength, his love of money may have hardened his heart from truly believing, though he knew the powers of God. or tasted it at least.
 
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Handmaid for Jesus

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how do I get the drive to seek Him? I felt like I grieved His Holy Spirit away from me. I refused to fully surrender, I believed a lie that it was optional. anyhow, I lost a lot of drive. and I developed a strong distaste toward reading the Bible shortly after I felt His presence leave, and I started eating food... a lot. how do I get back to Him? How do I get the drive to get back to Him? it felt like trust left my heart. I believe in Jesus in my head 100%, but it is like I lost the assurance that He was on my side, and thought that I became an enemy of God. so... the Bible does not speak to me, sermons stopped moving me, feels like my heart is stony, and I can't hear His voice any more, my mind feels carnal, I know it is the end times, I used to be terrified of losing my salvation to the point of trying to earn my salvation, and not trust Him to do it, now it feels like I lost my salvation, and can't get back. But I hope that feelings and symptoms are just that. symptoms that can be refuted, and feelings that can be changed.
You are a child of the living God. Don't ever forget that. Satan wants to challenge your identity in Christ. He is an identity thief. Now you have to resolve in your heart that your Heavenly Father loves you unconditionally. Start praising Him for His mighty works, for His amazing love, for His forgiveness of your sin, for His mercies that endures forever, ,that are brand new every day,for His amazing grace. Count your blessings, name them one by one.If you do this, you will discover that He has not left you at all. He will restore to you the joy of your salvation.
 
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Handmaid for Jesus

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well, that is the point, when the Holy Spirit was calling me to submit, it may have been that He was calling me to let Him in, and if He never indwelt me, then I am in trouble after resisting the filling and indwelling of the Holy Spirit. in that case I have no assurance of salvation, and I may be in a similar boat as Judas, who believed in Jesus, but not really saving faith. or maybe he just lacked loving God with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength, his love of money may have hardened his heart from truly believing, though he knew the powers of God. or tasted it at least.
REPENT!
 
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ChristianGirl_96

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Nearly 3 years ago I sat in a doctors office wrestling with my faith. I questioned my connection with the Holy Spirit as my partner strengthened his beliefs and his faith.
In times of trial, this is my favourite prayer- Lord I am not my own, I have fallen short of my grace and I am a sinner, yet you became a man to die on the cross in my place. Thank you for loving me, Jesus and in this season may I be crucified with Christ so I can live.
 
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this is not my name

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(Romans 7:14)For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. 15For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.20Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

21So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.22For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Romans is a really good book for times like these. The whole book, but especially the chapters around 7. It is the part in us that wants to do good that concerns our relationship with God. Not the temptations in our head or our perpetual failure to overcome them. When that desire for good goes dark and ceases to oppose the evil inclinations of our hearts then we have a problem. The part of you that opposes evil lay become victorious, or it may become a prisoner in your own body, but let it never stop opposing what is evil, and loving Christ whose nature is what goodness refers to.
that is it too. I have found drive to do good has diminished, almost like there is an inner resistance to do right. like, instead of it being my delight to obey God, I have to force myself to force myself to do some of His law. and resist His will. I used to work hard to serve Him, but out of fear, OCD, and religious scrupulosity. now I realize a resistance to serve Him, almost like I don't want to. but I know that His law is good, and He is good, but there is a rebellion in my heart against submitting to Him, almost like He is trying to reign over me against my will, but these thoughts are from the devil, and I want to want to serve Him, and He does not force me to follow Him. but I don't know how to want to serve Him. I used to have a joy in the morning, and the best part of breakfast was eating it with Christ, but now I get up and eat breakfast, thinking that it is against God's will.
 
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this is not my name

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so, I would do a bunch of tasks out of compulsion, and started walking around like a robot. but now, when I decide to not follow those me-made rules, it feels like I am rebelling against God, because I was only doing them because I thought it was what God wanted. so now, I get an impulse, and think it is what God wants, then don't do it because it is a man made dead action, and feel like I am just doing it in a spirit of offense. and then I resist doing what I thought His will was.
 
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Anthony2019

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You need to be a lot gentler on yourself.

God is not some detached entity who lacks empathy and He does not wish to find fault with everything that you do.

You do not need to be afraid of drawing near to Him. He is the God of Love who is deeply interested in you and has plans to prosper you and not harm you.

Your Father in Heaven is still waiting for you, looking out for you, and He will be rejoicing over you when you choose to return to Him in faith.
 
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Dave G.

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I'll tell you what you need to do: Stop Doing !! And simply trust, believe in Jesus Christ crucified. He did that for you . Study things that prove it to you. A walk with Jesus isn't about works it's belief and trust. If works comes they will be from Him not you.

You're letting the dark side in, Satan shoots you firey darts ( all of us) but your armour isn't up to fend them off and you end up believing a lie from the pits of hell. You want to do something ? Find a quiet place to sit ( I like to go by a lake or even a hospital chapel lately ). Open up in prayer, give over any sin so he will then hear your prayer, thank God in thanksgiving, recognize his greatness, bring your requests before Him, thank him again and just be still and know that He is God. Soak it in, be still. I really like Psalm 23 in times like this but read one passage at a time and take in their meaning. Think about it, listen : "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want" ! Starting right there those are loaded words to park on without reading any further. "He makes me to lay down in green pastures". Who makes who lay down here ? He does not me !"My soul is restored". Woah, what soul ? My soul. Is what ? RESTORED. "He leads me past still waters". Well still waters are deep dangerous waters, but He leads me past them, I don't fall in and drown, He leads me on a sure footed path! Who leads me ? He does, not me. "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and your staff comfort me". Again, a bad place but who is with me ? He is. Get this next part. "You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies". This scene in my mind always shakes me because it has been true in my own life.

You take it from here, go slow, let it all sink in. Drink in His love for you. Don't go looking for why you think you are not saved or other dark things, look for the promised blessings. And believe them. Scripture is sure

OCD ? Ever think your doubt may be more about this than God ? He knows your condition. Pray on it, "Lord be with me in this".
 
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Sanoy

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that is it too. I have found drive to do good has diminished, almost like there is an inner resistance to do right. like, instead of it being my delight to obey God, I have to force myself to force myself to do some of His law. and resist His will. I used to work hard to serve Him, but out of fear, OCD, and religious scrupulosity. now I realize a resistance to serve Him, almost like I don't want to. but I know that His law is good, and He is good, but there is a rebellion in my heart against submitting to Him, almost like He is trying to reign over me against my will, but these thoughts are from the devil, and I want to want to serve Him, and He does not force me to follow Him. but I don't know how to want to serve Him. I used to have a joy in the morning, and the best part of breakfast was eating it with Christ, but now I get up and eat breakfast, thinking that it is against God's will.
That part of you that forces you to do the right thing despite not having any joy in doing it is that seed in you that is in conflict with the flesh. Cultivate it. There is heavenly food and there is earthly food, you have to water it to grow. If you are listening to any bad music, bad movies, or reading any bad books stop. If you aren't going to church start. Drag yourself kicking and screaming if you have to.
 
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well, that is the point, when the Holy Spirit was calling me to submit, it may have been that He was calling me to let Him in, and if He never indwelt me, then I am in trouble after resisting the filling and indwelling of the Holy Spirit. in that case I have no assurance of salvation, and I may be in a similar boat as Judas, who believed in Jesus, but not really saving faith. or maybe he just lacked loving God with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength, his love of money may have hardened his heart from truly believing, though he knew the powers of God. or tasted it at least.

"For many are called, but few are chosen" - Matthew 22:14 Many are called to repent and save themselves, but our own will is enmity against God. God does the choosing, and if you have been drawn by Him, you have been chosen and shall be saved. Study Ephesians, especially chapter 1 and Romans 9 regarding the potter and the clay. You will see that God is in control, not man. If you have been drawn and believe that by grace through faith from God, in God, is what saves us (Ephesians 2:8-10), then you probably believe that Jesus Christ is Lord, that He died for our sins, rose again the 3rd day, and is with the Father in heaven. If you believe these things, you are saved. You may now be in the place of the prodigal son, but remember, he came back home again and was welcomed.
 
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this is not my name

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I am trying to repent, but it seems like in order to repent of not submitting to the Holy Spirit when I was called, I need to be called again. otherwise I am in separation. and can do nothing on my own. I could be wrong.
 
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the trouble is believing from the heart, that He may save me. I know He exists, and is all powerful, yet it is difficult to repent when it seems that the good is taken out of my heart, and the One who quickens me seems to be not hearing me. (because of my own sins and rebellion against Him.)
 
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I am trying to repent, but it seems like in order to repent of not submitting to the Holy Spirit when I was called, I need to be called again. otherwise I am in separation. and can do nothing on my own. I could be wrong.
You don't need to be called again. Believe what the Word says.
Romans 11:29 for God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable.
 
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