How do I know if my boyfriend is the one God has chosen for me?

I hesitate to give relationship advice...but is he a believer, does he respect you, do you share the same goals and outlook on life, and does he treat you well? How has God communicated with you in the past, and does this match with how He communicates with you about this man? What do those who are further in their walk with Christ feel about this relationship?

I will pray for you.

baptistgirl21 said:

But she refuses to believe he's the right one for me all because he doesn't drive or have a lot of money.

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Your mom knows how important a good income is in a marriage relationship. The lack of money can destroy a beautiful relationship like the one you describe with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend just needs to get a good job or get locked into a course of study that will one day get him a good job - then your mom will see things differently. Your mom is trying to protect you. That's what mom's do.

baptistgirl21 said:

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love very much and plan on marrying in the future but my mom keeps saying he's not the one God has for me. She is being very disrespectful to me and every time I talk about him, she gets so bitter and angry. I told her that he's the best guy I have ever been with and he never tried to get me into drugs like my ex. But she refuses to believe he's the right one for me all because he doesn't drive or have a lot of money. I keep telling her that I don't date for money and I don't care if he drives or not because I love him for who he is. He's so gentle and kind to me and makes me feel loved unlike my family. But I'm worried that God will take him away from me because if he's not the right one, God won't allow me to be with him. He will find a way to remove him from my life and I am deeply in love with my boyfriend. I would die for him. I would do anything for my boyfriend. I want to have a future with him but literally every time I bring up his name, my mom criticizes me and tells me to shut up or that nobody cares about him. What should I do? I'm 24 by the way but my mom still wants to control every aspect of my life including how I dress or dye my hair.
Anyways, how do I know if God has sent me the boyfriend I am with now?
I feel like he is the perfect one for me and I wouldn't want to be with anyone different but my mom doesn't think so. I just want to be happy and have a family that accepts me and loves me.

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If he loves Jesus above everything in life, including you ... and you with the same mind set ... then the two will become one.

Pray for your mother and stop bringing him up to her. It sows discord between you and she will blame him. Allow the Lord to work on your hearts to restore peace. Take all your concerns to the Lord and be mindful of your errors too. Confess and seek His best for each of you.

I'm happy to hear you have a strong emotional bond with your boyfriend. But building a life together takes more than emotion. It requires sacrifice, grace, prayer, and a lot of patience. You are operating from a place of fear and that is not of God. Ask the Lord to order your steps in all things and let Him guide you.

I know that's scary and I'm aware of what I'm suggesting. I'm walking this out myself. You're not giving up. You're surrendering your love to God. If it's not safe in His hands then who can hold it? In the meantime, pray for your boyfriend. Pray for every aspect of his life including his work and better employment options. That will reduce your fear and bring peace in its place.

Allow the Lord to lay the foundation for the life you seek. He knows best.

baptistgirl21 said:

But she refuses to believe he's the right one for me all because he doesn't drive or have a lot of money. I keep telling her that I don't date for money and I don't care if he drives or not because I love him for who he is. He's so gentle and kind to me and makes me feel loved unlike my family.

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It's good that he's gentle and kind. But have you ever lived outside of your home? Have you ever had roommates who have gone unemployed for months, and dealt with the financial stress that brings? I have. I can understand why income matters with people you're going to be living with, and if you marry him, you will of course live with him. And you'll probably start a family at some point, which is an additional financial burden. What does he do for a living now? Is he in school studying to get qualified for jobs that will make him more money?

As for driving, that opens up a LOT of options for jobs, for church, for carting the kids around. I drive, and I would like the woman I marry to drive. Why doesn't he drive, and is he capable of getting a license? And if he is capable, why hasn't he done that yet?

baptistgirl21 said:

But I'm worried that God will take him away from me because if he's not the right one, God won't allow me to be with him. He will find a way to remove him from my life and I am deeply in love with my boyfriend. I would die for him. I would do anything for my boyfriend. I want to have a future with him but literally every time I bring up his name, my mom criticizes me and tells me to shut up or that nobody cares about him. What should I do? I'm 24 by the way but my mom still wants to control every aspect of my life including how I dress or dye my hair.
Anyways, how do I know if God has sent me the boyfriend I am with now?
I feel like he is the perfect one for me and I wouldn't want to be with anyone different but my mom doesn't think so. I just want to be happy and have a family that accepts me and loves me.

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Well, if God cares enough about this to take this guy out of your life and have you marry another one, holding onto him will only make it worse when the relationship does end. But I don't think God cares enough to do that. "Soulmates" is not a Biblical concept. It also seems to dilute what the Bible does teach - you are free to marry any single believer, till death do you part, and when that happens, the surviving spouse is free to marry again. Consider Ruth. Her first husband died, and then she met Boaz - a strict belief in soulmates would mean that one of those men was not her soulmate, cheapening whichever relationship it was. Rather, I believe in compatible matches. Each person may have several possible compatible matches, but circumstances separate them. Our job when it comes to marriage is to find one, and stay faithful to that person till death do you part. When that happens, the survivor may find another.

It honestly sounds like you, and possibly your mother are also projecting onto God - you, because you greatly desire this guy and fear losing him, and your mother, because she doesn't like him. Something that commonly happens is desiring something so much, or dreading something so much, that we project that onto God's will. If God is for me, this person must be God's plan for me, if God is against me, this person won't be part of God's plan for me. But God has his own will. He's loving, and he's jealous, but I haven't read anything to suggest that he is spiteful. But part and parcel of this fear is that God would spite you enough to get this guy out of your life. God is better than that. But this doesn't automatically make marrying this guy a good idea.

Let me say this: if he is not the one that God has planned for you, imagine how much greater the one He does have for you is!

I don't know the whole situation so I can't say whether he is right or not. Take it to God. He has the answers. And remember that He has your best interests in mind. He knows what you really need as opposed to what you want and He will never lead you astray. Ask if it's right to be with this boy and He'll answer in time. Just be patient.

As for your mother, she sounds remarkably like my dad and I had to learn a long time ago that he just can't be pleased. She might be the same way, as unfortunate that is. Pray for her as well in addition to your situation. Pray that she will be willing to relinquish control on your life.

Live your life for Christ, not for your family. God will give you answers, just take it to Him.

baptistgirl21 said:

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love very much and plan on marrying in the future but my mom keeps saying he's not the one God has for me. She is being very disrespectful to me and every time I talk about him, she gets so bitter and angry. I told her that he's the best guy I have ever been with and he never tried to get me into drugs like my ex. But she refuses to believe he's the right one for me all because he doesn't drive or have a lot of money. I keep telling her that I don't date for money and I don't care if he drives or not because I love him for who he is. He's so gentle and kind to me and makes me feel loved unlike my family. But I'm worried that God will take him away from me because if he's not the right one, God won't allow me to be with him. He will find a way to remove him from my life and I am deeply in love with my boyfriend. I would die for him. I would do anything for my boyfriend. I want to have a future with him but literally every time I bring up his name, my mom criticizes me and tells me to shut up or that nobody cares about him. What should I do? I'm 24 by the way but my mom still wants to control every aspect of my life including how I dress or dye my hair.
Anyways, how do I know if God has sent me the boyfriend I am with now?
I feel like he is the perfect one for me and I wouldn't want to be with anyone different but my mom doesn't think so. I just want to be happy and have a family that accepts me and loves me.

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Your mother is not the Holy Spirit. If you are of age, that is over the age of 21, you have the right to go with and marry who you please. The Scripture says that when two people get married they break with their parents and cleave to each other as one flesh. The Scripture also says that what God has joined together, no person can put asunder. The problem in a marriage can happen when a parent drives a wedge between husband and wife. That is certainly not the Holy Spirit but a domineering spirit.

Someone said on this thread that your mum is protecting you. I don't agree. We don't protect our children by dominating them or misusing God's name to try and influence them. Your mother is taking God's name in vain by saying that your partner is not God's choice for you. God does not gossip other people's personal affairs to third parties, even to parents.

My daughter is 27 years old. She has had a number of boyfriends, some we approved of, and one or two we didn't. We did nothing to influence her choice, because it was not our right. But I did tell her that her boyfriends had better watch out, because she has a praying father whose Saviour hears and listens to those prayers, and I prayed for each boyfriend that the Holy Spirit would get on their case and get them saved!

I would feel that I would be sinning against God and misrepresenting Him if I told her that a particular boyfriend was not God's choice for her, even if in myself that is what I believed. I can tell God in private anything I like, and for one of her boyfriends I prayed that He would put a worm into the relationship and make it die. And He did! She is now engaged to the right man for her, and although he is not a believer, he is just right for her, and he and I get on like a house on fire. I pray for him that he will believe the gospel and get saved, and I hold to the Scripture, "The fervent effectual prayers of a righteous man avail much". He may not get saved in my lifetime, but I am sure that he will make a great, loving, and supportive husband for her.

My first marriage suffered through interference from my wife's family because they did not think I was a suitable person for her. They were not believers, and probably thought I was a religious fanatic, so that when our marriage had problems, they supported her against me and encouraged her to break up the marriage instead of doing what they could to help solve the problems and insist that a wife's duty is to her husband and that we should work together to strengthen our marriage. Instead they weakened it through believing everything she said and not trying get the other side of the story. So I have learned to keep my hands off any relationship that my daughter has gotten into, and have prayed that God will sort things out, which He has.

baptistgirl21 said:

But she refuses to believe he's the right one for me all because he doesn't drive or have a lot of money.

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Matthew 6:25-34 has a few things to say about the way God provides for us.

baptistgirl21 said:

I'm 24 by the way but my mom still wants to control every aspect of my life including how I dress or dye my hair.

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I'm sorry to say that this sounds like an abusive relationship to me. I think your primary problem here is that your mother is trying to control you. And the issue your mother has about your boyfriend and potential future husband is just one part of that.

baptistgirl21 said:

Anyways, how do I know if God has sent me the boyfriend I am with now?

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Ask Him in prayer.

baptistgirl21 said:

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love very much and plan on marrying in the future but my mom keeps saying he's not the one God has for me. She is being very disrespectful to me and every time I talk about him, she gets so bitter and angry. I told her that he's the best guy I have ever been with and he never tried to get me into drugs like my ex. But she refuses to believe he's the right one for me all because he doesn't drive or have a lot of money. I keep telling her that I don't date for money and I don't care if he drives or not because I love him for who he is. He's so gentle and kind to me and makes me feel loved unlike my family. But I'm worried that God will take him away from me because if he's not the right one, God won't allow me to be with him. He will find a way to remove him from my life and I am deeply in love with my boyfriend. I would die for him. I would do anything for my boyfriend. I want to have a future with him but literally every time I bring up his name, my mom criticizes me and tells me to shut up or that nobody cares about him. What should I do? I'm 24 by the way but my mom still wants to control every aspect of my life including how I dress or dye my hair.
Anyways, how do I know if God has sent me the boyfriend I am with now?
I feel like he is the perfect one for me and I wouldn't want to be with anyone different but my mom doesn't think so. I just want to be happy and have a family that accepts me and loves me.

Click to expand...

OOoooo boy. So, lots of things here. My answer is not going to be clear, because there is too much I don't know about the situation.

Mommy does not like boyfriend. Generally speaking I advise people to listen to their parents, because often they see things, that you do not. Your parents generally only want to help you avoid pain and suffering.

However, I want a reason, and it must be a good reason. So.....

Boyfriend does not drive, or have lots of money. Now, that could be nothing important, or something very important.

Why does he not have a lot of money? Why does he not drive? Is there are reason for this? Does he live in New York, and use the subway to get everywhere, and that is all he needs?

Is he working a steady job? Or is he working part time, and is spending most of his day playing video games?

Because I've seen that. I know some guys who were professional moocher. When they wanted to go some place, they asked everyone else to take them, because they didn't want to buy a car. One worked part time, and played video games constantly.

You get with a guy like that, and your life will be miserable. I know girls that have done this... and they ended up miserable, and some divorced. Don't do that.

So WHY does he not have money, and not drive? If he is lazy and unmotivated, then you need to listen to your mother. You are about to get in a train wreck.

If on the other hand, your mother is just elitist, then maybe you can go ahead and marry him. Let her be mad about it. Thanks mom, love you, but this is my husband.

I'm worried that God will take him away from me because if he's not the right one, God won't allow me to be with him. He will find a way to remove him from my life and I am deeply in love with my boyfriend. I would die for him. I would do anything for my boyfriend.

This is the part that scares me. This is boyfriend. He is not your husband. You should not be this wrapped up in him, when he isn't married to you. This makes me worried that you are not thinking clearly, when your mother voices concerns. Because there could be glaring neon danger signs here, and you are so out of touch, that you are not seeing them, but she is.

One question I have is... you said you had an ex-boyfriend. Did you wait a sufficiently long enough time before getting into this relationship? Meaning, was there enough time, between the end of your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, and the start of your relationship with this one? I would at least 1 year.

If you jumped straight into this relationship, from your previous one... then you should take a step back, stop dating, and wait for about 6 months. Then start thinking about how to proceed from there.

I'm 24 by the way but my mom still wants to control every aspect of my life including how I dress or dye my hair.

Your parents will generally act this way until you don't live with them. Get a job, and find an apartment. As long as you live in their house, under their roof, using their stuff and their money... then you follow their rules. That's life.

How long have you been with your boyfriend? What has led to your deep emotional bond with him? When you started dating him, did you believe that God has one person specifically he wants for you? If so, why would you date him if you didn't believe you had been led by God to date him in order to marry him? If you believe that God only chooses one person for you to be with, and you are not sure he is the one, then why are you still with him?

What I am getting at, is the idea that God has only one specific person for you, might be an idea that is holding you back.

Story. When my sister was a teen, she believed that God told her she would marry B. But B moved away after high school, became a successful business man, and enjoyed his life. Then she said she made a mistake and now God wanted her to marry B2 (they actually had the same first name, which was her justification for her erroneous belief about B1). After several years and well into her late 20s, she continued to believe she was to marry B2, but he got engaged, married, and now has 3 adult children with his wife and is still happily married. She is still single.

I do not believe God has one person picked out for you. If he did, and that person is in disobedience by marrying someone else, then you are left paying the price of singleness forever, like my sister. God has provided principles for how to find a suitable partner. Among those principles, there is nothing to indicate that you have no choice. In fact, the principles in the Bible give you the freedom to make a wise, informed decision for a partner.

Your mom has an opinion. But she also has a stake in the outcome. After all, she will be his mother-in-law one day. If you are looking for answers about whether this relationship should move to the next step, you might want to talk to your pastor, and maybe an older woman from the church who knows both of you, and can provide objective feedback.

As a mom, I would worry about your choice, just based on what you said, which isn't much. Questions I would ask would be the same as others - why isn't he working? How will he support you? Why doesn't he drive? How does he get around? Will this mean you are responsible to do all the driving and supporting the family? Has he respected your relationship with God by abstaining from sexual advances? Has he earned the respect of people in the church? Does he live with integrity? Can you count on him? How does he treat you when you are arguing? What kinds of things does he argue with you about (are they small, or significant)? How do the two of you navigate the conflicts you can't resolve? How well and intimately does he know you? Are you able to be vulnerable with each other safely?...and many, many more.

There isn't ,and likely will never be, a Husband God will select for you...he leaves these things up to us.

I agree with the poster who said he needs to get some education, and it appears a vocational school will probably be his best bet for a decent Job/future.

If he can't do that, there is something wrong. Nothing wrong with being poor but there is something wrong with not being able to take care of a family properly, especially in our land of opportunity. As inexpensive as it is and the relatively short time it would take him to complete an education, it makes no sense not to.

Of course you may have already talked about that...hope so. Aside from that, do take all your moms points into consideration, but if you're like many, it doesn't matter, nothing is going to stop you. So just take reasonable precaution/steps to see you two at least have a fighting chance.

Boyfriend is not biblical. Nowhere in bible is used word boyfriend.

Honor your father and mother says the Lord. Honor their word and advice to you, one day when they're gone you'll wish you did. Money is very important in marriage, your mother knows why she's insisting on this