Advice needed, turning around

Invalidusername

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I understand and appreciate that.

But there is a BIG difference between saying, "I'm trying but I'm struggling. Have you guys got any advice/words of hope/words of Scripture and could you pray for me?" and answering all such words of hope with the words "but I'm too sinful/hard hearted/hell bound for it to make any difference."
People are going to get tired of trying to offer hope, and the words of life, if they feel you are rejecting or throwing them back at them.

Though maybe you could start your own thread in another section of the forum and see what help/advice you get there?

I know there are some people on this forum that are really harsh on people like me so I try to avoid drawing attention to myself most of the time. I am afraid that I might find out that I am truly hopeless if someone quotes a Hebrews passage and then tells me it's too late for me.
 
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Strong in Him

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I know there are some people on this forum that are really harsh on people like me so I try to avoid drawing attention to myself most of the time. I am afraid that I might find out that I am truly hopeless if someone quotes a Hebrews passage and then tells me it's too late for me.

That will be their opinion, not God's.
 
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FatalFantasy

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Two weekends ago I took a trip to London, completely last minute on the train unprepared and travelled alone 8 hours from my home in Wales.

The night before this happened I had lost my faith.

I was with my boyfriend we had been having sex and I had been drinking alcohol heavily for nights. I was feeling close to death, spiritually and physically. I didn't feel the Holy Spirit anymore I felt weak, my health declining and that my spiritual body was so damaged from all of the sin that I thought "Ok, this is the end. If I die, I die."

12am, just as I was about to go to bed my phone rings just before we headed upstairs - a Christian friend said he knew what was happening and said I needed to repent, how he knew I don't know..

I ran into the bathroom "How!?" He said the Holy Spirit told him to contact me.

I was so hardened I thought there is no way I could turn back.

Saturday Morning - I headed over on the train. The whole journey I was so out of my comfort zone not to mention I had no clue where in London I was going!

My heart was hardened towards Jesus. I couldn't feel the Holy Spirit. I felt suicidal and void of human emotion all I could feel was fear, anger and rage. I had constant eye pain a strange feeling of pride. I could feel the demonic presences entangled into my being I was very aware of what was happening. This was my whole body demonically entangled from the sex, drugs, sin and loss of the Holy Spirit.

Saturday Arrival - When I got there I fasted for two days I didn't eat or drink a single thing. The night before Sunday I tried to sleep but I could not sleep an inch I was attacked all night.

Sunday Morning - We headed to two services. The first service I went to was a small evangelical church where there was a lot of singing and worship the Lady was prophesying, she was very annointed as she began to talk it was as if she was speaking to me out of all the crowd, she saw what was happening inside of me and called me up. She prayed over me and I fell to the floor shaking I felt the fire of the Holy spirit move through her as she prayed and I could feel things leave me. She placed a blanket over me and I couldn't move on the floor for a good 10 minutes. I knew there were still things inside of me though and it wasn't finished. I hugged her so hard when I left and she exchanged phone numbers with me. Second service - The second service was a very large congregation in London, called winners church. We tried to make it on time to the service but we missed it - travelling so far we were so dissapointed but luckily my friend knew the pastor who favoured him so highly that he agreed to meet with me in his office.. this gentleman was a face I'll never forget as he got up from his desk, I could see the Holy Spirit in his eyes and the love of Jesus as he annointed my head with oil and commanded whatever was left to leave he told me to read the book of JOB after I had left. His eyes were piercing and the image stayed with me all the way back to my friends house. We got back to my friends house, I felt a slow shift taking place inside of me.

We arrived back at my friends house, I showered and got a clean change of clothes. I sat down and began to write with my pen -- I could feel the essence of life slowly coming into me telling me information and it made sense. The feeling stayed with me, I headed for the train thinking about what was happening.

On the train home I planned to meet my boyfriend when I got off the train. I was staying at his house. I told him I didn't wanna go back to having sex and I wanted to abstain, he respected my desicion and I told him I needed to keep to this cleaner way of living. We ordered Chinese food and watched movies and we didn't have sex.

The week went on and I felt less of the Holy Spirit and felt I was leaving doors open "Shall we go out?" my friend said. I said ok as long as I don't drink. I ended up drinking, having sex and being tormented even worse.

Shortly, if not days after I felt the holy spirit eave. I was back in square one and even worse than before. I couldn't sustain the deliverence.

I am thinking I may need to leave the area in which I'm living in, in order to change my path.. if there's still hope left, I want to repent of my sin but I need to be in a place where I cannot repeat habbits? Leave my area completely move somewhere I can keep my deliverence.

I spoke to my boyfriend and he wants to move to Leeds I just need to figure out a ministry down in Leeds, I know of one called Mercy UK which is a biblical school which is what I was going to do this year which is in Yorkshire. He supports my Christian beliefs and said if we get married he will get baptized.

I have a ticket that's valid for a whole month to go back down to London. Maybe break things off with my boyfriend for now, fast, repent and get deliverence this time..

Any advice appriciated please no judgemental or mean comments as I'm feeling fear as it is. Thank you.
Ecclesiastes 7:16-17 NIV
Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise---why destroy yourself? [17] Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool---why die before your time?

Fear is telling you one thing, stop and think about what you're doing and where you're going.
 
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Hey!

I will start by saying that I haven't read all the posts. But I can definitely relate to Invalidusername and the author of the thread.

Esau? Oh, yeah! Disobeying the Spirit? Oh, that's me. Feeling that He has left? Yep! Feeling unforgivable? If you wish to know a little more about what has happened to me, you can look up my threads and posts and get an idea. Don't really want to dwell on that.

I'm posting because well maybe it helps someone, maybe it helps Invalidusername or the author of the thread.

What has recently happened to me is that I thought that I am unforgivable so I decided that I'll try to live life without God and thread my own road. It was kind of impossible to feel at peace obviously, but well... I tried to do this thing called life on my own once again. Still listening to a Sunday sermon on Youtube here and there till just a few weeks ago one sermon hit me. I had prayed the day before and.. Just felt like He was speaking to me. Trust me, it was mindblowing miraculous because I really thought that He is done with me. I don't know. This one time when it seemed like He talked to me again... Just kind of changed everything for me. I know that I cannot give an experience like that to you (well, maybe this post can speak to you/ your heart). :) But after this one Sunday, I started to listen to some more sermons/ reading the word. IDK, I just have to say that.. Faith has started to rise and build in me. I start to believe that the story about the prodigal could be about me. I'm not there yet. But I have seen and tasted His goodness (when I was converted..) and I want to press in to get back there, try to get to the first love. My feelings are also whack, I know I am oppressed by devils and I am acting kind of weird a lot of the time, but we know that God is a deliverer. So I just put my hope in Him, I really hope that He will deliver me once again, I will feel clean again, I'll be healed and fulfill my calling.

This is something that I wanted to emphasize. Calling! Today I realized that I should try to follow my calling even while I'm feeling all this oppression and I don't really see any physical healing/ tangible manifestations of His presence. I don't know about you, but for me the calling He put on my life is what my own dreams and hopes are. I want to do those things He called me to do.

So yeah, I'm fighting. Fighting for my life. Fighting for eternity. Don't give up guys. Maybe you can cling to simple promises like 'faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God' and just read/ listen and hope that faith comes! It says that His Word is life. Maybe reading/ listening to His Word/ to sermons etc. brings life to your lives. It seems that that's what's happening to me again. My cravings for smoking and my own ways has reduced a lot.

There is one scary thing though. A scary thing that might turn into a joyful one. That might just be turning into a joyful one this very moment. It might cost me all. I might have to give up things that I love and enjoy. As in the first Psalm David talks about meditating on His Word day and night. It seems that God asks us everything and I think that that was what my first love was about. And I think that it's such a key. We can read the same in the first chapter of Joshua - not turning left or right from His laws and thinking about them day and night.

I hope this blesses you guys. Just my testimony and a little bit of trying to encourage you. Eternity guys. Eternity. <3 Don't give up. Call on Him.


And listen to Hillsong in all of it's forms. :>

Have a great day!

Edit:


This blessed me this evening. Maybe it blesses you too. :)
 
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UnprofitableServant

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Leaving an environment that is contributing to you sinning is a good step. This doesn't fix the heart of the matter, it just gives less room for temptation.
I would suggest looking for a church that is more family based, rather than come to our church building every couple of days.
I think what you need are people that can care for you 24/7 and are willing to help you reconcile with Christ, if you are willing to do anything to gain the relationship that you think you've lost.

In peace
 
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