Dating or courting?

Dating. I know people who courted and didn't get to know each other well enough to make a wise decision about marrying. It didn't turn out well.

Courting is a fad idea, not imposed by the Bible and is unwise. It is a Pharisaical construct, worrying about small things and losing sight of big things.

The whole idea reminds me of my favorite Baptist joke:
Q: Why are Baptists against premarital sex?
A: Because it might lead to dancing.

I have come to agree that the practice of dating is wrong, courtship is the best route...

The practice of dating is actually a new phenomenon in our culture, less than a century old, and cannot be found in almost all of human history. Besides that, it is basically unregulated. Whereas courtship has boundaries between two persons seeking to know each other and pursuing each other, dating doesn't have limitations. You can enjoy all the "fruits" of a marital relationship without an actual marriage in dating, and we are seeing the damaging effects and consequences of it in our society today.

Courting, when conducted properly, can help overcome the temptation to jump the gun so to speak.
Ultimately, it depends on the maturity and spiritual sensitivity of the couple. My wife's father was a pastor and so we wanted to avoid giving the appearance of any indiscretion. The way people think, 'if it's okay for the pastor's family to do x, then it's okay for mine to do y.'

I would suspect that one should be of a courting mindset. Relationships should lead to something fruitful, or it's just a waste of time. Now the way to court in the beginning stages I would think it should emulate that of dating, because you don't want to just jump on the first person you see, marriage is a serious decision, but even then the end goal should be of one courting.

Courting as practiced in the last 20 years in the US is a failed experiment.

I'd prefer courting. Have dated a few times, and it's frustrating. Two people just stroll around with no focus on the goals of the relationship. Courting is a mature way of doing things...without wasting too much time. I have prayed for a short period of courtship and God will answer in due time.

royal priest said:

Courting, when conducted properly, can help overcome the temptation to jump the gun so to speak. Ultimately, it depends on the maturity and spiritual sensitivity of the couple. My wife's father was a pastor and so we wanted to avoid giving the appearance of any indiscretion. The way people think, 'if it's okay for the pastor's family to do x, then it's okay for mine to do y.'

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This ^

I might add that courting should be more serious than dating in that the two people should be seeking after a potential marriage partner, but not as "serious" in the nature of the type of relationship so common with dating if it can even be called that, for so many it's more like "hooking up".

I wish courting were the norm in our society, but unfortunately it's a rarity. So many like myself had no other option but to figure out dating and dating today is not like dating was when my parents were dating.

Are we speaking of people in their twenties getting acquainted or older persons? I'm beyond the point of chaperoning and the notion of inconveniencing someone to monitor me and another gentlemen beyond thirty years of age is unrealistic.

Much of this hinges on maturity and self-awareness. Knowing what you can tolerate is a must as is admitting incompatibility when it's evident. For me, courtship is ideal when you've had a lengthy tenure of acquaintanceship. If that isn't the case, dating allows engagement without expectation. My initial yes shouldn't suppose a potential vow. It's an agreement of exploration. Nothing more or less.

LaBèlla said:

Are we speaking of people in their twenties getting acquainted or older persons? I'm beyond the point of chaperoning and the notion of inconveniencing someone to monitor me and another gentlemen beyond thirty years of age is unrealistic.

Much of this hinges on maturity and self-awareness. Knowing what you can tolerate is a must as is admitting incompatibility when it's evident. For me, courtship is ideal when you've had a lengthy tenure of acquaintanceship. If that isn't the case, dating allows engagement without expectation. My initial yes shouldn't suppose a potential vow. It's an agreement of exploration. Nothing more or less.

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You write impeccably. Reading your comments is a pleasure.
God bless

looked it up to see the actual difference between two

one explanation was the "mindset"
that courting is the mindset of marriage with goal of spouse that God wants for you

vs dating for entertainment purposes

.

David Cabrera said:

I'm curious especially since you are close to my age.

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I believe many Christian are practicing a form of courting in dating without even realizing it, tbh. I personally know a now married couple about our age, good friends of mine, who "dated" with the view of marriage, but they made minimal physical contact (like waiting until marriage before kissing, holding, etc). They could still hang out by themselves, but never alone alone. They've known each other since they were children, but they figured that they can watch a movie one night together at his and his roommates house by themselves. It ended up they found themselves on top of each other almost ready to kiss each other on the couch (don't tell me how it led to that point). By God's mysterious grace they quickly withdrew and made it their immediate decision to never be personally that alone. They could hang out in public, but never that alone. It appears that throughout that whole period they really controlled themselves in such a way, I couldn't call it dating as our generation likes to describe it.

The term "dating" from what is typically gathered in today's society advertises this belief that you can legitimately have personal access and intimacy with your unmarried partner, minus a real commitment. A lot of people view it as something recreational, without a real purpose but to have fun. Again, that is pretty much marriage without the commitment. My question to many of these people who do this, which are typically unbelievers, is this: what do you gain in marriage that you didn't have when you dated her? What would you enjoy in a marriage that you wouldn't enjoy in that relationship you have with her? What is the difference between the two? I'll tell you, the commitment. There are other things, but this is a major one. They don't want to be truly "tied down," but they want to enjoy the full package without doing it in order. This leaves broken relationships very painful and devastating. People give way too much of themselves for such a relationship, when it should wait until marriage.

Many men and women who get married after having been through other serious relationships in the past will not always find the special joy and uniqueness after marriage, they have already done it many times before, and they are just doing the same old same old but legally. In every relationship you give a part of yourself, and the more you do this what left will you give that is different to your future spouse? It is a tragedy, if not an epidemic in our day.

David Cabrera said:

Well, I am 20 but it is open for anyone. I also believe in dating to make yourself feel more comfortable to your partner, what is the point of seeing the best of a person if you might not tolerate the worst?

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I approach dating as an opportunity to get acquainted with the other person. However, that openness doesn't divorce me from the reality of shortcomings and compromise. There are things I won't live with irrespective of his merits. I'm looking for a complement. Marriage minded people are seeking a spouse. I'm not looking for that. I'm considering his character as a prospect to determine his worthiness as a companion. Constancy over time can yield deeper discussions. Worthiness and suitability must be demonstrated by each.

I"m in my 40's and we're looking at life from different perspectives. I've established a life and I'm desirous of someone who can function in it and I in his. You are at a point where many are like yourself. Whereas, I am single, never married, with an adult child. That's a different reality. Worst for me may not be bad for someone else. But it may be incompatible to the things I'm pursuing or how I live.

Loyce KG said:

You write impeccably. Reading your comments is a pleasure.
God bless

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Thank you for the compliment.