Husband no longer believes in God, Should I divorce him?

Kamryn said:

Hello all! This is my first post as I have been searching for advice from people who do not personally know me, so that I can see things from a different perspective.Please help me as I have a lot of inner turmoil going on and my spirit is very chaotic right now.

BACKSTORY: I have grown up Christian and in the church all of my life so has my husband. We met in high school and he has been the only person I ever dated. Ever. I began to have feelings of doubt. I wasn’t sure if I was still in love with him and I wanted to explore on my own, and figure out who I was as a person individually because I was in college at the time. I pushed it aside because even though I wasn’t happy, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because I knew how much he loved and cared for me.We had been together since we were 15 and at this point I was 21. I ended up pregnant and felt that I had no choice but to be with him then because I wanted our daughter to grow up the way I did, in a 2 parent home. Shortly after, he proposed and I said yes as to not disappoint our families and him. During our engagement period I cried, a lot . I wasn’t happy and wanted out of the engagement. I kept telling myself this is what God wants for me and to suck it up. We got married, and I have tried to suck it up because my husband is an awesome husband and an amazing father.

Now:About 2 months after getting married, my husband tells me that he no longer believes in Jesus and The Bible, and is really questioning Christianity and God as a whole. We are trying to work through this but he is very condescending when I try to offer solutions to help us. He says he is confused and lost, and doesn’t know what is right and what is wrong.

I know this sounds cruel, but I want to use this as an excuse to divorce and no longer be married to him. I’ve wanted to leave since I was 21, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and he was all I’ve ever known, I have become comfortable with him.I was afraid of something new and I was afraid of change. I believe I grew up so early and did not get a chance to truly live my life as a young adult. Does this make me a selfish & unchristian person? Do I stay and accept my decisions ? I am 25 by the way.

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The question is, do you want to stay married to him? Do you really love him as Christ loves you? Can you accept him as he is right now?

Or are you intending to divorce him just because of your religious differences? Is your marriage based on love and commitment to each other, for better or for worse, as you vowed before God on your wedding day, or is your religious belief the only foundation of your marriage?

When I married in 1990, my wife was a "retired Catholic". She believes she is a Christian, although we are not on the same page as I am concerning Christian faith and practice. I am concerned for her soul, and pray for her every day, and trust that my Christian conduct is having an effect on her to bring her closer to Christ. Although she will get involved in the social side of the church, she does not wish to attend the regular worship services. She sees my enthusiastic Christian friends as "being too holy" for her. But the foundation of our marriage is on love and commitment to each other, for better and for worse. We have had our problems and challenges, but we have faced and worked through them together. I have never preached to her, but when she has attended a worship service where I have preached, I have made sure that I preached the pure gospel with a heartfelt plea for sinners to accept Christ.

I take the attitude that God allowed us to be married so that she will be exposed to someone with a genuine Christian faith whose conduct is the same at home as at church. My 27 year old daughter told me one day, "Dad, you're just the same here at home as you are at church!" That means that I have the same wacky sense of humour and non-super-spiritual behaviour at church as at home. I believe that God has brought me into her life in order to get her genuinely saved. The challenge is that she will read me before she reads the Bible.

I think that if you divorce your husband just because he is saying that he no longer believes in God and Christ, that will just confirm to him that you are just the same as the religious ones he sees in church that love only those who agree with their religious views.

You would be much better off if you put his religious (or non-religious) views aside, not make an issue of them, and take yourself to pray privately for his soul, and that the Holy Spirit will work through you so that when he "reads" you, he will see a genuine Christian love for him, and then you may very well win him back to a more genuine and firm faith and love for Christ.

Kamryn said:

Hello all! This is my first post as I have been searching for advice from people who do not personally know me, so that I can see things from a different perspective.Please help me as I have a lot of inner turmoil going on and my spirit is very chaotic right now.

BACKSTORY: I have grown up Christian and in the church all of my life so has my husband. We met in high school and he has been the only person I ever dated. Ever. I began to have feelings of doubt. I wasn’t sure if I was still in love with him and I wanted to explore on my own, and figure out who I was as a person individually because I was in college at the time. I pushed it aside because even though I wasn’t happy, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because I knew how much he loved and cared for me.We had been together since we were 15 and at this point I was 21. I ended up pregnant and felt that I had no choice but to be with him then because I wanted our daughter to grow up the way I did, in a 2 parent home. Shortly after, he proposed and I said yes as to not disappoint our families and him. During our engagement period I cried, a lot . I wasn’t happy and wanted out of the engagement. I kept telling myself this is what God wants for me and to suck it up. We got married, and I have tried to suck it up because my husband is an awesome husband and an amazing father.

Now:About 2 months after getting married, my husband tells me that he no longer believes in Jesus and The Bible, and is really questioning Christianity and God as a whole. We are trying to work through this but he is very condescending when I try to offer solutions to help us. He says he is confused and lost, and doesn’t know what is right and what is wrong.

I know this sounds cruel, but I want to use this as an excuse to divorce and no longer be married to him. I’ve wanted to leave since I was 21, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and he was all I’ve ever known, I have become comfortable with him.I was afraid of something new and I was afraid of change. I believe I grew up so early and did not get a chance to truly live my life as a young adult. Does this make me a selfish & unchristian person? Do I stay and accept my decisions ? I am 25 by the way.

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read 1 Corinthians 7

DamianWarS said:

read 1 Corinthians 7

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I guess she has read that chapter and is in conflict about it. But the context is that men were divorcing their wives because they believed they could be closer to God by being single. So, to quote the chapter in her situation is quoting it out of context and inspires judgment and condemnation by just thinking about the possibility of divorce. What we need to do is to approach her with grace and power, not quoting Scripture out of context to force her to maintain some religious principle.

Gracia Singh said:

Trying to reduce Christ's commandments to cultural relativism is a bad idea.

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Pointing out the context that scripture was written in is not cultural relativism.

I noticed you have a Latin nun in your avatar picture. Are you Catholic or former Catholic? I'm sure you realize annulments in Catholicism actually function like divorce in much of the rest of Christianity and are given for a number of reasons similar to what I have mentioned before.


6. What are some of the reasons why an annulment might be granted?
Part of the process for preparing the case for the tribunal will be establishing the “grounds” on which the tribunal will examine the case in question. In order for a marriage to be valid in the eyes of the Church, there must be at least:

• a minimal knowledge of what constitutes sacramental marriage
• adequate maturity on the part of the spouse to understand the seriousness of lifelong commitment
• the ability to make a mature and responsible decision in accepting the duties that are to be assumed with marriage
• freedom from internal or external pressures and fears.

Catholic Annulment FAQs: Process, Cost, Forms, Requirements

Pavel Mosko said:

Pointing out the context that scripture was written in is not cultural relativism.

I noticed you have a Latin nun in your avatar picture. Are you Catholic or former Catholic? I'm sure you realize annulments in Catholicism actually function like divorce in much of the rest of Christianity and are given for a number of reasons similar to what I have mentioned before.


6. What are some of the reasons why an annulment might be granted?
Part of the process for preparing the case for the tribunal will be establishing the “grounds” on which the tribunal will examine the case in question. In order for a marriage to be valid in the eyes of the Church, there must be at least:

• a minimal knowledge of what constitutes sacramental marriage
• adequate maturity on the part of the spouse to understand the seriousness of lifelong commitment
• the ability to make a mature and responsible decision in accepting the duties that are to be assumed with marriage
• freedom from internal or external pressures and fears.

Catholic Annulment FAQs: Process, Cost, Forms, Requirements

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If a marriage is valid, it should be honored. The actual reasons for a marriage having been invalid are pretty rare. Having a difficult or emotionally tough marriage does not invalidate the marriage.

@Pavel Mosko , a valid example of the above situation might be a child marriage, in which the bride is a small girl, who does not comprehend the seriousness of marriage, what it entails, does not fully understand what she is consenting to, and is having a choice made for her by her parents.

Kamryn said:

Hello all! This is my first post as I have been searching for advice from people who do not personally know me, so that I can see things from a different perspective.Please help me as I have a lot of inner turmoil going on and my spirit is very chaotic right now.

BACKSTORY: I have grown up Christian and in the church all of my life so has my husband. We met in high school and he has been the only person I ever dated. Ever. I began to have feelings of doubt. I wasn’t sure if I was still in love with him and I wanted to explore on my own, and figure out who I was as a person individually because I was in college at the time. I pushed it aside because even though I wasn’t happy, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because I knew how much he loved and cared for me.We had been together since we were 15 and at this point I was 21. I ended up pregnant and felt that I had no choice but to be with him then because I wanted our daughter to grow up the way I did, in a 2 parent home. Shortly after, he proposed and I said yes as to not disappoint our families and him. During our engagement period I cried, a lot . I wasn’t happy and wanted out of the engagement. I kept telling myself this is what God wants for me and to suck it up. We got married, and I have tried to suck it up because my husband is an awesome husband and an amazing father.

Now:About 2 months after getting married, my husband tells me that he no longer believes in Jesus and The Bible, and is really questioning Christianity and God as a whole. We are trying to work through this but he is very condescending when I try to offer solutions to help us. He says he is confused and lost, and doesn’t know what is right and what is wrong.

I know this sounds cruel, but I want to use this as an excuse to divorce and no longer be married to him. I’ve wanted to leave since I was 21, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and he was all I’ve ever known, I have become comfortable with him.I was afraid of something new and I was afraid of change. I believe I grew up so early and did not get a chance to truly live my life as a young adult. Does this make me a selfish & unchristian person? Do I stay and accept my decisions ? I am 25 by the way.

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Your husbands change of heart is not a valid reason for divorce. God would have you still love him.

1Co 7:13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

Love is something that can be built, if you are having trouble loving your husband, ask God to give you a love for him. If you feel it is impossible to love him, ask God to blind you to his faults, and fill you with His love for your husband. With time and perseverance, love can be established.

Kamryn said:

Hello all! This is my first post as I have been searching for advice from people who do not personally know me, so that I can see things from a different perspective.Please help me as I have a lot of inner turmoil going on and my spirit is very chaotic right now.

BACKSTORY: I have grown up Christian and in the church all of my life so has my husband. We met in high school and he has been the only person I ever dated. Ever. I began to have feelings of doubt. I wasn’t sure if I was still in love with him and I wanted to explore on my own, and figure out who I was as a person individually because I was in college at the time. I pushed it aside because even though I wasn’t happy, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because I knew how much he loved and cared for me.We had been together since we were 15 and at this point I was 21. I ended up pregnant and felt that I had no choice but to be with him then because I wanted our daughter to grow up the way I did, in a 2 parent home. Shortly after, he proposed and I said yes as to not disappoint our families and him. During our engagement period I cried, a lot . I wasn’t happy and wanted out of the engagement. I kept telling myself this is what God wants for me and to suck it up. We got married, and I have tried to suck it up because my husband is an awesome husband and an amazing father.

Now:About 2 months after getting married, my husband tells me that he no longer believes in Jesus and The Bible, and is really questioning Christianity and God as a whole. We are trying to work through this but he is very condescending when I try to offer solutions to help us. He says he is confused and lost, and doesn’t know what is right and what is wrong.

I know this sounds cruel, but I want to use this as an excuse to divorce and no longer be married to him. I’ve wanted to leave since I was 21, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and he was all I’ve ever known, I have become comfortable with him.I was afraid of something new and I was afraid of change. I believe I grew up so early and did not get a chance to truly live my life as a young adult. Does this make me a selfish & unchristian person? Do I stay and accept my decisions ? I am 25 by the way.

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Well... Biblically, you can't use this as an excuse to divorce. There is nothing in the Bible that says "it's ok to divorce if your spouse doesn't believe in G-d".

So, you can't use this as an excuses. You promised G-d, that you would stay with this one man, 'until death do us part'.

You didn't say "until death do us part, or he says he doesn't believe". Did you say that? Do you remember your wedding vows?

Further, it isn't even your business. You can pray for your husband, and that's great. But it isn't your job to save him, or make him a Christian. It is your job for YOU to be a Christian, and be saved. Your job as a Christian is to respect your husband, and love him.

Maybe you need to work on why you want to leave? Do you think there is this great wonderful life to be had, by ditching your spouse and breaking your vows, and destroying your family? Because straight up girl... that's the devil talking to you. The grass is not greener in someone else's field. I promise you. Short term gain, long term pain. If you ditch this guy, you'll feel great for some months, and then your life will fall apart, and you will regret everything.

You need to stop looking elsewhere for your happiness. You need to find contentment in G-d, where you are.

Something tells me if a young atheist takes a shine a to a cute young catholic thing, wooed her over, and temporarily converts or pretends to convert. Then goes back to his atheist ways as soon as the deal is done, and happily preaches against the Magisterium and Tradition of the Church like a heretic. I find it hard to believe that the church would not be interested in that. Especially seeing that the RC wants kids born into the marriage to be raised in the Faith, and any dishonesty on the part of the groom might actually nullify the Sacramental nature of those marriage vows.


That is also not to far off, from what I think actually happened here, except the person were dealing with my guess is a Protestant.

Kamryn said:

Hello all! This is my first post as I have been searching for advice from people who do not personally know me, so that I can see things from a different perspective.Please help me as I have a lot of inner turmoil going on and my spirit is very chaotic right now.

BACKSTORY: I have grown up Christian and in the church all of my life so has my husband. We met in high school and he has been the only person I ever dated. Ever. I began to have feelings of doubt. I wasn’t sure if I was still in love with him and I wanted to explore on my own, and figure out who I was as a person individually because I was in college at the time. I pushed it aside because even though I wasn’t happy, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because I knew how much he loved and cared for me.We had been together since we were 15 and at this point I was 21. I ended up pregnant and felt that I had no choice but to be with him then because I wanted our daughter to grow up the way I did, in a 2 parent home. Shortly after, he proposed and I said yes as to not disappoint our families and him. During our engagement period I cried, a lot . I wasn’t happy and wanted out of the engagement. I kept telling myself this is what God wants for me and to suck it up. We got married, and I have tried to suck it up because my husband is an awesome husband and an amazing father.

Now:About 2 months after getting married, my husband tells me that he no longer believes in Jesus and The Bible, and is really questioning Christianity and God as a whole. We are trying to work through this but he is very condescending when I try to offer solutions to help us. He says he is confused and lost, and doesn’t know what is right and what is wrong.

I know this sounds cruel, but I want to use this as an excuse to divorce and no longer be married to him. I’ve wanted to leave since I was 21, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and he was all I’ve ever known, I have become comfortable with him.I was afraid of something new and I was afraid of change. I believe I grew up so early and did not get a chance to truly live my life as a young adult. Does this make me a selfish & unchristian person? Do I stay and accept my decisions ? I am 25 by the way.

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This is not grounds for leaving, IMO.
Check this scripture:

1 Peter 3:1 King James Version (KJV)

3 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

Pavel Mosko said:

That is also not to far off, from what I think actually happened here, except the person were dealing with my guess is a Protestant.

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Isn't that politicizing the OP?

Pavel Mosko said:

Something tells me if a young atheist takes a shine a to a cute young catholic thing, wooed her over, and temporarily converts or pretends to convert. Then goes back to his atheist ways as soon as the deal is done, and happily preaches against the Magisterium and Tradition of the Church like a heretic. I find it hard to believe that the church would not be interested in that. Especially seeing that the RC wants kids born into the marriage to be raised in the Faith, and any dishonesty on the part of the groom might actually nullify the Sacramental nature of those marriage vows.


That is also not to far off, from what I think actually happened here, except the person were dealing with my guess is a Protestant.

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Not too many young men could pull that off.

Kamryn said:

Hello all! This is my first post as I have been searching for advice from people who do not personally know me, so that I can see things from a different perspective.Please help me as I have a lot of inner turmoil going on and my spirit is very chaotic right now.

BACKSTORY: I have grown up Christian and in the church all of my life so has my husband. We met in high school and he has been the only person I ever dated. Ever. I began to have feelings of doubt. I wasn’t sure if I was still in love with him and I wanted to explore on my own, and figure out who I was as a person individually because I was in college at the time. I pushed it aside because even though I wasn’t happy, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because I knew how much he loved and cared for me.We had been together since we were 15 and at this point I was 21. I ended up pregnant and felt that I had no choice but to be with him then because I wanted our daughter to grow up the way I did, in a 2 parent home. Shortly after, he proposed and I said yes as to not disappoint our families and him. During our engagement period I cried, a lot . I wasn’t happy and wanted out of the engagement. I kept telling myself this is what God wants for me and to suck it up. We got married, and I have tried to suck it up because my husband is an awesome husband and an amazing father.

Now:About 2 months after getting married, my husband tells me that he no longer believes in Jesus and The Bible, and is really questioning Christianity and God as a whole. We are trying to work through this but he is very condescending when I try to offer solutions to help us. He says he is confused and lost, and doesn’t know what is right and what is wrong.

I know this sounds cruel, but I want to use this as an excuse to divorce and no longer be married to him. I’ve wanted to leave since I was 21, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and he was all I’ve ever known, I have become comfortable with him.I was afraid of something new and I was afraid of change. I believe I grew up so early and did not get a chance to truly live my life as a young adult. Does this make me a selfish & unchristian person? Do I stay and accept my decisions ? I am 25 by the way.

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Not so much cruel as it is sinful.

AMBASSADOR HAT

Please direct your responses to the member who started the thread and refrain from debating one another's theological beliefs and viewpoints. Do not use this forum to debate with other Christians as that is not the purpose of the Christian Advice forum.

Christian Advice Statement of Purpose

Two things ..

First, i usually tell people not to post very personal things here. Some advice is good, a lot is not. Your marriage is precious, and the decisions you are making are deeply personal.

Second, do you and your husband love each other? Thats a big big question, I would say. No need to respond here. First seek the truth, each of you, so you know where you are.

God can reconcile a marriage, if both partners have faith. And there are certainly couples, non believers, who work things out through counseling.

You do need to pray a lot. Are you attending a church? You need a good pastor. at this time in your life.

Blessings!

I would watch Jimmy Evans (a wonderful ministry on Christians and marriage) and meditate heavily on God and the word. What does God think about this?

Do not divorce him, you're now in union with him. It is difficult, I can believe it, but God had purposed this for some reason and you should stick it out for his own salvation. Scripture says that marriage lasts as long as death, that even if you divorce you remain married to him before God (which is why it is adultery if you remarry another person). Stay with him, perhaps you may be of great influence to win him. If he leaves, then you're not under bondage, but don't leave him. Continue to pray my friend.

Oscarr said:

I guess she has read that chapter and is in conflict about it. But the context is that men were divorcing their wives because they believed they could be closer to God by being single. So, to quote the chapter in her situation is quoting it out of context and inspires judgment and condemnation by just thinking about the possibility of divorce. What we need to do is to approach her with grace and power, not quoting Scripture out of context to force her to maintain some religious principle.

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hmmm... "if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." (v13) I know this is a new marriage and it seems implied that when they first married they were both professing believers so although that explicit context is unavailable in scripture I don't see why v13 still cannot be applied. But also not v13 but the whole context helps to understand the spirit and roles within marriage that in married the 2 are bound together; he has dominion over her and she has dominion over him.

It seems clear the unbelieving husband loves her and still desires the relationship so divorce would be a self-seeking move that doesn't care about the desires of the husband which would be ignoring the roles and advice Paul establishes here. Yes if the husband wanted a divorce this would be different but I would hate for that to be fuel for @Kamryn to emotionally/sexually dissolve the marriage forcing the hand of the husband to justify divorce or start an affair. That's not going to work and although the end may result in divorce she would share the responsibility. She should work on searching for ways to love her husbands rather than searching for ways to justify divorce.

westerners want magical moments and the feeling of constant puppy love to know they are love. love is far deeper than that. At my 10 year mark of marriage, my wife and I both had a feeling of falling out of love and it was difficult to know how to keep on going. but we were riding off of these honeymoon love fumes and lost focus on each other. love takes work and if you're not going to be committed to love then you're setting yourself up for failure. It sounds like Kamryn has already made up her mind and she has lost commitment or never really had the commitment to love her husband. Perhaps that is something she should start working on. It's not a "grin and bear it" answer, she can genuinely love and desire her husband and be a strong example of Christ in their marriage but it can't happen if she refuses it to happen.

I would suggest for her start talking to people in her life who have been married for a while, grandparents are an excellent start undoubtingly they have been through it and they will understand what it takes to fight for love over surrender to divorce, Preferable those who have never divorce of course but even if they have divorced they will know acutely how divorce is a horrible thing. Also, start she should start seeking counselling, Pastor's often give free counselling and it might be a good way for her husband to get better exposure to faith, without faith being on the table but it may make him feel like he is being ganged up on so maybe a more neutral counseller would be best. If she can't afford it, at least read a book, like this one: "Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs"

Pavel Mosko said:

A) One issue is the well being of your child and any children born in your family. The husbands condescension etc. can be bad for them and their faith.

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But is being apart from the father and being in an environment with other men coming or going any healthier for the child?

thejestlessjester69 said:

You were doing so well, God cannot exist unless he does but keep in mind that would make it the most evil piece of garbage in all existance.

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The term 'God' is an absolute when defined as the source of the energy of creation.
So when we observe the corruption happening in this world, it can be deduced through the semantics that it is the consequence of a distrust, which was facilitated through the presenting and blind acceptance of a corrupt image of god. Hence this world teaches a dog eat dog, kill or be killed mindset, which is the product of distrust and unfaith in that which is eternal. And I believe it is an academic display of why faith is necessary, unfolding in a temporal setting.