The Excuse Game

Quid est Veritas? said:

As per Dr Johnson's defnition of Oats: a grain, that in England is only fit for horses, but in Scotland supports the people.

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Yeah, I think someone's butler burned that dictionary, so I didn't get to read it.

Quid est Veritas? said:

Help me drone out the horrendous background music.

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You do realize that you're speaking to the person who turned on that 'horrendous background music', right? What could you possibly have against romantic elevator music made from love songs of the 70s?


Please lend me your toenail fungus remover.

Leave that fungus alone! I'm a Fungus Rights Advocate. Some of my best friends are fungi. Actually, my only friends are fungi.

Go talk to that salesman at the door, please.

That's not a salesman; that's your dog.

Please make an appointment with the opthamologist.

Can you tell me why some people's avatar looks like a quiche? Talk about bad skin complexion!

Sorry, but I skipped all the classes on Quicheology in Med school, so I know nothing about quiche related illnesses or para-quiche effects.

Why don't you rename your pets in my honour?

I could but I have no pets right now.

Why do you suppose a moderator would have sharp pointy objects in her avatar?

I usually am dissuaded from asking after the motivations of anyone bearing sharp pointy objects, when I myself am not likewise endowed therewith.

Could you put in a good word for me?

I have no one with whom to put in a good word. Best I can do is name something after you.

Please refrain from ludicrous requests.

sorry, no can do since like the word ludicrous, how it sounds so ridiculous






lend me your clown suit

I could, but you wouldn't want to see me naked

Do you think I still have a halo after my rec room comments tonight?

I can't possibly answer that being a non believer in halo's and suchlike.

Help me to remove this weird glowing circle thing from around my head.

But I think your hair is kinda cool with that Einstein look going on. Just leave it.

Please leave the waiter a tip.

I've told him to never eat yellow snow, that's a good tip.

Bake me a cake.

sorry, don't bake cakes but next time my child makes cupcakes for her dolls, will send you some
she uses homemade playdoh, that ok?




be my exercise partner

Exercise is bunk. When you are healthy, you don't need it; when you aren't, you can't really manage to do it anyway.

Stop eating all my snacks.

I'm not eating them. I'm throwing them away for your own good. You should know better than to eat Angel Delight and Jaffa Cakes!

You'd better start those seedling trays now.

Seedling trays? You must have mistaken me for a farmer. I don't do that kind of thing.

Can you spare a dollar?

I can spare a Rand, which is about a fourteenth of a Dollar. Unless you mean a Zimbabwean dollar, which is less than a US cent.

Get me out of here, quick!

I'm a retired magician; I don't do disappearing acts any more.

Will you please pack lighter next time?

It'd be great if I could, but I'm positive I can't survive without my lucky cinderblock.

I'll need you to chip the ice off the driveway tomorrow morning, starting at 6AM.