Our disagreement is over the first cause. All secondary causes are the means God has chosen to effect His plan and purposes in salvation.
Thank you for the Scriptures, brother. May God be honored as we search His ways and marvel at His works.
I still reject your idea that God damns people without choice. As we see both Salvation, and Damnation is a result of choice.
Salvation -
John 14:21-24 Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, “Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?” Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words.
Damnation -
2Th 2:10-12 and with all wicked deception for those who are perishing, because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. Therefore God sends them a strong delusion, so that they may believe what is false, in order that all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness.
The point that Paul is making regarding Jacob, is that God chose Him contry to what man expects. Esau as the first born was expected, by virtue of his birth right, to inherit the blessing. Yet God chose to bless Jacob, by His choice, rather than by what man expects.
He makes the point, Rom 9:16 So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.
Pauls is comparing the law, to the story of Jaccob. It is not by effort, or birth right, our birth right is damnation, yet God chooses to show mercy.
He then goes on to talk about choices God has made. But we need not think that God would choose damnation, Paul clarifies his doctrine by stating:
Rom 9:22 What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power,
has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction.
The hardened vessels God has endured, with much patience. The idea of God enduring the vessels of destruction fits with the rest of scripture, where as you can see from the two verses above, God does involve mans choice in both salvation and damnation.