Relationship pitfalls

Milan Polenta said:

Hello...

First off, I am conflicted about posting this here publicly at all.
That said, I feel there is a chance that it could yield some peace of mind.

I've been in a relationship with a woman for the past 2 years. The first year of our relationship was very peaceful, with no major or obvious signs of incompatibility. She is a funny, healthy, intelligent woman, with many other qualities and assets.
The second year, however, has had some markedly different characteristics. The first "taupe" flag that appeared was when she got into a lengthy and loud argument with my father regarding "white male privilege", "feminism", and other such topics. It resulted in a stressful argument between us and came very close to ruining the trip entirely. However, we were able to overcome this.
About 4 months later, she made a terrible decision that put her in a very seriously compromised and dangerous situation, and which was ultimately extremely disrespectful action for someone in a committed relationship to do. I will not go in to details, and no, she did not cheat on me, but she defended her actions by retreating into rhetoric and insinuating that I was trying to exhibit control over what she does with her body. This was not the case, I assured her, and I had to be satisfied with telling her how hurt I was by this behavior and asserting that if what she wanted from a partner included my support for such idiotic actions, then she could find someone else. Nevertheless, we still managed to overcome this.
This week, we got into a long discussion about values. I have problems with some of her values, namely that she considers it a "human right" for a woman to end a pregnancy, no questions asked. I am medically educated, and even without invoking my religious and spiritual beliefs, I find this position to be appalling and deeply saddening. It concerns me that the person I envisioned having children with could take such a stance, for no other reason (that I can see) than that her feminist worldview insists on the exaltation of a woman's "right to choose" over a developing child's right to live. (I understand the arguments for abortion in cases of rape, incest, and danger to the life of the mother, and it is my opinion that these circumstances are no less tragic in the big picture.)

Ultimately I have become confused about whether or not I can ever truly trust that this woman will carry a child to term, and be a cooperative wife rather than using tired excuses to justify her sometimes selfish behavior.
There are other quandaries, related to my exploration of my family's religion, and her own spirituality, but I have rambled on long enough. Even though those might be seen as more relevant to this forum.
I understand people have the capacity for change, but it is not my aim to change her. As far as I can tell, her opinions have become more deeply entrenched in a system of dialectics designed to divide men and women than when we began seeing each-other.

I suppose in summation, my question to all you folks out there is: (from your experience)
-How much discord between value systems is too much discord to overcome?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

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Milan Polenta said:

She was, earlier in life, but no. Not now. She has huge problems with the Church, because of the myriad scandals therein, and her social policies and beliefs about gender roles.

Click to expand...

Milan Polenta said:

I suppose in summation, my question to all you folks out there is: (from your experience) -How much discord between value systems is too much discord to overcome?

Click to expand...