Difficulty dating.

/nvm

Tarvorok said:

I haven't been on very many dates in my lifetime, but none of them have ever worked out past the second one.

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I am sorry to hear that. It isn't easy making connections. Know that upfront. When you add in faith and other preferences the options narrow. I've never dated a Christian and I'm uncertain if that will come to pass. I'm a Jewish believer and I'm beginning to think I'll settle with someone Jewish.

Much like you, I've encountered someone that ticks a lot of my boxes but he's an atheist. I've met others who are non religious and the same holds true. I'm drawn to a specific temperament that doesn't seem plentiful in Christian circles. I'm trying to reconcile that issue now.

I've thought about just avoiding dating altogether, all just because I can't seem to get one to work, which would honestly mean that I would certainly be alone the rest of my days, but if I can't get this nailed down, what's the point?

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You shouldn't give up if the desire exists. You're criticizing yourself without realizing that we each have imperfections that we're wrestling with. The qualities they find unappealing may be of no consequence to someone else. I can accept certain quirks to get what I want and require things that many women don't ask for. But I know I won't be happy without them.

You're not alone. Keep your head up. ;-)

Hi, Tarvorok You have 50 posts, as of now. So, I suppose you are fairly new, here. So - - welcome to Christian Forums, and God bless you howsoever I am Bill, pleased and honored to meet you and share with you

Tarvorok said:

I haven't been on very many dates in my lifetime, but none of them have ever worked out past the second one.

The first one is always the finding out the most you can about each other, maybe talking about interests that you're really really fond of (I call those biases) or just going with the flow.

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I am seventy-one years old, and while I was young I got nowhere, pretty much. I did have a steady lady, for a while, and then someone I had no business being with. And I think I'll spare things, even what happened after I asked Jesus to save me.

My opinion is it could be good to take your time with each person, about telling about yourself. If you are with someone you really belong with, what is the hurry? You could have your whole lives to really get to know things about yourselves.

But I get that you might want to know things, so you can decide if you are for each other. Even so, it might be good to get to know others while you are sharing in a group, and listen to what others say, what they really want.

But take what you learn about people with a grain of salt, because God can have a very different plan for you and His choice for you, that you would not expect. And you both might find yourselves letting go of whatever preferences and other items that seem important to you now. Love is way more than what we can wish and want to control and possess for self.

So, maybe it would be good to get more with God so you can tell what He is having you do, and you can submit to how He is personally guiding your relating with each person. And enjoy discovering and sharing with a variety of Christian people, and make sure you spend quality time with mature Christian couples and widowed people who can help you.

Tarvorok said:

I had a ton of things in common with this person, she even knew as much stuff about computers and coding as I did, then she told me that was Wiccan and my heart sank.

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I dated a Wiccan for a couple years, long ago, before becoming re-active in church. She had a baby and said it was mine. But when it was born it didn't have that spirit electricity that I feel when hugging family members. So I had a blood DNA test done to make sure, and low and behold it was not my child. It wasn't till I married years later that I found out I'm sterile.

Anyways, good luck.

devin553344 said:

I dated a Wiccan for a couple years, long ago, before becoming re-active in church. She had a baby and said it was mine. But when it was born it didn't have that spirit electricity that I feel when hugging family members. So I had a blood DNA test done to make sure, and low and behold it was not my child. It wasn't till I married years later that I found out I'm sterile.

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Mercy! I'm glad you did that. How deplorable.

Tarvorok said:

I haven't been on very many dates in my lifetime, but none of them have ever worked out past the second one.

The first one is always the finding out the most you can about each other, maybe talking about interests that you're really really fond of (I call those biases) or just going with the flow.

I usually always lay my faith flat out, but on the most recent date I went on I didn't, and I paid dearly for it. I had a ton of things in common with this person, she even knew as much stuff about computers and coding as I did, then she told me that was Wiccan and my heart sank.

All those things in common destroyed by a difference in religion.

My dates usually always end poorly because of either a mixture of my issues in life being too much for them or my extreme biases get in the way of things, but I'm not going to lie or try to change who I am just to be with a person. I never blame the other person for a date not going well, I always see it as my fault because I am a man, I should know how to handle these things at my age regardless of experience (or at least that's what society tells me.)

I've thought about just avoiding dating altogether, all just because I can't seem to get one to work, which would honestly mean that I would certainly be alone the rest of my days, but if I can't get this nailed down, what's the point?

I'm not really looking for advice on this, in fact I'm sure this'll just be another thread that gets buried, but whatever, it's off my mind and that's all I care about.

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What fellowship has light with darkness?

Tarvorok said:

or my extreme biases

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I've got no idea what that means.

Is there a problem to work on there?

LaBèlla said:

I am sorry to hear that. It isn't easy making connections. Know that upfront. When you add in faith and other preferences the options narrow. I've never dated a Christian and I'm uncertain if that will come to pass. I'm a Jewish believer and I'm beginning to think I'll settle with someone Jewish.

Much like you, I've encountered someone that ticks a lot of my boxes but he's an atheist. I've met others who are non religious and the same holds true. I'm drawn to a specific temperament that doesn't seem plentiful in Christian circles. I'm trying to reconcile that issue now.



You shouldn't give up if the desire exists. You're criticizing yourself without realizing that we each have imperfections that we're wrestling with. The qualities they find unappealing may be of no consequence to someone else. I can accept certain quirks to get what I want and require things that many women don't ask for. But I know I won't be happy without them.

You're not alone. Keep your head up. ;-)

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Not exactly on topic, but i hope he(the atheist)changes and believes in GOD.

Maxsteel said:

Not exactly on topic, but i hope he(the atheist)changes and believes in GOD.

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Thank you. When I came to faith I went back for him and labored from that time in prayer for many years. He was raised in a Christian home. I don't know what happened but I believe God honored that sacrifice. The seed was sown. Another may have the harvest. But it's the end result that matters most.

I'm glad these relationships didn't work out, it would have ruined your life. It is far better to remain single than date someone who doesn't know and love Christ.

Jonaitis said:

I'm glad these relationships didn't work out, it would have ruined your life. It is far better to remain single than date someone who doesn't know and love Christ.

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That atheist taught me more about God and brought me closer to Him than any Christian. He was my iron and sandpaper. I have never found the same in Christian circles.

LaBèlla said:

That atheist taught me more about God and brought me closer to Him than any Christian. He was my iron and sandpaper. I have never found the same in Christian circles.

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Your personal experience, Labella, shouldn't be advice for everyone. I hope we agree on this.

Jonaitis said:

Your personal experience, Labella, shouldn't be advice for everyone. I hope we agree on this.

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I did not advise anyone to follow my steps. I hope you discerned that in my replies.

LaBèlla said:

I did not advise anyone to follow my steps. I hope you discerned that in my replies.

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How you responded to my post appeared to sound like indirect advice, that can be okay under certain circumstances. But, I'll leave it alone.

It is better to be yoked with like-minded people, this is the will of God for those desiring to be in a relationship. There is too much compromise in an unevenly yoked fellowship with unbelievers, and it can ruin you in the faith. I've seen this happen more than once in my life, especially with someone who was married to a woman who hated God. I would be someone who has been down this path too.

Jonaitis said:

How you responded to my post appeared to sound like indirect advice, that can be okay under certain circumstances. But, I'll leave it alone.

It is better to be yoked with like-minded people, this is the will of God for those desiring to be in a relationship. There is too much compromise in an unevenly yoked fellowship with unbelievers, and it can ruin you in the faith. I've seen this happen more than once in my life, especially with someone who was married to a woman who hated God. I would be someone who has been down this path too.

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Wouldn't it be prudent to clarify intent before making assumptions yes? You made a statement. I acknowledged a truth. That isn't in support of unyoked relationships. He challenged me. There's little need to deny it. It is.

LaBèlla said:

Thank you. When I came to faith I went back for him and labored from that time in prayer for many years. He was raised in a Christian home. I don't know what happened but I believe God honored that sacrifice. The seed was sown. Another may have the harvest. But it's the end result that matters most.

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ok. I hope he believes in GOD.

Maxsteel said:

ok. I hope he believes in GOD.

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I don't know the cause of the breach. But I have given much to his reconciliation at the expense of myself. This was my lone task for years. It my hope that he finds his way home.

Thank you for your kindness. <3

LaBèlla said:

I don't know the cause of the breach. But I have given much to his reconciliation at the expense of myself. This was my lone task for years. It my hope that he finds his way home.

Thank you for your kindness. <3

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Thank you for trying as well. And would be my hope as well that he believes in GOD.

Maxsteel said:

Thank you for trying as well. And would be my hope as well that he believes in GOD.

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Mine too.